Depressed Person Jokes
48 depressed person jokes and hilarious depressed person puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about depressed person that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Depressed Person Short Jokes
Short depressed person jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The depressed person humour may include short depressed jokes also.
- How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb? 5 days. & I'm pretty proud of myself.
- The Glass Happy person: The glass is half full
Depressed person: The glass is half empty
The Engineer: The glass is twice as big as necessary. - My Sister recently started dating a depressed German airline pilot She says his personality is really down to earth.
- What is the first thing a depressed person does when they wake up? Their mourning routine. :-(
- What type of parachute did the depressed person bought? The cheaper one, because the cheaper it is, the more likely it is to last a lifetime.
- 3 signs that the person is working in the corporate world 1. Stressed
2. Depressed
3. Still Well Dressed!! - What is the difference between a comedian and a depressed person? One has the b**... to go on stage.
- I had a dream about a f**... and felt really depressed. Turns out im not a mourning person
- I've been really depressed lately, so my friend told me I should go to a petting zoo to help cheer me up... I went today, but not one person would s**... me....
- I've been really depressed lately I've been really depressed lately. A friend told me I should go to the petting zoo perhaps, to cheer up.
\-
I went today, but not one person would s**... me.
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Depressed Person One Liners
Which depressed person one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with depressed person? I can suggest the ones about depressed kid and crippling depression.
- What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
- How do you get a depressed person out of a tree? You cut the rope…
- How does a depressed person view life? There are sad days, and also Saturdays...
- What's a Depressed persons favorite drink? A Depresso Espresso
Jk it's cyanide - I made a portrait of a depressed person and gifted it to them. They hanged it too.
- What do you call a public official with depression? a person in a zolofty position
- What's common between a coffin and a depressed person? Both have dead inside
- What is a depressed person's favorite outdoor activity? Cryaking.
I'm sorry. - What's the worst thing to say to a person with depression? Don't be depressed
- How does a depressed person count to three? One Two Die
- What do you say to a depressed, overweight person? Keep your chins up.
- Why couldn't the depressed person get his email? He had a bad Outlook.
Depressed Person Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about depressed person you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bad depressing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make depressed person pranks.
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the dash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9…
Welcome to the physchiatric hotline
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6.
If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what number to press.
If you are maniac depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
If you are a depressive, don't press anything. Just sit there and cry.
Mental health hotline.
Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.
If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
This is the psychiatry hotline,
If you are Obsessive- Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly,
If you are co- dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you,
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6,
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call,
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship,
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press,
If you're depressive it doesn't matter which number you'll press no one will answer you,
If you're dyslexic press 69696996966,
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until the beep after the beep, please wait for the beep,
If you have short-term memory loss, please try your call again later
and if you have low self-esteem, hang up, all operators are too busy to talk to you...
Personal Secretary
A guy walked into his friend's office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.
"Hey, what's up with you?", he asked.
"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?"
"Neither. He's bald."
So it's game night at a social group.
The social group contains an autisic person, an a**... victim, a socially anxious person, and a depressed person. What game do they choose?
They chose "Sorry!".
I've been really depressed lately, so my friend told me that I should go to the petting zoo to cheer myself up.
Well I went today, and it was miserable because not a single person would s**... me.
A bartender notices one of his regulars at the bar looked depressed, so he strikes up a conversation
What's got you down? the bartender asks.
Well, the man says sheepishly, I got fired for having s**... with my boss's daughter.
You old dog, the bartender chuckles. I understand why he'd be upset, but i would think what you do on your personal time is none of his business. Did you even know she was his daughter?
Not at all! He says. I didn't even know he had a daughter at that grade school.
The answering protocol for the psychiatric hotline.
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No-one will answer.
A man with a great personality and a wooden eye was at a bar...
He was feeling depressed thinking no one would love him due to his wooden eye. His friend encouraged him to hit on a nearby female who looked quite lonely.
Unknown to the two of them, the female was also feeling quite depressed due to her big nose. She thought that no man would be able to overlook such a flaw.
The man with the wooden eye decided to take his shot and approached the lone female and asked if she would like a drink.
The female was so shocked that a man with sub a great personality would talk with her.
"Would I?" "WOULD I?!?!?!" She exclaimed in excitement.
"BIG NOSE!" "BIG NOSE!" The man shot back.
There once was a man who looked especially ugly
Feeling depressed about being the ugliest person in the world, he tried to kill himself, only for a slightly less ugly person to save him at the last minute.
Thank you, kind sir! Why did you save me?
I don't want first place.
A depressed person and a happy person walk into a hardware store, how can you tell the two apart?
The depressed one goes straight for the ropes while the happy one follows them with a camera and is wearing a green hat with three eyes on it.
I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...
But now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Institute of Mental Health
If you have an obsessive-compulsive disorder, please press button 1. Again. And again. And again.
If you have a multiple personality disorder press in rapid sequence keys 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you suffer from paranoia, we have to inform you that we already know who you are, what you do in life, and what you want from us. Please stay on the phone while we trace your call.
If you suffer from hallucinations, press the 7 on the big pink telephone that you, and only you, see at your immediate right.
If you are suffer from chizophrenia, please kindly ask your imaginary friend to press the 8 key for you.
If you suffer from depression, it doesn't matter which key you press, as there is nothing to do: yours is a basket case, and there is no cure.
If you suffer from amnesia, press keys in rapid sequence 2, 7, 5, 3, 9 5, 7, 5, 1, 6, 4, 9 and repeat out loud, in the following order, your name, surname, home address, mobile number, e-mail, social security number, bank account number, ATM pin code, date of birth, marital status, place of birth and your grandmother's maiden name.
If you suffer from indecision, leave your message before, after, or during the beep.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from short-term memory loss press 0.
If you suffer from obsessive avarice we have to inform you that this call costs 500 euros per minute.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, keep waiting: all our operators are busy responding to people who are much more important than you.
If you are one of the Italians that voted for Berlusconi, please hang up. We cure the crazy, not the jerks.