Desert Jokes

174 desert jokes and hilarious desert puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about desert that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Find out what makes desert jokes so funny! From desert island cartoons to jokes about cacti and desert heat, this article has some of the best desert jokes around. Get ready to laugh aimlessly at these hilarious desert jokes based on desert animals, storms, biomes and more!

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Short Desert Jokes
Desert One Liners
Desert Island Jokes
Sahara Desert Jokes
Desert Heat Jokes
Desert Animal Jokes
Desert Eagle Jokes
More Desert Jokes

Funniest Desert Short Jokes

Short desert jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The desert humour may include short dessert jokes also.

What's NNN? Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Why do CSGO terrorists hate the desert? Because they don't want de dust 2 get in their eyes.
If you watch 127 Hours backwards It's the uplifting story of an amputee finding an arm in the desert.
What do you call a waffle you drop in the desert? San Diego
^^San-dee-eygo
^^^^sandee-eygo
^^^^^sandy-eggo
^^^^^i'll ^^^^let^^^^myself^^^^out
It's amazing how people in the desert never starve because of all the sand which is there.
I was a big fan of Extreme Vetting Then I found out it isn't a show about skydiving into the desert to perform dog surgery.
If you were stranded on a desert island, what would you bring with you? I would take one for the team and bring Donald Trump.
A guy was stranded alone walking in the desert. He comes across a bacon tree, "ah a bacon tree! I'm saved!" he shouts. Moments later he was gunned down. Turns out it was a hambush
What is brown, hairy, lives in the desert, has four legs, two humps, and is full of cement? A camel - I put in the cement just to make it harder.
Two balloons were floating around a desert. One said to the other, "look, a cactussssssssss..."

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Desert One Liners

Which desert one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with desert? I can suggest the ones about wilderness and cactus.

Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and rick perry are stuck on a deserted island, who survives? Texas
What did I see while on vacation in the Middle-East? I Saudi Arabian Desert.
The Sahara desert walks into a bar. The barman says "long time no sea."
Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years? Because one of them dropped a nickel.
What do you get when you cross a mountain and a desert? Very tired feet.
What do you call ill-mannered burst of strong wind in the desert? Darude Sandstorm.
There was a magical young lady, eating lunch in the desert It was a sandwich
What is sweet and sticky and crosses the desert? A caramel
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost
No matter how much I love cake… Never gonna run around and desert you
What would you call a potion brewing pig in the desert? A ham sand witch.
What do you call a drunk anime fan in the desert? A tumbleweeb.
What's a camels favourite meal? Desert.
What do you get when a clown dies in a desert? Dry Humour.
What do you call an angry rabbit in the desert? A hot cross bun.

Desert Island Jokes

Here is a list of funny desert island jokes and even better desert island puns that will make you laugh with friends.

If you could bring one person to a deserted island who would it be? I would take one for the team and bring Donald Trump
If I were stranded on a deserted island with 3 things of my choice... I would have to choose Michael Phelps, a saddle, and a stick with a gold medal tied to it.
What happens when a red pirate ship and a brown pirate ship meet on a deserted island? They get marooned
The cast of Friends got shipwrecked on an deserted island... Monica, Joey and Chandler were left behind because in real life David is a Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.
Did you hear about the cannibal stranded alone on a desert island. He threw up his arms and said I'm sick of myself.
A Truck Carrying Red Paint Crashes Into a Truck Carrying Brown Paint on a Deserted Island. What Happens to the Drivers? They get marooned.
There were two economists who were shipwrecked on a desert island. They had no money but over the next three years they made millions of dollars selling their hats to each other.
How were the cast of Friends able to escape a desert island on a homemade raft? Because Lisa Kudrow.
What do you call a Burger King on a deserted island? Lord of the fries
What did Watson say when he and Holmes got stranded on a desert island? "No ship Sherlock"

Sahara Desert Jokes

Here is a list of funny sahara desert jokes and even better sahara desert puns that will make you laugh with friends.

