Deserted Island Jokes
119 deserted island jokes and hilarious deserted island puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about deserted island that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Deserted Island Short Jokes
Short deserted island jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The deserted island humour may include short desert island jokes also.
- If you were stranded on a desert island, what would you bring with you? I would take one for the team and bring Donald Trump.
- If you could bring one person to a deserted island who would it be? I would take one for the team and bring Donald Trump
- If I were stranded on a deserted island with 3 things of my choice... I would have to choose Michael Phelps, a saddle, and a stick with a gold medal tied to it.
- What happens when a red pirate ship and a brown pirate ship meet on a deserted island? They get marooned
- The cast of Friends got shipwrecked on an deserted island... Monica, Joey and Chandler were left behind because in real life David is a Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.
- Did you hear about the cannibal stranded alone on a desert island. He threw up his arms and said I'm sick of myself.
- A Truck Carrying Red Paint Crashes Into a Truck Carrying Brown Paint on a Deserted Island. What Happens to the Drivers? They get marooned.
- There were two economists who were shipwrecked on a desert island. They had no money but over the next three years they made millions of dollars selling their hats to each other.
- How were the cast of Friends able to escape a desert island on a homemade raft? Because Lisa Kudrow.
- What did Watson say when he and Holmes got stranded on a desert island? "No ship Sherlock"
Share These Deserted Island Jokes With Friends
Deserted Island One Liners
Which deserted island one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with deserted island? I can suggest the ones about stranded on an island and island.
- Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and rick perry are stuck on a deserted island, who survives? Texas
- What do you call a Burger King on a deserted island? Lord of the fries
- An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stuck on an deserted island...
- There are no Republicans only Democrats in a deserted island..
- When I reached to a desert island I didn't find anybody; so I turned home!
- If you were stranded on a deserted island, what's one thing you'd bring with you? A boat.
Deserted Island Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about deserted island you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean desert jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make deserted island pranks.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself.
After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman.
The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island.
The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger.
The three start to build a watchtower.
The stranger offers to take first watch.
While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No s**... on the beach! Get back to work!"
The husband yells back, "We're not having s**...!"
Later, the stranger yells out to them again.
Again, the husband yells back and corrects him.
This happens several times during the stranger's shift.
Finally, the husband's takes his shift in the watch tower.
His wife and the good-looking stranger make passionate love on the beach.
The husband on watch exclaims, "Wow, it really does look like f**king from up here!"
A ship goes out to sea and crashes.
6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.
Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and s**... deprived.
So they come to this agreement.
All of the men will marry the one woman for a week.
So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on.
Everyone will now be getting s**... and they all agree to it.
This goes on for five years and everyone is happy.
Each man gets s**... every fifth week and the woman gets to have s**... whenever she wants with a different man every week.
Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies.
The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful.
It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship that sank in the Bermuda Triangle.
They made it to an uninhabited island.
Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed of what she was doing.
Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed of what they were doing.
Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again–being so ashamed of what they were doing.
1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island.
After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself.
After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her.
After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.
Three men stranded on an island.
They were walking across the sand when they came across a magic lamp; they rubbed the lamp and out came a genie.
The genie said "you have three wishes but make it quick."
So they thought about what they were going to wish for.
The one man said, "I wish I was at home with my family."
So the genie said your wish is my command, and he was gone, then the second man said
"I wish I was in the pub with my mates."
So he was gone.
The last man said, "I am lonely and I want my friends back."
Three blondes are stranded on an island.
A fairy comes along and says that she will grant each person a wish.
So the first blonde says she wants to be really smart so she digs and finds a cell phone and calls the Army.
The second blonde says that she wants to be even smarter so she finds a flair and sets it off.
The third blonde says that she wants to be even smarter than both of them, so the fairy changes her hair color to black and she says,"Let's go over the bridge."
A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island.
The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts.
The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!"
He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated.
Everybody looks at him cross.
Then they kick him off the island.
Three guys are stuck on a deserted island when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. He picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pop out. The genie looks at the three guys and says: "I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish."Well, the first guy is sick and tired of being on the island, so he wishes to go back home. p**...!He disappears. The second one said he, too, is tired of the island and wishes to go home. p**...!He too disappears. The genie then turns to the last guy and asks him what his wish is."Gee," he says," I'm awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here!"
A geologist, physicist and an economist are marooned on a desert island with nothing to eat.
A can of soup washes ashore. They ponder how to open it. The geologist says, 'Let's smash it open with a rock.' The physicist says, 'Let's heat it up and blow it open.' The economist says, 'No, no. You guys will lose most of the soup. Let's just assume we have a can opener.'
3 women of different hair colours get shipwrecked on a small desert island 1km away from a civilised island.
The first woman, who has brown hair, attempts to swim to the civilised island, but only gets 200 metres before getting tired and swimming back. The next woman, with black hair, sees the first one's attempt and also tries. She gets 400 metres before tiring and swimming back. The blonde then has a try, gets 800 metres, tires, and swims back.
An American, Russian, and Asian are stranded on a desert island...
... They decide in order to survive they will have to work together and plan on splitting up the day's work.
The Russian was tasked with building a hut, the American was to search for food, while the Asian was to search for supplies.
Each sets off in their separate directions.
The Russian builds an excellent hut, complete with a floor and a waterproof roof. It was sturdy and comfortable.
The American soon returns with enough food for a feast. He has handfuls of fruit, fish, shrimp, coconuts, and all enough to last for weeks.
After complimenting each others work they notice that the Asian is no where to be seen with the supplies. As the night grew on they decided it would be best to search for the man in case he had gotten into some danger.
They searched for hours through the jungle until they came to a large clearing. In the middle was a giant rock, they wonder if he had gone to collect supplies by the rock and approach it cautiously.
Once at the rock the Asian quickly jumps out, raises his hands in the air, and yells, "Supplies"!
Did you pay the VISA bill?
A man and a woman end up on a deserted island. He is desperate and cries:" oh, honey we're gonna die so young. Nobody will ever find us here!!!" She is very calm and relaxed. "Don't panic , dear, we'll be OK in few hours, I forgot to pay our VISA bill, the'll find us, don't worry"
A man walks into a bar and sits next to a guy with a little head.......
After having a couple drinks the man asks the other guy, "hey, I don't mean to be rude, but how is it you have such a small head."
The guy replies, "well it's a bitter sweet story. You see when I was in the war my plane got shot down in the Pacific. I parachuted out and ended up on an deserted island."
He continued, "after several months on this deserted island, a beautiful mermaid suddenly appeared and granted me three wishes."
"My first wish is that I'd like to be rescued from this island I told her."
To which the Mermaid said, "tomorrow a rescue boat will find you."
"My second wish is that I'd like to be rich for the rest of my days."
The Mermaid said, "invest early in these companies, and you will be a wealthy man...and what is your final wish?"
"Well Mermaid, you know I've been stranded on this island for so long, and seeing as you are so beautiful, I'd wish for nothing more than to sleep with you."
The Mermaid sighed and said, "I cannot grant you that wish, you see I'm a half fish, it would not work."
Frustrated, the man said, "Well how about a little head then?"
a scientist, a physicist, and an economist...
a scientist, and physicist and an economist were trapped on a desert island. they had one can of beans but no can opener. the scientist said "lets assume that i smash the can with a rock then we could split the beans evenly," but the others said they would lose too much in the process. the physicist said "lets assume i put the can in the fire and wait til it pops open and then we split the beans evenly," but the others said it could explode and theyd lose the beans. so the economist said "assume we have a can opener..."
A ship sinks and 100 men and 2 women end up on a desert island
After 1 year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the women kill themselves.After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year, the men bury them. After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the men dig them out.
A plane is going down...
An airplane of holiday makers is flying over the pacific when the engine fails and takes a nosedive. Everyone dies except for 3: two guys and one girl. They wash up on a beach of a deserted island and set about building a fire, fishing, making a shelter etc. When the sun goes down and they are bored there is only one thing to do, so they do what comes naturally to them . . .
This set up continues untill the girl gets sick, soon after she dies. The two guys are alone. So at night they continue doing what comes naturally to each other . . .
But after a few weeks they feel really bad about doing it so they bury her. . .
A biologist, a physicist, and an engineer are on a plane that crashes...
...and luckily they are washed up on a deserted island, along with several crates of canned food. However, no can opener washes up with them, and there is nothing sharp on the island, so the three scientists must figure out how to open the cans.
The biologist sticks the can in the water, saying, "The salt water should eat through the metal, allowing us to get to the food inside."
When this doesn't work, the physicist takes his thick glasses and holds them between the sun and the can, saying, "By focusing the sun on the can, we can burn through the metal and get to the food inside." But this doesn't work either.
The engineer picks up a can and stares at it for several minutes before saying, "Now, if we start by assuming the can is already open..."
A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck...
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he
realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his
two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful
cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for
romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better
to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm
around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely
until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets
together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck.
The only survivor was Julia Gillard.
That evening, the man brought Julia to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and
gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in
and leaned over to Julia and told her he hadn't had s**... for months.
Julia batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she
could do for him.
He said, 'Could you take the dog for a walk!'
3 men and a woman are stranded on a desert island...
After the first week, the woman gets so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.
After the second week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury the woman.
After the third week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her back up.
A Hispanic man, a European man, and an Asian man are put on a deserted island
They are told that they will be rescued in 24 hours, provided they have proved their survival skills.
The Hispanic man is in charge of building a shelter, the European man is in charge of finding food, and the Asian man is in charge of finding supplies.
The three men go their separate ways to complete their tasks.
24 hours later, the rescue team comes back to the island in the hopes of seeing that the three men can prove their survival skills.
The Hispanic man takes the rescue team to his shelter that he built, and the rescue team is pleased with his work.
The European man takes the rescue team to his stash of food that he has accumulated, and the rescue team is pleased with his work.
However, the Asian man with his supplies is nowhere to be found.
The rescue team walks around the island, searching for the Asian man and the supplies he was supposed to find, when suddenly the Asian man jumps out of the bushes and yells SUPPLIES!
Bill, Bonnie, and Ted
So Bill, Bonnie, and Ted are stuck on a deserted tropical island. And I mean completely deserted. After a week they haven't seen any other inhabitants, they've seen no boats, planes, anything.
Over the next couple of weeks they manage to find and gather some food, create a shelter, and generally start living a pretty decent life. They have food in abundance, and their shelter protects them from occasional rains. A few weeks go by and once the stress of washing up on an island ebbs away, they start having urges. So they start having s**.... They're only human, they all have needs. Luckily enough Bonnie never gets pregnant, so they've basically got the perfect setup.
This goes on for a number of months, and all of a sudden Bonnie dies from a mysterious illness. Bill and Ted are crushed, they feel like their having s**... with Bonnie caused her to develop this sickness and die. They're deep in mourning but, eventually, time does heal all wounds, and after a few weeks, they start having urges again. And hey, there's no one around to judge them, so Bill and Ted continue having s**.... This continues for a couple of weeks, and then one morning Bill and Ted wake up with this weird feeling... Like what they're doing is wrong, like it's against God's will, it's not what he would have wanted...
So they decide to bury Bonnie
A ship went down on a reef...
There were only three survivors; a 25 year old man, a dog, and a cat.
They were washed up on a deserted tropical island. Food and water were no problem, but after a month the man started to get the urge to have s**.... As there were no other people, he was forced to choose between the dog and the cat. Naturally, he chose the dog - man`s best friend. But the cat had a jealous streak, and would always interrupt the man when he tried to have his way with the dog. The man tried all kinds of strategies, but it was no use. The cat never allowed him a chance to get it on with the dog.
Then one day, another ship went down on the reef. From this ship there was only one survivor; a beautiful 22 year old woman. She almost drowned in the surf as she made her way to the island, but the man rescued her - effectively saving her life.
The woman was so grateful that she offered to do anything for the man.
"Anything?" asked the man, already thinking about his carnal desires.
"Yes. Absolutely anything. I`ll do anything to show you my appreciation. For you are my savior," she replied.
"Well then", said the man, "I`d be delighted if you could take the cat for a walk for half an hour."
