Designated Driver Jokes
21 designated driver jokes and hilarious designated driver puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about designated driver that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Designated Driver Short Jokes
Short designated driver jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The designated driver humour may include short delivery driver jokes also.
- Why does every state have 2 senators? So that one can be the designated driver.
(overheard an old man at a garage sale telling this). - There are so many obnoxious people in the world, but do you know who really drives me to drink? Designated Drivers.
- Last night, my friends and I drank beer and pretended to be golf clubs. I was the designated driver.
- Microsoft's designated Chauffeur was killed in a car accident. Unfortunately he was to blame for it...
Now, the company needs a driver update.
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Designated Driver One Liners
Which designated driver one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with designated driver? I can suggest the ones about cab driver and drunk driver.
- What do you call an Irishman who's had eight beers? The designated driver.
- If Tarzan and Jane were Irish what would that make Cheetah? The designated driver....
- Only beer for me. I'm the designated driver.
- Random person: I'm the best designated driver... Me: hold my beer
- What do you call a firmware developer that doesn't drink? The designated driver
- I hate being the designated driver. My friends need to get better at golf.
Designated Driver Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about designated driver you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean designated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make designated driver pranks.
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
An officer sees a man leave the bar at closing time and walk in a drunken fashion, trying to enter each car parked there.
The officer thinks to himself I have got an easy catch. Meanwhile while this is going in, the other patrons enter their own cars and drive off.
When the drunken man finally climbs in his own car and pulls out, the cop is waiting for him and gives a breath analyser test.
To his surprise, it shows a reading of 0.0. Confused, the cop asks the driver, how?
To which the driver replies - Tonight, I am the designated decoy.
Three Knights Walk Into A Bar
Three knights walk into a bar.
the first knight asks the bartender for a cup of ale.
the second knight asks the bartender for a mug of ale.
the bartender turns to the third knight and says, "don't tell me, you want a jug of ale?"
The third knight says, "None for me, I'm two knight's designated driver.
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.
The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him.
As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers.
At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes.
When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off.
When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test.
The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0.
The cop says, "How is this possible?"
The guy says,"Tonight I'm the designated decoy."