The Best 72 Depression Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Depression jokes. There are some depression manic jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these depression medication puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Depression Jokes and Puns

President of Columbia has announced that the country is going into severe economic depression...

...since the deaths of Amy Winehouse and Whitney Houston.

Russian pharmacy

Doctor: This medicine is from insomnia, this one is from nervous break-down, and also take this one from depression.

Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?

What are lesbians prescribed for depression?

tricoxagin

(say it a couple times you'll figure it out)

Depression joke, What are lesbians prescribed for depression?

Depression

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.


After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday....

But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Fuck it, soldier on!”

The secret to wealth

A young man once asked a rich older man how he made all his money.
The dapper old fellow smoothed his tailored jacket and said, "Well young man, it was 1932, in the depths of the Great Depression. I was down to the last penny I had."

"I took that penny and I went and bought an apple. I spent the whole day shining that apple until it gleamed like the sun, then I took that apple to the market and sold it for two cents."

"The next day I took those two cents and bought two apples. I shined those apples all day and night until they were perfect, then I sold them at the market for four cents the next day. I worked at it like this for a month, sometimes selling, sometimes not, and at the end of the month I'd amassed myself a fortune. Nearly eight whole dollars. I'd never been so proud of myself in my life."

"Then my wife's father died and left us 2 million bucks."

Depression joke, The secret to wealth

Guilty and Depression!

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist.

"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"For Pete's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

A man is at the airport. The airline attendant asks the man, "Do you have any baggage?"

He replies, "I haven't talked to my parents in 3 years, I have depression, and I'm still a virgin."

Winds of 108mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering...

Yes, I forgot our anniversary again.

1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance ...

The 5 stages of buying petrol.

You can explore depression ptsd reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean depression manic depression dad jokes. There are also depression puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


"Masturbation can help relieve depression and lead to a higher sense of self-esteem, as well as reduce the risk of prostate cancer."

And apparently that is not the correct answer to give when being questioned by the police as to why I was jacking off while riding the bus.

How to get rich

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

Doctor said getting some natural light would help with my depression.

Now I'm depressed *and* hung over.

Hippocrates and the Prophet

Tiresias, blind prophet of Apollo, once went to Hippocrates with a serious case of depression. In no time, Hippocrates had figured it out -- "Aha!" said he; "an imbalance of black bile!" He bled the excess melancholia into an urn and handed it to the prophet. Tiresias did not see the humour.

People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!

Side effects of life are include depression, anxiety, pain both emotional and physical, shortness of breath, physical and mental deterioration, weariness, sleepiness, insomnia, thought of suicide, and misery. Prolonged use may result in death.

Depression joke, People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!

My cross-eyed friend was just diagnosed with depression.

I'm not surprised - he never looks forward to anything.

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.

It's called Trycoxagain.

2016 Denial

2017 Anger

2018 Bargaining

2019 Depression

2020 Acceptance


I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression.

Then I realized alcohol is a solution.

My grandpa always said...

They were so poor, if he wasn't born a boy during the Depression, he would of had nothing to play with.

A Russian doctor is treating his patient.

*"Take this for insomnia... take this for depression... and take this for anxiety."*

*"Thank you Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides Vodka?"*

I have a cross eyed friend who just got diagnosed with depression.

Makes sense because he never looks forward to anything.

Depression in Mexico

There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.

Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.

I walked into the doctor's office one day.

"It appears that you are severely depressed, so I reccomend you take some medication for this..." the doctor told me, writing something down.

I asked, "How much longer do I have to live?"

Confused, the doctor replied "Sir, besides depression, you're actually very healthy."

I asked again "I know, but how much longer do I *have* to live?"

Name a popular state that most people live in.

Depression

What's the difference between crippling depression and crippled depression?

One can't get out of bed because they're depressed, the other is depressed because they can't get out of bed.

Your mother is so fat that she fell into deep depression

and she broke it.

What do you call symptoms of depression?

"Blues Clues"

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression.

What a sad state of affairs.

In the US, what state are the most people in?

Depression.

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.

Cr

Why did the restaurant staff deem the waiters absence due to depression to be a technical issue?

Because their servers were down.

After both suffering from depression, my wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday.

But once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better.

I really hope this country doesn't slip into depression...

Because if it does Trump will make sure it is the *Greatest* depression it has ever seen.

Being in a state of depression is one of the worst place to find yourself.

But at least it's not Mississippi.

Michigan is leading in rates of both marital infidelity and depression.

It's a sad state of affairs.

The cure for my depression is right around the corner.

Yes, here comes my train now.

What is long, hard to handle and keeps her up all night?

Clinical Depression

I have been trying Chinese medicine for depression for about two months now

I think its working. My tears have certainly been repressed.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Saturday, Sunday

What's the best way to overcome depression?

Love it, so it leaves you as well.

45 year old me: "Doctor, I have post birth depression." Doctor: "But you haven't birthed."

Me: "But I was born"

Apparently, Nevada has the highest rate of depression and disloyal partners.

What a sad state of affairs.

If 4 out of 5 people suffer with depression in their lifetime

Does that mean one actually enjoys it?

Did you hear the latest Microsoft Office update can cure depression?

It gives you an improved Outlook

My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.

Wow thanks I'm cured.

My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, I'm so sorry

... but you can't count Missouri twice.

The US government has been there for us through hard times From the great depression, the numerous market crashes, through pandemics of flu and tragedies like the loss of American lives.

I'm starting to think they're bad luck

Trump did make one thing about America great again!

The depression.

I have a depression joke...

but ultimately it's too long, doesn't really go anywhere, and eventually makes you wonder if it's even worth continuing

If Jada Pinkett Smith one day falls into depression.

It's because she lost her Will.

My wife's cooking is pretty good, but it makes me sad when she uses so much spice.

I'm starting to think I have seasonal depression.

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.

It's called Enditol.

An old millionaire is asked how he gained his wealth...

He says: "When I was a young man in the middle of the Great Depression, all I had was five cents. With that five cents, I bought an apple, shined and scrubbed it all day, and at the end of the day, I sold it for ten cents. With the ten cents, I bought two apples, scrubbed and shined them all day, and at the end of the day, I sold them for twenty cents. This went on for a week. Then my uncle died and left me twenty million dollars."

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up

I now suffer from anxiety and depression

To the guy that stole my depression medication...

I hope you're happy.

If you are suffering from acute depression, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed....

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

What do you call a Emo kid in Hawaii?

A Tropical Depression

Side effects may include weight gain, depression and loss of sex drive.

Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you.

I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

Basic Psychology

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

I was feeling lethargic and apathetic so I took a vacation to the Bahamas. Still completely unmotivated, I just sat on the beach with a bottle of rum for hours and watched as a storm rolled in.

I was in a tropical depression.

People say you cant be sad in Hawaii, its a magical place

Apparently, they've never heard of a tropical depression.

Opposites

A theology professor at a rural community college started the class by asking the students, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said one student. "And the opposite of depression?" "Elation," said another. "And how about the opposite of woe?"

A redneck in the back of the class stood up from his seat and said, "I reckon that would be giddy up, mister."

Instagram causes depression in teenage girls...

...just like everything else.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it had crippling depression, it was constantly reminded that it's life was worthless to those it was looked down on by. A mere piece of meat, not a living creature, worthy of respect, and dignity. It didn't want to live in a constant state of fear and depression, knowing that it's only purpose in life would be death. So it escaped the farm, and took off to the highway... it saw the lights, and though the creature feared death, it was relieved to be free from the fear that plagued it.

So in short... to get to the other side.

Which came first? Having to do yard work or my drinking problem?

Trick question. It was my depression.

A recent study found that California has the highest rate of Depression and Infidelity in America.

It's a sad state of affairs.

After years of depression, hoping for the dark times to pass, God finally answered my prayers.

He said no.

What medication does Putin take for his depression?

USSRIs

I was talking to my friend about depression and he told me... "It could be worse...you could be stuck in an underground hole filled with water"

I know he means well.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the depression acceptance jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working depression cure piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes