Desk Jokes
150 desk jokes and hilarious desk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about desk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A light-hearted look at the desk-filled office life. Check out our collection of jokes about help desks, front desks, service desks, standing desks, office desks, messy desks, bookcases, and more! Brighten up your day with a giggle - and solemnly reflect on the life of an office worker.
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Funniest Desk Short Jokes
Short desk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The desk humour may include short dashboard jokes also.
- Cheer up Hilary! At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
- I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.
- Putin at the airport Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk.
Customs officer: Occupation?
Putin: No, just visiting. - A German man walks up to a immigration desk in Warsaw. Immigration offcier: "Occupation?"
German man: "No, just holiday." - I returned to my hotel after an evening of drinking, so I went to the front desk. Excuse me, I don't remember what room I'm in. I said. No problem, said the receptionist. You're in the lobby.
- A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, Sorry ma'am, I forgot what room I'm in, can you help me?
The receptionist replies, No problem, sir. This is the lobby. - Little Johnny The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.
Johnny said with confidence "the desk". - A man walks into an airport and says "cluck cluck bacawk" ...and the woman says "no sir, this is the *check*-in desk"
- Most people think I'm sick and twisted... But I'm not! I have the heart of a little girl.
In a jar.
On my desk. - Photon A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk man asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."
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Desk One Liners
Which desk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with desk? I can suggest the ones about shelf and dock.
- If Hillary becomes president She'll be sitting at the desk Monica sat under
- So a German installs a bath around his desk... BADUMTISCH
- A man walks into a brothel.. The attendant behind the desk says "Beat it. We're closed".
- At work I put my desk in the elevator This should take my career to a whole new level
- I just met the man who made the globe I keep on my desk! It's a small world.
- What's the best place to study at college? Under the teacher's desk.
- Is he permitted to be an estonian desk? No, he's not a laud
- Boss, I left a huge masonry order on your desk. When you see it, you'll ship bricks.
- Someone has left a pile of plasticine on my desk I don't know what to make of it?
- Had a stupidly long receptionist shift today. I worked from desk till dawn.
- What wouldn't MacGyver be able to escape from using a paper clip? A desk job
- Why is a raven like a writing desk? Because there is a "b" in both and an 'n' in neither.
- I tried to call the front desk of my hotel. Needless to say, I couldn't get reception.
- Hey Ryu, where's Ken at? He's not at his desk. He Doookin'!
Oh, okay, thanks. - How would you describe Ohm's desk at his office? Irresistable
Front Desk Jokes
Here is a list of funny front desk jokes and even better front desk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The last time I stayed in a hotel I asked for a wake up call. So the next morning the front desk called me and asked "What are you doing with your life?"
"I'm up." - I'm in a hotel room and call down to the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in the sink..." The guy answers, "Go ahead, the customer's always right..."
- H. Youngman - Called the front desk of our motel and told him "I've gotta leak in the sink." He said "That's OK, just rinse it out when you're done."
- Job Listing: Crustacean Salespeople Please apply at the front desk.
Must be willing to give customers the hard shell. - Did you hear about the man who couldn't get out of the brothel? Everytime he tried to leave the lady on the front desk said "Please come again."
- A catholic priest checks into a hotel... And he asks the lady at the front desk, "Have you disabled adult movies?" She responds, "No, just the regular kind."
- A man is walking to his cubicle... He sits down in front of his desk and starts working.
- Why does it smell like tuna at the front desk? The receptionist is wearing a dress
Office Desk Jokes
Here is a list of funny office desk jokes and even better office desk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Boss hangs a poster in office Boss hangs a poster in office
'I am the boss, dont forget'
He returns from lunch,
finds a slip on his desk,
'ur wife called, she wants her poster back home..!!' - One of the Secret Service agents was tempted by the delicious muffin on the president's office desk, as he slowly reached out to take a bite, the other agent stopped him and said: "Its FOR-BIDEN!"
- Why did the hockey player hate his desk job at the ice skating rink? Because he was in the office part of the building
- A chicken walks into an office and goes to the security guard's desk Guard: Hi, what's your name?
Chicken: Buck - Einstein's wife found him asleep in his office one morning. She woke him. 'Why were you asleep at your desk?' she asked
'Because' he replied 'I just can't understand the futon' - Small office joke My office is so small that when my feet are under my desk I trip people walking down the hall!
Standing Desk Jokes
Here is a list of funny standing desk jokes and even better standing desk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After months of experimenting with sitting vs standing desks I've concluded that ... ...they both have their ups and downs.
