Desk Jokes
167 desk jokes and hilarious desk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about desk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A light-hearted look at the desk-filled office life. Check out our collection of jokes about help desks, front desks, service desks, standing desks, office desks, messy desks, bookcases, and more! Brighten up your day with a giggle - and solemnly reflect on the life of an office worker.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Desk Short Jokes
Short desk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The desk humour may include short dashboard jokes also.
- Cheer up Hilary! At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
- I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.
- Putin at the airport Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk.
Customs officer: Occupation?
Putin: No, just visiting. - A photon checks into a hotel and the front desk asks "Do you need help with your luggage"? The photon replies "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
- A man is going through customs entering Australia The man behind the desk asks him "do you have a criminal record?"
The man replies "No, I didn't know that was still a requirement" - A German man walks up to a immigration desk in Warsaw. Immigration offcier: "Occupation?"
German man: "No, just holiday." - I returned to my hotel after an evening of drinking, so I went to the front desk. Excuse me, I don't remember what room I'm in. I said. No problem, said the receptionist. You're in the lobby.
- A man is staying in a hotel. He walks up to the front desk and says, Sorry ma'am, I forgot what room I'm in, can you help me?
The receptionist replies, No problem, sir. This is the lobby. - Little Johnny The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.
Johnny said with confidence "the desk". - For my chemistry homework, I was supposed to write a thousand words on acid. I tried, but my pen turned into a rainbow-coloured giraffe and then the desk melted.
Share These Desk Jokes With Friends
Desk One Liners
Which desk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with desk? I can suggest the ones about shelf and dock.
- If Hillary becomes president She'll be sitting at the desk Monica sat under
- So a German installs a bath around his desk... BADUMTISCH
- A man walks into a brothel.. The attendant behind the desk says "Beat it. We're closed".
- Are you my homework? Because I wanna slam you on my desk and do you all night.
- At work I put my desk in the elevator This should take my career to a whole new level
- I just met the man who made the globe I keep on my desk! It's a small world.
- Did you hear about the woman who walked backwards into a desk fan? Disassed 'er!
- What's the best place to study at college? Under the teacher's desk.
- Is he permitted to be an estonian desk? No, he's not a laud
- Boss, I left a huge masonry order on your desk. When you see it, you'll ship bricks.
- Someone has left a pile of plasticine on my desk I don't know what to make of it?
- Had a stupidly long receptionist shift today. I worked from desk till dawn.
- What wouldn't MacGyver be able to escape from using a paper clip? A desk job
- Why is a raven like a writing desk? Because there is a "b" in both and an 'n' in neither.
- I tried to call the front desk of my hotel. Needless to say, I couldn't get reception.
Front Desk Jokes
Here is a list of funny front desk jokes and even better front desk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Photon A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk man asks if he has any luggage. The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."
- My company put me up in the cheapest hotel... I called down to the front desk and said "I've got a leak in my sink."
They said "Go ahead." - Biden visits a nursing home. He goes over to an elderly woman and asks, Do you know who I am? She replies, No, but if you go to the front desk, they'll tell you.
- Jesus goes to the front desk of a hotel. He puts down 3 nails and says: Can you put me up for the night?
- A Man in a Hotel has trouble finding his room. He goes down to the front desk and asks ' Sorry, can you tell me what room I'm in please? ' Certainly Sir, said the Receptionist...this is the Lobby.
- The last time I stayed in a hotel I asked for a wake up call. So the next morning the front desk called me and asked "What are you doing with your life?"
"I'm up." - A photon is checking into his hotel, the man behind the front desk asked him if he needed help with his luggage. The photon replied nah I'm just traveling light
- Jesus Jesus walks into a hotel.
He slaps three long nails down on the front desk and asks...
"Can you put me up for the night? - I'm in a hotel room and call down to the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in the sink..." The guy answers, "Go ahead, the customer's always right..."
- H. Youngman - A Frenchmen goes to a library for a book he wants about warfare. He asks the librarian at the front desk for a book about warfare. The librarian simply responds, You'll just lose it.
Office Desk Jokes
Here is a list of funny office desk jokes and even better office desk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Boss hangs a poster in office Boss hangs a poster in office
'I am the boss, dont forget'
He returns from lunch,
finds a slip on his desk,
'ur wife called, she wants her poster back home..!!' - One of the Secret Service agents was tempted by the delicious muffin on the president's office desk, as he slowly reached out to take a bite, the other agent stopped him and said: "Its FOR-BIDEN!"
