Describe Jokes
152 describe jokes and hilarious describe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about describe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Learn all of the different ways to describe jokes! You'll find verbs to use, as well as exploring different inside joke techniques. Get ready to laugh with quotes and Expresso techniques, as well as understanding Carla's ridiculous approach. Read on to get the full scoop!
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Funniest Describe Short Jokes
Short describe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The describe humour may include short description jokes also.
- Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as... "The most violent book I have ever read"
- The creator of Mad Libs died this week. His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.
- I just bought a thesaurus and when I got it home, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
- I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair" - What has an N, an I, two G's, an E, and an R and can be used to describe people of a certain color? 'Ginger'
- I received a thesaurus in the mail today, but when I opened it all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
- Doctor, doctor A man goes into the doctors and says "doctor doctor I think I'm going deaf" and the doctor says "can you describe the symptoms" and he says "yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair"
- I ordered a Thesaurus recently, when it arrived all the pages were blank I have no words to describe my anger
- Doctor: describe your average night Patient: they wear suit of armor
Doctor: no, i mean at bed time
Patient: they probably take it off - Went to see my doctor about a blocked ear He asked me to describe the symptoms.
I said homer is a fat bloke and marge has blue hair
Share These Describe Jokes With Friends
Describe One Liners
Which describe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with describe? I can suggest the ones about explain and details.
- Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words Lazy
- My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy
- Words can't describe how beautiful you are... But numbers can.
2/10 - How would a Muslim describe Castro's gay, atheist lover? In Fidel.
- My teacher asked me to describe myself in 5 words... Lazy
- Describe yourself in 3 words: 1. Lazy
- My brother asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy
- The interviewer asked me, Describe yourself in three words. Lazy.
- 'Describe yourself with one word', my employer asked. 'Bad with numbers'
- Someone asked me to describe myself in 4 words I said "bad at counting"
- I was asked to describe the last two us presidents in 5 words Orange is the new black
- If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be? Lazy.
- Some one has stolen my thesaurus. I can't find the words to describe how angry i am.
- If I had to describe myself in one word... ...it would be "bad at following directions."
- How would you describe the average bully? Mean.
Ways To Describe Jokes
Here is a list of funny ways to describe jokes and even better ways to describe puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A farmhand loses both his farm and his hand after getting into a fight with his dad over politics... ...would be a really bad but accurate way to describe the plot of Star Wars.
- My friend told me he bought a 4 foot snake I told him that's a weird way to describe a lizard.
- I was looking up some baseball history, *I mean, if you know - you know* ..
But the best way to describe the lineup of the 1935 New York Yankees in one word is, 'ruthless'. - What's the best way to describe a narcissistic fisherman? Selfish.
- In the Middle East during the Crusades, what was the best way to describe someone? By taking all of their books, parchment and pencils and burning them in a bonfire
- What would be the best way to describe the winter landscape in Westeros? Stark.
- What is a good way to describe a tailor that refuses to make clothing for nuns? Non-habit forming
- What's the best way to describe getting curb stomped? sole-crushing
- What's another way to describe a contradicktion? A logical phallusy!
Term Describe Jokes
Here is a list of funny term describe jokes and even better term describe puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- We use a very accurate term to describe our government. Politics, poly meaning many, and ticks meaning bloodsucking creatures.
- What do you call the terms describing lawn ornaments? Gnomenclature
- There is a term used to describe Mongolians who follow Buddha's teachings. They are referred to as "nomads."
- I have been described by some women as a bit of a looker. v**... I think is the legal term.
- Even with all the terms there are today to describe one's gender orientation, there still wasn't one that fit me. So, I created my own: tri-s**.... I really would like to try it someday.
- What term describes a zombie's s**... life? Dear bedroom.
- What do you call a wordbook that describes s**... terms? A dicktionary

Describe Inside Jokes
Here is a list of funny describe inside jokes and even better describe inside puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How to describe something which looks like valuable but truly valnerable deeply inside? china one.
- I bought a thesaurus, but every page was blank on the inside I have no words to describe my anger

Share Hilarious Describe Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about describe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean summary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make describe pranks.
I can't describe how disappointed I am...
...that the Congo weren't in single file in the Olympic Opening Ceremony
A man walking down the street
A man walking down the street when he is approached by a p**....
"For $200 I'll perform any act for you, provided that you can describe the act in three words"
The man thinks about the offer for less than a minute and gives the woman for $200.
"OK tell me what you want me to do, but remember only in three words."
The man replies "Paint my house."
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
A man walks into a bar and asks:
"Bartender, may I have a Less?"
To which the bartender says:
"I'm sorry sir, what did you want?"
"I would like to have a Less please."
The bartender then apologizes:
"I don't know this drink, sir, could you describe it to me?"
The man answers:
"Well... I don't really know, but my doctor told me to drink less."
Dough Boy
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.
He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.
The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.
The f**... was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
I once lost my thesaurus...
and I couldn't find the words to describe how upset I was.
I lost my thesaurus when I was little...
I couldn't find the words to describe how I felt.
A daughter is seemingly possessed by a d**......
Her mother frantically calls their priest, requesting an exorcism. She describes the details "She has been spinning about wildly, climbing on the walls, running on the ceiling.. moving about non-stop!" The priest replies "I don't know what you want me to do. Sounds like she's already exercising plenty!"
I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect..
Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.
A man is walking down the street when he is approached by a p**....
"For $200 I'll perform any act you want, provided you can describe it in 3 words."
The man thinks about the offer for a moment then hands over the money and replies,
"Paint my house."
If I had to describe myself in one word...
It would be, "Unable to follow instructions."
A snail gets mugged
A snail is heading home from work, very late one night. He gets mugged by a turtle. The policeman says "Can you describe the guy?" The snail says "I don't know . . . it all happened so fast."
Potato Patch
An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred
A guy is sitting alone at the bar
when a hot girl comes up to him. She leans to his ear and whispers in a seductive tone:
"For $100 I'll do anything, as long as you can describe it in no more than three words!"
She leans back, and the man thinks about the offer for a second and answers:
"Paint my house"
Describe yourself in three words.
Lazy.
I got my family banned from playing Family Feud today.
The category was "Describe your s**... life with a Spongebob quote"
and apparently "ARE YOU READY KIDS?" was not the right answer.
Describe your s**... life in two words.
"My what?"
So my friend had some issue with his hearing....
My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."
Words can't describe how beautiful someone is...
But numbers can. 4/10
So it turns out I'm incapable of describing my feelings.
Can't say I'm surprised...
I went for a job interview
I went for a job interview last Tuesday and was asked to describe myself in three words.
"Violent when disappointed," I replied.
I hope to get the appointment letter on Monday.
A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang...
....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.
I can describe my girlfriend and 9/11 in one word
bush
I just bought a thesaurus
I just bought a thesaurus from the book store, however when I got home I found that all the pages were blank! I have no words to describe how angry I am.
I got a thesaurus the other day, but all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am!
My Dad got me a thesaurus for Christmas last year
But when I opened it every single page was blank.
I didn't have the words to describe how angry I was.
I went to the doctors about my hearing..
I went to the doctors about my hearing and the doctors asked me "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said "Yeah, Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair"
Went to the doctors yesterday...
..I said: "doc, im having problems with my hearing"...."really? Can you describe the symptons?" he replied I said "yes, Marge has blue hair and Homers a fat bloke"
Amy Schumer gets mad when people describe her as fat, s**..., and disgusting..
because she doesn't like when people steal her material.
So my parents were "debating" at the dinner table the other night
Mom: Cougar is the term used to describe an older woman who desires young men. I'm seeing a double standard here. Why isn't there a term for an older man who desires young women? What is he called?
Dad: Smart.
A policeman arrives at the crime scene
"Now, Madam, can you describe the man who stole your handbag?"
"Oh, it all happened so fast! He pushed me over from behind, I didn't see him at all. One thing though; he was a vegan."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me as he was running off."
What do you call a religious song from Helsinki that describes the end of a Mortal Kombat match?
A Finnish Hymn
Guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems...
Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms?
Guy: Yeah, Homers the fat one and Marge has big blue hair
A man is walking down the street when he is approached by a p**......
... "For $200, I'll perform any act for you," she tells him, "provided that you can describe the act in three words." The man thinks about the offer for less than a moment and gives the woman $200. "OK, tell me what you want me to do, but remember, only in three words," she tells him. The man, who has been quiet throughout the exchange says, "Paint my house."
H.P. Lovecraft walks into a bar...
and the rest of the joke is too funny even to describe, dear reader.
The dictionary I ordered on eBay had only blank pages
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband Says..
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
I got a job interview as an under-water welder..
Interviewer: so how would you describe yourself?
Me : well I'd say i work well under pressure
The first rule about Thesaurus club is
that you do not talk, speak, prattle, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal, or converse about Thesaurus Club.
It's so cold outside...
...the local f**... just described himself to me
Why does the head of EA like micro transactions so much?
It describes two distinct parts of his s**... life
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
You're so pretty that words can't even describe.
But numbers can: 6/10
A doctor & a lawyer are talking at a party.
A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.
I wish the name of a business would describe what it sells...
Curry's doesn't sell curries, dominos doesn't sell dominoes, and the v**... megastore, what a disappointment.
I just bought a new dictionary at my local book store, but when I got home the pages were blank...
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
During an interview, the interviewer told me to describe myself using 3 adjectives. My response was...
"Lazy."
Doctor... there's something wrong with my hearing!
Describe the symptoms....
Uh...Well Marge has blue hair....homer is fat...
Describe your s**... life with a movie title
Ready Player One
Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...
He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.
"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."
He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.
"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."
A young man is taking a driving test
The instructor describes a situation: "You're driving along and suddenly there are two people in front of you. A bit to the left there's an old hag and a bit to the right there's a beautiful young woman. Your car can't make it between them. What do you do?"
The young man says: "Well I'll go for the old hag."
The instructor shakes his head and says: "Really? You won't hit the brakes?"
Amazon
I ordered a thesaurus from Amazon but when it was delivered all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
The receptionist got a bit shocked when a nun comes running out at full speed, with an expression that could only be described as pure horror.
Receptionist: What in gods name happened to her? The receptionist asked the doctor.
Doctor: Well, I told her she was pregnant.
Receptionist: Pregnant? A nun? Was she really?
Doctor: Of course not, but atleast I managed to cure her hiccups...
I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus from Amazon that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
Doctor: Can you describe the snake that bit you?
Patient: Yes. It looked like an angry rope.
Is there a word to describe answers that are completely correct but entirely useless?
Yes, there is.
I finally bought the limited edition thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
The other day I bought a thesaurus. I opened it up and all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how upset I was.
My dad died, and I wanted to talk to him in the afterlife.
So I went to a woman who could speak with the dead. I told her my situation, and described my dad. She went into a trance and, after a few moments, said "I'm communing with your father."
Then she smiled, so I punched her.
"What did you do that for?!" she demanded, shocked.
"It's what my dad would have wanted," I told her. "He always said it's important to strike a happy medium."
If I had to describe myself in 3 words
lazy
therapist: describe this picture
me: that's my father yelling at me
therapist: and this one
me: you having s**... with my wife
therapist: and this one
me: aren't these normally ink blots
A waitress spots a dejected looking man staring at the menu...
Concerned, she approaches and asks if she can help.
Man: I'd like to order my late wife's usual meal but I can't remember it...
Waitress: I'm so sorry! Could you describe it to me? I'm sure we can figure out what her favorite was.
Man: No, it's fine. I'll just text her, she should be out of the shower by now.