I'll see myself out. - Where I work, they changed our work stations to those adjustable stand up desks apparently I have to buy my own adjustable chair.
- I made a standing desk for myself at work and it made a huge difference Now I look up at my computer, while I continue sitting comfortably
- I started standing at my desk during work and got fired for it Apparently not wearing seatbelts during take off and landing is against company policy
- Did you hear about that new standing desk specifically designed for women? They call it "kitchen sink".
- I recently got a desk job. It's a permanent position. My boss won't even let me stand up.
- I should get on of those standing desks. This one that relaxes on its side isn't very useful.
- How many people does it take to change a Clinton's lightbulb? Two. One to stand on the desk and one to go underneath.
Help Desk Jokes
Here is a list of funny help desk jokes and even better help desk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A guy goes into a library abd asks the person at the desk, "can you show me where the self-help books are?" The librarian says, "no."
- Two back desk orchestral players go fishing And one falls out of the boat.
He screams: "help, I don't know how to swim!"
His partner replies: "just fake it!" - A customer calls Oracle's help desk Customer: "Oracle is not working today!"
Rep: Hangs up and goes home. - What is the most hated song of all the people working on the help desk? Eric Prydz - Call on me
- When you work in IT help desk and you bring work home with you... Have you tried plugging it in?
Cheerful Fun Desk Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about desk you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean office jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make desk pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Milk
Me: Hey, thanks for the glass of milk earlier
s**... bank employee: What glass of milk
Me: The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk
s**... bank employee: Oh no
Me: What
s**... bank employee: You drank my glass of milk
Tom went to the Police Station
Tom went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
You'll get your chance in court. said the Desk Sergeant.
No, no no! said Tom. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!
Philosophy final
in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.
"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."
Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.
The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"
His answer: What chair?
A mother of a boy walks into the school nurse's office to pick up her son...
She sees her son standing nervously off to one side of the office. His mother walks over to the nurse's desk to sign him out of school. She queries the nurse:
"What was he complaining of? He seems fine!"
The nurse responds: "He had a terrible cough when he came in."
The mother, suspecting her son is faking it, asks the nurse: "Well, what did you give him to make him so much better all of a sudden?"
"I gave him a laxative," replied the nurse.
"A laxative?!" the mother exclaims.
"Yep. Look at him; he's afraid to cough."
I was sitting at my desk, trying to think of a double entendre...
...but it got really hard.
Kermit Jagger needs a loan.
Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.
Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,
"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
The elementary class was learning about addition...
The teacher asks little Johnny, "If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"
Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, "Seven."
The teacher says, "No, let's try again. Listen carefully. I give you two, Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more."
Johnny spends a few minutes thinking it out, and again says, "Seven."
The teacher says, "Let's try it another way. If I put two apples on your desk, then two more, and then two more, how many apples would you have?"
Johnny says, "Six."
The teacher says, "Good, now if I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"
Johnny again says, "Seven."
The teacher, obviously frustrated, yells at Johnny, "Why do you keep saying seven?!"
Johnny says, "Because... I've already got a cat!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Islamist advantage:
When you divorce your wife and remarry, you can still keep the same photo on your desk
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An escalating series of math jokes
Me: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Math is hard, and so I am.
Her: I wish you were my differential equations homework... because if you were, you would be hard and I would be doing you on my desk.
Me: Well, I'm awfully glad you're not *my* differential equations homework... because if you were, you would be 6 weeks late.
Since we seem to be doing talking dog jokes today...
A man walks into a talent agency, carrying a small, scruffy looking dog. He sets the dog on the agent's desk and begins his speech:
"Sir, I have for you the most amazing act. This dog can speak. And not only can he speak, he's one of the most intelligent dogs you'll ever meet. Allow me to demonstrate: Dog, what is on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" Says the dog.
"Amazing! Dog: what is the opposite of smooth?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Incredible! Dog: who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"
Again, the dog says "Roof!"
"Remarkable! So what do you think?"
The agent leans back in his chair and says "Get lost. I can't sell that carny act."
Outside the agent's office, the dog looks up at the man and says "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know when you're staying in a h**... hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink,"
and the clerk replies, "okay, Go ahead."
A hyena walks up to the check in counter in an airport...
... and throws a rotting gazelle onto the desk. The counter person shouts "what is this?" and the hyena says "it's my carrion".
Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.
The first nun said, "I was going through father's desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer."
The second nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I burned them."
The second nun then said, "I was going through father's drawers and found a box of condoms."
The first nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I poked holes in them."
The third nun fainted.
A pizza guy enters an obesity clinic and says, "I have 15 meat lover pizzas with extra cheese."
The nurse at the receptionist desk angrily asks him, "Why would you come here and mock our patients?"
The pizza guy defensively answers, "It's just what the doctor ordered!"
I escaped!
A man phones up a mental institution and asks the woman behind the desk to speak to the man in room twenty-seven.
When she tells him that the man isn't there he shouts excitedly *"Good! That means I escaped!"*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today at work, at my desk, my boss offered me a h**......
It's okay though, I'm self employed.
"I'm gonna treat you like I treat my homework"
"Oh, you're going to slam me on your desk and do me all night?"
"No, I'm going to stare at you and think there's so many better things I could be doing..."
So I'm in Ikea....
...and I ask the salesperson, "Is this a finished desk?"
and she says, "No, it's Swedish."
(edited to make more better)
[In a seahorse home] Son: Dad?
Dad: Yes?
Son: Happy M-
Dad: DON'T
Son: Moth-
Dad: STOP
Son: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY
*Dad bangs head on desk*
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.
He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk?
My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Hotel guest calls the front desk
and the clerk answers, "May I help you?"
The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858.
You need to send someone to my room immediately.
I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."
The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal matter."
The man replies, "Listen you idiot.
The window won't open and that's a maintenance matter."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I Went To The Patent Office.
I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, "A folding bottle."
She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"
"A Fottle."
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
"A Farton."
She s**... and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.
Two brothers live together, and one of them makes tennis equipment for people with gigantism.
Late one night, he is up, hard at work, when his brother knocks on the door. He gets up from his desk, and answers the door.
"What do you want?" he asks.
His brother responds: "Hey, I'm trying to sleep. Can you stop making a huge racket?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.
Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.
Yoda: Hello, welcome, you are.
Man: Hi, I'd like to book a t**... for the weekend.
Yoda: Sorry I am, only duplex we have.
Man: Are you sure? I really need the t**....
Yoda: There is no tri, only du.
I kinda want Hillary to win the US election
Just for the sheer irony of her sitting at the desk Monica was under.
A Blonde Walks into a Library
A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.
She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"
The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."
Sitting down at my work desk, all my files are gone...
... and I'm asking myself : Who let the .docx out?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Brainless Lawyers
In a m**... trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk staggered up to the h**...
A drunk staggered up to the hotel reception desk and demanded his room be changed.
"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.
"Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.
"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
A man on crutches walks into his local Ice-Cream shop..
He asks the lady behind the desk for a Knickerbocker Glory.
She says; "Crushed nuts?"
He says; "No, a sprained ankle"
A 5 years old girl enters the supermarket...
...grabs 4 beers and goes to the cash desk. The lady smiles at her and asks:
"Do you think you can carry all four of them all by yourself?"
The little girls thinks for a second and says:
"Yeah, you're right. I'll drink one here before I go"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girl bangs a calculator on the desk to make it work
Math teacher: why are you making noise
Girl: my calculator isn't working so I'm b**... it to make it work
Math teacher: the calculator's gonna break, how would you like it if i banged you on the table
Whole class: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Wife and husband are in the living room.
She's doing stuff in her computer, while he's sitting on the couch typing on his phone.
At one point, wife's cellphone receives a message.
Her phone is charging in the kitchen, so she stands up from her desk and goes to the kitchen.
At the kitchen, she looks up her phone and see's a text message from her husband.
"Well, since you're in the kitchen, might as well make me a sandwich."
A soldier finds a scorpion in his tent...
In the Marines, he kills the scorpion.
In the Army, he calls his CO and reports the presence of the scorpion.
In the Air Force, he calls the front desk and asks why there's a tent in his room.
[ORIGINAL JOKE] A secretary is like...
a pencil sharpener, you can't really say it's yours until you screw it on your desk.
A man walks into a library
and is greeted by the librarian behind the front desk.
He slaps a $10 bill on the desk and says to the librarian - "I'll have two budweisers please"
The librarian, taken aback, responds - "Sir, this is a library!"
The man quickly replies back - "Oh, sorry!"
*whispers* "I'll have two budweisers please"
A blonde calls the front desk of her hotel in a panic.
"Help! I'm trapped in my room!" she says. "How do I get out?"
The clerk at the front desk says, "just go out the door."
"I tried," she says "but one just leads to the bathroom, and the other has a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on it!"
Wake up!
Following a serious argument couple decide not to talk to each other for a while.
Next night husband leaves a note on the kitchen desk: Wake me up at 6 in the morning, I have a flight.