- How would you describe Ohm's desk at his office? Irresistable
- Why did the hockey player hate his desk job at the ice skating rink? Because he was in the office part of the building
- How many people from Donald Trump's team would it take to change a lightbulb in the Oval office? 11.
Donald, on his desk, holding the lightbulb in place. 10 morons rotating the desk - A chicken walks into an office and goes to the security guard's desk Guard: Hi, what's your name?
Chicken: Buck - Einstein's wife found him asleep in his office one morning. She woke him. 'Why were you asleep at your desk?' she asked
'Because' he replied 'I just can't understand the futon' - Small office joke My office is so small that when my feet are under my desk I trip people walking down the hall!
- Did you know the oval office is full of money? There's a w**... of bill's under the desk
- A person runs into a police-station and shouts "Help - I've been graped!" The desk-officer asked "Don't you mean r**...?"
The victim cried "No! there was a bunch of them!"
Front Desk Hotel Jokes
Here is a list of funny front desk hotel jokes and even better front desk hotel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Jesus walks into a hotel during the terrible rain storm He puts three Nails on the front desk and says can you put me up for the night?
- A catholic priest checks into a hotel... And he asks the lady at the front desk, "Have you disabled adult movies?" She responds, "No, just the regular kind."
- A duck orders a c**..., at a hotel... The man at the front desk asks, "Would you like me to put this on your bill, sir?"
The duck replies, "No, what sort of pervert do you think I am?!" - How do you know when you're staying in a h**... hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink,"
and the clerk replies, "okay, Go ahead." - A frantic husband calls down to the hotel's front desk. My wife is trying to commit s**...! Quick! Send help! We will send a doctor right away!
- No, no, send a handyman, the window won't open!
Standing Desk Jokes
Here is a list of funny standing desk jokes and even better standing desk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After months of experimenting with sitting vs standing desks I've concluded that ... ...they both have their ups and downs.
I'll see myself out. - Where I work, they changed our work stations to those adjustable stand up desks apparently I have to buy my own adjustable chair.
- I made a standing desk for myself at work and it made a huge difference Now I look up at my computer, while I continue sitting comfortably
- I started standing at my desk during work and got fired for it Apparently not wearing seatbelts during take off and landing is against company policy
- Did you hear about that new standing desk specifically designed for women? They call it "kitchen sink".
- I recently got a desk job. It's a permanent position. My boss won't even let me stand up.
- I should get on of those standing desks. This one that relaxes on its side isn't very useful.
- How many people does it take to change a Clinton's lightbulb? Two. One to stand on the desk and one to go underneath.
Help Desk Jokes
Here is a list of funny help desk jokes and even better help desk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A photon walks into a hotel. The desk clerk says, Can we help you with your luggage?
The photon says, No, thanks. I'm traveling light. - A guy goes into a library abd asks the person at the desk, "can you show me where the self-help books are?" The librarian says, "no."
- Two back desk orchestral players go fishing And one falls out of the boat.
He screams: "help, I don't know how to swim!"
His partner replies: "just fake it!" - A photon walks into a hotel... and the desk clerk says, "can I help you with your luggage?"
The photon responds, "no thanks, I'm traveling light." - A photon walks into a hotel Desk clerk says, "Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?"
The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light." - A customer calls Oracle's help desk Customer: "Oracle is not working today!"
Rep: Hangs up and goes home. - What is the most hated song of all the people working on the help desk? Eric Prydz - Call on me
- When you work in IT help desk and you bring work home with you... Have you tried plugging it in?
Cheerful Fun Desk Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about desk you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean office jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make desk pranks.
Milk
Me: Hey, thanks for the glass of milk earlier
s**... bank employee: What glass of milk
Me: The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk
s**... bank employee: Oh no
Me: What
s**... bank employee: You drank my glass of milk
s**... Bank
At a s**... bank one day, a man walks up with a ski mask and a gun. He points the gun at the lady at the desk.
"Sir.. this is a s**... bank.." says the lady.
"I know. Get out three bottles of s**..." he commanded.
So she obeys and takes out three bottles of frozen s**....
"Drink it." says the man.
So she wincingly swallows each gulp until they're all empty. Disgusted she takes a look at the man as he takes off his ski mask and pockets his gun.
"See honey? It's not that hard."
Tom went to the Police Station
Tom went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
You'll get your chance in court. said the Desk Sergeant.
No, no no! said Tom. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!
