Following is our collection of funny Depot jokes. There are some depot shop jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these depot store puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Reptile.
... and says "Hey, man, can you believe that they fired me for stealing office supplies?"
Friend says, "Wow, that's crazy, they must really be hardnosed about that. Where did you work again?"
"Office Depot."
.."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?"
"Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?"
"Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!"
"No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk.
"Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?"
"Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."
But when I do it...I'm "wasted", and "have to leave Home Depot".
The Ohm Depot.
Home Depot.
You have no idea how hard it was to get it out of Home Depot.
My wife told me to find a Black N' Decker.
Go to Home Depot or Wall-mart and buy a can of black spray paint. Any brand works great.
Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick.
The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds. Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of paint on the ants as well.
Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start killing each other.
he picked up a hammer and saw!
Those guys found the convenience of Home Depot delivery really shaves time off a project.
You can explore depot railroad reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean depot storekeeper dad jokes. There are also depot puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
10 cents a screw.
It will be called the Broken Home Depot.
Power tools are found inside the Home Depot.
Turned down 4 watt
Is whether you by your gear at an adult shop or home depot
One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus-station!
*edited because I screwed up my original punchline...
When I do it, I'm drunk and told to leave Home Depot.
They both have hoes in different area codes.
I just passed a blind man in home depot. He was dressed head to toe in camouflage. I assume he was trying to even the playing field. Well done sir. (True Story)
But when I do it I'm "drunk" and need to "get out of Home Depot"
They come across a bus depot and decide it would be quicker to steal a bus and drive it home.
One of the guys manages to get one started and shouts on his mate to hop on.
His mate replies " that bus number doesn't go to ours mate, am looking for the number 22."
The manager of Home Depot kicked me out
That when Miley Cyrus licks a hammer naked it's called 'Music' and 'Art', but when I do it, it's called 'Property Damage' and 'Nudity' and I get kicked out of Home Depot?
The customer is lava
McDonald's is a fast food restaurant.
Home Depot sells hardware.
Comcast doesn't charge extra to screw you.
I love it when a fan comes together.
Why do we need 24 handicapped parking spaces at Home Depot? Could we just talk about this? If a guy can spackle his bathroom, lay pipe and put up gutters, don't you think you can walk the extra 30 feet to the parking lot?
You run it over with a 4x4.
Bonus joke.
How do you kill a cat with 8 lives at home depot?
You hit it with a 2x4
Easy, you're on your third trip to Home Depot.
A man in an orange apron walked up to me and asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in!
He walked into Home Depot thinking he needed a screw.
The employee was trying to explain that he needed a nail, and how it even worked
Friend: So you're telling me I have to strike this thing repeatedly with a hammer?
Employee: Yes, you hit the nail on the head.
Imagine all the peep holes.
I can't find it at Lowe's or Home Depot.
The vacuum sucks, the fan blows, the hammer bangs and they have plenty of pots to plant your seed.
It's a staple diet.
...One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean
"Please give me a closet that doesn't come with a naked man living in it" he asked the salesman.
"Can I help you with anything?" I said, "I'm looking to buy a table saw." He said "Do you have a particular model in mind?" and I said, "Well yeah, Kathy Ireland, but for now let's talk about a table saw."
Bin of Drills
You must've hit a new lowe
Returned a sander.
They pass the bus depot, so one says he'll break in and steal a bus to get them home.
Ages later, he comes to the door and goes, 'it's no use, I can't find a number 9.'
'You idiot!' says his friend, 'Just steal a 14, we'll get off at the corner and walk the rest of the way.'
But when I do it, I'm "out of control" and "banned from home depot!"
One says to other, I can't be bothered to walk all the way home.
I know, me too, but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.
We could steal a bus from the depot, replies his mate.
They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out. After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?
I can't find a No. 91.
Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout!
Two Irish friends leave the pub.
One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the way home'. 'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.
We could steal a bus from the depot' replies his mate.
They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out.
After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?'
'I can't find a No. 91' 'Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout.
Home Depot Employee: You need to pay for it first.
It was too big a whisk
Orifice Depot
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the depot crustacean jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working depot home depot piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.