When he wakes up at 8, panics and as he rushes to dressing room, sees a note at the bedside table: Wake up, it is 6!
My boss said I "lacked courage" so I walked out...
Got a coffee to calm down and returned to my desk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... goes to France
As he reaches the immigration desk, the clerk reviews his passport and asks, "Name?"
The fuhrer whispers, "Adolf h**..."
"Occupation?"
h**... shakes his head... "No, just visiting".
There was an incident at my school today--one of the teachers caught a boy sharpening an arrowhead under his desk. She called 911, and the police got involved.
As it turns out, though, it was just a kid knapping.
Kim Jong Un: I have a big button on my desk Donald Trump: I have a big button on my desk
Hawaii Emergency Alert Guy: Hold my beer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a swingers club on the weekend
I got through the front door and the lady on the desk said it's £10 to get in, or you can pay £15 and you get a meal . So I paid the £15 and went in. It seemed to be going alright - then this n**... oily guy walked up to me and said hello, I'm Amil .
Putin is sitting at his desk, waiting upon the results of the recent election
An election official walks in and announces himself.
"Mr. Putin, I have good news and bad news. Which would you prefer to hear first?"
"Let me hear the good news first", Putin says.
"Okay, good news is that you've won the election! Congratulations!"
"And the bad news?"
"Nobody voted for you."
A man walks up to the information desk at a mall and says, I seem to have lost my kids. Can I make an announcement on the PA system?
Mall guy: Oh sure.
Man, grabbing the mike: I'm vegan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
My high school English teacher was so mean!
She would walk around the classroom and stop to ask students random grammar questions. I remember this one time she was walking by my desk and she stopped, pointed at me and said "Quick, name 2 pronouns!"
Startled, I looked at her and replied "who, me?"
*nervously plays with tie* "I'm sorry. I'm no good during job interviews."
"That's ok, just let go of my tie and go on your side of the desk."
Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.
A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts
down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.
A man checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room.
Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?
The desk clerk says, Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?
The person says, Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it.
A guy walks into a hotel
He asks at the front desk for his reservation .
The manager asks about his details and then gives him the key.
The guest then takes his room key and goes into the elevator.
After half an hour he comes back and angrily complains the manger that he couldn't find his room
The manager calmly replies," Well what did you expect when you booked room 404?."
(Grandma told me this one) why did the teach put a clock on the floor of her desk?
Because she wanted to work overtime
The nurse at the admissions desk kept misrecording each patient's blood-types..
His inability to use a keyboard definitely resulted in a whole lot of Type-Os!
My boss walks over to my desk as the phone is ringing…
Boss: Why aren't you picking that up??
Me: I pick it up on the third ring, makes me seem cooler.
Boss: PICK IT UP!!
Me: [rolls eyes] fine. 911, what's your emergency?
Teacher came to Jack's desk
-You had the same answers in your test as Stan. So you must have cheated.
-How do you know that Stan didn't look at my answers? Jack defended himself.
-Stan had written "I don't know" and you had written "I don't know either"...
Back when I was in elementary school one of my teachers would have a letter of the day and then pick one of the students to say something about the letter of the day.
One day I got picked and the letter of that day was N so I got asked, "Jeff, why don't you use the letter of the day, N, and tell us something that you're not very good at that starts with the letter N." I stood up next to my desk and said... Spelling
Origami
What do you call paper figures that sit on top of your desk?
Stationary art
I went to join a health club today and saw a sign on its door that said 'Look better in 10 days or your money back.' I then wrote out a check and handed it over to the girl at the front desk.
The girl looked at me and said, Keep it. We're gonna mail it back to you anyways.
A man goes into a pet store and demands an amazing pet for a very cheap price
The shop keeper says "I have a talking fox for only £20" the man exclaims " foxes can't talk!" While he's rambling on the fox puts his paw up on the desk and says "actually I can talk... I've written 3 books and I climbed up mount Everest for the 2nd time yesterday!" The man says "wow he's amazing, why are you selling him so cheap??" To which the shopkeeper replies "I just can't take the lies anymore..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I first came to the US. I stayed at a hotel with a rodent problem. I tried to call front desk but I didn't know how to say mouse in English.
Hello sir how can I help you?
Do you know Tom and j**...?
Yes sir.
j**... is here.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Attorney and a Doctor in court...
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Doctor: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Doctor: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Doctor: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home
After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there's a nice woman at the front desk who can tell you!"
I left my muffin on my desk at work while I went to the printer
When I came back it was scone