Philosophy final
in a class for philosophy, the teacher looks at his class, grabs his chair, places it on his desk and tells the entire classroom about his final.
"You have only one question: use your knowledge that I have taught you in this class and prove to me that this chair doesn't exist. You have until the end of class."
Now while everyone else in the class worked on long complicated answers to his problem, one student got up from his desk almost as soon as it begun. The student smiles and hands the teacher his paper and was off.
The teacher, almost sad that the student didn't even try, looked at the sheet of paper and gave the student an "A"
His answer: What chair?
A blonde walks into a library..
she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"
*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."
A mother of a boy walks into the school nurse's office to pick up her son...
She sees her son standing nervously off to one side of the office. His mother walks over to the nurse's desk to sign him out of school. She queries the nurse:
"What was he complaining of? He seems fine!"
The nurse responds: "He had a terrible cough when he came in."
The mother, suspecting her son is faking it, asks the nurse: "Well, what did you give him to make him so much better all of a sudden?"
"I gave him a laxative," replied the nurse.
"A laxative?!" the mother exclaims.
"Yep. Look at him; he's afraid to cough."
I was sitting at my desk, trying to think of a double entendre...
...but it got really hard.
Kermit Jagger needs a loan.
Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.
Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went to her manager to explain the situation. The manager laughed, and replied,
"It's a knick knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
The elementary class was learning about addition...
The teacher asks little Johnny, "If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"
Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, "Seven."
The teacher says, "No, let's try again. Listen carefully. I give you two, Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more."
Johnny spends a few minutes thinking it out, and again says, "Seven."
The teacher says, "Let's try it another way. If I put two apples on your desk, then two more, and then two more, how many apples would you have?"
Johnny says, "Six."
The teacher says, "Good, now if I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"
Johnny again says, "Seven."
The teacher, obviously frustrated, yells at Johnny, "Why do you keep saying seven?!"
Johnny says, "Because... I've already got a cat!"
Islamist advantage:
When you divorce your wife and remarry, you can still keep the same photo on your desk
Since we seem to be doing talking dog jokes today...
A man walks into a talent agency, carrying a small, scruffy looking dog. He sets the dog on the agent's desk and begins his speech:
"Sir, I have for you the most amazing act. This dog can speak. And not only can he speak, he's one of the most intelligent dogs you'll ever meet. Allow me to demonstrate: Dog, what is on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" Says the dog.
"Amazing! Dog: what is the opposite of smooth?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Incredible! Dog: who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"
Again, the dog says "Roof!"
"Remarkable! So what do you think?"
The agent leans back in his chair and says "Get lost. I can't sell that carny act."
Outside the agent's office, the dog looks up at the man and says "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"
An elderly couple go to the doctor......
for the husbands annual physical. The husband is hard of hearing and he and the wife sit at the doctors desk after his exam. The doctor starts talking and tells the husband he is ordering some tests, and he'll need to provide a u**... sample, a stool sample, and a blood sample.
The husband looks over to his wife and asks: "what did he just say?" The wife replies "give him your underwear".
Three nuns are talking after having cleaned the priest's desk.
The first one says "I found n**... pictures on his desk so I tore them".
The second one says "good for you sister. I found condoms in his drawer so I put holes in them".
The third nun fainted.
A hyena walks up to the check in counter in an airport...
... and throws a rotting gazelle onto the desk. The counter person shouts "what is this?" and the hyena says "it's my carrion".
Three nuns are gossiping about a priest.
The first nun said, "I was going through father's desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer."
The second nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I burned them."
The second nun then said, "I was going through father's drawers and found a box of condoms."
The first nun gasped and asked, "What did you do with them?"
"I poked holes in them."
The third nun fainted.
A blonde goes into a library.
She walks up to the head librarian's desk and says, "Hi! I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries, and a medium-sized Coke, please."
The librarian stares at her. "Miss, do you realize that this is a library?"
"Oh!" says the blonde. She lowers her voice to a whisper. "*I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries...*"
A pizza guy enters an obesity clinic and says, "I have 15 meat lover pizzas with extra cheese."
The nurse at the receptionist desk angrily asks him, "Why would you come here and mock our patients?"
The pizza guy defensively answers, "It's just what the doctor ordered!"
I escaped!
A man phones up a mental institution and asks the woman behind the desk to speak to the man in room twenty-seven.
When she tells him that the man isn't there he shouts excitedly *"Good! That means I escaped!"*
"I'm gonna treat you like I treat my homework"
"Oh, you're going to slam me on your desk and do me all night?"
