Depressive Jokes
26 depressive jokes and hilarious depressive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about depressive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Depressive Short Jokes
Short depressive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The depressive humour may include short depressed jokes also.
- If you're depressed, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed. It'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
- I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line... Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck... - My wife said she is leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants... Guess I won't be needing those anymore.
- Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. - What is the difference between standup comedy, and motivational speaking? Which side of the mic the depressed people are on.
- If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water, before you go to bed. That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
- Why are people from New York always depressed. Because the light at the end of the tunnel is always Jersey.
- I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression. Then I realized alcohol is a solution.
- Stop sending toys to children in Africa It's gotta be depressing, getting a Tamagotchi that will outlive you.
- Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed I'm sure they'll soon get over it
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Depressive One Liners
Which depressive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with depressive? I can suggest the ones about depressed person and depressed kid.
- Denial, anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance Saturday, Sunday
- What do you call your co-workers in a boring and depressing workplace? Melancolleague(s)
- Ohio is stealing my life story A series of train wrecks in an already depressed area
- A depressed Storm Trooper goes to the bar for some jager shots. He goes home sober.
- Why was kurt cobain depressed at 13? Midlife Crisis.
- What's the best way to overcome depression? Love it, so it leaves you as well.
- I was going to make a depressed joke But my parents already did.
- I made a 3D game about a depressed self-harming goth It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.
- What do you call 2 depressed bears? bipolar
- Name a popular state that most people live in. Depression
- What's big, Scottish, and depressing? Scotland.
- What did Odysseus say to the depressed Cyclops? Nobody cares.
- My dentist told me to open up.... so I started telling him how depressed I was.
- Did you hear about the depressed French chef? He'd lost the huile d'olive.
- If you think Thursdays are depressed, wait for two more days.... It will be a sadder day.
Happy Depressive Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about depressive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad depressing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make depressive pranks.
My dad first talked to me about s**... when I was going to college.
He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."
My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, I'm so sorry
... but you can't count Missouri twice.
My buddy just came to me all depressed and said My son flunked the third grade, and I just don't know how to break it to him.
So I said well…probably better tell him pretty slowly, so the little d**... will get it."
A horse walks into a bar...
and orders a beer.
As the bartender serves him, he looks at the horse and says "hey, why the long face, pal? Are you depressed?"
The horse ponders for a second, scratches his chin, and says "I don't think I am" - and promptly disappears.
See, this is a joke about Rene Descartes' famous statement, "I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned this at the start of the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.
A horse walks into a bar.......
The bartender asks "hey, why the long face? Are you depressed?"
The horse ponders for a second, scratches his chin, and says "I don't think I am" and promptly disappears.
You see, this is a joke about Rene Descartes' famous statement "I think, therefore I am" and I could have mentioned this at the start of the joke, but *that would be putting Descartes before the horse*.
I was seriously depressed after a recent loss. My GF bought me an Xbox
But that didn't help. So she tried a Playstation - no luck there either. She ended up going through everything from a Sega Master System to a Nintendo Switch, but nothing helped - turns out I was just inconsolable
Since I'm going away to college, my Dad sat me down to have a talk.
He said OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.
I said It's ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.
He's said No - anti-depressants.
