The Best 49 Deserted Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Deserted jokes. There are some deserted desert island jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these deserted stumble puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Deserted Jokes and Puns

Did you pay the VISA bill?

A man and a woman end up on a deserted island. He is desperate and cries:" oh, honey we're gonna die so young. Nobody will ever find us here!!!" She is very calm and relaxed. "Don't panic , dear, we'll be OK in few hours, I forgot to pay our VISA bill, the'll find us, don't worry"

Two genies in a deserted house..

A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house smack bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.

He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."

So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.

He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.

When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.

As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"

To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."

Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*

2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen

There were 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen stuck on a deserted island. In one year, the two Irishmen made a still and was brewing beer, the two Scotsmen built a pub and were selling it. The two Englishmen still weren't talking to each other because they weren't properly introduced.

Deserted joke, 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen

Three men on a deserted island find a genie.

The genie will grant the men three wishes, so they decide to take a wish each. The first man wishes to be home with his family and his wish is granted. The second man wishes to be in Vegas with many beautiful women and his wish is granted. The third man says "I'm getting kind of lonely, I wish those guys were here with me again."

My terrible dinosaur joke...

Two dinosaurs are walking across a deserted valley, when one says to the other, "Do you think we're alone out here? I Spinosaurus."

A brunette, redhead, and a blonde woman are stranded on a deserted island.

The mainland is 100 miles away. They each decide to try to swim there individually.

The brunette goes first; she swims 25 miles, then gets eaten by a shark.

The redhead goes second; she swims 40 miles, gets tired, and drowns.

Finally it's the blonde's turn. She swims 50 miles, then says: "Wow this is tiring, I'm not sure if I can continue" and swims back to the island.

There were 5 guys and a girl on a deserted island

After a week, the girl was so ashamed with what she had been doing to the guys, she killed herself. A week later, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to her, they buried her. After another week, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to each other, they dug her back up.

Deserted joke, There were 5 guys and a girl on a deserted island

A thirsty vampire is walking along in a deserted town...

when he sees another vampire with blood all over his mouth and yells:
"Hey! where did you get that blood?!!"
The other vampire replies:
"See that traffic light over there?"
"Yes I do!" he exclaims anxiously
"Well, I didn't" says the other vampire

A starving vamparie is strolling down a deserted town when he sees another vampire...

...with blood oozing from his mouth.
He asks "where did you get all that blood?!"
The vampire replies: "do you see that wall over there?'
"Yes I do!!!" says the thirsty vampire.
"Well, I didn't"

Did you hear about the cake factory that exploded?

The place was deserted.

Did you hear about the Chinese military general who deserted his position during a time of war?

It was General Tso, and he will always be known as a chicken

You can explore deserted lonely reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean deserted newfoundland dad jokes. There are also deserted puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A ship wrecks onto a deserted island.

Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore so they keep having sex. After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about what they've been doing...

So they bury her.

Whats the most deserted place on fathers day?

The visitation ward.

A man is found alone on a deserted island

The sailor who found him saw three huts that were built by the man.
The sailor asks, "What's that first hut?"
"Oh, that's my house!", replied the man.
"And the second?", the sailor asked again.
"That's my church where I worship!", the man said.
"So, what does that make the third?"
"Oh, that's where I used to go to church."

Two men are stranded on a deserted island

Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.

Really? Why do you think so?

I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.

Did you hear about the battery who deserted his unit in battle?

He was dishonorably discharged.

I'll show myself out now.

Deserted joke, Did you hear about the battery who deserted his unit in battle?

I'm guessing Trump has been Rick Rolled too many times ...

Because he just gave you up, let you down and deserted you.

Did you hear about the female soldier who deserted her unit during combat to tend to her yeast infection?

She was sentenced with dishonorable discharge.

Guy walks into a bar out west

It's deserted except for the barkeep.

"Where's everybody?" the guy asks.
"Down at the town square. There's a hangin' today."
"Yeah? Who they hangin'?"
"Brown Paper Jack."
"Why do they call him that?"
"Well, everything about him is brown paper...chaps, shirt, hat, belt--he even rides with a saddle made out of brown paper."
"Yeah? What are they hangin' him for?"

Old genie joke...

Three men find themselves stranded on a deserted island. After several years, despite their differences, they become close friends out of necessity. One day, they find an old lamp. On rubbing it clean, they release a genie who grants them each one wish.

"I wish to return to my old life!" Two of the men shout, disappearing in a puff of smoke.

The third man, a little slow, looks around at the empty island. Overcome by loneliness, he mutters, "I wish my friends were here."

If I were stranded on a deserted island with 3 things of my choice...

I would have to choose Michael Phelps, a saddle, and a stick with a gold medal tied to it.

If you could bring one person to a deserted island who would it be?

I would take one for the team and bring Donald Trump

A Truck Carrying Red Paint Crashes Into a Truck Carrying Brown Paint on a Deserted Island. What Happens to the Drivers?

They get marooned.

A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...

He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said, That's my house. They then asked about the second structure. That's where I go to Church. The man replied. Then they asked about the third structure. A scowl came over the mans face as he told the rescuers, That's where I used to go to Church.

An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stuck on an deserted island...

What would you eat if you were stranded on a completely barren deserted isle?

The sand which is on the ground.

A bottle washes onto the shore on a deserted island...

*opens bottle*

We've updated our Privacy Policy

My mother in law is like a treasure,

I feel a strong urge to bury her on a deserted island

A drunk old Irish man told me this one...

