Uplifting Depressing Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
Depressed race car mechanic.
Scene: a psychiatrists practice:
'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonderful thing is out there purring, but I'll never get to enjoy it. ...'
'Well sir, I think I understand just fine, my brother in law has the exact same problem.'
'Is he a mechanic too doc?'
'No, a gynecologist'
So I was in a public library and saw a homeless man I had seen around town on facebook.
It got pretty depressing because the page wouldn't load every time he tried to click 'home'...
Why is being a washed-up comedian more depressing than being in a washed-up band?
Because if you kill yourself, at least your bandmates can find your body.
What would the most depressing game show be?
Biggest Loser: All-Stars.
Adrian Peterson just announced his retirement from the NFL
and will be joining the Minnesota Twins as a switch hitter.
(Sorry, news was too depressing not to joke about it)
Donating Tamagotchis to Africans
Whenever people donate Tamagotchies to starving kids in Africa, I can't help but think how depressing it must be to have a virtual pet that'll live longer than you.
Today my dad died in a scuba accident
It was a very depressing situation
Being married to a photographer is depressing...
...they're always looking at the negatives.
All of the fortune tellers I've met are either really depressing or overly enhusiastic.
Why can't I find a happy medium?
Canadian bird watching is pretty depressing...
It's hard to see these birds all aloon.
What do you call a story about a broken-down computer mouse?
Depressing.
You can explore depressing observatory reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean depressing tamagotchi dad jokes. There are also depressing puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I heard that they have dogs now that can smell if you've got cancer.......
but I just thought that must be the most depressing dog ever to take on a walk. "Your dog really likes me!!!" "I'm so sorry."
What's big, Scottish, and depressing?
Scotland.
Why is North Korea so depressing?
Because it ain't got no Seoul.
What does a depressing internet story and Ramen noodles have in common?
They're both sad pasta.
Why did the rock star fail his depressing math exam?
He couldn't get the saddest fraction.
Stop sending toys to children in Africa
It's gotta be depressing, getting a Tamagotchi that will outlive you.
I used to find window shopping depressing.....
then I visited Amsterdam.
My sole task as an elevator boy is pushing b**....
It's just depressing.
I'm a grave digger,
My hole job is depressing.
Why did the toy company stop donating toys to kids in Africa?
Because it's pretty depressing to have a Tamagotchi that'll out-live you.
My life was depressing and miserable but I turned that around,
Now it's miserable and depressing.
I quit my button-pushing job today...
It was too depressing.
While playing the depressing part of a videogame, my close pal Xavier suddenly starts massaging my c**...
I've never been so touched on an emotional level.
What breed of dog is the most depressing...?
A melancholy.
Edgy jokes are like my life
Sad and depressing but people still manage to laugh at it.
I wanted to tell a depressing, sad joke that was hilarious
So I phoned up Trump and said "that was hilarious"
What's the difference between a beached whale and Amy Schumer?
One is depressing and people will share horrifying pictures and video all over the internet and the other is a beached whale
I had a job crushing cans
it was so depressing
I went to a really depressing wedding recently.
Even the cake was in tiers.
A group of friends all live on the 200th floor of a building
One day they all come back from a trip and find out that the elevator to their floor has shut down and is under repair, so they're forced to take the long walk up the stairs.
To make the walk up a little more exciting, they decide to each tell a sad, terrifying, or depressing story every 20 floors. When they finally get to the top, the tenth friend gets to tell his story.
"I think I left the keys in the car."
I can't hang out with gardeners anymore, it's too depressing.
They're always dragging me down with stories of their trowels and tribulations.
The only thing more depressing than finding a mostly-full pack of expired condoms in your draw...
is finding an empty pack of in-date condoms in your girlfriend's purse.
Why is college so depressing?
Whays the most depressing part of your job?
Opening your paycheck.
The thing I hate about crushing cans
It's soda depressing.
My brother is terribly sick, so we are collecting 7000$.....
So that I can travel across the country. Too depressing living with that sick kid
What is the most depressing thing about a pc gamer...
His pointer finger.
Toys R Us
More like Toys Were Us (insert depressing drum roll here)
I Squash soft drink cans for a living
It's soda pressing
Note: just made this up in the shower when I was thinking about how "so depressing" sounds like "soda pressing"
Everybody says the World is depressing
Well, it is bipolar...
p**... is depressing...
You just sit there til you feel empty inside...
Why did no one at the gym want to talk to the guy who was bench pressing cases of soda?
He was just so depressing.
I should dig a hole and name it love
So I can watch people fall in love and cry at my lonely, depressing life
Russia must be depressing
Because Putin's political opponents keep on committing s**...
Public transport isn't as depressing as it seems. I was on a bus yesterday at six in the morning...
And this really nice guy offered me a sip from his can of cider.
What is the most depressing website on the surface web
Your banks website
Just written a depressing story about surprises
It's a tale of WOAH!
The depressing thing about squash tennis is that,
no matter how good I get, I"ll never be as good as a wall.
My friend said he doesn't take public public transport because it's depressing. So I told him about this really friendly guy that I see on the bus who always offers me a sip of his beer...
At 6am.
The depressing thing about tennis is
I will never be as good as a wall.
I was in the control room pressing some b**... when I broke my favorite button.
It was really de-pressing.
Everything is depressing, so you turns to making bread.
A friend came around and sees what you're doing.
Hey, nice bread
You smiles feeling better.
Thanks, I kneaded that
Think Thursday is depressing? Wait two days
It'll be sadder day then
Why is North Korea so depressing?
They have no Seoul
If you think Thursday are depressing, wait two days
Then it would be a sadder day (Saturday)
An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading the Tehran Times
A friend sees him and says, "Oy, Moishe! How can you read that rag? Don't you know the things they say about us?"
To which the man replies, "Well, I used to read to read the Jewish papers, but they're so depressing. Every headline is 'Jews Being Persecuted!' 'Jews Living in Poverty!' 'Jews Being Oppressed!'. But now I read these Arab papers and the headlines are all 'Jews Own All the Banks!' 'Jews Control the Media!' 'Jews Run the World!'. It's much more uplifting!"
You know what really grinds my gears?
Not depressing the clutch fully before trying to switch gears.
I find alpine skiing to be depressing
You start at the top and it's all downhill from there
What's more depressing than Monday?
Sadderday
what's the most depressing place to live in America?
Missouri
What do you call a depressing tale about a discontinued car?
A Saab Story.
I just got done watching a show with unlikable characters, b**... plot developments, and a depressing ending.
It's called "The News."
