Destroy Jokes

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, I'll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

Why is CoD like women?

Search and Destroy.

How do we know Iran doesn't have weapons of mass destruction?

You can't destroy mass, silly.

News flash: Vandals destroy street signs

They pulled out all the stops

How does a woman destroy a mans pride with 4 words?

Is it in yet?
How does a man destroy a womans pride with 4 words?
I don't know.

There will only be seven planets...

after I destroy Uranus

Whats the worst thing you can tell a g**... the first date?

There are only going to be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus

Why did you destroy that u**... cake?

Peer pressure

What did the scientist say to his hot assistant?

"There's only gonna be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus."

Why are hurricanes always named after white people?

Because white people destroy everything.

Favourite pickup line...

Did you know there will be 7 planets tomorrow?
Because I am going to destroy Uranus tonight.

How much does a Humvee cost the U.S. Military?

Around $1.1 million. $100k to buy it, and $1 million to destroy it after ISIL captures it.

I was watching FOX Sports, but decided to switch to the History Channel...

You still get to see the US destroy Japan, but there are fewer commercials!

The worst pick up line I ever thought of...

'If I told you Voldemort hid a Horcrux in your sphincter would you let me destroy it? ;)'
Still single for now...

If Carly Fiorina really wants to destroy Planned Parenthood, she should become its CEO

Well done Turkey on shooting down a Russian warplane.

Now proceed to level two where you have to destroy fifty Russian warplanes and fight off an invading ground force.

Why do christians burn fossil fuels?

They're trying to destroy the evidence.

Math is sad.

It takes hours to try to prove your point, but only one counterexample to destroy everything.
Much like my marriage.

Guys one of the Greek Gods is trying to destroy 80s music!

H80s

It's no surprise that Trump is here, just look at all the movies where there is a black President and something comes to destroy the earth.

All credits go to Larry Wilmore. ;)

Why could the programmer only pop one anime from the stack?

Getting more WIFO will destroy your LIFO.

I heard that CERN particle accelerator can create a huge black hole and destroy the planet.

This make me a little conCERNed.
Eddit. The situation is accelerating if you know what I mean.

Dear Radio Yerevan...

...is it possible that an atomic bomb could destroy our beautiful city of Yerevan?
"In principle yes, but Moscow is by far a more beautiful city."

Why did Vader (Anakin) finally rebelled against the Emperor?

In Episode 3, he helped carry out Order 66 to kill all Jedi.
In Episode 4, he helped carry out Order 67 to destroy Alderaan.
In Episode 5, he helped carry out Order 68 to destroy rebel base on Hoth.
In Episode 6.... the Emperor was just too old and n**... for Vader to carry out Order 69.

The FBI raided Hillary Clinton's campaign headquarters

She needed them to get in quick and destroy all the evidence.

They say g**... destroy the very fabric of society.....

Nonsense! No gay man would ever dream of destroying fabric.

Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?

Because you're breaking wind.

I figured out how to invade Russia

You destroy all of the v**... then they'll be to sober to shoot straight.

Do you know how many planets are in the solar system?

7, after I destroy Uranus.

Donald Trump is threatening to destroy my family business. I don't know how to tell my kids.

How is a wetlands tour guide supposed to put food on his table now?

UK and USA are in a contest to destroy themselves.

The UK edged ahead with Brexit, but the US just played their trump card.

Don't commit s**...!

It's i**... to destroy government property.

Hey girl, wanna play 9/11 with us?

You blow our two towers and then we destroy your pentagon

If we really want to destroy china,

we should just send all the metal drummers there.

How many planets are there?

Guy: How many planets are there?
Girl: 8
Guy: Wrong, 7 after I destroy uranus

I destroy every string instrument I find...

As a part of my vow of non-violins.

How do you destroy a feminist in a debate?

You ask "what rights do men have that women don't?"

How did the musician destroy the church?

By using instruments of mass-destruction

My boyfriend asked me how many planets are in our solar system.

And I said. "Eight"
And he said, "Nope, only 7, after I destroy uranus tonight."

A single bird can't destroy capitalism on his own

But toucan

Didja hear the one about the hobbit who ruined the boxing match?

He tried to destroy the ring.

Who would win in a fight, Ling Xiaoyu or Anakin Skywalker?

Depends on how old Ling is, if Ling were an adult she would destroy Anakin, but Anakin would kill a young Ling.

If you hear a supernatural voice in your head telling you to destroy statues of the Ten Commandments, you might be mentally ill.

But if the voice tells you to create them instead, you might be Moses.

If you want to destroy science, you are a fundamentalist; if you want to destroy spiritual theology, you are a scientist; if you want to destroy both, you are

Nietzsche

What's the Mummy's plan to destroy Superman?

He's going to lure him into the crypt tonight.

I like to be positive

Even though I'm unemployed and recently got evicted, I could still destroy Stephen Hawking in a 100m dash.

Why wouldn't a mad scientist destroy the world?

A mad scientist would never destroy the world.
...Half the world maybe. That would be enough to have a control group.

To the individual who stole my MS Office install disk: I will find you and destroy you.

You have my Word.

I destroyed a bag of leftover Chinese food

It was an act of won ton destruction.

For you guitarists out there...

After going through a brutal divorce, a woman decides to get revenge. She goes to get ex's house, and proceeds to destroy each and every one of his guitars. When she gets to court, the judge asks her;
"First offender?"
She replies; "No. First a Gibson, then a Fender."

Hear about the game of Life Millennial Edition?

There are 27 different pegs for gender and only four squares: Debt, Rent, Destroy an Industry, and early Death from lack of healthcare.

What do you get when you destroy a Rebel ship?

Rubble s**....

How can you get aliens to destroy their own kind?

split them into groups and teach them different religions.

Him: "Well, at least I know you wouldn't in a million years purposely destroy my clothes with bleach." Me: "Yeah, because I'm not crazy."

Him: "No, because it's too much like doing laundry."

Aliens visit, and their first question is: "what's changed in the last 3000 years?"

Aliens: "what's changed in the last 3000 years?"
Humans: "well, we were worshipping cats, drinking beer, and smoking w**...... and then we made it to developing technology that can destroy this entire planet, and pretty soon we'll have unlimited energy from that tech."
Aliens: "Impressive. Good thing you stopped worshipping cats, drinking beer, and smoking w**...."
Humans:

Boll Weavels

There were two brothers that happened to be boll weavels. One brother desired more than just to destroy crops and learned to play guitar. He got so good, he became a successful country music star.
His brother just stayed home and slept. You could say he was the lesser of two weavels.

8 year old asks if I want to hear his pickup line.

After tonight there are going to be 7 planets because I am going to destroy Uranus.

Why are women similar to hurricanes?

At first they make you wet, then the destroy your life and then take your house and car.

Alcohol and cigarettes have warning labels because they are addictive, dangerous, and destroy lives.

And yet women are allowed to just roam around.

I think if there is a god, it has no s**...

I would destroy my work too if I made a whole existence and still be a v**...

How do you destroy the great China wall?

You put some paper on it

Moon to Earth during periapsis

\- Hey Earth! Do you know how to destroy a star?
\- Well... you need... like a black hole to do that.
\- Nope! All you need is to accuse it of r**...!
\#MeToo

Click here

There are 8 planets in the universe, but only 7 after I destroy Uranus.

If you drink 2 glasses of Kale juice daily, it will destroy your belly fat and

Your desire to live too.

best jokes about Albania, from Romania:

Why the Albanian submarines resurface every 2 minutes? So the rowers can breath.
How do you destroy an Albanian tank? You shot the guy that pushes it.
Why did the Albanians lost the war? The archer was sick.
The Albanians managed to releases on market their fist computer, it's keyboard has 2 b**...: if you pres the first one nothing happens and the second one cancels the command

What do The Lord of the Rings and Brokeback Mountain have in common?

They're both movies about going to a mountain to destroy someone's ring.

Tom Brady has 6 rings...

... and now he can destroy half the NFL with one snap

It can take years to build a great relationship but only seconds to destroy it with the wrong words.

e.g. "Sarah, I'm gay"

Did you know there will only be 7 planets tomorrow?

Because *I'm going* to *destroy* Uranus

Are you ready to have only 7 planets left?

Because im about to destroy Uranus.

Best/worst pick up line

You know there are 8 planets in the solar system but soon there'll be only 7 after I destroy Uranus

Why is a destroyed entrance cute?

Because it's a-door-rubble.

If you dressed up like a rodeo clown, broke into the capitol, and tried to destroy the democracy of the United States

You might be a r**...

I made a Salad for 23 people to destroy

It was a Caesar salad