"Son, where did you learn to use an axe like that?" "In the Sahara Forest"
"Don't you mean the Sahara Desert"
"Well sir, that's what they call it now"
This is armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: Is it possible to build socialism in Sahara desert? We are answering: Possible, but you will end up with a shortage of sand.
The Sahara Desert drifts into a bar and the bartender says, "Long time no sea."
I used to be a lumberjack in the Sahara... -But the Sahara is a desert.
-Now it is.
I want my next wife to be like the Sahara Desert. No matter how far south I go, I won't smell fish for weeks at a time.
If beauty was a drop of water, you'd be the Sahara Desert.
I heard you can cook eggs in the Sahara desert All you need is an oven
What will happen if you build Communism in the Sahara desert? Shortage of sand.
Do you know what happened to Private Sahara ? She deserted.
Chuck Norris can build a Water Dam...
In the Sahara Desert.

Desert Heat Jokes

Here is a list of funny desert heat jokes and even better desert heat puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Two zeroes are walking through the desert. Along comes an eight.
Says one zero to the other: 'How can she wear a belt in this heat?'
Why don't Antifa like the desert? The heat is oppressive.
My s**... life is like the Sahara desert. It's basically just intolerable heat, two palms, no dates and lots of emptiness.
(OC)

Desert Animal Jokes

Here is a list of funny desert animal jokes and even better desert animal puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Whats the dumbest animal in the desert? The polar bear.
What's the most poular Christmas carol in the desert? Oh caaamel ye faithful.

Desert Eagle Jokes

Here is a list of funny desert eagle jokes and even better desert eagle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

One day I took my pet eagle to school... But everyone made fun of me and the school authorities took my eagle and complained my parents.
So the next day I took my desert eagle to school.
It was bring your pet to school day I brought my desert eagle

Desert joke, It was bring your pet to school day

Great Desert Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about desert you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drought jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make desert pranks.

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.

It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

A geologist, physicist and an economist are marooned on a desert island with nothing to eat.

A can of soup washes ashore. They ponder how to open it. The geologist says, 'Let's smash it open with a rock.' The physicist says, 'Let's heat it up and blow it open.' The economist says, 'No, no. You guys will lose most of the soup. Let's just assume we have a can opener.'

3 women of different hair colours get shipwrecked on a small desert island 1km away from a civilised island.

The first woman, who has brown hair, attempts to swim to the civilised island, but only gets 200 metres before getting tired and swimming back. The next woman, with black hair, sees the first one's attempt and also tries. She gets 400 metres before tiring and swimming back. The blonde then has a try, gets 800 metres, tires, and swims back.

The year is 2219

A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the next year. The true meaning of the ritual is lost in the annals of history but many believe it goes back to the days of a mythical quest they called Brexit.

A ship sinks and 100 men and 2 women end up on a desert island

After 1 year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the women kill themselves.After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year, the men bury them. After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the men dig them out.

Two mexicans are stranded in the desert for days....

... and they're at death's door....
They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with s**... after s**... of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first hombre. "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"
"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree".......
"ees... a.... Hambush"

Jewish Business

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5"
The Taliban shouted, "Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK, OK" said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."
Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead, and said "Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"

How do camels have s**... in the desert?

They dry h**....

What do you call a band of Muslim extremists wandering lost in the desert?

j**...-drated!

A very thirsty man was wandering the desert ...

... when suddenly he spotted a well. With the last of his strength, he neared himself, and started pulling the bucket upwards.
*Water! Water!* he shouted in anticipation
When suddenly, from the bottom of the well, a voice exclaimed
*Where?! Where?!*

A man is in the desert..

and he hasn't drink or eat in a few days. Suddenly, this magical fairy appears, but she has no water or food. She gave him all she could. The man finishes the bottle of warm liquid quickly and asks for another bottle. The fairy gives him another bottle and the man finished it quickly. The man asks for a third bottle, but the fairy says,"Sorry, you'll have to wait until next month."

3 men and a woman are stranded on a desert island...

After the first week, the woman gets so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.
After the second week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury the woman.
After the third week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her back up.

An apple

A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.
Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the police report: He would have walked out of the desert if he had had a Samsung or Nokia.

Why Do They Call Camels The Ships Of The Desert?

Because of Arab s**... inside of them.

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says...
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like
bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath;
"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "
"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees a ham bush...."

Two genies in a deserted house..

A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house s**... bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.
He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."
So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.
He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.
When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.
As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"
To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."
Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*

Racial jokes (if you're offended by these, then just deal with it)

- Why did the Jews wonder in the desert for 40 years? Because somebody dropped a quarter.
- What do you call a black guy with a new bike? A thief.
- Why doesn't Mexico have an oplymics team? Because America already has all of their good runners, swimmers,and climbers.