Another blonde, brunette, and redhead...
...are stranded on a deserted island. Before long they run out of all their supplies and are left in a hopeless and desperate situation. They determine that one of them will try and swim for the next closest inhabited island 100 miles away.
The redhead volunteers to go, but 40 miles into her swim, she finds herself completely exhausted and drowns.
So the brunette makes her attempt and after making it about 50 miles, can't swim another s**... and drowns.
The blonde, left alone, finally makes her attempt. With grit and determination she swims mile after mile but sure enough, 60 miles into her trip, she determines that she will never make it.
So she turns around and swims back.
I wish....
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
Play around
So corporate exec Joe is flying across the Pacific, when his plane crashes. Joe survives, but finds himself stranded on a desert island, with nothing to eat but coconuts, and whatever seafood he can catch. 10 years go by, with poor Joe having no human contact. One day, as Joe is fishing for his dinner, a beautiful blonde woman comes wading out of the surf, wearing a full body wet suit. She approaches Joe and introduces herself "Hi, I'm Julie", Joe is so excited, all he can say "I'm Joe, and I've been stranded here alone for 10 years". "Wow" reply's Julie "10 years stranded here, I bet you'd like a cigarette" . "Would I ever" says Joe, and with that the young lady unzips a pocket on her sleeve, pulls out a pack of Marlboro reds, lights 2 and passes one to Joe. "Wow 10 years alone on this island" Julie repeats, "I bet you'd like a beer". "Would I ever" replies Joe, and with that the lady unzips a pocket on her leg, pulls out 2 cold Budweiser's, opens them and hands one to Joe. The young lady starts to seductively unzip the front of her wet suit, and says "Wow 10 years alone on this island, I bet you'd like to play around wouldn't you". "Would I ever" says Joe excitedly, "You got golf clubs in there?"
A Little Head
A man walks into a bar and notices the gentleman next to him has a very small head. After a few beers, he finally asks the gentleman, "Pardon me, but why is your head so small?".
The man began to explain how he was in the Navy and after his ship was struck by a torpedo, and he was stuck on a deserted island for months. "One day," he said "A mermaid magically appeared. She said she could grant any wish I had. I asked to be rescued, and off in the horizon, I saw a coast guard ship heading towards me. I then proceeded to explain how long I had been stuck on the island and asked her for some s**... before being rescued. She explained that it was impossible since she was a mermaid. So instead, I asked her for a little head."
Two men and one woman are in a plane c**..., and they end up on a desert island. The men have s**... with the woman for about a week, and one day they stop. Why?
Her body was starting to smell.
An oldie but goodie
Three women, a redhead, brunette and blonde, find themselves stranded on a deserted island. While looking for supplies the redhead stumbled upon an old, well decorated bottle. After she brought it back to camp she and her friends began to clean it off when suddenly a genie sprang out of the bottle. In a deep, deliberate tone the genie said "You have awakened a genie! I have the power to grant any three wishes you desire. Because all three awakened me each of you get one wish!" The genie looked at the redhead who quickly shouted "I WISH TO GO HOME!" and p**... she was gone. The genie then looked at the brunette who couldn't say "I WISH TO GO HOME!" fast enough and p**... she was gone. The genie then looked at the blonde who had a tear in her eye and her head was hung low. "Why are you so sad" asked the genie, to which the blonde responded "I wish my friends were here."
A chemist, a physicist, and an economist...
are all trapped on a desert island, trying to figure out how to open a can of food.
"Let's heat the can over the fire until the can explodes" says the chemist.
"No, no," says the physicist, "lets drop the can onto the rocks from the top of a tall tree"
"I have an idea," says the economist. "First, we assume a can opener..."
A brunette, redhead, and blonde are all trapped on a deserted island.
They come across a lamp half buried in the sand, brush it off, and upon rubbing it, a genie comes out.
"I will grant you each one wish," exclaims the genie.
The brunette steps up, "I wish to be back home with my family."
"Very well," says the genie. He snaps his fingers and the brunette disappears.
The redhead agrees, "I, too, wish to be back home with my family."
The genie nods, and snaps his fingers.
This leaves the blonde.
The genie turns to her and waits.
