Designated Jokes
46 designated jokes and hilarious designated puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about designated that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
No designated driver needed to get a laugh at this funny collection of designated jokes. From jokes about assigned seating to one, two, three entry jokes, you'll find the perfect punchline for any occasion. Don't miss out on the laugh with these designated jokes!
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Funniest Designated Short Jokes
Short designated jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The designated humour may include short designed jokes also.
- Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer, I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
- Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem . Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
- I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today... I left without making a scene.
- What's the difference between IKEA and Theresa May? A cabinet designed by IKEA doesn't fall apart so easily.
- How many graphic designers does it take to change a light bulb? Does it have to be a light bulb? 'Cause I had this other idea...
- a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar it was queen and they were playing their first gig
- I want to start an interior design company, I'm going to call it 9/11 because it's an inside job.
- There were plans to change the design of the 21st letter of the alphabet but Ed Sheeran stopped them He's in love with the shape of u
- Did you hear about the pirate themed phone Apple have been designing? They're gonna call it the ayePhone
- Totally sick of idiots letting firework off early, it's still October for goodness sake!!! Dog is going mad and keeps knocking the Christmas tree over!
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Designated One Liners
Which designated one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with designated? I can suggest the ones about assigned and dedicated.
- What was spider Man's major in college? Web Design.
- What do you call an Irishman who's had eight beers? The designated driver.
- I was asked to help design the first Monopoly board... I thought, I'll give it a Go.
- I quietly left my job as a set designer... I didn't want to make a scene.
- I designed a rubber airplane that is crashproof. It's called the Boing 747
- You heard about the new Jewish designed car? It stops on a dime... & picks it up.
- The dumpling became a fashion designer because it knew how to dress to impress.
- I want to design a pencil with an eraser on both ends. People say it's pointless though.
- What is a video game art designer's favorite soft drink? Sprite.
- I started up a poster design company called "Original Poster" We don't deliver.
- There's a new razor designed for dyslexics. It's the best thing since sliced beard.
- The band static X just designed a lawn mower Yeah... you push it.
- I have a new idea for airplane design. I'm hoping it'll take off.
- Guys I designed my own knife It uses cutting edge technology
(Also blue cheese) - Why can't fashion designers play uno? Because they always draw a cardigan.
Designated Driver Jokes
Here is a list of funny designated driver jokes and even better designated driver puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does every state have 2 senators? So that one can be the designated driver.
(overheard an old man at a garage sale telling this). - There are so many obnoxious people in the world, but do you know who really drives me to drink? Designated Drivers.
- If Tarzan and Jane were Irish what would that make Cheetah? The designated driver....
- Only beer for me. I'm the designated driver.
- Last night, my friends and I drank beer and pretended to be golf clubs. I was the designated driver.
- Random person: I'm the best designated driver... Me: hold my beer
- What do you call a firmware developer that doesn't drink? The designated driver
- Microsoft's designated Chauffeur was killed in a car accident. Unfortunately he was to blame for it...
Now, the company needs a driver update. - I hate being the designated driver. My friends need to get better at golf.
Amusing & Witty Designated Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about designated you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean numbered jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make designated pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "j**...".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
lego bricks are like b**......
...They're designed for kids, but it's the grown-ups who have more fun with them. Oh, and it hurts when someone steps on them.
Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.
The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."
A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...
The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"
"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."
*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job.*
I handed my wife a picture of a $50,000 Birkin designer handbag. "This is what I'm getting you for our anniversary!" She was so happy she started crying.
Who knew a simple photograph would mean so much to her?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Apple Phone designer do when he got home?
j**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...."
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
