The Best 80 Destination Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Destination jokes. There are some destination scrod jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these destination jamaica puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Destination Jokes and Puns

Why is visiting Taj Mahal before you reach your destination a cure for erectile dysfunction?

Coz it forces you to take the via Agra route

This used to be my Dad's favorite joke. "The End of the World"

The world is ending by nuclear warfare and there are three men riding on a plane to a fallout shelter where they would be safe and ride out the devastation. The three men are: the president, the pope, and a young hippie.

Suddenly, as they are nearing their destination, the plane malfunctions and is going down quickly. The three passengers look at each other, then realize: there are only two parachutes.
The President hastily grabs a bag and before jumping out of the hatch says," I am God's gift to you all! I rule the United States! I am the leader this world will need! I am the SMARTEST man on this planet!"

Realizing they don't have much time the pope quickly says to the hippie, "My son, you have many more years to live than I, it would only be right for you to seize this opportunity and fulfill-"

The hippie begins laughing, startling the pope into silence, and says, "Don't worry Father, the smartest man on the planet just jumped out of the plane with my backpack on!"

2 sound waves... (OC)

...were travelling to their destination when they suddenly crash into each other.

The first wave says "Hey, are you okay?"

The second wave says "Oh I'm fine

It just Hertz"

Destination joke, 2 sound waves... (OC)

What do you call a frog that jumps half the distance to its destination every time?

An asymptoad.

What is a cat's favorite tropical destination?

Meowi


Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota

Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."

Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land."

As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis, it looks like dat runway is too short."

Ole says, "Ok, I'll press da brakes as hard as I can when we come down, how bout dat?"

But Sven isn't reassured very much. At this point, he can see that the runway is almost certainly too short for them to land. He says, "Ole! Dis runway is way too short. we're gonna crash!"

Ole says, "Oh shut up. I'll just put de plane in reverse as soon as we land, that'll do it."

So, the plane touches down, and despite Ole's best efforts, they do go off the runway and into the fence. The plane flips over a few times and is heavily damaged, but luckily both Ole and Sven are relatively unharmed. The two climb out of the wreckage, and Sven says, "You see, I was right! Dis runway was too short!"

Ole looks up and down the runway, and then he says, "Aye, it was really short. But look at how *wide* it is!"

A man went onto a train with a banana and a suitcase....

He arrived at his destination safely.

Destination joke, A man went onto a train with a banana and a suitcase....

A Japanese businessman hails a taxi...

As they go along the highway, a car zooms past by.

"Oooh," exclaims the businessman, "that's a Toyota. Made in Japan, very fast!"

Moments later, another car speeds ahead.

"Ahhhhh," exclaims the businessman again, "a Nissan! Made in Japan too, also very fast!"

Then once more, another car rushes ahead.

"Oooooh," exclaims the businessman, "a Mitsubishi! Made in Japan and very fast again!"

Then they reach their destination.

"Why bill so big?!" complained the Japanese.
"Meter's made in Japan," replied the driver. "Very fast!"

3 men board a plane.

As the plane was flying over their destination, one of the men threw a apple out of the plane. The second man threw an orange out of the plane and the third man threw a bomb out of the plane. When the plane landed, the men got out of the plane and went their separate ways. The man who threw the apple sees a girl crying and asked her what was wrong. She replied with "an apple fell from the sky and hit my head." The second man sees a small boy crying. He asks him what happened and he replied with "an orange fell from the sky and hit my head." The third man sees an old man laughing as hard as he can. He asks him what was so funny and the old man replied with "I farted and that building over there blew up!"

Not sure if repost. It's one of my favourite jokes.

My friends got tired of the "Chinese Fire Drill".

Instead, we shout "Triangle Fire Drill", lock the car doors and scream until we reach our destination.

Mr Sine and Miss Cosine go on their honeymoon..

Mr Sine and Miss Cosine get married and head for their honeymoon to a seaside destination. So they're chilling by the beach, and sipping on their drinks, and things get naughty soon. During a lovemaking session on the beach, Sine whispers into Cosine's ear, "It's a good thing I'm not on top, or we'd both be tanned".

You can explore destination travelers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean destination layover dad jokes. There are also destination puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So I was on a plane when the pilot makes his announcement..

"We will be arriving at our destination in 3 hours..." But he forgot to turn off the microphone and says to his co-pilot "Ahhh, I could really do with a BJ and a coffee right now!". So a flight attendant runs to the front of the plane and as she ran past I then said "HEY! Don't forget the coffee!"

What type of truck takes a very long time to reach its destination?

A log n truck.

I'm at a destination wedding, need help!

Praying for a parking space..

A laywoman was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up toward heaven, she said, Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I'll go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking wine.
Miraculously, a parking space opened up right in front of her destination.
The woman looked up to heaven and said, Never mind, Lord; I found one on my own.

Fox is good on Final Destination...

but Fountain of Dreams is where he shines.

Destination joke, Fox is good on Final Destination...

the whole Malaysian Airlines thing is fascinating

looks like they're out to prove that it is the journey, not the destination, that matters most.

