Deserves Jokes

What are some Deserves jokes?

A joke I just invented (I think!)

I think lying face down in the middle of a herd of cows deserves a pat on the back.

Rihanna's take on the meteor

A massive meteor has hit Russia injuring hundreds, Rihanna insist that the meteor has changed and deserves a second chance.

A man deserves a woman who he enjoys spending time with, who can fulfill his desires, and who can cook.

But most importantly, he must make sure that these women never meet.

A child falls into a lion pit at the zoo...

The crowd is shocked, but a man jumps into the pit, punches the lion, and returns the child to safety. Another man runs up to the hero and says "I'm a reporter for the New York Times, and what you did is incredible! This deserves to be on the front page tomorrow, just tell me what your occupation is and your political affiliation is."

The hero replied "I'm a marine, and I'm a Republican." The next day, the front page of the New York Times reads


Michael Phelps is officially the winningest Olympian of all

he deserves a medal or something.

the person who invented knock knock jokes ...

deserves a Nobel prize

I believe everyone deserves to be treated equally.

It shouldn't matter if you're brown, black, yellow, or normal!

What do you call a bear without teeth?

A gummy bear.

I know it's bad, but everyone deserves a good arsenal of dad jokes.

Can we have a moment of silence for Mr. Finnegan?

He was married for 50 years, the poor guy deserves at least one.

Executioner deserves a bonus...

He's been killing it.

What a man deserves.

A man deserves a woman who he enjoys spending time with, a woman who can fulfill his desires, and a woman who can cook. Most importantly, he must make sure these women never meet each other.

One day people will land on Mars. Search for the rover, dust him off and give it the treatment it deserves.

A robo bro blow job.

I didn't really like anyone during my first year at Columbine

but eventually I decided that everyone deserves a shot

The little boy runs up to his father and asks him, "Dad, what's 'sex'?"

His father was obviously more than a little taken aback up this question, but he figures to himself that if his 4 year old is old enough to ask it then he deserves a proper explanation.

So he seats him down next to him and gives him the whole deal - drawings, pictures from the Internet on his phone, etc.

Meanwhile, the son appears to be getting more and more confused. Finally, when the father thinks he's done, he stops and asks, "All right, my boy. Now, do you have any questions?"

The son shakes his head hesitantly, still a little taken aback by all that he's been told.

"Oh by the way," the father continues. "Where'd you hear the word from?"

The son replies, "Mom said that dinner would be ready in a coupla secs."

I love the English cricket team....

The thinnest guy is called broad, ugliest guy is called swann, slowest fielder is trott, guy who is 'behind' the stumps is called prior, and guy whose father's name is john is called peter-son. And the guy who is named Monty goes in with his clothes on.

No doubt, this Cricket team deserves to be led by a Cook.

Custody Battle

Husband and wife are fighting in divorce court for the custody of their child.

The judge asked the mother to make her case as to why she deserves to have custody.
The mother puts on a passionate plea and shocks everyone in the court room. When she is done the judge turns to the father and says "she makes a compelling case and doesn't look like your getting the child but I must give you a chance to speak"

Father knows he is screwed as he is standing up to make his statement, being nervous by putting his hand in his pocket. All of a sudden he feels a coin in his pocket knowing that he is screwed out of child custody as well as the family equity... pondering over and finally speaking the words "Your honor, if i put this coin in a pop machine and a pop comes out does the pop belong to me or the vending machine?".

Judge says to the father "you get custody"

My dad told me that everyone deserves the right to get married.

Accept the gays.

What do you call a curry that gets what it deserves?

Chicken karma!

The manager of my power drill company was doing so well I promoted him to head of the cement mixer division.

One good turn deserves another.

Which delicious dairy snack deserves to form an independent nation of from the territory of three authoritarian nations?

The Cheese Kurds.

Jimmy Norton Deserves More Criticism

Jimmy should have left the show. If he's actually interested in putting out a quality comedic product, how can he remain doing the O&J show?

I'm tired of people saying that "anyone would have taken the paycheck." Jimmy's a middle-aged man with no wife, no kids, a decent amount of assets, and multiple sources of income. Why is he always so concerned about money?

2 years ago, I worked a 6-figure job that I hated to pursue an art career. I make 1/3rd of what I used to, but I'm way happier and have no regrets. If I had a wife + kids, obviously it'd be different.

Unlike Patrice or Colin or Burr, Jimmy's always been more interested in being famous than being a great comedian, and that perspective is why he'll never be a great stand-up.

Fire alarms should just play Nickelback

Anyone who stays in the building deserves what they get.

R.I.P. Dad

He's had a long day and deserves a good nap...

How to make Deserves jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Deserves to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Deserves? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Deserves pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes