The Best 78 Deserve Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Deserve jokes. There are some deserve whine jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these deserve spiritually puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Deserve Jokes and Puns

The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Helen: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Helen: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."

Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"

Helen: "No, the gardener did."

Wife: "So, how much do you want?"

Jesus is down by the gates to Heaven

When an old man approaches.

"Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?" Asks St Peter.

"To be honest." replies the man, "I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great. Although he wasn't my biological son... his birth was miraculous, still I loved him very much. Later in life he went through many trials and transformations. He spread joy and his story is told all over the world even to this day."

Jesus looks at the man, with a tear in his eye, and says "Father?"

The man looks back; "... Pinocchio?"

What did the bicycle repairman done?

George Bush and Al Gore walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "what's up?"
Bush says "Well, tomorrow, I'm going to have the troops storm into iraq and kill 2000 Iraqis and one bicycle repairman.
The bartender replies "Oh my god, what did the bicycle repairman done to deserve this?"
Bush then turns to Gore and patted him on the back and says "See, i told you no one would care about those 2000 iraqis."

Deserve joke, What did the bicycle repairman done?

The eyebrows agree that they deserve a raise

The eyebrows agree that they deserve a raise.

They say to the man, "hey, we've done exactly what you've asked for years with little compensation. We deserve a raise!"

The man looked surprised.

The eyebrows said, "Thank you."

I'd like to have more self-esteem

but I don't deserve it.

I don't have a sense of entitlement...

but I deserve one.

A new restaurant named Karma just opened in my neighborhood.

There's no menu, you just get what you deserve.

Deserve joke, A new restaurant named Karma just opened in my neighborhood.

Why wouldn't the airline allow the vulture to board his flight?

#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.

*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*


Three men die and go to heaven.

God tells the men that if they do not step on a duck, he will give them a hot wife. The first man goes and steps on a duck and is taken to his ugly wife.
The second man does the same and is also taken to an ugly wife.
The third man was determined not to do anything so he didn't move. Eventually God came back with a hot woman and the man asked, "What did I do to deserve this?"

God replied, "You did nothing, she just stepped on a duck."

A boy asks his dad,

"Why do women have periods?"

Dad: ...because they deserve them.

I'm going to check out the new restaurant called Karma.

There's no menu, you just get what you deserve.

You can explore deserve madoff reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean deserve cavs dad jokes. There are also deserve puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

It's true, women and children should always be rescued first.

Men deserve to rest in peace.

At the Karma Cafe, there is no menu

you get what you deserve

I deserve an award for beating up a school shooter...

I beat him up every day for nearly a year before he shot up the school.

So my dentist says to me...

So my dentist says to me, "you're the cleanest patient I've had all week!"

Then I respond, "Wow I deserve a plaque!"

This literally just happened. She lost it.

Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"?

Even art majors deserve recognition

Deserve joke, Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"?

"When one door closes, another opens", he said.

"That's all well and good", I replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the car."

Unfortunately, the site I got this joke from many months ago is now down so I can't give them the credit it deserve. But here's a different site with it anyway...

After sex, my wife told me I deserve a Gold Medal for my performance,

for breaking Usain Bolt's record and finishing under 10 seconds.

Always marginalised and discriminated against in favour of their blue counterparts, it's about time we started treating them with the respect they deserve.

Black Levi's Matter.

Why does the National Football League deserve Tax-Exempt Status even though it generated at least $9 billion in revenue last season?

Because it is just as real as the other religions.

I'm going to buy a field. Then I'm going to go and stand in it.

While I'm there, I'm going to ring my boss and tell him I deserve a pay rise because I'm out standing in my field.

My friend told me, "I don't support euthanasia."

I replied, "You should be ashamed of yourself! The young people in Asia deserve as much support as the young people on any other continent."

Isn't it funny how anti-vaxxer's children....

Always seem to get what their parents deserve?

I believe I made this up but I'm posting here to see if anyone else has heard anything similar.

I'm one week sober!

I deserve a drink

God said to Gabriel:

"I've finally finished my masterpiece. Beautiful mountains, spectacular lochs, and whisky - the most amazing drink in my creation. I shall call this land 'Scotland'"

"That sounds fantastic" Gabriel said. "What have the people of this land done to deserve all this?"

"Well" said God. "Wait til you see the neighbours they're getting"

You really have to feel bad for applesauce producers this time of year...

they never seem to get the press they deserve.

I was her bread, she was my jam

One day she left me saying "you deserve butter".

I joined a BPD support group to deal with my abandonment issues.

But I didn't deserve those beautiful losers, so I left them.

My room is really dark, I think my window shades work too well...

I think they deserve a raise.

I deserve to be with someone who accepts me for who I am

pretending to be.

What does every women deserve from their man, starts with a 'D', and goes in their mouth?


At Christmas we all deserve to be happy, so I got a puppy for my wife...

... it was a good trade

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child...

The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"

The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

I believe everyone deserves to be treated equally.

It shouldn't matter if you're brown, black, yellow, or normal!

I told my boss I think I deserve a promotion

He said that's why I'm not the boss.

People really should stop tipping cows.

They deserve a decent hourly wage!

Sometimes some people deserve a good high five,

in the face, with a chair.

