Depot Jokes
89 depot jokes and hilarious depot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about depot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Explore the world of depot jokes with this collection of hilarious, lighthearted jokes about Home Depot, Mexican Home Depot, Office Depot, Walgreens, Emporium, and Railroad. Laugh away and enjoy these rib-tickling jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Depot Jokes
- Depot One Liners
- Home Depot Jokes
- Office Depot Jokes
- Mexican Home Depot Jokes
- More Depot Jokes
Funniest Depot Short Jokes
Short depot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The depot humour may include short outlet jokes also.
- This year, home depot is selling Christmas decorations in the second aisle of the housewares section. Aisle B, Home for Christmas.
- Oh sure, when Thor throws a hammer, he's a hero! But when I do it, I'm "out of control" and "banned from home depot!"
- I was arrested for punching an elderly African-American lady at Home Depot. My wife told me to find a Black N' Decker.
- If you're looking for men to date, don't go to bars, Go to Home Depot. It's 90% men, and they are already looking for projects to work on.
- Saw a guy in the power tool department at Home Depot who looked a lot like Elvis. Returned a sander.
- How do you kill a cat with 16 lives? You run it over with a 4x4.
Bonus joke.
How do you kill a cat with 8 lives at home depot?
You hit it with a 2x4 - How do you know you got everything on a trip to home depot? Easy, you're on your third trip to Home Depot.
- Blind Man I just passed a blind man in home depot. He was dressed head to toe in camouflage. I assume he was trying to even the playing field. Well done sir. (True Story)
- I decided against breaking into the Home Depot to steal their largest egg beater... It was too big a whisk
- What do you call it when someone comes to your house and takes all your pottery? Home Depot.
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Depot One Liners
Which depot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with depot? I can suggest the ones about train station and service station.
- Where do electricians get supplies? The Ohm Depot.
- My blind friend went to Home Depot... he picked up a hammer and saw!
- Me: I want to take a bath. Home Depot Employee: You need to pay for it first.
- My wife asked for black caulk for her birthday I can't find it at Lowe's or Home Depot.
- I peed in the shower once The manager of Home Depot kicked me out
- Today, I took a shower You have no idea how hard it was to get it out of Home Depot.
- What's a Home Depot employee's favourite game The customer is lava
- What did the lizard get at home depot? Reptile.
- What does Home Depot take when it can't sleep? Bin of Drills
- Yo mama so fat she was the comet that destroyed dusty depot.
- If you don't shop at Home Depot... You must've hit a new lowe
- I do my grocery shopping at Office Depot It's a staple diet.
- Yo mama like home depot 10 cents a screw.
- The Home Depot and his Ace went to Prison You could say they both had all time Lowes.
- Why did the worker quit their job at the can recycling depot? It was soda pressing
Home Depot Jokes
Here is a list of funny home depot jokes and even better home depot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did John Lennon say when he first arrived at the Door section of Home Depot. Imagine all the peep holes.
- What did Lil' Jon do when Home Depot employee tried to sell him a lightbulb? Turned down 4 watt
- I got banned from Home Depot today A man in an orange apron walked up to me and asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in!
- I bought a fan from Home Depot and it came fully assembled. I love it when a fan comes together.
- Whats the difference between a Mexican and a power tool? Power tools are found inside the Home Depot.
- A guy walks into Home Depot and states to the iilliterate worker, "I want to get grout and amonia." The worker says, "You'll have to gain 50 pounds and sleep with the window open."
- Did you hear about the prison escape? Those guys found the convenience of Home Depot delivery really shaves time off a project.
- Standing behind a lady at Home Depot. Heard her ask for suggestions for tools to buy her grandson who was studying to be a quantum mechanic.
- Where will Donald Trump find the workers to build this Great Wall? Outside of Home Depot......
Maybe I should shoot myself in the foot. Not trying to be racists, but you get the point. - I won a raffle at a Home Depot once. They gave me a choice between a tool that can help me climb to high places, or a pair of goggles to protect my eyes.
I chose the latter.
Office Depot Jokes
Here is a list of funny office depot jokes and even better office depot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the Japanese man say when he jumped out of Office Depot? SUPPLIES!!!
Mexican Home Depot Jokes
Here is a list of funny mexican home depot jokes and even better mexican home depot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why don't Mexicans like going to Home Depot? Because it's short for Home Deportation.
Entertaining Depot Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about depot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drug store jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make depot pranks.
Guy bumps into a friend ...
... and says "Hey, man, can you believe that they fired me for stealing office supplies?"
Friend says, "Wow, that's crazy, they must really be hardnosed about that. Where did you work again?"
"Office Depot."
This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him..
.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk.
"Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?"
"Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."
A large robot animal attacked The Home Depot on Friday.
Shoppers were frightened at the sight of the Stihl Behr.
When miley cyrus gets n**... and licks a hammer..it's "art" and "music".
But when I do it...I'm "wasted", and "have to leave Home Depot".
Today, I took a bath
I'm glad that the Home Depot hasn't found out about it yet.
What's the difference anti-vaxxer parents and Home Depot?
If you get a bad case of shingles, Home Depot will take it back.
What did the Canadian pick up at Home Depot to help him in his garden?
A Hose, eh
How to get rid of ants.
Go to Home Depot or Wall-mart and buy a can of black spray paint. Any brand works great.
Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick.
The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds. Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of paint on the ants as well.
Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start killing each other.
Lick the hammer
Miley Cyrus gets n**... and licks a hammer and they call it art. I do it and I get kicked out of Home Depot.
They are opening a hardware store in Indiana where they will only employ people who have had a difficult childhood being raised in either domestic a**... or foster houses.
It will be called the Broken Home Depot.
The difference between being naughty and being k**...
Is whether you by your gear at an adult shop or home depot
What's the difference is between a lobster with breast implants and a filthy bus depot?
One is a b**... crustacean and the other is a crusty bus-station!
*edited because I s**... up my original punchline...
When Miley Cyrus licks a sledgehammer n**..., it's art.
When I do it, I'm drunk and told to leave Home Depot.
What do Ludacris and Home Depot have in common?
They both have h**... in different area codes.
A spoonerist walks into the bathroom section of Home Depot
and asks one of the employees where he can get a rub and tug.
Sure... when Miley Cyrus gets n**... and licks a hammer it's "s**..." and "art"
But when I do it I'm "drunk" and need to "get out of Home Depot"
Two drunk guys walking home from the pub
They come across a bus depot and decide it would be quicker to steal a bus and drive it home.
One of the guys manages to get one started and shouts on his mate to hop on.
His mate replies " that bus number doesn't go to ours mate, am looking for the number 22."
Why is it...
That when Miley Cyrus licks a hammer n**... it's called 'Music' and 'Art', but when I do it, it's called 'Property Damage' and 'Nudity' and I get kicked out of Home Depot?
Why doesn't McDonald's sell snails, Home Depot sell software, or Comcast sell s**...?
McDonald's is a fast food restaurant.
Home Depot sells hardware.
Comcast doesn't charge extra to screw you.
HANDICAPPED PARKING AT HOME DEPOT
Why do we need 24 handicapped parking spaces at Home Depot? Could we just talk about this? If a guy can spackle his bathroom, lay pipe and put up gutters, don't you think you can walk the extra 30 feet to the parking lot?
"Where the h**... at?" asks John
as he walks into Home Depot
My friend really s**... at carpentry
He walked into Home Depot thinking he needed a screw.
The employee was trying to explain that he needed a nail, and how it even worked
Friend: So you're telling me I have to strike this thing repeatedly with a hammer?
Employee: Yes, you hit the nail on the head.
Home depot is the best brothel
The vacuum s**..., the fan blows, the hammer bangs and they have plenty of pots to plant your seed.
So I got denied a job at Home depot
So I applied to work at Home depot and apparently selling s**... slaves doesn't qualify me to be a leaf blower salesman
What's the difference between a double D lobster and a 50 year old bus depot?
...One's a crusty bus station and the other's a b**... crustacean
A blonde married man went to Home Depot to buy a new closet...
"Please give me a closet that doesn't come with a n**... man living in it" he asked the salesman.
I went to Home Depot and a guy walked up and asked,
"Can I help you with anything?" I said, "I'm looking to buy a table saw." He said "Do you have a particular model in mind?" and I said, "Well yeah, Kathy Ireland, but for now let's talk about a table saw."
Two men stay out late drinking, miss the last bus and have to walk home
They pass the bus depot, so one says he'll break in and steal a bus to get them home.
Ages later, he comes to the door and goes, 'it's no use, I can't find a number 9.'
'You idiot!' says his friend, 'Just steal a 14, we'll get off at the corner and walk the rest of the way.'
Two Irish friends leave the pub
One says to other, I can't be bothered to walk all the way home.
I know, me too, but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.
We could steal a bus from the depot, replies his mate.
They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out. After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?
I can't find a No. 91.
Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout!
Two Irish friends leave the pub.
Two Irish friends leave the pub.
One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the way home'. 'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.
We could steal a bus from the depot' replies his mate.
They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out.
After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?'
'I can't find a No. 91' 'Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout.
What do you call a warehouse full of prostitutes?
o**... Depot
