Deposit Jokes
69 deposit jokes and hilarious deposit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about deposit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a good laugh? Check out this collection of jokes about depositing money into accounts, banks, and more. These jokes about making substantial deposits will bring cheer and smiles to your evening. Whether you're in the market for a bank account or simply need a good chuckle, these deposit jokes are sure to please.
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Funniest Deposit Short Jokes
Short deposit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The deposit humour may include short debit jokes also.
- I used to live paycheck to paycheck But now I can happily say that after years of hard work and perseverance; I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
- I bought a vacant piece of land recently, and every night someone keeps depositing soil on the land. I still can't figure out who it is. The plot thickens.
- So I went to the bank to deposit money and the teller asked for my ID. I said
"Wait, people wanted to put money in my bank account and you stopped them?!" - With everything that's going on I called my bank to make sure my deposit was safe. They assured me I don't have enough money to worry about it.
- I grew up living paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance ...I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
- MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT I went to Bank to deposit a check, and they asked me for ID. I said, Are you telling me other people are trying to put money into my account and you're telling them no?
- What's the difference between a pigeon and a stockbroker? The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.
- How did the rich man get caught sleeping with the banker's wife? He was making more deposits than withdrawls.
- I used to live paycheck to paycheck, but now... ...after years of hard work and commitment, I'm living direct deposit to direct deposit.
- What's the difference between a pigeon and a Texas oilman? The pigeon can still put a deposit on a new Mercedes.
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Deposit One Liners
Which deposit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with deposit? I can suggest the ones about withdraw and refund.
- Where do ghosts deposit their mail? The Ghost Office!
- Where do polar bears go to deposit money? A snowbank
- Where does a fish deposit his checks? At the river bank
- Where does a salmon go to deposit a check? To the river bank!
- Where do people from Prague deposit their money? Into their Czeching account
- Where do frogs deposit their money? In a river bank.
- Where did the hamster deposit her paycheck? Her shavings account
- What do people do when their money moves too fast? De-pos-it.
- I stopped living paycheck to paycheck... ...now I live direct deposit to direct deposit.
- Calcium got fired from the bank today. They say he could only deposit.
- You'll lose your bank deposit at ... Wells Forgo
- What's worse than a dead puppy... Not getting your deposit back.
- Where do fish deposit their money? River banks
- Where does Darth Vader deposit his paycheques? At the AT-ATM.
- Birth Control It's like direct deposit without the interest
Money Deposit Jokes
Here is a list of funny money deposit jokes and even better money deposit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to Bank of America to deposit a check, and they asked me for ID. I said, Are you telling me other people are trying to put money into my account and you're telling them no?
- A mathematician imagines depositing his next paycheck. A friend asks:"So, how much money do you have, anyway?" The mathematician replies, "It's complex."
- Tom Hanks deposits money. Tom Banks
- Why did a woman include a bag of m**... with her ATM transaction? She thought it would speed up her deposit!
- A t**... girl is depositing money at the bank. Teller: Did you hoard all this money yourself?
Girl: No, my sister w**... half of it. - What do you call a direct deposit that takes all of your money? A c**...
Unearthly Funniest Deposit Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about deposit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean invest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make deposit pranks.
I came into some wealth recently,
but it turns out my bank doesn't accept that kind of deposit.
What a dumb blonde... wait...
*Blonde goes into a bank
Blonde: I need a loan for $5,000.
Bank-teller: We'll need some sort of deposit.
Blonde: Ok, here's the keys to my car (Mercedes-Benz S600)
*Blonde leaves
Bank-teller(laughing): She's so s**...! Leaving a $100,000 car as a deposit for a $5,000 loan.
*Bank-teller parks car in secret underground parking garage. Then he does research on the blonde and finds out she's a multimillionaire.
Bank-teller: She's an idiot! Why would she borrow $5,000 if she's a multimillionaire?
*Two weeks later
*Blonde comes back and pays bank-teller $5,000 with $15.41 interest
Bank-teller: Why would you borrow $5,000 and leave an expensive car here if you're a multimillionaire?
Blonde: Where else in New York City can you park a $100,000 car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it not to get stolen?
*
What's the difference between depositing into a regular bank and depositing into a s**... bank?
When you deposit into a s**... bank you lose interest.
I made a deposit at the s**... bank last night.
She really hates it when I call her that though.
A nurse walks into a bank...
A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a r**... thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, "well, that's great...some a**...'s got my pen."
So I walked into a bank with a bag of w**... to deposit...
The teller asked, "what are you doing?"
I said, "I wish to open a joint account!"
A doctor walks into a bank
A doctor walks into a bank to make a deposit. When he goes to sign the check, he realizes he's scribbling with a thermometer.
"Oh, that's great," he says. "Some a**...'s got my pen!"
An american walks into a swiss bank...
The bank is very full so it takes a long time for it to be his turn.
After an hour wait he finally gets to go up to the counter. The woman asks him how she could assist him.
He looks around, making sure he cant be heard and whispers into her ear "I would like to deposit $1 million into a bank account"
The woman looks a bit startled and says out loud "oh dont worry sir! You dont have to whisper, here in Switzerland its no shame to be poor."
An American walks into a swiss bank with two large bags
He walks up to a teller and says quietly "I have 2 million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a swiss bank account now"
The teller replies "Sir, there's no need to whisper, poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."
How are one night stands like savings accounts?
...you make a deposit, withdrawal, then lose interest.
A foreigner goes to a bank in Switzerland...
The teller asks the foreigner: "Would you like to make a deposit?"
The foreign man replies: "Yes I would."
The teller: "How much would you like to deposit?"
The man leans in and whispers: "Three million dollars..."
The teller: "Oh you can speak up. Being poor is no reason to be ashamed in Switzerland."
Facebook is like an Emotion Bank
People deposit their feelings to save, but usually gain very little interest.
How do the nurses at s**... banks get paid?
e**... deposit.
I always like to walk my dog to the bank
It's where he makes his deposit
Source: slightly drunk grandfather
What do cuckolds and landlords have in common?
Neither of them want to give you your deposit back.
A soldier in my National Guard platoon...
...... became concerned when the Army insisted that he sign up for direct deposit.
"It's not going to work for me," he said, panicked.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because I use my Guard pay for spending money."
"So?"
"For the past ten years, I've been telling my wife that I serve for free!"
TIL never deposit your m**... in a bank account...
Unless its a Joint Account.
Why did the proctologist did not like a fixed term deposit
Because they said they would pay the profit per annum.
s**... is like banking
First you make a deposit.
Then you make a withdrawal.
Then you lose interest.
A p**... goes to the bank to deposit her earnings
The teller starts flipping through the cash, and realizes it's counterfeited. When she tells the p**..., the response is "That can't be true. Please look over it again"
"Sorry ma'am, this really *is* counterfeit money"
The p**... takes a step back and says "Oh my, I've been *r**...*!"
What is the difference between a s**... bank and a savings bank.
A savings bank you make a deposit and gain interest, a s**... bank you make a deposit and lose interest.
Proctologist walks into a bank
A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to sign a deposit slip, he pulled a r**... thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great! Some a**...'s got my pen!"
Noted archeologist Fred Flintstein made an amazing discovery today in Sweden
He found remains of some primitive musical instrument and a small deposit of fossilized e**.... when asked about what they signified,
Fred Flintstein replied: "A dab o' ABBA doo."
Next time you think a c**... isn't necessary,
Remember that a small deposit turns into a long term investment, and sometimes a liability for life.
Why is it if banks have become so smart that they can allow you to deposit a check from a picture,
but they won't let you do the same thing with a picture of cash?
Doctor walks into a bank to make a deposit....
Teller says, Can you sign the deposit slip please? .
Doctor reaches into his pocket and brings out a r**... thermometer. He looks at it and then shakes his head. Aw c**... he says, some a**...'s got my pen!
A nurse walks into a bank…
A nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after a 2 back to back 12 hour shifts.
She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a r**... thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the surprised teller and, without missing a beat, says, "Well that's just great! Some a**...'s got my pen!"
I was surprised when they asked me to make a second deposit at the s**... bank.
Come again?
A man wants to deposit money at a Swiss bank.
"How much do you want to deposit?" asks the bank employee.
Whispers the man, "Three million."
"You can speak up," says the bank clerk. "In Switzerland, poverty is not a disgrace."
A man walks into a s**... bank with $15,000 cash and says "I'd like to make a deposit please"
The receptionist tells him "Sir, this isn't that kind of bank, we can't help you with that."
The man goes "s**..., that must be why I was getting funny looks when I made my deposit at the other place"
Real conversation with my 6-year-old:
Him (looking at a bank building): Is this where they keep the money that you donate to them?
Me: Yes, but we don't _donate_ to the bank, we _deposit_ into the bank. 'Deposit' means that you're going to take it back later. 'Donate' means that you just give it away and don't expect to ever get it back.
Him: Oh, I know an example of donate. Like, when you earn money and pay your taxes, you are _donating_ to the government because you're never gonna get it back. Right?
Me: ???
