Depressing Jokes

87 depressing jokes and hilarious depressing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about depressing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make light of even the darkest of moods with these super depressing jokes that range from good depressing to bad depressing. From depressing orphan jokes to depressing jokes about yourself, these grim and sombre observations will leave you observatory.

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jokes about depressing

Best Short Depressing Jokes

Short depressing puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The depressing humour may include short depressive jokes also.

  1. If you're depressed, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed. It'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
  2. I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line... Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.
    They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
  3. My wife said she is leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants... Guess I won't be needing those anymore.
  4. Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
    A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
  5. What is the difference between standup comedy, and motivational speaking? Which side of the mic the depressed people are on.
  6. If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water, before you go to bed. That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
  7. Why are people from New York always depressed. Because the light at the end of the tunnel is always Jersey.
  8. I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression. Then I realized alcohol is a solution.
  9. Stop sending toys to children in Africa It's gotta be depressing, getting a Tamagotchi that will outlive you.
  10. Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed I'm sure they'll soon get over it
Depressing joke, Now that Donald Trump is actually building the wall, I hear Mexicans are depressed

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about depressing can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of depressing puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Depressing One Liners

Which depressing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with depressing? I can suggest the ones about depressed person and frustrating.

  1. Denial, anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance Saturday, Sunday
  2. What do you call your co-workers in a boring and depressing workplace? Melancolleague(s)
  3. Ohio is stealing my life story A series of train wrecks in an already depressed area
  4. A depressed Storm Trooper goes to the bar for some jager shots. He goes home sober.
  5. Why was kurt cobain depressed at 13? Midlife Crisis.
  6. What's the best way to overcome depression? Love it, so it leaves you as well.
  7. I was going to make a depressed joke But my parents already did.
  8. I made a 3D game about a depressed self-harming goth It's mostly unskippable cutscenes.
  9. What do you call 2 depressed bears? bipolar
  10. Name a popular state that most people live in. Depression
  11. What's big, Scottish, and depressing? Scotland.
  12. What did Odysseus say to the depressed Cyclops? Nobody cares.
  13. My dentist told me to open up.... so I started telling him how depressed I was.
  14. Did you hear about the depressed French chef? He'd lost the huile d'olive.
  15. If you think Thursdays are depressed, wait for two more days.... It will be a sadder day.

Good Depressing Jokes

Here is a list of funny good depressing jokes and even better good depressing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife's cooking is pretty good, but it makes me sad when she uses so much spice. I'm starting to think I have seasonal depression.
  • The depressing thing about tennis is I will never be as good as a wall.
  • I started a project to hire people with depression on my dairy farm... if there's one thing they're good at its milking it.
  • Why was the kid with chronically depressed parents always in such a good mood? Because two negatives make a positive.
  • When I was a teenager, I used to flush my anti-depressants down the toilet. Not good for my my mental health, but the Dog was never happier.
  • Why do English teachers never get depressed? Why do English teachers never get depressed?
    They're really good at finding meaning where none exists.
  • The depressing thing about squash tennis is that, no matter how good I get, I"ll never be as good as a wall.
  • A coin collector was depressed... He hadn't had a good quarter in ages.
  • A friend suggested I try CBT for my depression... ...turns out a good kick in the nuts was exactly what I needed.
  • What did the depressed cherry say to the grape? "Give me one good raisin for living?"

Bad Depressing Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad depressing jokes and even better bad depressing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I once met a drummer who's timing was so bad, he began to get depressed... Eventually, he threw himself behind a train.
  • You wouldn't wish depression on your worst enemy Or would you. If they are your worst enemy depression ain't that bad of a wish
  • Why is Joker depressed? Cause he fells bad man❗️
  • Why couldn't the depressed person get his email? He had a bad Outlook.
  • I feel bad for b**.... They're often depressed.
  • Why are obtuse angles so depressed? (BPI) Because they're never ***right.***

    \- brought to you by the Bad Puns Initiative (BPI)
  • l**... a frog is good for depression Bad thing is that once you stop l**... it, the frog becomes depressed again.
  • It got so bad during the great depression.... That even the k**... ate 'coons.