"No, I'm going to stare at you and think there's so many better things I could be doing..."
A Irishman walks into a library...
...and declares, "I'll have the fish and chips, please!"
Ruffled, the librarian at the desk says, "sir, this is a library!"
The man whispers, "I'll have the fish and chips, please."
A guest calls the front desk of a hotel:
and says my wife wants to commit s**... by jumping out of the window.
The receptionist: sir, this is a private matter. Please call the cops.
Guest: no. i need a maintenance guy. Your window doesnt open.
So I'm in Ikea....
...and I ask the salesperson, "Is this a finished desk?"
and she says, "No, it's Swedish."
(edited to make more better)
[In a seahorse home] Son: Dad?
Dad: Yes?
Son: Happy M-
Dad: DON'T
Son: Moth-
Dad: STOP
Son: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY
*Dad bangs head on desk*
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.
He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk?
My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
A Hotel guest calls the front desk
and the clerk answers, "May I help you?"
The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858.
You need to send someone to my room immediately.
I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."
The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal matter."
The man replies, "Listen you idiot.
The window won't open and that's a maintenance matter."
I Went To The Patent Office.
I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, "A folding bottle."
She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"
"A Fottle."
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
"A Farton."
She s**... and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.
Two brothers live together, and one of them makes tennis equipment for people with gigantism.
Late one night, he is up, hard at work, when his brother knocks on the door. He gets up from his desk, and answers the door.
"What do you want?" he asks.
His brother responds: "Hey, I'm trying to sleep. Can you stop making a huge racket?"
A blonde woman walks into a library
A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."
The lady replies "Ma'am, this is a library."
The blonde looks around, then whispers " I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi."
(Credit goes to my dad for this one. He had another one that I can't remember but once I do I'm coming back to post it)
Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.
Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.
Yoda: Hello, welcome, you are.
Man: Hi, I'd like to book a t**... for the weekend.
Yoda: Sorry I am, only duplex we have.
Man: Are you sure? I really need the t**....
Yoda: There is no tri, only du.
A drunk walks into a library...
He goes up to the desk and slurs: I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.
The librarian replies: Sir, this is a library!
***whispers*** Sorry, I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.
A man goes to see a doctor...
A man goes to see a doctor. He walks up to the sign in desk and tells the lady behind the desk he needs to see the doctor because he's invisible. The lady goes to get the doctor and says, "There is a man here who wants to see you. He says he is invisible." The doctor says to the lady, "Tell him I can't see him right now."
A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms.
He approaches the desk and says to the pharmacist "excuse me, do you have non latex? I need condoms for my 12 year old daughter but she's allergic to latex"
The pharmacist replies "yeah they should be right over.... wait.. did you say 12 year old daughter? .. your 12 year old daughter is s**... active?"
The man says "eh, not really. She just kind of lays there like her mother."
A Blonde Walks into a Library
A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.
She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"
The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."
Sitting down at my work desk, all my files are gone...
... and I'm asking myself : Who let the .docx out?
Brainless Lawyers
In a m**... trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
Wife and husband are in the living room.
She's doing stuff in her computer, while he's sitting on the couch typing on his phone.
At one point, wife's cellphone receives a message.
Her phone is charging in the kitchen, so she stands up from her desk and goes to the kitchen.
At the kitchen, she looks up her phone and see's a text message from her husband.
"Well, since you're in the kitchen, might as well make me a sandwich."
A soldier finds a scorpion in his tent...
In the Marines, he kills the scorpion.
In the Army, he calls his CO and reports the presence of the scorpion.
In the Air Force, he calls the front desk and asks why there's a tent in his room.
[ORIGINAL JOKE] A secretary is like...
a pencil sharpener, you can't really say it's yours until you screw it on your desk.
A man walks into a library
and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."
I used to smoke w**... and go to class...
Sneak in ten minutes late with a b**... excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.
I was the best teacher ever.
Old Cold War joke
A Russian and an American are talking about their countries. The American said, " we have the most freedom in the world, I can march into the White House bang on the president's desk and say sir I do not like how this country is being run." The Russian replied," I can do that too, I can march into the Kremlin, go up to our leaders desk and say sir I do not like how the US government is being run."
Lady golfer
A lady comes up to the clubhouse after playing playing a few holes and she is fuming
She says
"A bee stung me"
The man at the desk replies
"where did the bee sting you
The lady replies
"Between hole 1 and 2"
The man at the desk says
"That's your problem, your stance is too wide"
Most people think I'm sick and twisted...
