details Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious details puns

I'm a scientist who's researching bestiality between humans and dogs…

If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…

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An officer was fired for smoking weed and masturbating on the job...

No exact details were given to the public, but he was a high wanking officer

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TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

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After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.

According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.

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I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls.

But these are just miner details.

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Cartoonist found dead in his home.

Details are sketchy.

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I am 24 seconds older than my twin brother...

... whenever I come out of the toilet I start a sentence with "When I was your age...." then proceed telling him the details of my majestic creation.

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The Nigerian Government is now offering a $3m reward for the safe return of the missing girls.

All you need to do is provide your name, address, date of birth, bank details and mother's maiden name.

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One, day little Johnny asks his father,

"Daddy where do i come from?"
The mother and father, had been preparing for this, for a very long time.

"Well son, when a Man and a Woman love each-other very much..."

After explaining the details and science to his Son, who had a puzzled look on his face the Father turned to his child,

"Well son, does that answer your question?"

"Not really Susan from school told me she came from Italy."

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A cartoonist died in his home...

Details are sketchy.

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The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday's performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

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So Hitler decides to go see a psychic...

...and the psychic tells him that he will die on the day of a Jewish holiday. Hitler, obviously distraught, demands the psychic tell him more, and tries to coerce him into giving more details in hopes that he can somehow prevent it.

After much back and forth, the psychic finally snaps in impatience and says, "Well, whatever the day you die is going to be a Jewish holiday anyway,".

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A local cartoonists studio has burnt down.

Police say that details are sketchy.

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Scientists and spiders.

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let everyone know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.

'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'

The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.
'Spider, walk left'

The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.
'Spider, move right.'

The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.

The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.
'Move left'

The spider didn't move.
'Move right'

Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.
'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'

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A daughter is seemingly possessed by a demon...

Her mother frantically calls their priest, requesting an exorcism. She describes the details "She has been spinning about wildly, climbing on the walls, running on the ceiling.. moving about non-stop!" The priest replies "I don't know what you want me to do. Sounds like she's already exercising plenty!"

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An eccentric billionaire throws a lavish party...

Please bear with me as I heard/read this one years ago so I might not recall the details correctly:

An eccentric billionaire is throwing a lavish party with guests from all over the world. As the party is well under way he asks his guests to walk over to his Olympic sized swimming pool where he had it filled with all kinds of dangerous creatures, sharks, piranhas, crocodiles, you name it it is there! So he tells his guests "I will give anything to the person who is brave enough to jump in the pool and swim across!" The place falls silent as the guests only whisper amongst themselves in bewilderment. "Anything that person can dream of will be his!" the billionaire tells the guests again. Suddenly a large splash is heard and a guy is seen struggling to swim through, and miraculously he makes it across! The room erupts in cheers and the billionaire approaches the man who swam across, and tells him "I am a man of my word, and since you made it across what do you desire? Money, mansions, my daughters hand in marriage?" The man still visibly shaken and struggling to catch his breath replies "I just want to know the name of the son of a bitch who pushed me in the pool!"

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This and That are both on summer break.

That is heading to Florida. This has plans to travel somewhere, but he won't give me the details.

i have no idea where this is going

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Drunk Money

A drunk walks into a bar and notices a banner that says "win $10,000; ask bartender for details".

He asks and the bartender says "well, you see that man at the end of the bar?". The drunk looks over and sees a huge, burley dude. The bartender says "if you can knock him out with one punch, you go to the second step...
The door right behind that big guy opens into a room containing an alligator with a sore tooth. If you can pull his tooth and come out alive, you move on to step three...
Those stairs next to the door go up to an eighty year old hooker's apartment. She has never been satisfied by any man. If you can satisfy her, you win the money!"

The drunk says ok and orders a double shot of whiskey. He belts that down, walks to the end of the bar and POW!, knocks the big dude out. He orders another double, belts it down, walks to the door, steps inside and closes the door. BAM, CRASH, GROWL is all the bartender and patrons can hear for a few minutes and then total silence. Five minutes later, the drunk walks out of the room bloody, clothes shredded. He orders another double, drinks it and says "o.k., where's the hooker with the sore tooth?"

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Job opportunity

A young man goes into the Job Center in Jacksonville, Florida, and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more – Can you give me some more details? he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions,
then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That's about 620 miles from here.
Oh, okay… is that where the job is?
No sir – that's where the end of the line is right now.

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A Cherokee chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant...

The first squaw gave birth to a boy, and the chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of buffalo hide.

A few days later, the second squaw gave birth, and also to a boy. The chief was extremely happy; he built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third squaw gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details of the birth a secret.

He built the third wife a teepee out of hippopotamus hide and challenged the people of the tribe to guess the details of the birth. Whoever in the tribe could guess correctly would receive a small prize.

Several people tried, but they were unsuccessful in their guesses. Finally, a young brave came forth and declared that the third wife had delivered twin boys.

"Correct!" cried the chief. "But how did you know?"

"It's simple," replied the warrior. "The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

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Jokes so Bad that They're Funny

The midget psychic broke out of prison. He was a small medium at large.

A boiled egg in the morning is really hard to beat.

Newspaper headline reads: Cartoonist found dead at home. Details are sketchy.

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forget how it goes.

Here's a poem by a dog (Bo Burnham): Roses are grey, violets are another shade of grey, let's go chase cars.

The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.

What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late? A cold shoulder.

(I'll see myself out.)

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My dad's favourite joke. Mine too.

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let the community know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were there more out of curiosity than anything as the details of the findings were kept secret. The man himself wandered on stage and silenced the murmurs.