A man, a pig and his dog are marooned on a deserted island. After a couple of months in isolation the man becomes lonely and begins getting ideas about the pig. But every time he tries it on with the pig, the dog would start biting his leg and barking at him.

One day the man spots a beautiful woman floating on a raft out in the sea. He swims out as fast as he can and rescues her, and brings her onshore. The woman is overwhelmed with gratitude for him and says

Thank you for saving me, I will do anything you want .

With a cheeky glint in his eye, delighted with this offer, the man eagerly says

Brilliant! You see that dog? Go take him for a feckin walk

Georgia was driving down a dark deserted highway when it happened to notice Florida crossing the street up ahead. What did Georgia do next?

He Florida'ed.

What happens when a red pirate ship and a brown pirate ship meet on a deserted island?

They get marooned

5 men and 1 woman are shipwrecked...

...on a deserted island. Food and water is aplenty so with nothing else to do they resort to sex as the only recreation.
After a month of constant sex the woman says:
"I've had enough of this" and kills herself.
After another month the men decide:
"Enough of this necrophilia" and bury the woman.
Another month passes and men decide:
"Enough of this sodomy" and dig up the woman...

Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp.

Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.

I want to go home, says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.

I want to go home, too, says the second friend. And the genie sends her back home.

I'm lonely, says the third friend. I sure wish my friends were back here."

Do you know why the two people who got stranded on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere without any kind of food did not starve together?

Because they were cannibals.

The deserted island.

Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.

I want to go home, says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.

I want to go home, too, says the second friend. And the genie sends her back home.

I'm lonely, says the third friend. I sure wish my friends were back here."

A blonde, a red head, and a brunette are trapped on a deserted island 50 miles away from the nearest coast.

The red head decides to swim. She made it 10 miles, then drowned. The brunette also decides to swim. She made it 20 miles then drowned. Finally, the blonde decides to swim. She made it 25 miles, then she got tired and swam back to the island

A clown and a little kid were walking hand in hand down a dark deserted forest path and the little kid says "Gosh, it's spooky in here!"

And the clown says "What are you scared about? I gotta walk back all alone!"

A shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.

Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.

I once got stuck on a deserted island. It got very lonely very fast, and I wanted some company

I decided to state my opinion on the upcoming election

The island went from deserted to crowded very quickly

Found this one in my 2014 meme stash

A police officer pulled over a car on a deserted highway and told the driver, "Congratulations! You're the first person here today who was wearing a seat belt and now you're entitled to a prize of 1000$. What are you gonna do with your money?"

"Well", replied the man, "I think I'm gonna get a driver's license."

"Oh, Ignore him.", his wife said, "He always speaks nonsense when he's drunk."

"I KNEW IT!", his father bellowed from the backseat, "I KNEW WE WON'T GET FAR IN A STOLEN CAR."

Then came the voice from the trunk, "Are we over the border yet?"

What do you call a Burger King on a deserted island?

Lord of the fries

A guy gets stranded on a deserted island with only a goat for company...

After a few months, the goat starts looking a bit enticing. Finally the guy sneaks up behind the goat. As he's about to do the deed, the goat walks off. This goes on for a few months.
One day the guy wakes up to find a beautiful young woman half-drowned in the waves off the island. He rescues her. She's so glad to be alive she says, "I'll do anything for you". The guy thinks for a minute and says, "ANYthing?" She replies, "Yep, Ill do ANYTHING".
So the guy says, "Great, can you hold on to this goat for a minute?"

Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry are stuck on a deserted island, who survives?


A Cop on patrol sees a car in a deserted parking lot (Long)

So he walks over to it and sees and older man in the front seat and a skimpy dressed young woman in the back reading a book. He knocks on the door and the man rolls down the window.

"Can I help you officer?"

"What are you doing?" The cop asked.

"I am just listening to music." The cop pointed at the girl

"And her?"

"She is just reading a book." The cop is a little worried about the age difference between the pair."

"How old are you?"

"I am 45."

"And her?" The man looks at his watch.

"In 11 minutes and 23 seconds she will be 18."

Two men and a pig are trapped on a deserted island

A month in and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to kill the pig.

A month later and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to bury the pig.

One more month and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to dig the pig back up again.

An Englishman a Scotsman and a Irishman are trapped on a deserted island

One day a magic lamp washes up on shore. After rubbing the lamp a genie appears and promises them a wish each.

The Englishman says "I wish I was back at my favourite pub in London drinking beer with my mates". The genie wisks him away.

The Scotsman says "I wish I was back in Edinburgh drinking a bottle of whisky making love to my wife". The genie again wisks him away.

The Irishman is left and says "It's a bit lonely here now I wish my two mates were back here with me".

One of the Saddest Stories I've Ever Heard

The HighSchool Girls National diving team's plane crashed into the ocean, and they washed up on a deserted island.

Physically, the few survivors were unharmed, but as the days past, their minds began to crack as they realized that they had not the tools, knowledge, or materials to build a working diving board and bring some normalcy back into their lives!
But alas… The poor bastards were forced to resort to cannonballism.

The cast of Friends got shipwrecked on an deserted island...

Monica, Joey and Chandler were left behind because in real life David is a Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.

A guy goes into a bar in the middle of the day

It's quiet and practically deserted. He sits alone, thinking about the twists and turns his life has taken. He hears a soft voice:

"Nice tie"

He looks around but he doesn't see anyone. The voice speaks again:

"Great haircut. "

A few moments later:

"Congratulations on your promotion. "

He waves over the bartender to ask her if she hears anything. The bartender says: "That's the pretzels, they're complimentary."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the deserted atlantic jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working deserted survivors piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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