The Best 48 Deposit Jokes

Following is our collection of Deposit jokes which are very funny. There are some deposit tellers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these deposit collateral puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

I came into some wealth recently,

but it turns out my bank doesn't accept that kind of deposit.

What's the difference between depositing into a regular bank and depositing into a sperm bank?

When you deposit into a sperm bank you lose interest.

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Where does a salmon go to deposit a check?

To the river bank!

Where does Darth Vader deposit his paycheques?

At the AT-ATM.


I made a deposit at the sperm bank last night.

She really hates it when I call her that though.

A nurse walks into a bank...

A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, "well, that's great...some asshole's got my pen."

So I walked into a bank with a bag of weed to deposit...

The teller asked, "what are you doing?"

I said, "I wish to open a joint account!"

Where do polar bears go to deposit money?

A snowbank

A doctor walks into a bank

A doctor walks into a bank to make a deposit. When he goes to sign the check, he realizes he's scribbling with a thermometer.

"Oh, that's great," he says. "Some asshole's got my pen!"

An american walks into a swiss bank...

The bank is very full so it takes a long time for it to be his turn.

After an hour wait he finally gets to go up to the counter. The woman asks him how she could assist him.

He looks around, making sure he cant be heard and whispers into her ear "I would like to deposit $1 million into a bank account"

The woman looks a bit startled and says out loud "oh dont worry sir! You dont have to whisper, here in Switzerland its no shame to be poor."

Top Deposit Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore deposit substantial reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean deposit payment dad jokes. There are also deposit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Where do fish deposit their money?

River banks

An American walks into a swiss bank with two large bags

He walks up to a teller and says quietly "I have 2 million dollars in cash that I need to deposit into a swiss bank account now"

The teller replies "Sir, there's no need to whisper, poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."

How are one night stands like savings accounts?

...you make a deposit, withdrawal, then lose interest.

A foreigner goes to a bank in Switzerland...

The teller asks the foreigner: "Would you like to make a deposit?"

The foreign man replies: "Yes I would."

The teller: "How much would you like to deposit?"

The man leans in and whispers: "Three million dollars..."

The teller: "Oh you can speak up. Being poor is no reason to be ashamed in Switzerland."

Facebook is like an Emotion Bank

People deposit their feelings to save, but usually gain very little interest.

I stopped living paycheck to paycheck...

...now I live direct deposit to direct deposit.

How do the nurses at sperm banks get paid?

Erect deposit.

I always like to walk my dog to the bank

It's where he makes his deposit

Source: slightly drunk grandfather


What do cuckolds and landlords have in common?

Neither of them want to give you your deposit back.

A soldier in my National Guard platoon...

...... became concerned when the Army insisted that he sign up for direct deposit.

"It's not going to work for me," he said, panicked.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I use my Guard pay for spending money."

"So?"

"For the past ten years, I've been telling my wife that I serve for free!"

TIL never deposit your marijuana in a bank account...

Unless its a Joint Account.

I grew up living paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance

...I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.

What do you call a direct deposit that takes all of your money?

A Creampie

Why did the proctologist did not like a fixed term deposit

Because they said they would pay the profit per annum.

Sex is like banking

First you make a deposit.
Then you make a withdrawal.
Then you lose interest.

So I went to the bank to deposit money and the teller asked for my ID.

I said

"Wait, people wanted to put money in my bank account and you stopped them?!"

A prostitute goes to the bank to deposit her earnings

The teller starts flipping through the cash, and realizes it's counterfeited. When she tells the prostitute, the response is "That can't be true. Please look over it again"

"Sorry ma'am, this really *is* counterfeit money"

The prostitute takes a step back and says "Oh my, I've been *raped*!"

Where do people from Prague deposit their money?

Into their Czeching account

What is the difference between a sperm bank and a savings bank.

A savings bank you make a deposit and gain interest, a sperm bank you make a deposit and lose interest.

What do people do when their money moves too fast?

De-pos-it.

I used to live paycheck to paycheck, but now...

...after years of hard work and commitment, I'm living direct deposit to direct deposit.

Proctologist walks into a bank

A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to sign a deposit slip, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great! Some asshole's got my pen!"

Where did the hamster deposit her paycheck?

Her shavings account

What's worse than a dead puppy...

Not getting your deposit back.

Everytime I'm at the ATM cash deposit, and after I give it the cash it says "thank you" I'm thinking

This has been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever

What do your girlfriend and the ATM have in common?

You either make a deposit or withdraw.

I got fired from my job at a bank today

Turns out that sperm is only collected from our clients and they don't like when I ask if they're here to make a withdrawal or deposit.

Calcium got fired from the bank today.

They say he could only deposit.

Sex is a lot like investing...

You make a deposit, it multiples over and over again.. eventually you make a withdrawal and then you end up broke.

Noted archeologist Fred Flintstein made an amazing discovery today in Sweden

He found remains of some primitive musical instrument and a small deposit of fossilized excrement. when asked about what they signified,

Fred Flintstein replied: "A dab o' ABBA doo."

What's the difference between a pigeon and a Texas oilman?

The pigeon can still put a deposit on a new Mercedes.

Next time you think a condom isn't necessary,

Remember that a small deposit turns into a long term investment, and sometimes a liability for life.

What's the difference between a pigeon and a stockbroker?

The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW.

Why is it if banks have become so smart that they can allow you to deposit a check from a picture,

but they won't let you do the same thing with a picture of cash?

MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT

I went to Bank to deposit a check, and they asked me for ID. I said, Are you telling me other people are trying to put money into my account and you're telling them no?

Where do ghosts deposit their mail?

The Ghost Office!

I went to Bank of America to deposit a check, and they asked me for ID.

I said, Are you telling me other people are trying to put money into my account and you're telling them no?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the deposit cheque jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working deposit withdrawal piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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