But I'm not! I have the heart of a little girl.
In a jar.
On my desk.
A blonde student catches her teacher at his desk after class
She puts her arms on his desk and pouts saying "this class is hard, I would do anything to get a good grade on the final. Anything."
He leans in close and says "Anything? Anything at all? Would you.... Study?"
h**... goes to France
As he reaches the immigration desk, the clerk reviews his passport and asks, "Name?"
The fuhrer whispers, "Adolf h**..."
"Occupation?"
h**... shakes his head... "No, just visiting".
There was an incident at my school today--one of the teachers caught a boy sharpening an arrowhead under his desk. She called 911, and the police got involved.
As it turns out, though, it was just a kid knapping.
I went to a swingers club on the weekend
I got through the front door and the lady on the desk said it's £10 to get in, or you can pay £15 and you get a meal . So I paid the £15 and went in. It seemed to be going alright - then this n**... oily guy walked up to me and said hello, I'm Amil .
George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.
His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter c**....
George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.
Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?
Putin is sitting at his desk, waiting upon the results of the recent election
An election official walks in and announces himself.
"Mr. Putin, I have good news and bad news. Which would you prefer to hear first?"
"Let me hear the good news first", Putin says.
"Okay, good news is that you've won the election! Congratulations!"
"And the bad news?"
"Nobody voted for you."
A man calls the hotel front desk
"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"
"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."
"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"
"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."
"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."
"Listen here you smartass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"
One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.
When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow b**... in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."
Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"
"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."
A man is talking to a s**... bank employee.
Man: "Thank you for that glass of milk earlier."
s**... bank employee: "What glass of milk?"
Man: "The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk."
s**... bank employee: "Oh my god."
Man: "What?"
s**... bank employee: "You drank my glass of milk."
"For your final police recruit evaluation,"
"there are six rounds in the cylinder" the Sergeant said as he slid a revolver across the desk. "I want you to go shoot five black men and a rabbit".
The puzzled prospective cadet responded, "A rabbit, sir?"
The Sergeant shot up from his seat with an outstretched hand, "welcome to the force, son!"
Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.
A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts
down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.
A man goes into a library.....
And asks the girl at the desk," Do you have that book about small p**...'s?"
Girl, "I don't think it's in yet"
Man, "yes, that's the one"
A man walks into an airport and says "cluck cluck bacawk"
...and the woman says "no sir, this is the *check*-in desk"
A man and his wife checked into a hotel.
An hour after checking in, the man calls the front desk.
Man- "My wife and I had a fight and she is going to jump out the window."
Help desk- " It's your personal matter and we cant help in this situation. "
Man- " Personal matter my a**... the window doesn't open."
My boss walks over to my desk as the phone is ringing…
Boss: Why aren't you picking that up??
Me: I pick it up on the third ring, makes me seem cooler.
Boss: PICK IT UP!!
Me: [rolls eyes] fine. 911, what's your emergency?
A blonde walks into a library
The blonde walks up to the librarian's desk and says loudly, "I'll have a coffee and a bagel".
Everyone frowns along with the librarian and the librarian quietly replies, "This is a library!!".
The blonde replies with a whisper, "I would like a coffee and a bagel!".
Donald Trump is receiving a CoViD-19 briefing in the Oval Office.
The head of the CDC tells the president that today 14 Brazilian people have died from the virus.
Trump shouts Oh my GOD! and slams his head down in his hands on the Resolute Desk. He begins to weep.
After a minute or so, he collects himself, looks up from his desk, and asks his advisors, How many is a 'brazillion?'
Teacher came to Jack's desk
-You had the same answers in your test as Stan. So you must have cheated.
-How do you know that Stan didn't look at my answers? Jack defended himself.
-Stan had written "I don't know" and you had written "I don't know either"...
Putin lands in a foreign country and approaches the immigration desk
The border official reads through his passport and asks: "Occupation?"
Putin: "No, just visiting."
Back when I was in elementary school one of my teachers would have a letter of the day and then pick one of the students to say something about the letter of the day.
One day I got picked and the letter of that day was N so I got asked, "Jeff, why don't you use the letter of the day, N, and tell us something that you're not very good at that starts with the letter N." I stood up next to my desk and said... Spelling
I got sick in a small hotel in Madrid.
I called to the front desk and they said they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said: "No one expects te spanish inn physician. "
