The Best 71 Desert Island Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Desert Island jokes. There are some desert island cacti jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these desert island long island puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Desert Island Jokes and Puns

A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.



After one month the woman says:

"I can not proceed in this way."

And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:

"We can not proceed in this way."

And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:

"We can not proceed in this way."

And they dig up the woman.

A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.



After one month the woman says:

"I can not proceed in this way."

And she suicides herself.

After another month, the sailors say:

"We can not proceed in this way."

And they bury the woman.

The next month, the sailors say:

"We can not proceed in this way."

And they dig up the woman.

1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island.



After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself.

After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her.

After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.

When I reached to a desert island I didn't find anybody; so I turned home!

jokes about desert island

A geologist, physicist and an economist are marooned on a desert island with nothing to eat.

A can of soup washes ashore. They ponder how to open it. The geologist says, 'Let's smash it open with a rock.' The physicist says, 'Let's heat it up and blow it open.' The economist says, 'No, no. You guys will lose most of the soup. Let's just assume we have a can opener.'


3 women of different hair colours get shipwrecked on a small desert island 1km away from a civilised island.

The first woman, who has brown hair, attempts to swim to the civilised island, but only gets 200 metres before getting tired and swimming back. The next woman, with black hair, sees the first one's attempt and also tries. She gets 400 metres before tiring and swimming back. The blonde then has a try, gets 800 metres, tires, and swims back.

Did you pay the VISA bill?

A man and a woman end up on a deserted island. He is desperate and cries:" oh, honey we're gonna die so young. Nobody will ever find us here!!!" She is very calm and relaxed. "Don't panic , dear, we'll be OK in few hours, I forgot to pay our VISA bill, the'll find us, don't worry"

Desert Island joke, Did you pay the VISA bill?

A ship sinks and 100 men and 2 women end up on a desert island

After 1 year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the women kill themselves.After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year, the men bury them. After another year, disgusted with what they did in the last year the men dig them out.

A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck...

Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he
realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his
two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful
cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for
romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better
to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm
around it.



But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely
until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets
together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck.

The only survivor was Julia Gillard.
That evening, the man brought Julia to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and
gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.



Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in
and leaned over to Julia and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Julia batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she
could do for him.

He said, 'Could you take the dog for a walk!'

3 men and a woman are stranded on a desert island...

After the first week, the woman gets so ashamed of what she's doing, she kills herself.
After the second week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they bury the woman.
After the third week, the men get so ashamed of what they're doing, they dig her back up.

I wish....

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

You can explore desert island lifeboat reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean desert island oasis dad jokes. There are also desert island puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two men and one woman are in a plane crash, and they end up on a desert island. The men have sex with the woman for about a week, and one day they stop. Why?

Her body was starting to smell.

A chemist, a physicist, and an economist...

are all trapped on a desert island, trying to figure out how to open a can of food.

"Let's heat the can over the fire until the can explodes" says the chemist.

"No, no," says the physicist, "lets drop the can onto the rocks from the top of a tall tree"

"I have an idea," says the economist. "First, we assume a can opener..."

2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen

There were 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen stuck on a deserted island. In one year, the two Irishmen made a still and was brewing beer, the two Scotsmen built a pub and were selling it. The two Englishmen still weren't talking to each other because they weren't properly introduced.

Three men on a deserted island find a genie.

The genie will grant the men three wishes, so they decide to take a wish each. The first man wishes to be home with his family and his wish is granted. The second man wishes to be in Vegas with many beautiful women and his wish is granted. The third man says "I'm getting kind of lonely, I wish those guys were here with me again."

Three blondes stuck on a desert island.

When they find a magic lamp, after a quick rub out pops a genie.
"I shall grant you three wishes" he states.
The first blonde wished to be on a giant cruise ship.
With a click, she was gone.
The second blonde wished she was in a casino with millions to play with.
Click! She vanished.
The third blonde looked upset.
"Whats the matter" asked the genie.
"I dont want to be alone on this island, i wish my friends were back"

Desert Island joke, Three blondes stuck on a desert island.

A brunette, redhead, and a blonde woman are stranded on a deserted island.

The mainland is 100 miles away. They each decide to try to swim there individually.

The brunette goes first; she swims 25 miles, then gets eaten by a shark.

The redhead goes second; she swims 40 miles, gets tired, and drowns.

Finally it's the blonde's turn. She swims 50 miles, then says: "Wow this is tiring, I'm not sure if I can continue" and swims back to the island.

There were 5 guys and a girl on a deserted island

After a week, the girl was so ashamed with what she had been doing to the guys, she killed herself. A week later, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to her, they buried her. After another week, the guys felt so ashamed with what they had been doing to each other, they dug her back up.

Assume a can opener

A physicist, a chemist, and an economist are stranded on a desert island with no tools and a can of food. The physicist and the chemist each devised an ingenious mechanism for getting the can open; the economist merely says, "Assume we have a can opener".


The King of Slaveria fancied himself quite the Casanova

He was renowned throughout the lands for his voracious sexual appetite, and never travelled anywhere without at least a half a dozen concubines in his royal entourage. It so happened that on a voyage to survey his lands across the sea that his royal ship ran into a hurricane and sank. All were lost save the King and his Royal Jester who managed to make it to a small desert island. Well, it wasn't long before the King was at his wit's end.....

Three men are trapped on a desert island

When they find a tea pot. The first man rubs it an out comes a genie, "you have 3 wishes."
Man 1: "I wish I was at a party in the city!"
POOF he disappeared
Man 2: "I wish a was at my house with a beer!"
POOF he disappeared
Man 3: "I'm lonely now... I wish my friends were with me."

A ship wrecks onto a deserted island.

Two guys and a girl survive. Since they don't have anything to do all day besides eating and sleeping, they just have sex. Eventually the girl gets sick and dies. The two men don't know what to do with themselves anymore so they keep having sex. After a few days of sex, they feel guilty about what they've been doing...

So they bury her.

What do you call a not-too-bright person of Moorish descent, stranded on a deserted island, who believes Jesus was a Native American?

Marooned Mormon moron Moorman.

If I could bring three items to a desert island I would bring a trapping guide, a water purifier, and a car door.

With the trapping guide I could lay snares so I wouldn't go hungry, with the purifier I could have a source of clean water so I wouldn't get thirsty, and with the car door I could roll the window down so I wouldn't get hot.

A man is found alone on a deserted island

The sailor who found him saw three huts that were built by the man.
The sailor asks, "What's that first hut?"
"Oh, that's my house!", replied the man.
"And the second?", the sailor asked again.
"That's my church where I worship!", the man said.
"So, what does that make the third?"
"Oh, that's where I used to go to church."

Two men are stranded on a deserted island

Two men are stranded on a deserted island. One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says, Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.

Really? Why do you think so?

I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.

Desert Island joke, Two men are stranded on a deserted island

3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.

After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.

After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.

Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.

If you were stranded on a desert island, what would you bring with you?

I would take one for the team and bring Donald Trump.

What three things would you bring if you were stranded on a deserted island?

Irony, the oxford comma and a missed opportunity


How were the cast of Friends able to escape a desert island on a homemade raft?

Because Lisa Kudrow.

Three guys are stranded on a desert island

Suddenly a good fairy appears and tells them: "I will grant each of you one wish".

The first guy says: "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, I just want to be home." His wish is granted.

The second guy says: "I've always wanted to see the world so I wish to be in Paris." His wish is granted.

The third guy says: "Oh man, now I'm all alone :(.
I wish the two other guys back!"

What did Watson say when he and Holmes got stranded on a desert island?

"No ship Sherlock"

Old genie joke...

Three men find themselves stranded on a deserted island. After several years, despite their differences, they become close friends out of necessity. One day, they find an old lamp. On rubbing it clean, they release a genie who grants them each one wish.

"I wish to return to my old life!" Two of the men shout, disappearing in a puff of smoke.

The third man, a little slow, looks around at the empty island. Overcome by loneliness, he mutters, "I wish my friends were here."

If I were stranded on a deserted island with 3 things of my choice...

I would have to choose Michael Phelps, a saddle, and a stick with a gold medal tied to it.


A plane crashes on a desert island and there are three survivors, a woman and two men.

After two weeks on the island the woman is so ashamed of what they have been doing that she kills herself. Two weeks after she kills herself the men are so ashamed of what they have been doing that they decide to bury her. Two weeks after they bury her the two men are so ashamed at what they have been doing that they dig her up again.

A sailor is stranded on a desert island with nothing but palm fronds and sea anemones to live off. Finally when he was recused the rescuers asked why was he covered in anemones with a ring of palm fronds in arms reach. He replies, 'I keep my fronds close but my anemones closer'.

'With fronds like that, who needs anemones?'

If you could bring one person to a deserted island who would it be?

I would take one for the team and bring Donald Trump

There were two economists who were shipwrecked on a desert island.

They had no money but over the next three years they made millions of dollars selling their hats to each other.

If I could only take one thing with me to live on a desert island...

I probably wouldn't go.

A Truck Carrying Red Paint Crashes Into a Truck Carrying Brown Paint on a Deserted Island. What Happens to the Drivers?

They get marooned.

A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...

He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said, That's my house. They then asked about the second structure. That's where I go to Church. The man replied. Then they asked about the third structure. A scowl came over the mans face as he told the rescuers, That's where I used to go to Church.

An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stuck on an deserted island...

A carpenter, a tailor, a sailor, a priest and an economist were stranded on a desert island.

"I could chop down the trees and make a raft." Says the carpenter.
"I can stitch a few sheets into a mast."
Says the tailor.
"I can navigate the oceans with the help of the stars."
Says the sailor.
"I will pray for favourable winds and good luck."
Says the the priest.
All they needed now was to chop down a tree to make the raft.
"That's easy," says the economist. "Let's assume an axe."

A bottle washes onto the shore on a deserted island...

*opens bottle*

We've updated our Privacy Policy

There are no Republicans only Democrats in a deserted island..

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on a desert island. One day a bottle washes up and of course there is a genie in it who pops out and grants them one wish each.

The brunette says " that's easy - I wish to go home" and POOF her wish was granted.

The redhead is next and says "I wish I was at home" and POOF her wish is granted.

The genie looks at the blond and she says "I can't decide... I wish my friends were here to help me..."

My mother in law is like a treasure,

I feel a strong urge to bury her on a deserted island

Blonde joke

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde are stuck on a desert island.

They know the nearest coast is 50 miles away.

The redhead swims 30 miles but gets tired and drowns.

The brunette swims 45 miles but gets tired and drowns.

The blonde swims 40 miles, gets tired and swims back to the island.

A drunk old Irish man told me this one...

A man, a pig and his dog are marooned on a deserted island. After a couple of months in isolation the man becomes lonely and begins getting ideas about the pig. But every time he tries it on with the pig, the dog would start biting his leg and barking at him.

One day the man spots a beautiful woman floating on a raft out in the sea. He swims out as fast as he can and rescues her, and brings her onshore. The woman is overwhelmed with gratitude for him and says

Thank you for saving me, I will do anything you want .

With a cheeky glint in his eye, delighted with this offer, the man eagerly says

Brilliant! You see that dog? Go take him for a feckin walk

If I was stuck on a desert island with one thing, I'd want it to be a condom.

Because it would keep me safe.

A gay man, a straight woman and a programmer are stranded on a deserted island.

And you assumed the programmer was a guy.

3 men find a genie's lamp in a huge desert. The genie tells them they each get one wish.

The first guy wishes to be with his family.

POOF

He's gone.

The second guy wishes to be on an island.

POOF

He's gone

Third guy wishes for his friends to be with him.

POOF

The first two guys are back.

What happens when a red pirate ship and a brown pirate ship meet on a deserted island?

They get marooned

5 men and 1 woman are shipwrecked...

...on a deserted island. Food and water is aplenty so with nothing else to do they resort to sex as the only recreation.
After a month of constant sex the woman says:
"I've had enough of this" and kills herself.
After another month the men decide:
"Enough of this necrophilia" and bury the woman.
Another month passes and men decide:
"Enough of this sodomy" and dig up the woman...

Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp.

Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.

I want to go home, says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.

I want to go home, too, says the second friend. And the genie sends her back home.

I'm lonely, says the third friend. I sure wish my friends were back here."

Do you know why the two people who got stranded on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere without any kind of food did not starve together?

Because they were cannibals.

A desert island with six women

A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man's first words were, "Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?"

'Oh f\*ck,' thinks the man, 'there goes Mondays.'

The deserted island.

Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.

I want to go home, says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.

I want to go home, too, says the second friend. And the genie sends her back home.

I'm lonely, says the third friend. I sure wish my friends were back here."

A blonde, a red head, and a brunette are trapped on a deserted island 50 miles away from the nearest coast.

The red head decides to swim. She made it 10 miles, then drowned. The brunette also decides to swim. She made it 20 miles then drowned. Finally, the blonde decides to swim. She made it 25 miles, then she got tired and swam back to the island

A shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone.

Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.

Did you hear about the cannibal stranded alone on a desert island.

He threw up his arms and said I'm sick of myself.

I once got stuck on a deserted island. It got very lonely very fast, and I wanted some company

I decided to state my opinion on the upcoming election

The island went from deserted to crowded very quickly

A classic Russian joke...

An American, a Frenchman and a Russian are stranded on an uninhabited island. They build a shelter, catch fish for food and suddenly catch a magical Golden Fish, who promises to fulfill two wishes for each in trade for her own freedom:

The American says: "A million dollars and to go back home!" He vanishes.

The Frenchman says: "Three beautiful women and to go back home!" He vanishes as well.

The Russian look around at the deserted island, and says: "Tsk, and we were getting along so well. Three crates of vodka and the two fellas back!"

Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry are stuck on a deserted island, who survives?

Texas

Two men and a pig are trapped on a deserted island

A month in and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to kill the pig.

A month later and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to bury the pig.

One more month and the two men, ashamed of what they're doing, decides to dig the pig back up again.

An Englishman a Scotsman and a Irishman are trapped on a deserted island

One day a magic lamp washes up on shore. After rubbing the lamp a genie appears and promises them a wish each.

The Englishman says "I wish I was back at my favourite pub in London drinking beer with my mates". The genie wisks him away.

The Scotsman says "I wish I was back in Edinburgh drinking a bottle of whisky making love to my wife". The genie again wisks him away.

The Irishman is left and says "It's a bit lonely here now I wish my two mates were back here with me".

A genie and an idiot

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: 'I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here.'

Middle hut

A man was stranded on a desert island for 20 years when a navy ship finally spots him. The captain comes ashore and notices three huts. What are they used for? the captain asks.


Well, the hut one on the left is where I live, says the man. and the one on the right is where I go to church.


So what about that hut in the middle?


The man sneers, That's the church I used to attend!

Someone always has to ruin it

Three friends stranded on a desertedΒ island find a magic lamp.Β Inside it is a genie who agrees toΒ grant each friend one wish.

I want to go home, says the firstΒ friend. The genie grants her wish.

I want to go home, too, says theΒ second friend. And the genie sendsΒ her back home.

I'm lonely, says the third friend.Β  I sure wish my friends were backΒ here."

One of the Saddest Stories I've Ever Heard

The HighSchool Girls National diving team's plane crashed into the ocean, and they washed up on a deserted island.

Physically, the few survivors were unharmed, but as the days past, their minds began to crack as they realized that they had not the tools, knowledge, or materials to build a working diving board and bring some normalcy back into their lives!
…
…
But alas… The poor bastards were forced to resort to cannonballism.

The cast of Friends got shipwrecked on an deserted island...

Monica, Joey and Chandler were left behind because in real life David is a Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the desert island abandonment puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working desert island sahara piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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