I once saw a sign that said "Speed limit enforced by aircraft."

I'm pretty sure if you're getting pulled over by an F-16, you deserve to be driving that fast.

A student receives a bad grade on his exam

And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.

He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"

The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".

The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'

My mother told me that losers don't deserve to be commended.

So, naturally, I took down the confederate flag from the porch.

So i just ate at this new restaurant called Karma

They don't have menus, they just give you what you deserve.

My vegetarian friend

My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to die just for her dinner.
She then said,
"If the menu said 'kind chicken' or 'loving chicken', then I wouldn't be eating it, but it says right here- 'Jerk chicken'".

Have you heard about this new resturant called Karma

ThereΒ΄s no menu, you get what you deserve

My Doctor gave me something to treat my hemorrhoids.

But I'm not so sure they deserve a treat.

Why did the scientists clone Chance the Rapper?

Because people deserve a second Chance.

I believe that the ultra rich deserve to be treated like royalty

Louis XVI, specifically

I would like some more self esteem

But I don't deserve it.

Guy: Meet my girlfriend. Mom: You deserve better don't settle for this. Guy: But mom I love..

Mom: I am talking to her.

*Introducing my girlfriend to the family*

Mom: Don't settle for this, you deserve better..

Me: But mom, I lov.....

Mom: I was talking to her.

I was the bread she was my jam but....

She said that I deserve butter.

They just opened a new Buddhist restaurant in my city...

It's called Karma. The thing is, they don't have a menu.

Instead, you get what you deserve.

10 worst states in America

**10.There aren't**
**9. Any states**
**8. That**
**7. Deserve to be**
**6. Labeled as "worst"**
**5. Because**
**4. They all**
**3. Have their own**
**2. Wonderful features.**
**1. California**

One day jam broke up with bread and what did she say

She said u deserve "butter"

As a cat, I'm overfed, over pampered, and spoiled rotten...

And I deserve much better than this!

I always knock on the door and don't use the doorbell.

I think i deserve a Nobel prize.

Heard about the new restaurant called karma?

There's no menu, you just get what others deserve.

2020 is starting to feel like...

The game of thrones series finale we deserve

How does a Reddit user get karma when they don't deserve it?

Piece of cake

A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private study

Maid: "I'd like a raise."

Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?

Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"YourΒ husband.Third, I'm better in bed than you are."

Mrs. Smith:"I suppose my husband said that too?"

Maid:"No, the gardener."

Mrs. Smith:"How much do you want?"

I went to that new restaurant called karma

Turns out there's no menu you get what you deserve

A Husband and Wife at Custody court

The judge looks sternly at the ex wife.

Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child?

Ex wife: I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him

Judge: that is a simple yet good reason.

Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband.

Judge: why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?

The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence. He replies

Ex Husband: if I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?

They're now changing the name of America to america

They don't deserve the capitol.

How does a redditor get free karma he doesn't deserve?

Piece of cake.

I'm sorry you're dealing with imposter syndrome

You don't deserve it.

How does a redditor get karma when they don't deserve it?

Piece of ca.....I'm just kidding they ask what's a flat earther's favorite Christmas decoration?

Their s'no globe.

What did the jam say to the bread after the failure of their relationship?

"Your deserve butter."

Have you heard of the new restaurant? It's called Karma.

They don't have a menu.
You get what you deserve.

Cake Day special: Hear about the new restaurant called karma?

There's no menu... you get what you deserve.

A girl added me and sent me a picture of herself

She looked so much like someone who would judge me based of my appearance so i blocked her.
Cut toxic people out of your life because you deserve better (:

What will be a the menu of a restaurant named karma?

There will be no menu you will get what you will deserve

A housekeeper approached the lady of the house to ask for a raise...

And why would you deserve a raise, may I ask? , said the wealthy homeowner.

3 reasons: Because I'm a better cook than you are , said the maid.

Who told you that?

Your husband. And I'm also better at cleaning.

Who told you that?

Also your husband.

And the third reason why you think I should give you a raise?

Because I'm a LOT better in bed than you.

Hmmm... did my husband tell you that, too?

No, ma'am... the gardener.

It's been a nightmare trying to find a keynote speaker for our first ever Impostor Syndrome conference..

Everyone I've asked has told me that they don't deserve to be there.

Someone rings at the bell in the middle of the night

He goes downstairs, opens the door and finds a man with a menacing look who says:
- I traveled all the way from Tunisia and I'm here to kill you!
- Tunisia

(I believe the original is in Portuguese or Spanish and the man comes from Paraguai but I think you all deserve to hear this good joke)

There's a new restaurant called Karma with no menu

You get what the other people in the restaurant think you deserve.

I told my wife I deserve to be knighted after I fixed her dying phone.

I saved a damn cell in distress.

I heard about a new restaurant named karma

But they have no menu
They said you get what you deserve

I almost didn't post this joke, but I decided you deserve it.

The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, You aren't that good in bed either!

By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?

I was in bed.

What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?

Getting a second opinion

Mom i'd like you to meet my new girlfriend

-Sorry, not good enough for you. You deserve better.

-But mom we're in love!

-I was talking to her

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the deserve worthy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working deserve solemates piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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