A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin

...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"

The man replied,

"I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating."....

The policeman fainted.

Three beans travelled around Australia together, where was their final destination?

In Cairns.


Star Trek Discovery is going to have a female lead which will ruin the series.

The male captains wandered around aimlessly getting into trouble.

She will just ask for directions and head straight to the destination.

What do you call a false marathon destination in Finland?

A lie'n finish finish line!

My gay friend got stoned today.

I told him Saudi Arabia was not a good honeymoon destination but he didn't listen.

If Trump wins, IΒ΄m going to Mexico, if Clinton wins, IΒ΄ll go to Canada.

America, my next holiday destination is in your hands!

How will Trump make Mexico pay for the wall?

By turning the Great Wall of Mexico into a tourist destination.

Three blondes were driving to Disneyland...

Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. When they were close to the destination they saw a sign: Disneyland Left . They stopped, started to cry and finally turned around and drove back home.

My wife's p***y is like the 8th wonder of the world.

A popular destination for tourists.

No.1 Spring break destination

DMV office

Fly United

We'll beat you to your destination!

Final Destination

What do you call an open-casket viewing at an atheist's funeral?
All dressed up and nowhere to go.

An elderly lady takes a cab ride

When she gets to her destination the drìver says, "That'll be $15."
The old lady lifts up her skirt and says, "How about I pay you with this? "
"Aw jeez lady!" the driver says, "Don't you have anything smaller?"

What is a computernerds favorite holiday destination?

Cyberia

Surveys show people from Massachusetts go camping more than any other state.

Their destination usually includes one of Connecticut's many passing lanes.

What's a communist pirates favourite holiday destination?

The U.S.S. Arrrghhh

Total Eclipses freak people out because it creates opposites of our expectations...

...Day becomes night. White becomes Black. And the midwest becomes a travel destination

Paddies vs. Aussies

So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads." "Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other.

Three drunk guys enter a Taxi

3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "we have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him the money and the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was very shocked thinking the 3rd drunkard knew what he did. But then he asked "what was that for?" The 3rd guy replied, " Control yourspeed next time, you nearly killed us!

Have you ever wondered if someone made it to their destination?

There there, they're there.

Where is a Flat Earther's favourite tourist destination?

The Netherlands.

My dad told me this one.

He's a cable manager and often has to keep moving in his van/truck. One day he was driving in farm country and ran over a pig. He got out of the car to check on the pig and the pig was okay so he kept driving to his destination. When he got home, he got a call from a farmer.

"Hello?"

"I know you ran over ma pig"

"How did you know?"

"He squealed"

My uncle used to always say, "it's the journey not the destination that matters".

Nice guy, horrible pilot.

I told my friends I was going on vacation to Hershey, PA.

One said, "It's a great family destination, but beware of the nightlife- they have nuts in the bars there."

Poetry contest

A redneck and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.

Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu

The audience applauds, thinking that the redneck does not have a chance. Then the redneck goes.

Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some whores in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!

3 guys are driving in the desert and their car breaks down...

Their destination is 2 days away on foot, so the guys decide to take pieces of the car so they don't die.

First guy says "I'll take the radiator, we can drink the water from this"
Second guy says "I'll take the hood of the car, it will give us shade"
Third guy says "I'll take the door, I can roll the window down if it gets too hot"

"Turn right at the next corner..."

"...and your destination shall be on your left. But dwell not upon the destination, for it is the journey which is important." - Zen GPS

Three drunken guys entered a taxi.

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then he said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money and the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver and said, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

What's a sheep's favourite holiday destination?

It's not the Baa-hamas... Its not Baa-li... Its not Baa-arbados...

It's Devon

My family was having trouble deciding on a vacation destination

So I said Phuket, let's just go.

How will you know if a shrine works?

It became a tourist destination

Why does the Pope spend most of his free time in the Sistine Chapel

It's Rome's number one Vatican Destination!

A teacher asked her class "What is sex?"

Johny got up and said:
"Sex is a *temptation*
Caused by a *sensation*
Where a boy sticks his *location*
Into a girls *destination*
To increase *population*
For the next *generation*
Did you get my *explanation*
Or so you need a *demonstration?*"
The teacher fainted then.

I was planning a trip to Saudi Arabia

but I heard they now allow women to drive, can you recommend a safer destination?

A cyclops and his wife looking for their prefect holiday destination

Cyclobs: How do you spell Hawaii?

Wife: Well... You need two i's...

Cyclobs (putting the pen down): My life is just a joke to you isn't it, Linda?

GPS: Take a left turn in 500 feet

Feminist: Did you just assume my destination??

I entered a Final Destination contest and nearly won.

It went to sudden death

I got myself a seniors GPS

Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there.

The Kinsey Institute studies suggest that frequent sex is linked to better memory.

May the year 2013 bring you warmth, love and light to guide your path to a positive destination.

My parents spin a world globe and randomly point out their next vacation destination.

That's how they drowned.

My wife and I have finally reached an agreement on our next vacation destination. I got so excited I had to change my pants.

