The Best 65 Depress Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Depress jokes. There are some depress discourage jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these depress farenheit puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Depress Jokes and Puns

Depressed race car mechanic.

Scene: a psychiatrists practice:

'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonderful thing is out there purring, but I'll never get to enjoy it. ...'

'Well sir, I think I understand just fine, my brother in law has the exact same problem.'

'Is he a mechanic too doc?'

'No, a gynecologist'


I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

What did the depressed plankton do?

It krilled iself!

Depress joke, What did the depressed plankton do?

When I got depressed, I joined the Army.

I didn't have any experience or motivation, I just wanted a soldier to cry on.

What would the most depressing game show be?

Biggest Loser: All-Stars.

A depressed man goes to the hospital to get results for his blood test..

The doctor says, "B+"

A depressed man was sitting at a bar.

From across the room, a beautiful prostitute saw this man and began to approach him. "Hey honey, are you looking to get lucky?", she asked. To which the depressed man replied "Yes". She then announced that for $300 she would do anything he wanted, provided he could say it in three words. The depressed man agreed to this and slapped three $100 notes on the counter and with each slap he said "Paint. My. House".

Depress joke, A depressed man was sitting at a bar.

I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line...

Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck...

A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller

Hoping for good news he goes to meet with a fortune teller.

The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, "You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you"

The frog gets excited and says, "Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?"

"No," replied the fortune teller, "in her biology class."

what did the depressed monkey say when his tail went through the lawnmower?

It won't be long now...

A depressed Storm Trooper goes to the bar for some jager shots.

He goes home sober.

You can explore depress icons reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean depress manic depression dad jokes. There are also depress puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A depressed French baker sobs bitterly into the dough...

His life is pain.


I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, Social Security, retirement funds, and everything that I called the Suicide Lifeline. I was forwarded to a call centre in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they asked if I could drive a truck...

The Depressed Student

Sally noticed that one of her students had been suffering from depression for the last few weeks. She decided to ask him some easy questions in an effort to engage him. Johnny, if I subtract 4 from 12 what do I get?"

Johnny looked at her and sighed, "I don't know. What difference does it make?"

What did the depressed terrorist say to the passengers on the plane he hijacked?

I'm sorry to bring you all down.

What did the depressed dolphin say?

I need a porpoise.

Depress joke, What did the depressed dolphin say?

Did the depressed rope maker succeed?

Sadly, he did knot.

What's a depressed teenagers favorite activity?

Making their wrist look like their jeans.
(I'm sorry)

What did the depressed philosopher say?

I drink because I am.

What did the depressed muppet say?

I want to Kermit suicide.

If you're depressed, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed.

It'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

I went to a really depressing wedding recently.

Even the cake was in tiers.

Depression in Mexico

There are been a sharp increase in depression in Mexico since Trump got into office on the platform of building a wall between the two countries.

Leading mental health experts have said that sadly many Mexicans will never get over it.

Every time I put my key in the ignition, a light comes on that says, "depress clutch to start."

So I lean down and tell the clutch, "Everybody likes brake and accelerater better than you."

Why do depressed girls give the best head?

Because they are trying to choke themselves.

What did the depressed Buddhist text his mom?

Commiting suicide, BRB

Why did the depressed chicken stop in the middle of the road?

To get to the Other Side

I was depressed, after some soul searching I discovered I sexually indentify as Mistletoe..

I can't wait to hang myself on Christmas.


Doctor: I think you suffer from seasonal depression.

Patient: I think it's chronic depression.

Doctor: why?

Patient; because I hate my life in the summer too.

A depressed shirt falls into a puddle.

"I guess I'll go hang myself."

Are you my depression?

Because you stick around when I don't want you here

How come depressed people kill themselves?

It lifts their spirits

Why do depressed people look down when they walk?

Because they have nothing to look forward to.

What does a depressed shrimp do to escape the pain?

He Krills himself.


The only thing keeping you up at night is not wanting to wake up.

What did the depressed slab of meat say when put into brine?


A depressed old woman decides it's time to end it all..

so she purchases a pistol and decides she is going to shoot herself in the heart. However, wanting to make sure that death is quick, she visits her doctor to inquire the exact location of the heart. Her doctor informs her that the heart is located just under the left breast, after which she thanks him and returns home.

Later that evening the old woman is rushed to the emergency room with a gunshot to the left knee.

Why did the depressed Mexican order chinese takeout?

Because he was feeling lo mein

I have the three D's

Depression, anxiety, and dyslexia.

A depressed person and a happy person walk into a hardware store, how can you tell the two apart?

The depressed one goes straight for the ropes while the happy one follows them with a camera and is wearing a green hat with three eyes on it.

The depressing thing about tennis is

I will never be as good as a wall.

What did the depressed teen say to the other depressed teen?

Can you knot?

My depressed roommate is into autoerotic asphyxiation

Every time I see a noose around his head, I don't know if he's coming or going

Everything is depressing, so you turns to making bread.

A friend came around and sees what you're doing.
Hey, nice bread
You smiles feeling better.
Thanks, I kneaded that

Depressed people's favorite Netflix category

is "watch again"

I have a depression joke...

but ultimately it's too long, doesn't really go anywhere, and eventually makes you wonder if it's even worth continuing

When I'm depressed, I cut myself

A piece of cake.

A depressed man walks into a library

Depressed man: do you have any books on suicide?

Library staff: yes it's on the third shelf over there

Depressed man: walks to third shelf

Depressed man after a few minutes: I can't seem to find any.

Library staff: yep it's awful cause they never bring them back

A depressed atheist heaves a sigh and tells his friend,

"Sometimes I wish I was god so I didn't exist"

I was seriously depressed after a recent loss. My GF bought me an Xbox

But that didn't help. So she tried a Playstation - no luck there either. She ended up going through everything from a Sega Master System to a Nintendo Switch, but nothing helped - turns out I was just inconsolable

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope…

I'm depressed because the store just ran out of the thing I wanted to buy for Christmas

It was antidepressant

What's a Depressed persons favorite drink?

A Depresso Espresso

Jk it's cyanide

Depressed people should stop feeling that they are a burden for other people

that's our job

How does a depressed person view life?

There are sad days, and also Saturdays...

If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water, before you go to bed.

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

What do depressed people and leaves have in common?

They both hang from the same tree

Why did the depressed chicken crossed the road?

To get to the other sigh.

A depressed man tried to high five a tree

But it just left him hanging

Two depressed men are sitting at a bar drinking whisky

Suddenly one of them remarks: "Have you noticed the new ice cubes? They have a hole in the middle!"

"They're not new", the other one replies. "I have been married to one for 20 years!"

Why do depressed Frenchmen consume so much olive oil?

It gives them a huile d'olive

What does being depressed and being thirsty have in common?

Both can be temporarily solved by drinking.

How does a depressed elephant feel?


The Depressed Pessimist

The depressed pessimist: *"I don't think this day can get any worse..."*


The cheerful optimist: *"IT CAN!!"*

What's more depressing than Monday?


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the depress corrections jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working depress wavelength piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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