I wish....

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

3 soccer players, one plays for Manchester United, one for Liverpool and one for Arsenal, are lost in the desert.

They come across a dead camel and are having trouble deciding who gets what? So the guy from Manchester says, well since I'm from ManCHESTer, i'll get the chest. The player from liverpool goes, well in that case I'll eat the LIVER. Then guy from ARSEnal says...i'm not hungry....

Two Mexicans were walking through the desert...

After days without food or water, one of them spot a tree on the horizon.
"Look ese" one of them says. "Is a bacon tree!"
The other Mexican becomes excited, and starts running towards the tree. When he is only a few yards away, a hail of bullets hit him, and he falls to the ground. With his last breath he shouts to his friend.
"Run ese, is no bacon tree. Is a ham-bush"

National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu

For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a r**... from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the r**... top that, they thought. The r**... calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The r**... won hands down!

A chemist, a physicist, and an economist...

are all trapped on a desert island, trying to figure out how to open a can of food.
"Let's heat the can over the fire until the can explodes" says the chemist.
"No, no," says the physicist, "lets drop the can onto the rocks from the top of a tall tree"
"I have an idea," says the economist. "First, we assume a can opener..."

Two balloons

are floating in the desert. one balloon says to the other, "hey! watch out for that cactussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are driving through the desert...

When their car breaks down. Stranded in the middle of nowhere, they have no choice but to walk the road to safety. They each agree to carry something. The brunette brings a jug of water in case they get thirsty.
The redhead brings a blanket in case they need to camp for the night. The blonde brings the car door. The others ask why.
She says, "If we get hot, we can just roll the window down!"

Three starving guys are wandering in a desert...

They come across a tree, but instead of leaves, it has strips of bacon. They happily climb the tree and start eating the bacon, until they hear a gunshot and one of the guys falls over, dead.
It wasn't a bacon tree.
It was a ham-bush.
(Not sure if this has been posted before, hope you enjoy.)

A company of the French Foreign Legion are lost in the desert...

The Captain assembles his men and says: "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is... we have run out of food and there is nothing to eat but sand. The good news is... there's plenty."

A zero and an eight are walking in a desert...

and the zero asks the eight "aren't you too hot with that belt on?"

The Bacon tree

Two Mexican brothers are lost in the desert.
They're hungry and thirsty, and have been walking for miles on end.
Suddenly, Jose yells at his brother. "Brother! Do you smell that? It smells like bacon!"
He rushes ahead, and sure enough, over the next dune, he sees it. A bacon tree. Glorious strips of crispy bacon, glistening in the sun, waiting to be eaten.
Jose runs head long at the tree, just as his brother climbs the dune behind him. Suddenly two machine guns pop out of the bacon tree and cut him down!
He turns to his brother, and with his last breath he yells out
"Brother! Is not a Bacon Tree!"
"Is..."
"Is a..."
"Is a Hambush..."

A cowboy is riding his horse in the desert...

next to them his dog is running along. Suddenly the dog says:"I'm so hot right now. I cant take it anymore". The surprised cowboy looked at the dog and said: "Wow!I didn't know dogs could talk". Then suddenly the horse says: "Neither did I!!"

A lumberjack applies for a job...

...the interviewer asks, "so, where have you worked previously?"
The lumberjack replies, "I did a few years in the Sahara Forest."
The interviewer, taken aback, inquires, "the Sahara 'Forest?' Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
Lumberjack says, "yeah, that's what they call it now."

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead lost in the desert...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. p**...! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. p**...! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

I've started calling my girlfriend names like Custard, Ice cream, Pudding, Chocolate cake, or Apple pie.

I'm planning to desert her.

Two men were lost in a desert...

Dehydrated and dying, the men see a mirage of hundreds and hundreds of tents up ahead. As they get closer, they realize it's not a mirage, but a huge market.
The men stagger into the marketplace, begging everyone around for water, but the first few tents sell only jelly.
Moving on into the market, the men beg and plead for water but the next tents only sell cake.
As the men move forward they're surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of tents selling icecream only, with no water in sight.
The men finally exit the cluster of tents still dehydrated, and dying.
The first man turns to the other and says, "Is it just me, or was that really odd?"
The other man replies, "Yeah. It WAS a trifle bazaar..."