I love coming to a consensus.

What can point in every direction but can't reach the destination by itself?

Your finger.

Really drunk people?

3 men entered a taxi. The taxi driver could tell that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off. He then proceeded to tell them that they had reached their destination. The first guy gave him the money and the second guy thanked the taxi driver. The third guy suddenly slapped the driver. The driver was shocked; he was wondering if the third guy could see through his dishonesty. He then asked What was that for? The third guy, with a furious face yelled Control your speed next time you almost killed us!

What is a holiday destination recommended by dentists?

Fluorida

Putin decides to go on a vacation

After much deliberation he decides on Kiev as it was a very warm and historic city

So when he gets to the airport everything goes smoothly until the customs clerk

Clerk: destination?

Putin: Kiev

Clerk: occupation?

Putin: No, just visiting

Drunk taxi.

3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The
taxi driver knew that they were
drunk so he started the engine
& turned it off again. Then
said,"We have reached your
destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said
"Thank you". The 3rd guy
slapped the driver. The driver
was shocked thinking the 3rd
drunk knew what he did. But
then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied,
"Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."

My friend had his bags stolen on his flight

he arrived at his destination and went straight to a lawyer to sue someone who he thought did it. When the jury reached their decision he was not happy.

He lost his case!

3 drunk guys entered a taxi.

The driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine, turn it off again and said "We reached your
destination."

The first guy gave him money.

The second guy said "thank you" then gave him money too, while the third guy slapped the taxi driver.

The driver was shocked thinking the third guy knew what he did, the driver asked "What was that for?"

The third guy replied "Control your speed next time, you've nearly killed us."

An elderly classical languages professor goes to Rome for a conference.

He hails a taxi as he leaves the airport, and the driver points to a sign saying "Tell driver your destination". The professor hesitates for a moment. He doesn't speak Italian, but doesn't want the driver to misunderstand his directions in English. Suddenly realizing that Italian is descended from Latin he says, "Adducere me ad Marriott deversorium"

The cab driver nods and puts the car in gear. As he into traffic he says, "Wow, you sure haven't been to Rome for a long time."

Sharp Retort

A young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
Another young, beautiful woman gets onto the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 dollars an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both of the women in the eyes, farts, and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!"

i came up with this one and i think its a little silly. what do you call it when a missile fails to reach it's destination?

projectile dysfunction

With the boredom of lock-down.

My Wife and I have pinned a map up in the kitchen.

We have one dart each, wherever the dart lands

on the map is our destination for our vacation next

year, turns out, we are going to behind the fridge..

Three drunk men entered a taxi.

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, and they didn't give him the destination they wanted so he decided not to drive but instead he wanted to play a trick on them by turning on the engine and staying there for a moment.

A while after doing so, the taxi driver turned the engine off and told the three drunk men they arrived.

The first man handed the driver a handful of pennies as he exited.
The second man gave the driver a $20 bill and said "Thanks".
The third man did not pay the driver, he gave him a little punch on the arm and said, "Don't speed, you almost had us killed."

I knew a man who was taking a trip.

His destination was a guillotine.

It was a terrible place to be headed.

Freaked out when I got to the cemetery

and the GPS said you have reached your final destination.

Life of a taxi driver

3 drunk guys entered a taxi. the driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine,turn it off again and said "We reached your destination" The first guy gave him money,the second guy said "thank you" then gave him money too,while the third guy slapped the taxi driver,the driver was shocked thinking the third guy knew what he did,the driver asked "What was that for?" the third guy replied "Control your speed next time, you've nearly killed us!"

A blind and elderly German man is on a train.

When the train approaches the station of his destination, he gets up from his seat, tries to make for the door, but almost walks into a pole.

Another passenger yells," Careful, there's a pole in front of you!"

The old man breathes in, stands tall with all the vitality of his youth, and swings with all his might at the pole.

"Untermensch!" He yells. "When did those twats become so hard?"

An Australian is aboard the wrong airplane

The flight attendant approaches them and says I'm so sorry. I'm not sure how this mix-up happened but this plane is arriving in an entirely different country than your intended destination.

The Australian says No way.

The flight attendant replies Sweden, actually.

What's a superhero's favourite holiday destination?

Cape town

Russia

Putin feels like taking a trip and heads to the Moscow airport.

Immigration: Destination ?

Putin: Ukraine

Immigration: Occupation ?

Putin: Yes

Three drunk men get in a taxi after leaving the bar.

The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off after ten seconds, saying they had arrived at their destination.

The first man gave him the money and exited the taxi.

The second man thanked him and also left the taxi.

The third man slapped the driver.

The driver was surprised that he noticed and asks him.

To which, the third man says, "Why did you drive so fast?"

Drunk guy takes the bus

Drunk guy gets on a bus stumbling. The bus goes forward, drunk guy stumbles back. Each stop drunk guy stumbles forward. When he reaches his destination, bus driver says,

"Hey you didnt pay the fare"

Drunk guy, "what are you talking about I walked here!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the destination location jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working destination passengers piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes