Destroy Jokes

Following is our collection of destruction humor and kill one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Destroy puns for adults, dirty titan jokes or clean hawkeye gags for kids.

There is an abundance of downfall jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 86 funniest jokes on destroy. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any rebuild witze you can hear about destroy.

The Best jokes about Destroy

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, I'll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

Women love a man brimming with confidence.

Because without that, what else is there to destroy?

What will the ISIS be called when we eventually destroy them?

WASWAS.

On meeting Donald Trump, Kim Jon Un says I will destroy America...

Trump replies, No way, that's my job. I won't have another asian stealing an American job.

What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman?

He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.


Yo Momma so fat (Avengers Edition)

Yo Momma so fat it took Thanos 2 Snaps to destroy her.

What's black and loves to destroy Baltimore?

The Pittsburgh Steelers

This construction worker was laying a full room carpet in this house...

... and upon ending his work he realised his backpack was missing. Checking the area he could notice a lump in the carpet, the size of his backpack.

He couldn't belive how unlucky he was and he decided to take a desperate measure. He was not going to destroy the recently placed carpet and inside his backpack there wasn't anything really valuable. So he starts hammering that lump to the ground. After a few minutes the backpack inside the carpet was flat and unnoticeable.

Later that afternoon the housewife gets home and is happy with the placing of the carpet. She goes to the kitchen to write him a check for the job well done and returns to him:

"Here, the check and your backpack that you left in the kitchen. By the way, have you seen my cat"?

My boyfriend asked me how many planets are in our solar system.

And I said. "Eight"
And he said, "Nope, only 7, after I destroy Uranus tonight."

Why did Ben Shapiro destroy a KFC restaurant?

'Cause they served him left wings.

How does a woman destroy a mans pride with 4 words?

Is it in yet?



How does a man destroy a womans pride with 4 words?

I don't know.


Don't commit suicide!

It's illegal to destroy government property.

For you guitarists out there...

After going through a brutal divorce, a woman decides to get revenge. She goes to get ex's house, and proceeds to destroy each and every one of his guitars. When she gets to court, the judge asks her;

"First offender?"

She replies; "No. First a Gibson, then a Fender."

If you hear a supernatural voice in your head telling you to destroy statues of the Ten Commandments, you might be mentally ill.

But if the voice tells you to create them instead, you might be Moses.

Women love a man brimming with confidence.

Because, without that, what's to destroy?

Why do christians burn fossil fuels?

They're trying to destroy the evidence.

Why did Vader (Anakin) finally rebelled against the Emperor?

In Episode 3, he helped carry out Order 66 to kill all Jedi.
In Episode 4, he helped carry out Order 67 to destroy Alderaan.
In Episode 5, he helped carry out Order 68 to destroy rebel base on Hoth.
In Episode 6.... the Emperor was just too old and nasty for Vader to carry out Order 69.

How can you get aliens to destroy their own kind?

split them into groups and teach them different religions.

Stupid joke my dad told me when I was a kid, never forgot it.

So, the story goes that there was this town that had a big red lever in the middle of the town square. The lever, if pulled, would destroy the world. Because of this the lever was heavily guarded at all times. Here is where we introduce a man in that town. His name was Nate. Nate grew up around that lever his whole life. He had wondered his whole life if it actually worked or if it was just some elaborate hoax. So one day, Nate decided to try to pull the lever. Nate ran for the lever and was quickly shot down. I mean, it was better Nate than lever. *ba dum tiss*


News flash: Vandals destroy street signs

They pulled out all the stops

Well done Turkey on shooting down a Russian warplane.

Now proceed to level two where you have to destroy fifty Russian warplanes and fight off an invading ground force.

Why did you destroy that urinal cake?

Peer pressure

How do we know Iran doesn't have weapons of mass destruction?

You can't destroy mass, silly.

One day, a young deer named Frank Lee went out with his mother...

As they were carrying on with their daily business, they came across a river with a beaver building a dam.


The young deer asked his mother, Why is the beaver building a dam?


His mother responded, Not for long. Watch and learn, son.


The mother then proceeded to destroy and wreak havoc on the dam the beaver had built, destroying it in the process. All the branches and sticks were gone with the wind.


Frank Lee was distraught and started to panic. You didn't have to do that, mother!


The mother calmly responded, Frank Lee, my deer, I don't give a dam.

Tom Brady has 6 rings...

... and now he can destroy half the NFL with one snap

Favourite pickup line...

Did you know there will be 7 planets tomorrow?

Because I am going to destroy Uranus tonight.

What did the scientist say to his hot assistant?

"There's only gonna be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus."

The FBI raided Hillary Clinton's campaign headquarters

She needed them to get in quick and destroy all the evidence.

If you want to destroy science, you are a fundamentalist; if you want to destroy spiritual theology, you are a scientist; if you want to destroy both, you are

Nietzsche

If Carly Fiorina really wants to destroy Planned Parenthood, she should become its CEO

LAWYERS DON'T LIE

A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home.

When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home.

He could not say that he had no children, he could not lie, after all, lawyers cannot and do not lie.

So, he had an idea: he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 children. He took the remaining one with him to see homes with the Real Estate Agent. He liked one of the homes and the agent asked, "How many children do you have?

He answered : "12 children.

The agent asked "Where are the others?'

The lawyer answered, with a sad look, "They are in the cemetery with their mother.

And that's the way he was able to rent a home for his family without lying.

UK and USA are in a contest to destroy themselves.

The UK edged ahead with Brexit, but the US just played their trump card.

Who would win in a fight, Ling Xiaoyu or Anakin Skywalker?

Depends on how old Ling is, if Ling were an adult she would destroy Anakin, but Anakin would kill a young Ling.

The world was calmly doing their business when a new toy was released.

It was a battery-powered robot named Mister Edward that took the world by storm. Mister Edward toys were even connected to the internet. Eventually a virus started to spread which caused all the Mister Edward toys to attempt to destroy all of humanity. They eventually started succeeding, and the population slowly dropped and dropped.


Three years later, a small group of survivors sat in their camp in the dead of night. Two guys were on lookout when they heard something scuttering in the bushes. The first one whispered, "What is it?" The second said, "I'm not sure." The first one replied, "I guess it's a Mr. E."

Did you know there will only be 7 planets tomorrow?

Because *I'm going* to *destroy* Uranus

What do The Lord of the Rings and Brokeback Mountain have in common?

They're both movies about going to a mountain to destroy someone's ring.

Hear about the game of Life Millennial Edition?

There are 27 different pegs for gender and only four squares: Debt, Rent, Destroy an Industry, and early Death from lack of healthcare.

Are you ready to have only 7 planets left?

Because im about to destroy Uranus.

They say gays destroy the very fabric of society.....

Nonsense! No gay man would ever dream of destroying fabric.

It can take years to build a great relationship but only seconds to destroy it with the wrong words.

e.g. "Sarah, I'm gay"

A single bird can't destroy capitalism on his own

But toucan

best jokes about Albania, from Romania:

Why the Albanian submarines resurface every 2 minutes? So the rowers can breath.

How do you destroy an Albanian tank? You shot the guy that pushes it.

Why did the Albanians lost the war? The archer was sick.

The Albanians managed to releases on market their fist computer, it's keyboard has 2 buttons: if you pres the first one nothing happens and the second one cancels the command

Aliens visit, and their first question is: "what's changed in the last 3000 years?"

Aliens: "what's changed in the last 3000 years?"

Humans: "well, we were worshipping cats, drinking beer, and smoking weed... and then we made it to developing technology that can destroy this entire planet, and pretty soon we'll have unlimited energy from that tech."

Aliens: "Impressive. Good thing you stopped worshipping cats, drinking beer, and smoking weed."

Humans:

Didja hear the one about the hobbit who ruined the boxing match?

He tried to destroy the ring.

Do you know how many planets are in the solar system?

7, after I destroy Uranus.

Whats the worst thing you can tell a girl on the first date?

There are only going to be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus

I like to be positive

Even though I'm unemployed and recently got evicted, I could still destroy Stephen Hawking in a 100m dash.

Boll Weavels

There were two brothers that happened to be boll weavels. One brother desired more than just to destroy crops and learned to play guitar. He got so good, he became a successful country music star.

His brother just stayed home and slept. You could say he was the lesser of two weavels.

I heard that CERN particle accelerator can create a huge black hole and destroy the planet.

This make me a little conCERNed.

Eddit. The situation is accelerating if you know what I mean.

Why are women similar to hurricanes?

At first they make you wet, then the destroy your life and then take your house and car.

It's no surprise that Trump is here, just look at all the movies where there is a black President and something comes to destroy the earth.

All credits go to Larry Wilmore. ;)

Math is sad.

It takes hours to try to prove your point, but only one counterexample to destroy everything.

Much like my marriage.

How did the musician destroy the church?

By using instruments of mass-destruction

Two Boll Weavels

There were once two brothers that happened to be boll weavels. They lived in Nashville, TN and both loved country music. One brother desired more than just to destroy crops and listen to the radio, so he learned to play guitar. He got so good, he became a successful country music star. Fame and fortune were no longer a stranger to him.

His brother went to school, where he met his wife, and became a CPA and found a modest job at a local tax firm. The locals often say he is the lesser of two weavels.

Why wouldn't a mad scientist destroy the world?

A mad scientist would never destroy the world.
...Half the world maybe. That would be enough to have a control group.

Alcohol and cigarettes have warning labels because they are addictive, dangerous, and destroy lives.

And yet women are allowed to just roam around.

How do you destroy the great China wall?

You put some paper on it

Him: "Well, at least I know you wouldn't in a million years purposely destroy my clothes with bleach." Me: "Yeah, because I'm not crazy."

Him: "No, because it's too much like doing laundry."

I was watching FOX Sports, but decided to switch to the History Channel...

You still get to see the US destroy Japan, but there are fewer commercials!

I destroyed a bag of leftover Chinese food

It was an act of won ton destruction.

What do you get when you destroy a Rebel ship?

Rubble scum.

I figured out how to invade Russia

You destroy all of the vodka then they'll be to sober to shoot straight.

The worst pick up line I ever thought of...

'If I told you Voldemort hid a Horcrux in your sphincter would you let me destroy it? ;)'

Still single for now...

One day, a young deer named Frank Lee went out with his mother...

As they were carrying on with their daily business, they came across a river with a beaver building a dam.

The young deer asked his mother, Why is the beaver building a dam?

His mother responded, Not for long. Watch and learn, son.

The mother then proceeded to destroy and wreak havoc on the dam the beaver had built, destroying it in the process. All the branches and sticks were gone with the wind.

Frank Lee was distraught and started to panic. You didn't have to do that, mother!

The mother calmly responded, Frank Lee, my deer, I don't give a dam.

Why are hurricanes always named after white people?

Because white people destroy everything.

Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?

Because you're breaking wind.

[NSFW] Have you heard what scientists are saying?

That there's only gonna be seven planets after I destroy Uranus.

If we really want to destroy china,

we should just send all the metal drummers there.

I think if there is a god, it has no sex

I would destroy my work too if I made a whole existence and still be a virgin

How many planets are there?

Guy: How many planets are there?
Girl: 8
Guy: Wrong, 7 after I destroy uranus

Why could the programmer only pop one anime from the stack?

Getting more WIFO will destroy your LIFO.

To the individual who stole my MS Office install disk: I will find you and destroy you.

You have my Word.

There will only be seven planets...

after I destroy Uranus

An admiral and his fleet are out at sea during war

An admiral at the head of his fleet is scanning the horizon for the enemy ships he's looking to destroy. Seeing them crest the horizon, he tells his first mate, "Bring me my red shirt."

"Why, Sir?"

"If I am wounded in the fight, and the men see me bleeding, they may lose heart. If I wear my red shirt into battle, that cannot happen. Now, bring me my red shirt!"

"Yes, sir!"

The Admiral continues to scan the horizon, and sees there are in fact ten times as many enemy ships as his own fleet has. The first mate returns with the red shirt. The Admiral turns to him and says,

"Bring me my brown pants."

I destroy every string instrument I find...

As a part of my vow of non-violins.

Why is CoD like women?

Search and Destroy.

Hey girl, wanna play 9/11 with us?

You blow our two towers and then we destroy your pentagon

How do you destroy a feminist in a debate?

You ask "what rights do men have that women don't?"

8 year old asks if I want to hear his pickup line.

After tonight there are going to be 7 planets because I am going to destroy Uranus.

How much does a Humvee cost the U.S. Military?

Around $1.1 million. $100k to buy it, and $1 million to destroy it after ISIL captures it.

What would Ben shapiro do if he had to stop 911?

He would destroy the left wing.

A new idea for a link to the _____ game

The Oceania of time link most go to the future and the past and gather all the incarnations of link (skyward sword toon link and twilight princess) to destroy Ganon once and for all

North Korea invented a weapon that can destroy atoms.

It's a weapon of MASS destruction.

If you drink 2 glasses of Kale juice daily, it will destroy your belly fat and

Your desire to live too.

How many Kings does it take to viciously destroy a room full of lightbulbs ?

Vi Kings

What is the difference between a superhero and a supervillain?

Superheroes do not get in trouble when they destroy New York.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes