Depression Jokes
176 depression jokes and hilarious depression puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about depression that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Managing depression can indeed be a daunting task. But humor, often seen as the best medicine, can occasionally shed light within such abyss. This article presents a list of Jokes About Depression that aim to add a touch of humor to an intensely serious topic.
Considering various aspects like the Seasonal Depression, Anti-Depression methods, or even the effects of Tropical Depressions, these jokes can provide an unexpected yet refreshing perspective. They might come handy when trying to lighten the mood in support groups, counseling sessions, or when anxiety and depression seem to team up against you.
While it is essential to remember that depression, rated as one of the worst mental health conditions, is a serious matter, these jokes are devised to remind us of the healing power of laughter in our darkest times. Let’s venture into laughter while acknowledging and addressing this profound issue.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Depression Short Jokes
Short depression jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The depression humour may include short depressive jokes also.
- If you're depressed, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed. It'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
- I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line... Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck... - My wife said she is leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants... Guess I won't be needing those anymore.
- Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. - What is the difference between standup comedy, and motivational speaking? Which side of the mic the depressed people are on.
- If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water, before you go to bed. That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
- Why are people from New York always depressed. Because the light at the end of the tunnel is always Jersey.
- I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression. Then I realized alcohol is a solution.
- Stop sending toys to children in Africa It's gotta be depressing, getting a Tamagotchi that will outlive you.
- Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed I'm sure they'll soon get over it
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Depression One Liners
Which depression one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with depression? I can suggest the ones about depressed person and anxiety.
- Denial, anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance Saturday, Sunday
- What do you call your co-workers in a boring and depressing workplace? Melancolleague(s)
- Ohio is stealing my life story A series of train wrecks in an already depressed area
- A depressed Storm Trooper goes to the bar for some jager shots. He goes home sober.
- Why was kurt cobain depressed at 13? Midlife Crisis.
- What's the best way to overcome depression? Love it, so it leaves you as well.
- I was going to make a depressed joke But my parents already did.
- I made a 3D game about a depressed self-harming goth It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.
- What do you call 2 depressed bears? bipolar
- Name a popular state that most people live in. Depression
- What's big, Scottish, and depressing? Scotland.
- What did Odysseus say to the depressed Cyclops? Nobody cares.
- My dentist told me to open up.... so I started telling him how depressed I was.
- Did you hear about the depressed French chef? He'd lost the huile d'olive.
- If you think Thursdays are depressed, wait for two more days.... It will be a sadder day.
Great Depression Jokes
Here is a list of funny great depression jokes and even better great depression puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Trump did make one thing about America great again! The depression.
- I have a great joke about depression, wanna hear it? *sigh* Who am I kidding?
You'll hate it anyways. - Did you hear about the depressed potter? He was doing great, until he cracked and kilned himself.
- What do you call a fat man trying out a new tempurpedic mattress? The great depression
- What do you call a Donkey Kong game that is set during the Great Depression? The Apes of Wrath
- What caused the Great depression? A lack of comedians
- What did the dog say during the Great Depression? These are ruff times
- What was the best job to have during the Great Depression? Therapist
- Did you hear about the ditch dug in the early 20th century? It was a great depression.
- A book never written... The Great Depression by M. Ellen Cauley.
Anti Depression Jokes
Here is a list of funny anti depression jokes and even better anti depression puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- To the guy who stole my anti-depressant medication I hope you're happy now.
- Whoever stole my anti-depressants, I hope your happy now.
- You know what they say about anti-depressants? The more the merrier :)
- Growing up in poverty, my mom was a lot like my anti-depressants... Neither of them really worked.
- To the man who stole my anti-depression meds. I hope you're happy now.
- I got my medications mixed up. I confused my anti-depressant medication with my erectile dysfunction medication. Life just keeps getting harder.
- To the guy who stole my anti-depressants HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY
- To whoever took my anti-depressants I hope you're happy
- Somebody stole my anti depressants.. Whoever you are.. I hope you're fking happy!
- To who ever stole my anti depressants I hope you're happy!
Crippling Depression Jokes
Here is a list of funny crippling depression jokes and even better crippling depression puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression... Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
- What's the difference between crippling depression and crippled depression? One can't get out of bed because they're depressed, the other is depressed because they can't get out of bed.
- Ronda Rouseys next fight has been announced! Ronda Rousey V. Crippling Depression
- My financial adviser asked me what I bring home at the end of every month. "Crippling depression," I told him.
- What do you call a hole that handicaps people? Crippling depression
- Recent studies show that 100% of people disabled from the waist down are diagnosed with a mental disorder Crippling Depression
- Your momma is so fat... She has crippling depression and it causes severe problems with her social life.
- Only 90's kids will get this! Crippling depression and social anxiety
- Atleast my crippling depression keeps me going I'm a real self-loathivator
- If Happiness was as easy to invoke as Hate..... I probably wouldn't have crippling depression right now.
Tropical Depression Jokes
Here is a list of funny tropical depression jokes and even better tropical depression puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a Emo kid in Hawaii? A Tropical Depression
- What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas? Tropical depressions.
- People say you cant be sad in Hawaii, its a magical place Apparently, they've never heard of a tropical depression.
- A Puerto Rican meteorologist sought counseling. When asked "why?" he replied, "Tropical Depression."
- If I was a storm, do you know what kind of storm I would be? A Tropical Depression
- Why did the Island need a Therapist? Because it was in a tropical depression.
- A tropical storm goes through Mississippi and Alabama and becomes a tropical depression.
- What do you call a sad Hawaiian A tropical depression
- What do you get when you feel down near the equator? tropical depression
- What's the opposite of Seasonal Affective Disorder? A tropical depression.
Seasonal Depression Jokes
Here is a list of funny seasonal depression jokes and even better seasonal depression puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife's cooking is pretty good, but it makes me sad when she uses so much spice. I'm starting to think I have seasonal depression.
- Seasonal depression is kinda like a catholic woman giving birth... It's gonna happen whether you like it or not and once it's done you know the next one's only 9 months away.
- Depression Doctor: I think you suffer from seasonal depression.
Patient: I think it's chronic depression.
Doctor: why?
Patient; because I hate my life in the summer too. - I have seasonal depression I'm depressed in the spring, summer, fall and winter
- Ever since Daylight Savings I'm no longer depressed... Now I'm Seasonally Depressed.
- What do private roads and people with seasonal depression have in common? Neither gets plowed in the winter.
- Which bodybuilders treat winter as their cutting season? The bodybuilders who have seasonal depression
- I Always Look Forward To Seasonal Depression
- What's the best way to cure seasonal depression? s**....
-A bit of black humor for black friday
Howlingly Hilarious Depression Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about depression you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean depressed kid jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make depression pranks.
My dad first talked to me about s**... when I was going to college.
He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."
Depressed race car mechanic.
Scene: a psychiatrists practice:
'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonderful thing is out there purring, but I'll never get to enjoy it. ...'
'Well sir, I think I understand just fine, my brother in law has the exact same problem.'
'Is he a mechanic too doc?'
'No, a gynecologist'
So an old lady's husband dies...
The old lady depressed and wants to kill herself goes to the doctor and asks him "Where is the heart located?" The doctor tells her it is under the left breast. The old lady goes to the gun store and buys a gun, goes home and puts the gun under her left breast and pulls the trigger. The old lady was soon admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.
Depression
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the s**... Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
My wife isn't speaking to me.
A man walks into a bar,looking all bummed out, and orders a drink. After a few minutes he orders another. About thirty minutes later he orders a few more drinks.
The bartenders asks," Dude you look really depressed. Is everything okay?"
The man explains," My wife and I got into big fight. She says she won't speak to me for 31 days."
The bartender asks," Well isn' t that a good thing."
The man replies," Sadly, tonight's the last night."
What do frogs do when they are depressed?
They Kermit s**....
So I was in a public library and saw a homeless man I had seen around town on facebook.
It got pretty depressing because the page wouldn't load every time he tried to click 'home'...
What do fat women get for Valentine's day?
Depressed
An old snake
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine, doc. I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit s**... yesterday....
But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, f**... it, soldier on!
The secret to wealth
A young man once asked a rich older man how he made all his money.
The dapper old fellow smoothed his tailored jacket and said, "Well young man, it was 1932, in the depths of the Great Depression. I was down to the last penny I had."
