Designed Jokes
89 designed jokes and hilarious designed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about designed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Designed Short Jokes
Short designed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The designed humour may include short intended jokes also.
- Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer, I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
- Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem . Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
- I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today... I left without making a scene.
- What's the difference between IKEA and Theresa May? A cabinet designed by IKEA doesn't fall apart so easily.
- How many graphic designers does it take to change a light bulb? Does it have to be a light bulb? 'Cause I had this other idea...
- a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar it was queen and they were playing their first gig
- I want to start an interior design company, I'm going to call it 9/11 because it's an inside job.
- There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them He's in love with the shape of u
- Did you hear about the pirate themed phone Apple have been designing? They're gonna call it the ayePhone
- Totally sick of idiots letting firework off early, it's still October for goodness sake!!! Dog is going mad and keeps knocking the Christmas tree over!
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Designed One Liners
Which designed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with designed? I can suggest the ones about devised and designated.
- What was spider Man's major in college? Web Design.
- What do you call an Irishman who's had eight beers? The designated driver.
- I was asked to help design the first Monopoly board... I thought, I'll give it a Go.
- I quietly left my job as a set designer... I didn't want to make a scene.
- I designed a rubber airplane that is crashproof. It's called the Boing 747
- You heard about the new Jewish designed car? It stops on a dime... & picks it up.
- The dumpling became a fashion designer because it knew how to dress to impress.
- I want to design a pencil with an eraser on both ends. People say it's pointless though.
- What is a video game art designer's favorite soft drink? Sprite.
- I started up a poster design company called "Original Poster" We don't deliver.
- There's a new razor designed for dyslexics. It's the best thing since sliced beard.
- The band static X just designed a lawn mower Yeah... you push it.
- I have a new idea for airplane design. I'm hoping it'll take off.
- Guys I designed my own knife It uses cutting edge technology
(Also blue cheese) - Why can't fashion designers play uno? Because they always draw a cardigan.
Specially Designed Jokes
Here is a list of funny specially designed jokes and even better specially designed puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The doctors have designed a special shoe to make up for my short leg. I didn't think it would work, but I tried it out. I stand corrected.
- A famous Australian fashion designer created a special collection of denim trousers for the indigenous population. He calls them Aborijeans.
- What does a Machine Learning specialist and a Fashion Designer have in common? They both specialize in curve-fitting
Uproarious Designed Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about designed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean designer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make designed pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...."
A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father,may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What can I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for
me? Under your robes perhaps?
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her..
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
So I used to date this graphic designer...
We broke up because I caught her cheating. Writing hundreds of letters to some guy named Lorem Ipsum. What a creep, right?
So Apple made a spinoff of the iPod Touch...
...where you design all its features yourself. The color, storage, apps that come with it, basically everything.
However, it got banned from all Apple stores because of its name, the iTouchMyself.
Have you been drinking sir?
"Been drinking tonight sir?" The policeman asked.
"I had one earlier, but that was all," I replied.
"I think you've had a few more than that sir. Would you step out of the van please."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because the Postman Pat ride isn't really designed for adults and there's children waiting for their go."
A graphic designer is working on a website...
...and his client says, "Could you make this banner a little more green?"
So he makes the color a little bit more green.
But his client says, "No, that's too green. Make it a little less so."
So he makes it a little less green.
The client says, "No, it's still a bit off."
So the artist, losing his patience, shouts, "On a scale of 0 to 255, how green do you want it!?"
NASA CHICKEN CANON
NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.
British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements are made, and a cannon is sent to the British engineers.
When the cannon goes off, the engineers stand shocked as the chicken crashes into the shatterproof shield, smashes it to smithereens, blasts through the control console, snaps the pilot's backrest in two, and embeds itself in the back wall of the cabin.
The horrified Brits send the Americans a report of the disastrous results, along with an urgent request for suggests on improving the windshield design.
The American engineers respond with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."
A Web Designer decided to use right aligned text
His boss yelled at him for it, because it wasn't justified.
When Arwen and Aragorn got married...
was Frodo designated to be the Ring bearer?
*edit Thanks Kikifoun_Unui...
not my main language T_T
What do you call a graduated spider?
A Web Designer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm training to be a s**... in the Communist Revolutionary Forces...
... I'll be the designated Marxman!
The Japanese designed a detective-robot able to catch thieves easily
They tried it out in three countries.
In Japan, the robots caught 100 thieves in five minutes.
In the US, the robots caught 200 thieves in five minutes.
In Albania, five minutes were enough for the robots to be stolen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "j**...".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Apple Phone designer do when he got home?
j**...
What does a spider want to be when he grows up?
(This is really good guys...brace yourselves..........)
A web designer.
My girlfriend often accuses me of telling sexist, condescending jokes that target women.
I've explained to her those jokes are actually ironic jabs at the current state of post-modern feminism, designed to highlight societal double standards across genders.
So she needn't worry her pretty little head about it.
What is the most common job among spiders?
Web designer.
What's the difference between parking in a designated area and parking on the street?
A lot.
Apple is designing a car..
Everything was going great until they tried to install windows.
I don't get what the big deal is with spiders. Why is everyone so scared of them?
I got to know the spider living in the corner of my room. We talked about our dreams and goals, he wants to be a Web designer.
A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...
The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"
"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."
*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job.*
My part-time waitress girlfriend wants to buy nothing but designer outfits...
.. I told her to "act her wage".
I've gotten a Graphic Design job at a nuclear plant
The pay is not great, but they told me I'd be getting some exposure.
Fat fashion designer has found a time machine
Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.
He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.
Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeeper if they can sell him XL shirts. That question made the shopkeeper curious, thus he asked the designer:
\-Do you really want to purchase that many shirts?
Why is development in airplane engineering so slow?
Everyone is afraid to make a ground breaking design.
Has any product design ever screamed "ugh we have to make one with a disc drive" as loudly as the PS5
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked a tattoo artist to tattoo a picture of a pigeon into my p**... region.
He took a look at the picture and agreed to do it for $120.
It looked amazing. So, a couple weeks later, I went back and asked him to give me a matching tattoo on my palm. He looked again at the picture and said, That will be $240.
I said, Why the price jump? You did the exact same design last time for only $120.
He told me, A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Money cant buy you happiness.
But I'd rather have my tears hit designer Bugatti leather than the composite foam in my car.
Struck up a conversation with a spider today at home while dusting.
Nice guy. He's a web designer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried to design a f**... recognition system.
But it just wasn't me.
A mother decides to do something about her noisy children.
A mother is raising several children. The problem is, at least one of them is always being loud and the others want things quiet.
She has two rooms at the end of the hallway of her house; one on the left side and one on the right side. She decides to designate one room for being noisy, and the other for complete quiet.
Which room can her children be noisy in?
.
.
.
.
.
The left room, because they have the right to remain silent.
What do you call designer pasta?
J.C Penne
Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.
The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
lego bricks are like b**......
...They're designed for kids, but it's the grown-ups who have more fun with them. Oh, and it hurts when someone steps on them.
The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt
One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.
After several very angry calls from the royal family's lawyers, I found out that I had to pay Her Royalty her royalties for Her Royal Tee's^TM
My font designer girlfriend broke up with me last night.
I guess I just wasn't her type.
A inspector visits a sanatoriun to check its conditions.
During the tour the director takes him to one of their newly designed test rooms, claiming its foolproof.
"We fill up this bathtub to the brim see? Then we hand to the inmate a spoon and a cup and ask him to empty the tub" Says the director
The inspector nods and replies with a smile "Ah, i see. And the inmate, if sane will choose the cup because it's the biggest."
The director then looks at the inspector and raises a brow "No, the sane one will just open the drain"
I handed my wife a picture of a $50,000 Birkin designer handbag. "This is what I'm getting you for our anniversary!" She was so happy she started crying.
Who knew a simple photograph would mean so much to her?
An officer sees a man leave the bar at closing time and walk in a drunken fashion, trying to enter each car parked there.
The officer thinks to himself I have got an easy catch. Meanwhile while this is going in, the other patrons enter their own cars and drive off.
When the drunken man finally climbs in his own car and pulls out, the cop is waiting for him and gives a breath analyser test.
To his surprise, it shows a reading of 0.0. Confused, the cop asks the driver, how?
To which the driver replies - Tonight, I am the designated decoy.
My friend just lost his job as a Stage designer
He took it pretty well, he left without creating a scene...
A fashion designer was interviewing a cannibal...
"So what do you think would best complement a person?"
"Salt and pepper."
A snail decides he wants to be a racer...
So he employs a pit crew, a coach, and a designer. The designer paints a big 'S' on the side of his vehicle which the snail highly approves of.
He tries out at a local track, and starts overtaking all the other amateurs much faster than anyone else.
The coach stares and says 'Look at that S-Car-Go!"
An offensive joke
A quarterback, a running back, a fullback, a wide receiver, a tight end, a left tackle, a left guard, a center, a right tackle, a right guard, a striker, an attacking midfielder, a left wing skater, a center, a right wing skater, a point guard, a shooting guard, a small forward and a designated hitter all walk into a bar
The recruiter was shocked to see the applicant was a spider. Wait, what position are you applying for?
A web designer, the spider replied
Do you know what happens when your designer jeans get tangled in the dryer?
Guess knot