Super Depressing Jokes

Here is a list of funny super depressing jokes and even better super depressing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did I ever tell you about the time I went to the doctor to get my blood type when I was super depressed? He said B Positive
Depressing joke, Did I ever tell you about the time I went to the doctor to get my blood type when I was super depres

Uplifting Depressing Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about depressing you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean disappointing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make depressing prank.

My dad first talked to me about s**... when I was going to college.

He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."

So an old lady's husband dies...

The old lady depressed and wants to kill herself goes to the doctor and asks him "Where is the heart located?" The doctor tells her it is under the left breast. The old lady goes to the gun store and buys a gun, goes home and puts the gun under her left breast and pulls the trigger. The old lady was soon admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

My wife isn't speaking to me.

A man walks into a bar,looking all bummed out, and orders a drink. After a few minutes he orders another. About thirty minutes later he orders a few more drinks.
The bartenders asks," Dude you look really depressed. Is everything okay?"
The man explains," My wife and I got into big fight. She says she won't speak to me for 31 days."
The bartender asks," Well isn' t that a good thing."
The man replies," Sadly, tonight's the last night."

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit s**... yesterday....

But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “f**... it, soldier on!”

A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller

Hoping for good news he goes to meet with a fortune teller.
The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, "You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you"
The frog gets excited and says, "Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?"
"No," replied the fortune teller, "in her biology class."

A bullet walks into a bar, depressed.

"Why the sad face?" asks the bartender.
"I got fired."

Last year I felt miserable and depressed, but this year I've managed to turn it around.

Now I feel depressed and miserable.

A new drug has been developed for l**... with depression.

It's called Trycoxagain.

My buddy just came to me all depressed and said My son flunked the third grade, and I just don't know how to break it to him.

So I said well…probably better tell him pretty slowly, so the little d**... will get it."

Since I'm going away to college, my Dad sat me down to have a talk.

He said OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.
I said It's ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.
He's said No - anti-depressants.

My friend just came to me all depressed because his kid's failing 3rd grade, and he doesn't know how to break it to him.

Apparently slowly wasn't the advice he was looking for.

I walked into the doctor's office one day.

"It appears that you are severely depressed, so I reccomend you take some medication for this..." the doctor told me, writing something down.
I asked, "How much longer do I have to live?"
Confused, the doctor replied "Sir, besides depression, you're actually very healthy."
I asked again "I know, but how much longer do I *have* to live?"

Every time I put my key in the ignition, a light comes on that says, "depress clutch to start."

So I lean down and tell the clutch, "Everybody likes brake and accelerater better than you."

Husband on second day of marriage :-

He went to the makeup artist who did his wife's bridal make up, and gifted her a beautifully packed iphone X box.
Make up artist opened the box with great happiness but was suddenly depressed to see a Nokia 1100.
Husband smiled and said "same feeling I had when I saw my wife this morning"

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.

Cooking with French ingredients always makes me depressed.

Yesterday I almost lost the huile d'olive.

My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.

Wow thanks I'm cured.

My friend Billy Bob and I visited a place where you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri. Billy Bob opened up and said that he was actually in a fourth state; crippling depression. I said, I'm so sorry

... but you can't count Missouri twice.

I was seriously depressed after a recent loss. My GF bought me an Xbox

But that didn't help. So she tried a Playstation - no luck there either. She ended up going through everything from a Sega Master System to a Nintendo Switch, but nothing helped - turns out I was just inconsolable

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up

I now suffer from anxiety and depression

If you are suffering from acute depression, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed....