A man in a job interview is asked "Do you have any experience?"

A man in a job interview is asked
Interviewer: "Do you have any experience?"
Man "I was a woodcutter in Sahara."
Interviewer: "But Sahara is a desert."
Man: "It is a desert now."
Interviewer: "The job is yours."

Why does ISIS call camels "Ships of the Desert"?

Because they are full of ISIS s**....

Two guys got lost in the Egyptian desert

Both christians, one named John and the other named Thomas. They were starving and about to collapse when they spotted a Mosque, They rushed there for help. The Imam came out and asked for their names, John came up with 'Abdullah' in a panic and Thomas just said his name. The Imam hastily told the patrons to give Thomas food and water. While John had to wait and finish his fast.

A cowboy and an indian are riding a horse

A cowboy and an indian are riding a horse through the middle of the desert. All the sudden the indian tells the cowboy
"Wait, stop!"
The cowboy stops the horse. The indian hops off, puts his ear to the ground and says
"Buffalo come"
The cowboy, shocked, says "Wow! How do you know?!"
The indian looks up at him and says
"'cause ground sticky"

Two mortal enemies get lost in the desert...

Two mortal enemies get lost in the desert. "It's all your fault!" Guy #1 says. "No, it's all your fault!" Guy #2 says. Suddenly, guy #1 finds a genie lamp. The genie appears, and says, "I can grant each of you one wish.". Guy #1 says, "I want 2x what he gets!". "Very well, what is your wish, Guy #2?" The genie asked. Guy #2 grinned, and says, "I want to be beaten half to death!"

If I could bring three items to a desert island I would bring a trapping guide, a water purifier, and a car door.

With the trapping guide I could lay snares so I wouldn't go hungry, with the purifier I could have a source of clean water so I wouldn't get thirsty, and with the car door I could roll the window down so I wouldn't get hot.

3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.

After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.
After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.
Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are travelling in their car when they break down in the desert. They each take one thing from the car to walk back to the nearest town. "I'm taking the sandwich so if we get hungry we can eat it." says the redhead. "Okay, I'll bring some water so if we get thirsty we can drink it." says the brunette. "Awesome!" Exclaims the blonde. "I'll take the car door so if we get hot we can roll down the window!"

An advertiser for coke is dispatched to Israel

When he comes back, his friend asks him how it went. He replies that it did not go well.
"What happened?" his friend asked.
"Well, since I didn't know hebrew, I decided to convey the ad through a comic. The first panel showed a guy in a desert, dying of thirst. The secone panel showed him drinking coke. And the third panel showed him completely rejuvenated."
"That sounds great! Why didn't it work?"
"Nobody told me they read right to left!"

Two men are lost in the desert

Two men are lost in the desert. They are both severely dehydrated and extremely hungry. While stumbling over a particularly large sand dune, one man spots a tin of fig-flavored altoids.
Desperate for any sustenance, he stumbles ahead and grabs the tin, but realizes it was only a mirage.
He turned to the man behind him and said, "I guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination."

Three guys are stranded on a desert island

Suddenly a good fairy appears and tells them: "I will grant each of you one wish".
The first guy says: "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, I just want to be home." His wish is granted.
The second guy says: "I've always wanted to see the world so I wish to be in Paris." His wish is granted.
The third guy says: "Oh man, now I'm all alone :(.
I wish the two other guys back!"

A man goes to an interview for a lumberman position

Interviewer: So, what's your experience in the field? Where have you worked?
Man: I have worked in the Amazon forest, in Canada and in the Sahara desert
Interviewer: In the Sahara desert? But there are no trees there
Man: Yeah, now

A muslim man is riding a camel and his wife is walking

A muslim man is riding a camel through the desert and his wife is walking on foot 10 m in front of him.
Another muslim man notices that and says: Don't you know that Holy book of Qur'an says that wife should always walk behind her husband?
The first muslim answers: when the book of Qur'an was written, there yet were no minefields, so keep walking, my beloved Fatimah!

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are driving through the desert.

The car breaks down, and they've got no cell reception, so they have to walk to get help. The brunette says "I'll grab the bottled water in case we get thirsty." The redhead says, "I'll grab the snacks in case we get hungry."
The blonde rips the drivers side door off its hinges. "I'll take this door, so if we get hot, I can roll the window down."

Two atheists were lost in a desert.

Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.
One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"
The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohammed."
The second stayed honest and said, "My name is Dave."
The Muslim gave Dave a hearty breakfast. He turned to "Mohammed" and said, "Fasting is so hard, isn't it?"

Three people had their car break down in the middle of the desert...

They each decided to carry something useful from their car and walk until they found civilization. The first person said I will carry these sandwiches, so if we get hungry we can eat them. The second person said I will take these water bottles, so if we get thirsty we have something to drink. The third person said I will take the car door, so if we get hot we can roll down the window.

Poetry contest

A r**... and a Harvard graduate are in a poetry contest where they have to come up with a poem that has the word Timbuktu in it. The Harvard graduate goes first.
Amongst the desert sands
Away ride the caravans
Camels leaving, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu
The audience applauds, thinking that the r**... does not have a chance. Then the r**... goes.
Me and Tim a'huntin' went,
Found some w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three and we was two
So I bucked one and Timbuktu!

3 guys are driving in the desert and their car breaks down...

Their destination is 2 days away on foot, so the guys decide to take pieces of the car so they don't die.
First guy says "I'll take the radiator, we can drink the water from this"
Second guy says "I'll take the hood of the car, it will give us shade"
Third guy says "I'll take the door, I can roll the window down if it gets too hot"

Why did the Jews wander the desert for 40 years?

Someone dropped a quarter.

What did Ernie say after being asked if he wanted desert?

Sherbert.

A man is stranded in the desert when he comes across a genie's lamp. He rubs it and the genie grants him just one wish. The man said, "I could die happy here, if I could just get..."

... one more 's'.

What do you call a man from Sydney in a suit in the middle of the desert?

A lostralian.

A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.

"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."

Archaeologists have found a t**... in the desert

They're trying to work out what period it came from.

A lumberjack applies for a job and gets called for an interview. The interviewer asks him, So, what experience do you have? The lumberjack replies, Well, I used to work in the Sahara Forest.

The interviewer is a little taken aback and asks, The Sahara Forest? Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?
The lumberjack says, Yeah, that's what they call it now.

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on a desert island. One day a bottle washes up and of course there is a genie in it who pops out and grants them one wish each.

The brunette says " that's easy - I wish to go home" and p**... her wish was granted.
The redhead is next and says "I wish I was at home" and p**... her wish is granted.
The genie looks at the blond and she says "I can't decide... I wish my friends were here to help me..."

Three guys in a desert

Three guys are stranded in a desert. By a s**... of luck, they find a magic genie lamp.
The genie grants each of them one wish.
The first guy wishes to be back home. Wish granted.
The second guy wishes the same. Wish granted.
The third guy says, "It feels very lonely here now, I wish my friends were with me… Wish granted.

Two Americans were trekking in a desert.

Dehydrated and hungry, they walked into a mosque.
The Imam asked for their names.
Mark thought: Maybe it's wiser to pretend to be a Muslim. So he replied: My name is Ahmed.
Sam said: My name is Sam.
The Imam called his servant over, who handed Sam some food and water.
He then turned to Mark and said: Happy Ramadan, brother Ahmed.

A black man is lost in a desert

A black man is lost in a desert and just before death God comes before him and asks him what he desires at this moment.
The black man says:" I want lots of water, lots of women on me and I want to be white."
God says:" You ask and thou shall recieve."
And God turns him into a toilet.

Jesus saw a crying old man while walking in a desert.

He came closer and asked what problem is.
Old man: I'm looking for my son, but I'm gonna lose my hope.
Jesus pitied the man and said, let's look for your son together.
After some time, Jesus asked him that if he has some birthmark or else to recognize him more easily.
Yes, said the old man. He had nails driven on his hands and feet.
Jesus started and hugged the man, saying FATHER!
The old man screamed happily, PINOCCHIO!

A cowboy and a red Indian are walking through the desert...

After a short time the Indian stops the cowboy before dropping to his knees and placing his ear to the ground. Upon standing the Indian says firmly "Buffalo come"
"That's amazing" says the cowboy, "How can you tell that?"
The Indian replies...
"Sticky face"

An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq

During inspection, he notices a camel t**... outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?"
The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges."
A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has s**... with the camel. He asks the soldier: "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel!"