The blonde cries, "Well I'm all alone now.. I wish for my friends back!"
2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen
There were 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen stuck on a deserted island. In one year, the two Irishmen made a still and was brewing beer, the two Scotsmen built a pub and were selling it. The two Englishmen still weren't talking to each other because they weren't properly introduced.
There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.....
There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.
After several years of casual s**... all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having s**... with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.
It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.
Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...
They buried her.
Three men on a deserted island find a genie.
The genie will grant the men three wishes, so they decide to take a wish each. The first man wishes to be home with his family and his wish is granted. The second man wishes to be in Vegas with many beautiful women and his wish is granted. The third man says "I'm getting kind of lonely, I wish those guys were here with me again."
Three friends were on a deserted island...
...when they found a brass lamp. One of them rubbed the lamp, and a genie appeared. "You have freed me, and for that I can grant you each one wish." The first friend was really hungry, so he asked the genie to send him to an iHop. The genie snapped his fingers, and he was sent there. The second friend missed his family, so he asked the genie to send him back. The genie snapped his fingers, and the man was sent home. The third friend was quiet. The genie decided to ask him what his wish was. "Well, I'm lonely now. Can you bring my friends back?"
On A Desert Island For 10 Years
A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit...
The man runs to greet her, "Am I ever happy to see you."
The girl says "Hi! Looks like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" The man says, "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a pocket on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette.
The man says, "Thanks!" The girl says, "So tell me, how long its been since you had a drink?"
The man replies, "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and out comes a flask of whiskey. The man takes a drink.
The man is so happy. "Wow. Thanks. You are a life saver!"
The girl begins to unzip the front of her wet suit. She says seductively, "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?" Excitedly, the man says, "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!"
Two guys and one girl are stranded on a deserted island
To avoid agruments and fights, the guys agree each can have the girl every other week. They are basicly taking turns on having s**... with her.
This goes on for several months but one day the girl injures her foot.
Her foot barerly heals and several days later she dies of an infection.
For the guys, this was okay for a month.
But it started getting more difficult for them during the second month.
After 3 months it was inpossible for the guys to continue like this
so they decided to stop taking turns, bury her and move on with their lives
A guy gets stranded on a deserted island with a supermodel...
After about two weeks, they give in to their desires and start having s**.... After about three weeks of this, the guy says to the model, "Would you do me a favor?" "Sure she says." "First, put my clothes on," he says. "Next, would you draw a beard and mustache on your face with this piece of coal I found?" "Sure," she says hesitantly. "Finally, can I call you Fred?" he asks. "Okay... " she agrees. "Great! Hey Fred, you'll never guess who I've been b**... for the last three weeks!"
Three blondes stuck on a desert island.
When they find a magic lamp, after a quick rub out pops a genie.
"I shall grant you three wishes" he states.
The first blonde wished to be on a giant cruise ship.
With a click, she was gone.
The second blonde wished she was in a casino with millions to play with.
Click! She vanished.
The third blonde looked upset.
"Whats the matter" asked the genie.
"I dont want to be alone on this island, i wish my friends were back"
Death or Buki?
Three men are marooned on a desert island. They wander the island looking for food and are captured by some hostile natives.
They are brought before the chief who says "You decide. Death or Buki?"
The first man replies "uhh...Buki I think." He is immediately taken by the crowd and sodomized.
The second man horrified says. "Oh God...Buki." He also is taken by the crowd and suffers the same fate.
Finally the third man says. "Death!" the chief raises an eyebrow and says. "Death it is...but first a little Buki!"
Two guys and a girl are stranded on a desert island
All hope is lost and they decide if they're going to die, at least they're going out with a bang. With nothing else to keep them occupied, all they do is have s**.... Nonstop mind blowing s**.... They're trying everything in the book, every position, physically enjoying each other as much as possible.
After two weeks, the girl approaches the two guys. "I'm sorry, I can't take it any more. I can't live like this." and she kills herself.
After two more weeks, one of the guys speaks up. "I'm sorry, I can't take it any more. I can't like like this."
The other guy looks at him and solemnly agrees. "You know what, you're right. We'll bury her tonight."
A brunette, redhead, and a blonde woman are stranded on a deserted island.
The mainland is 100 miles away. They each decide to try to swim there individually.
The brunette goes first; she swims 25 miles, then gets eaten by a shark.
The redhead goes second; she swims 40 miles, gets tired, and drowns.
Finally it's the blonde's turn. She swims 50 miles, then says: "Wow this is tiring, I'm not sure if I can continue" and swims back to the island.
There were 5 guys and a g**... a deserted island
After a week, the girl was so ashamed with what she had been doing to the guys, she killed herself. A week later, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to her, they buried her. After another week, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to each other, they dug her back up.
A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire.
A Spaniard, an American, and a Japanese man are approached by a billionaire. The billionaire asks them to participate in a year-long experiment wherein they will be taken to a deserted island to survive.
He assigns them each tasks according to their heritage:
The Spaniard will be in charge of food.
The American will be in charge of shelter.
And the Japanese man will be in charge of supplies.
A year passes on the island and the billionaire returns to find only the Spaniard and American left.
"What happened?! Where is the Japanese man?" he asks.
"We're not sure! As soon as we got here he took off into the forest and we haven't seen him since."
Worried for the Japanese man, they decide to search the island.
After a few minutes of walking, all of the sudden, the Japanese man leaps out from the bushes and yells, "**SUPPLIES!**"
Assume a can opener
A physicist, a chemist, and an economist are stranded on a desert island with no tools and a can of food. The physicist and the chemist each devised an ingenious mechanism for getting the can open; the economist merely says, "Assume we have a can opener".
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead c**... on a deserted island
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are shipwrecked on a deserted island. They find a small wooden sign on the beach that reads, "nearest island is 100 miles to the north". So the brunette decides to try and swim. She swims 25 miles, gets tired, and drowns. The redhead decides to give it a go. She swims 75 miles, gets tired, and also drowns. Figuring she has nothing to lose since her friends are dead, the blonde tries. She swims 50 miles, gets tired, and swims back.
Three guys are stranded at a deserted island.
A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded on a deserted island. The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. The American will be in charge of water and the Chinese man get the task to be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can't find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells
"SUPPLIES!"
The King of Slaveria fancied himself quite the Casanova
He was renowned throughout the lands for his voracious s**... appetite, and never travelled anywhere without at least a half a dozen concubines in his royal entourage. It so happened that on a voyage to survey his lands across the sea that his royal ship ran into a hurricane and sank. All were lost save the King and his Royal Jester who managed to make it to a small desert island. Well, it wasn't long before the King was at his wit's end.....
Three men are trapped on a desert island
When they find a tea p**.... The first man rubs it an out comes a genie, "you have 3 wishes."
Man 1: "I wish I was at a party in the city!"
p**... he disappeared
Man 2: "I wish a was at my house with a beer!"
p**... he disappeared
Man 3: "I'm lonely now... I wish my friends were with me."
A ship wrecks onto a deserted island.
Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have s**.... Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore so they keep having s**.... After a few days of s**..., they feel guilty about what they've been doing...
So they bury her.
A man was marooned on a desert island.
One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit.
'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it.
She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink.
Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not telling me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?'
Ronnie Corbett (1930 - 2016)
5 men and 1 woman on a deserted island
Five men and one woman strand on a deserted island after their cruise ship sank. They are the only survivors. They find shelter and enough food and water to sustain them. So now they discuss the matter of s**.... They all agree that each man gets his different day of the week to have s**... with the woman. And in the weekends the woman is free to choose any or no man.
Now everything is going fine. But after 3 weeks the woman gets ill and eventually dies. The first week, the men are doing fine. The second week, it gets harder. But the third week, it becomes unbearable. That's when they decided to bury the woman.
Imagine you're stranded on a desert island with no food or water. What do you do?
Stop imagining.
What do you call a not-too-bright person of Moorish descent, stranded on a deserted island, who believes Jesus was a Native American?
Marooned m**... m**... Moorman.
If I could bring three items to a desert island I would bring a trapping guide, a water purifier, and a car door.
With the trapping guide I could lay snares so I wouldn't go hungry, with the purifier I could have a source of clean water so I wouldn't get thirsty, and with the car door I could roll the window down so I wouldn't get hot.
A man is found alone on a deserted island
The sailor who found him saw three huts that were built by the man.
The sailor asks, "What's that first hut?"
"Oh, that's my house!", replied the man.
"And the second?", the sailor asked again.
"That's my church where I worship!", the man said.
"So, what does that make the third?"
"Oh, that's where I used to go to church."
Two men are stranded on a deserted island
Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.
Really? Why do you think so?
I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.
3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.
After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.
After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.
Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.
What three things would you bring if you were stranded on a deserted island?
Irony, the oxford comma and a missed opportunity
Three guys are stranded on a desert island
Suddenly a good fairy appears and tells them: "I will grant each of you one wish".
The first guy says: "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, I just want to be home." His wish is granted.
The second guy says: "I've always wanted to see the world so I wish to be in Paris." His wish is granted.
The third guy says: "Oh man, now I'm all alone :(.
I wish the two other guys back!"
Old genie joke...
Three men find themselves stranded on a deserted island. After several years, despite their differences, they become close friends out of necessity. One day, they find an old lamp. On rubbing it clean, they release a genie who grants them each one wish.
"I wish to return to my old life!" Two of the men shout, disappearing in a puff of smoke.
The third man, a little slow, looks around at the empty island. Overcome by loneliness, he mutters, "I wish my friends were here."
A plane crashes on a desert island and there are three survivors, a woman and two men.
After two weeks on the island the woman is so ashamed of what they have been doing that she kills herself. Two weeks after she kills herself the men are so ashamed of what they have been doing that they decide to bury her. Two weeks after they bury her the two men are so ashamed at what they have been doing that they dig her up again.
A sailor is stranded on a desert island with nothing but palm fronds and sea anemones to live off. Finally when he was recused the rescuers asked why was he covered in anemones with a ring of palm fronds in arms reach. He replies, 'I keep my fronds close but my anemones closer'.
'With fronds like that, who needs anemones?'
A Canadian man, an American and a Chinese man are stranded on a desert island...
The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. American volunteers to be in charge of water and the Chinese man says he will be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can't find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells "SUPPLIES!"
A Rabbi is stranded on a desert island...
A Rabbi is stranded on a desert island. After years of solitude, he is finally rescued. His years of loneliness and the island's abundant resources have let him build many creature comforts. He shows his rescuers around the island.
"Here's my dining room," he says, pointing to an area with a palm-leaf roof.
"And here's my kitchen," he says, pointing to an area by the lagoon surrounded by stones.
"And here," he says, pointing to a beautiful hut, "is my synagogue where I go pray."
The rescuers see another building of equal beauty across the island. "What building is that over there?" they ask.
"Ugh, that's the other synagogue. You wouldn't catch me dead in there!"
If I could only take one thing with me to live on a desert island...
I probably wouldn't go.
A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...
He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said, That's my house. They then asked about the second structure. That's where I go to Church. The man replied. Then they asked about the third structure. A scowl came over the mans face as he told the rescuers, That's where I used to go to Church.
A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.
"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."
3 men were stuck on a deserted island 10kms off shore.
The first informed the others We've been here 3 days now, it's time I swim back before it's too late.
He swam and swam but after 4kms his arms gave up, he couldn't keep his head above water and drowned.
The second thought they were better than the first and also attempted to swim back, but after 7kms he also drowned.
The last, left stranded, believed he could make it and so also swam. He swam and swam but after 9kms, he felt too tired, so turned around and swam back.
An American, a british, and a chinese man is stranded on a desert island.
The American takes charge.
He orders the British man to take care of shelter, he himself will take care of food, and he orders the Chinese man to take care of supplies.
They all go their own ways.
The american man and the british meet up, the American with food and the British with a place to stay. They wait several days for the Chinese man without him ever showing up.
They start looking for him. They start walking through the dense forest when suddenly the Chinese man jumps up from a bush:
SUPPLIES!
-
.
-
.
-
.
-
A bottle washes onto the shore on a deserted island...
*opens bottle*
We've updated our Privacy Policy