"I took that penny and I went and bought an apple. I spent the whole day shining that apple until it gleamed like the sun, then I took that apple to the market and sold it for two cents."
"The next day I took those two cents and bought two apples. I shined those apples all day and night until they were perfect, then I sold them at the market for four cents the next day. I worked at it like this for a month, sometimes selling, sometimes not, and at the end of the month I'd amassed myself a fortune. Nearly eight whole dollars. I'd never been so proud of myself in my life."
"Then my wife's father died and left us 2 million bucks."
When I got depressed, I joined the Army.
I didn't have any experience or motivation, I just wanted a soldier to cry on.
How to get rich
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
The Unluckiest Guy in the world
A huge guy is drinking in a bar with his friend, when suddenly he sees a dude who looks really depressed. He looks at his friend and goes, 'You see the guy that seems to be having a really bad day? Well I'm gonna make his day even worse'. So he walks up to the dude and drinks the glass that was in front of him. The dude suddenly breaks into tears and starts crying hysterically. So the guy is surprised and tries to calm him down: ' Dude relax! I was just messing with you. I'll buy another drink'. The dude wipes off his tears and goes, 'I just had the worst day of my life. My car broke down on my way to work so I had to take a cab. I forgot my briefcase in the cab and cost my company millions of dollars. They fired me and I owe them their millions. When I got back from work, I found my wife in bed with my best friend. After all that I decided to end my life with a glass of poison, and you didn't even let me do that!'
A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller
Hoping for good news he goes to meet with a fortune teller.
The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, "You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you"
The frog gets excited and says, "Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?"
"No," replied the fortune teller, "in her biology class."
Whenever I feel depressed in life.. I open my E-Mail spam inbox
I find:
* 10 banks are giving me easy loans.
* I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.
* 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.
* 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.
* Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall.
* 3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.
* And Approx 40-50 mails from different girls who are feeling lonely and want to meet me.
Doctor said getting some natural light would help with my depression.
Now I'm depressed *and* hung over.
An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...
An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired in Bradford
It seems that a caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet my maker."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."
All of the fortune tellers I've met are either really depressing or overly enhusiastic.
Why can't I find a happy medium?
A bullet walks into a bar, depressed.
"Why the sad face?" asks the bartender.
"I got fired."
God see's Adam feeling depressed, and he decides help him out.
God says, " Adam, I will make you a companion who will cook for you, clean for you, do your laundry and please you in every way you can imagine".
Adam says, "Wow! This sounds great, but what will it cost me?"
God replies,"An arm and a leg".
Adam thinks about this for a second and says, "What can I get for a rib?"
Why was the necrophiliac depressed?
His rotten girlfriend split on him.
Password security questions for the depressed
What is the name of your least favorite child?
In what year did you abandon your dreams?
What is the maiden name of your father's mistress?
At what age did your childhood pet run away?
What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?
In what city did you first experience ennui?
What is your ex-wife's newest last name?
What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?
What was the middle name of your first rebound?
On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?
When did you stop trying?
Why is North Korea so depressing?
Because it ain't got no Seoul.
A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from s**....
The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in i**..., but unfortunately the zoo couldn't afford to import a male gorilla just for her to have s**....
Giving his funding situation, he goes up to the janitor and asks him "Hey, for $500, would you have s**... with this gorilla?"
The janitor thought about it for a minute, and then replied "Sure, on three conditions. First condition, I don't want to kiss her."
"Okay sure! I wouldn't expect you to!"
The janitor then stated "Second condition. I don't want anyone knowing about this ordeal."
"Sure, fine! Not a problem! What's your third condition?"
Janitor said "Give me at least 2 weeks to come up with the $500"
Monkey Business
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the r**... janitor of the zoo if he'll have s**... with the gorilla for $500.
The r**... says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The r**... says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
What is the collective noun for a group of depressives?
A melancolony
Last year I felt miserable and depressed, but this year I've managed to turn it around.
Now I feel depressed and miserable.
A new drug has been developed for l**... with depression.
It's called Trycoxagain.
Why did the toy company stop donating toys to kids in Africa?
Because it's pretty depressing to have a Tamagotchi that'll out-live you.
Yesterday, I got so depressed..
..I spent entire day listening to Celine Dion records.
.
.
Or that's what I thought until I realised my cat had fallen in to the dryer.
My grandpa always said...
They were so poor, if he wasn't born a boy during the Depression, he would of had nothing to play with.
My buddy just came to me all depressed and said My son flunked the third grade, and I just don't know how to break it to him.
So I said well…probably better tell him pretty slowly, so the little d**... will get it."
Since I'm going away to college, my Dad sat me down to have a talk.
He said OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.
I said It's ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.
He's said No - anti-depressants.
A Russian doctor is treating his patient.
*"Take this for insomnia... take this for depression... and take this for anxiety."*
*"Thank you Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides v**...?"*
I have a cross eyed friend who just got diagnosed with depression.
Makes sense because he never looks forward to anything.
My friend just came to me all depressed because his kid's failing 3rd grade, and he doesn't know how to break it to him.
Apparently slowly wasn't the advice he was looking for.
I visited Stockholm
At first the place depressed me and I wanted to leave. Now, I love the place so much and want to stay forever.
Edgy jokes are like my life
Sad and depressing but people still manage to laugh at it.
Depression in Mexico
There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.
Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.
I walked into the doctor's office one day.
"It appears that you are severely depressed, so I reccomend you take some medication for this..." the doctor told me, writing something down.
I asked, "How much longer do I have to live?"
Confused, the doctor replied "Sir, besides depression, you're actually very healthy."
I asked again "I know, but how much longer do I *have* to live?"
Every time I put my key in the ignition, a light comes on that says, "depress clutch to start."
So I lean down and tell the clutch, "Everybody likes brake and accelerater better than you."
Why did the depressed chicken stop in the middle of the road?
To get to the Other Side
Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression.
What a sad state of affairs.
Husband on second day of marriage :-
He went to the makeup artist who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her a beautifully packed iphone X box.
Make up artist opened the box with great happiness but was suddenly depressed to see a Nokia 1100.
Husband smiled and said "same feeling I had when I saw my wife this morning"
Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?
It's a sad state of affairs.
Cr
If it wasn't for my wife, I'd probably be writing depressive Facebook messages all day.
But she changed my password.
I was depressed, after some soul searching I discovered I s**... indentify as Mistletoe..
I can't wait to hang myself on Christmas.
What's white and falls from the sky?
Depressed Businessmen
A sad man at the bar
A man sat at a bar looking really depressed. Why the long face? asked the bartender
Well, my wife got mad at me and wouldn't speak to me for a month.
What! That's a blessing in disguise! You'll get peace and quiet for a whole month, said the bartender.
The problem is, replied the man, today's the last day.
It's rainy outside, gf is looking through the window totally depressed... I don't know what to do
Should I let her come in ?
The cure for my depression is right around the corner.
Yes, here comes my train now.
A homeless vagabond approaches a woman, who is about to commit s**... from by throwing her self from the rooftop.
Vagabond says
- excuse me, lady. I know you are very depressed. But you know... eh... I've never been with a woman, can you sleep with me, your going to kill your self anyway...
Woman replies
-what, are you crazy!
To what he answers
-fine, I'll wait downstairs!
A store owner is depressed when he noticed a sign on his neighbors business saying "Best Deals"
He feels even worse when the business on the other side of him puts up a sign saying
"Lowest Prices"
But then an idea struck him!
The next day he bought an even bigger sign reading "Main Entrance"
Cooking with French ingredients always makes me depressed.
Yesterday I almost lost the huile d'olive.
Two friends are talking to each other, and one says to the other,
"I've been kinda worried about you man, you're kinda in a slump right now, you seem kinda depressed."
The other looked at him in a state of shock, and said,
"You're a great friend, but you don't have to worry about me, s**...'ll be the last thing I do."
My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.
Wow thanks I'm cured.
My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, I'm so sorry
... but you can't count Missouri twice.
My depressed roommate is into a**... asphyxiation
Every time I see a noose around his head, I don't know if he's coming or going
A depressed man walks into a library
Depressed man: do you have any books on s**...?
Library staff: yes it's on the third shelf over there
Depressed man: walks to third shelf
Depressed man after a few minutes: I can't seem to find any.
Library staff: yep it's awful cause they never bring them back
