Derail Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"

I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."

I asked a train engineer how many times he had derailed.

He said


"I don't know it's hard to keep track."

Donald Trump is giving a speech at an elementary school

He is trying to explain to these young children what a tragedy is. A young boy asks if his parents dying from a terrible illness is a tragedy.

"No," Trump replies, "I would consider that a great loss"

A young girl asks if a train derailing, killing all 250 people onbard would be a tragedy.

"No, that is what you call an accident." Trump again replies.
"Look, say if I was flying in my presidential jet, and it crashed and I died, then that would be a tragedy."

A little girl responds, "Well I agree, it certainly would be no great loss, nor would it be an accident."

Elephant ambiguity

A circus train derailed in a very rural area and several animals escaped throughout the countryside. An elephant wandered into an elderly lady's garden and began eating her vegetables. She looked out from inside her house and saw the animal. Being nearsighted and never having seen an elephant, she phoned the sheriff and exclaimed "Sheriff, sheriff, come quick; there is some kind of critter in my garden, it is bigger than my toolshed, and it is pulling up my turnips with its tail!". The sheriff replied,"Pulling turnips up with its tail? What is it doing with them?" The old lady squinted through the window and reluctantly replied, "Sheriff, if I told you, you wouldn't believe me!

Experts now bringing in Ozzy Osbourne to assess the Amtrak derailment in Washington

As he is certified on going off the rails on a crazy train.

A train carrying 12 members of congress derailed and hit a truck today

It was too crooked

Why did the train sound effect album get derailed?

The tracks were unfinished.

Why did the Mexican terrorist derail the train?

Because he had a loco motive.

My boss yelled at me the other day, You've got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?"

I said, I'm not sure, it's so hard to keep track.

What are the funniest derail jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Derail? Well, here are the best Derail puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Derail pick up lines to share with friends.

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