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading the Tehran Times

A friend sees him and says, "Oy, Moishe! How can you read that rag? Don't you know the things they say about us?"
To which the man replies, "Well, I used to read to read the Jewish papers, but they're so depressing. Every headline is 'Jews Being Persecuted!' 'Jews Living in Poverty!' 'Jews Being Oppressed!'. But now I read these Arab papers and the headlines are all 'Jews Own All the Banks!' 'Jews Control the Media!' 'Jews Run the World!'. It's much more uplifting!"

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

5 days. & I'm pretty proud of myself.

Why is everyone in New York depressed?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey

I've been feeling really depressed, and my best friend isn't helping

I try to talk about my feelings with him, but he'll just say vaguely supportive things that really don't help. He'll say things like hey, cheer up buddy. I know things seem tough but at least you're not stuck in one of those, you know, those holes in the ground? The thing with the bucket so you can get water from the hole.
I know he means well.

Queen Elizabeth arrives to Heaven ...

St Peter lets her in and gives her a tour around the heavenly garden.
-Here are all your family members, previous pets and people of historical significance during your reign.
Liz looks around this multitude of people who wave at her, smiling. Suddenly she stops and calls St.Peter aside.
-What the F***?, Diana has a bigger halo than me!! I reigned for decades, saw my country trough wars and depressions and wars again, gave god, freedom and peace to nations all around the world, surely I deserve a bigger halo than her!!
-Your Majesty, that is a steering wheel...

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How you doing today?" the bartender asks. "Actually, earlier today I was feeling really down. Depressed even," the guy says. "But then I parked in a handicapped stall at the grocery store and then I had a bunch of complete strangers rally around me and tell me there was nothing wrong with me."

I uninstalled Facebook as i got depressed of seeing my friends post their relationship and marriage

I uninstalled LinkedIn as i got depressed of seeing my colleague post their job change and promotion
I uninstalled instagram as i got depressed of seeing my friends travel and enjoy their lives.
But I'll never uninstall reddit because you guys are more miserable than me .

A horse walks into a bar...

and orders a beer.
As the bartender serves him, he looks at the horse and says "hey, why the long face, pal? Are you depressed?"
The horse ponders for a second, scratches his chin, and says "I don't think I am" - and promptly disappears.
See, this is a joke about Rene Descartes' famous statement, "I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned this at the start of the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.

A horse walks into a bar.......

The bartender asks "hey, why the long face? Are you depressed?"
The horse ponders for a second, scratches his chin, and says "I don't think I am" and promptly disappears.
You see, this is a joke about Rene Descartes' famous statement "I think, therefore I am" and I could have mentioned this at the start of the joke, but *that would be putting Descartes before the horse*.

Why was the 10 year-old medieval peasant depressed?

He was going through his midlife crisis.

Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health

If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.
If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you do in life, and what you want from us. Please stay on the phone while we trace your call.
If you suffer from hallucinations, press the 7 on the big pink telephone that you, and only you, see at your immediate right.
If you are suffer from chizophrenia, please kindly ask your imaginary friend to press the 8 key for you.
If you suffer from depression, it doesn't matter which key you press, as there is nothing to do: yours is a basket case, and there is no cure.
If you suffer from amnesia, press keys in rapid sequence 2, 7, 5, 3, 9 5, 7, 5, 1, 6, 4, 9 and repeat out loud, in the following order, your name, surname, home address, mobile number, e-mail, social security number, bank account number, ATM pin code, date of birth, marital status, place of birth and your grandmother's maiden name.
If you suffer from indecision, leave your message before, after, or during the beep.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from obsessive avarice we have to inform you that this call costs 500 euros per minute.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, keep waiting: all our operators are busy responding to people who are much more important than you.
If you are one of the Italians that voted for Berlusconi, please hang up. We cure the crazy, not the jerks.

A blonde woman, who is feeling depressed, decides to end her life.

The woman's husband sees her about to shoot herself, and begs her, "Please! Don't do it!"
The woman glares at her husband and says, "Shut up! You're next!"

Depressing joke, A blonde woman, who is feeling depressed, decides to end her life.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these depressing jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.