'Today I will demonstrate two things. The first being that spiders can understand and respond to basic commands.'

The crowd laughed and jeered but undeterred he opened a box on his desk and a spider crawled out.

'Spider, walk left'

The spider moved to its left. The crowd was silenced.

'Spider, move right.'

The spider moved right. The crowd gasped. Forward, backward, the spider responded again and again. The crowd applauded in awe.

The scientist then removed all of the spider's legs. The crowd, confused by this, watched in silence.

'Move left'

The spider didn't move.

'Move right'

Nothing. Forward, backward, no response.

'This is to demonstrate my second finding. Once you remove a spider's legs, it goes deaf.'

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"Free beer for life if you can complete The Challenge."

A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and sits down. He notices a sign next the bar that says, "Free beer for life if you can complete The Challenge. Ask at bar for details."

So he walks over to the bar and asks the barman, "So what's this challenge then?"

The barman says, "Okay, well, there's a pitcher full of tequila in the corner. You have to down that in one go. Next, you have to run outside. There's an alligator out there with a sore tooth. You have to pull out that tooth. Then, run upstairs. Up there you'll find my wife. She's never had an orgasm in her life. I want you to go up there and give her the best sex she's ever had. If you can complete all three tasks you will be entitled to free beer for life. You think you're up to it?"

The man thinks for a moment then says, "Okay, deal!"

He runs to the pitcher full of tequila and proceeds to down the whole thing in one go.

He then stumbles outside. There is a lot of screaming and growling and snapping coming from outside. Finally, after about 30 minutes, the man returns. His shirt and jeans are ripped to shreds and he is covered in blood.

The man slurs, "Right. Where's this woman with the sore tooth?"

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Two brothers are discussing the details of their father's funeral

The first one is trying to arrange everything himself, because he knows that the other one is pretty dim and sure to mess something up in some way.

The dim brother insists that he won't. Finally the first brother relents and gives him a small task: "Just make sure dad looks nice for the service."

The day of the service arrives and everything goes off without a hitch. The first brother congratulates the dim one on a job well done.

A month after the service, the first brother receives a bill for $200 from the funeral home. He assumes it was a missed cost and sends the money.

Another month goes by, and again he receives a bill for $200. Thinking something must be wrong, he calls the funeral home and asks why he's being charged another $200.

The funeral home director replies, "Well, your brother was insistent on your father looking nice for the funeral, so he rented him a tux!"

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My friend told me this hilarious joke about Parkinson's last night

But I don't want to tell it because I'm a little shaky on the details.

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My wife made me go to the doctor for erection problems.

I came back with a bottle of pills. She said "Well?", obviously wanting the full details, but I just handed her the bottle.

She then asked "Are these Viagra, for you to take?". I said "No, these are diet pills, for you to take.".

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My friend got mauled by a bear....

but i'm not gonna discuss the Grizzly details......

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A young man is getting married...

...and is very nervous about consummating his marriage. He was raised in a very conservative and religious setting, like his bride-to-be, and is a virgin (as is the bride). He decides to ask a friend of his who has more experience for advice on what he should do.

The friend gives him details on how to do the deed, wishes him luck, and sends the groom off to his wedding.

The next day, the friend calls the groom and asked how everything went.

"I guess it went ok, but to be honest I didn't really enjoy it all that much. It didn't feel nearly as good as I thought it would."

"Huh..." answer his friend. "Well how about your bride? Did she enjoy it?"

"I think so... but again I'm not really sure. She didn't really say anything during the act, but I did notice that her toes would curl up every time I would thrust."

"Ummmm... you did remember to take off her pantyhose first, right?"

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Jesus walks in to an employment office

The man behind the desk, stunned says "hello Jesus, how can I help you?"

"I'm looking for work, my son" Jesus replies

"Can I ask what skills you have?"

"Well I'm a qualified carpenter"

The employment officer bashes his details in to the computer

"Well I have two carpentry jobs, Jesus, one is in Edinburgh, big job, and it pays about £2000 per month! The other one I have is in Jerusalem, and get this Jesus, it pays £10,000 per month"

Jesus mulls it over and says "I think I'll apply for the job in Edinburgh"

"But Jesus, the job in Jerusalem pays five times as much"

"But yes the last time I worked there I got nailed by tax"

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The Kodak Film company filed for bankruptcy..

More details to come as the story develops

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Have you heard about that dead cartoonist?

I would tell you more but the details were sketchy.

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I love you unconditionally*. -God

*Terms and conditions apply.
See Bible for more details.

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In my credit card statement there was an extra 666$ charge written in tiny fonts ...

As usual, the devil is in the details ...

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A man has terrible teeth and goes to an orthodontist to have them fixed

The orthodontist tells him it will cost $5000

The man yells "$5000?? There's no way I can afford that! Don't you have any cheaper options?"

The orthodontist thinks for a moment and looks at the man, he says "alright man, I have an experimental treatment that will make your teeth completely average for $500 bucks, but I can't give you any details about the procedure until you pay."

The man is hesitant at first but he decides it is worth the risk and accepts the offer.

The orthodontist buys him a plane ticket to Britain.

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A lady was driving along the highway...

...when suddenly she is distracted and crashes into the car in front of her, causing a bit of damage. She immediately jumps out of her car to give her details to the person she's crashed into. She walks to the driver's door and out hops a dwarfed man. 'I'm very sorry for the accident I've caused,' the lady says, 'I'll pay for any damage.' To which the dwarf replies, 'I'm not happy...' The lady says, 'If you're not happy, then which one are you?'

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What are the most funny Details jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Details? Well, here are the best Details dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Details pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes