Der Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Der puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Der

A father Is lounging in his study..

When one of his daughters walks in and asks "Daddy.. why is my name Rose?" The father replys "Because when you were born, we dropped a rose petal on your face." The second daughter barges in and asks "Daddy why Is my name Daisy?" The father replys "Because when you were born, we dropped a daisy petal on your face." The third daughter stumbles through the door and exclaims "DUR HERM DER BAHRRRR!?!?!" The father jumps out of his chair and yells "SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK!!!"

An Ole and Lena joke

Lena: "Der is trouble vit da car, sveetheart. It has vater in da carburetor."


Ole: "Vater in da carburetor? Dat is ridiculous."


Lena: "Ole, I tell you da car has vater in the carburetor."


Ole: "You don't even know vat a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Ver is da car?"

Lena: "In da lake."

As a chemist, i'm not very good at the guitar...

...anyway, here's van der Waal

There were three sisters

One named Lilly, one named Rose, and the other named Cinderblock. One day Lilly went to their mother and asked, "Mom, why did you name me Lilly?"

"Well, when you were a baby, a lilly petal fell on your head," mother replied.

So then Rose went to her mother and asked, "Mom, why did you name me Rose?"

"Because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head," mother replied.

So then Cinderblock went to her mother and asked, "der der duh der duh"

A Comparison of the Different Languages

**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"

**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"

**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"

**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.

**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten testicles instead.

What do chemists say when they wanna play a song at guitar?

"Anyway, here's van der Waal."

What kind of calculus do frogs use?

Der - ribbit - tives

Helping your neighbour South African Style

Hello, is this the South African Police?
Eish-Yes. What you want?
I'm calling to report my neighbour, Hendrik van der Merwe! He is hiding dagga (Cannabis) inside his firewood.
Eeeh-Yes…Thank you for your co-operasheen and informasheen in combating crime and violence, in our society suh
The next day, the Police descends on Hendrik's house. They search the braai lapa (BBQ area) where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they chop open every piece of wood, but find no dagga (Cannabis) . They shout and swear at Hendrik and leave.
The phone rings at Hendrik's house.
Hey, Hendrik! Did the Police come?
Ja! (Yes!)
Did they chop your firewood for the braai (BBQ) tonight?
Ja… (Yes...)
Happy birthday my friend!

I'm a chemist and I can play the guitar

Anyway, here's Van der Waal

[A non-anti-semitic Jewish Joke]: In 1939, a Jewish man walked past a cafe in Berlin and saw a fellow Jew sitting outside reading Der StΓΌrmer.

The passerby was shocked.

"How can you read such horrible stuff?" he wanted to know.

"All the other papers," the man quietly explained, "are filled with Jewish tragedy. But in *this* paper, it's just the opposite. It says we Jews control absolutely everything. I find it rather reassuring!"

Why did Mr. T reject Marxism?

Because Marx said "You have nothing to lose but your chains."


*^(Manifest der Kommunistischen Partei - 1848)*

What is a chemist's favorite brand of shoes?

Vans of der Waals

Did you hear Oasis's new song about the attraction and repulsion of atoms?

"And after all, you're my Van der Waals"

What's an antonym for under?

der

What does the douchey atom play on guitar?

And after aaaaaall,

You're my Van der Waaaaal.

What did the witch say when Gretel pushed her into the oven?

"eyner muzn zeyn der ershter."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes