Depends Jokes
131 depends jokes and hilarious depends puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about depends that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These hilarious depends jokes will keep you in stitches! With everything from puns about impeccable wallpaper to pads, you are sure to find something that will make you laugh. Enjoy these funny, lighthearted takes on dependent underwear.
Quick Jump To
- Short Depends Jokes
- Depends One Liners
- Depends Diaper Jokes
- Depends Underwear Jokes
- More Depends Jokes
Funniest Depends Short Jokes
Short depends jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The depends humour may include short dependent jokes also.
- Reviews for Hogwarts Legacy are coming in. Most reviewers are giving it a 9 3/4 depending on the platform.
- A man runs into a bar and shouts, Quick! How tall is a penguin?! The bartender says, Depends. Less than 3 feet.
The man cries out, Oh my God! I just drove over a nun! - Will carrying a torch save you from an attacking bear? Depends on how fast you can carry it.
- How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? Depends. Sometimes it takes one. Sometimes it takes a Zildjian.
- A woman asked me if I thought she was wearing to much makeup. I told her it depends on whether or not she was trying to kill Batman.
- I like my shovels like I like my women.. I like my shovels like I like my women.
Sturdy. Dependable. Can help me bury a body. - How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? It depends on whether you'll see them later or in a while.
- Dodged the bullet A girl asked me today if she is wearing too much make-up. I told her my reply depends on whether or not she intends to kill Batman.
- If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef? Not sure, depends on what's at steak.
- The spread of coronavirus within a country depends on two factors: 1) How dense the country's population is
2) How dense the country's population is
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Depends One Liners
Which depends one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with depends? I can suggest the ones about owed and based.
- What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol? Depends, what is yours?
- I rely on hotels so much I've actually become quite Inn-dependent
- Someone asked President Biden, "Boxers or briefs?" He said, "Depends."
- Drunk man: "Is life worth living?" well, it depends on the liver.
- Is it possible to be bored to death? That all depends on the drill.
- Do 90-year-old men wear boxers or briefs? Depends.
- How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? It depends on how thinly you slice them.
- Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom? Depends.
- I went on a date last night. She asked me "Boxers or briefs?" "Depends."
- How many babies does it take to open a door? It depends on how hard you can throw.
- Roses are red Roses are blue, depending on their velocity relative to you
- What does 69 taste like to a 69 year old? Depends...
- What does a 74 year old woman taste like? Depends.
- How long does a Congressman serve? Depends on his sentence.
- I'm dating an older woman. When i go down you know what it tastes like? Depends...
Depends Diaper Jokes
Here is a list of funny depends diaper jokes and even better depends diaper puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do philosophers use diapers? It depends.
- I asked my grandpa if he has to wear a diaper... He said "depends"
- What did Michael Sorrentino say when they asked him if he would be ok with wearing adult diapers on some of the new episodes of Jersey Shore? It depends on The Situation.
- My crush's ex-boyfriend was into wearing diapers I asked her best friend what she likes in a guy. She said, "Depends..."
- Where can you find adult diapers? Depends on who's asking.
- Some people hate the thought of adult diapers.... But I say, "It's just Depends."
- Do you think you will have to wear diapers when you get older? It depends
- Is it appropriate to force an adult to wear diapers? Depends.
- Do you like adult diapers? Depends
- What do you call a person who wears adult diapers? Ehh, it depends.
Depends Underwear Jokes
Here is a list of funny depends underwear jokes and even better depends underwear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What kind of underwear do old people wear? Depends.
- What kind of underwear do feminists wear? Depends if there's a man in office.
- What's an old persons underwear taste like? Depends
- I asked my grandpa what kind of underwear he wears He just said, Depends.
- What kind of underwear do they wear at nursing homes on the weekend Depends
- An old man went underwear shopping. "Boxers or briefs?" Asked the clerk.
"Depends."
Cheeky Depends Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about depends you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean condition jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make depends pranks.
What's a politician's favourite s**... position?
Depends on how much you're paying them.
What's the best time of this month for vampires?
It depends on the girl
They asked if I wear boxers or briefs....
Depends
An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast ...
An Atheist tourist was walking around Belfast and noticed all the community centre events for either Catholics or Protestants. After checking out yet another board, he asked a staff member:
Atheist: "What do you do in this town if you're an Atheist?"
Staff member: "Well sir, that depends on whether you're a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist."
Two men sitting on a bench
Two elderly men get together every sunday on the same park bench. The one man turns to the other and asks: "What do you prefer boxers or briefs"
The other man replies " Briefs. What about yourself?"
The first man answers: "Depends"
Love after wedding
A young lady asks her boyfriend: "My love, would you still love me and make this passionate love with me even after the wedding?"
The boyfriend: "well, it depends on your husband!!!!!"
What does the lunch line at the old folks home smell like?
Depends.
A Father and Son were hard at work on their farm...
The Son dragged a h**... out of the shed and began working the field. He noticed that the h**... looked very old and worn out. It was practically falling apart, so he asked his Father "How long do you think this h**... will last?" His Father took one look at the h**... and shrugged. "I guess it depends on how much you pay her."
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Depends on how many cops planted it there
Diagnose
Doctor: Well, those results look bad...
Patient: How bad are they?
Doctor: It depends, how old are you?
Patient: I will be 24 soon.
Doctor: Pffff, no you won't.
A kid asks, "Grandpa, do you pee pee standing up, or sitting down?"
Grandpa answers "Depends."
Which E.D. is worst, Erectile Dysfunction or Explosive Diarrhea?
The man blushed and answered in almost a whisper: erectile dysfunction..
The embarassed woman also said: erectile dysfunction.
The butch lesbian hesitantly replied: erectile dysfunction.
The gay guy without hesitation answered: depends if you're top or bottom.
How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It depends on the definition of lightbulb.
Bert, the oldest guy at the company was retiring...
At his retirement party, as a surprise, a large cake was rolled out, and a s**..., scantly clad woman jumped out! The woman called him over and whispered, "Hey there s**..., you want some super s**... tonight?"
"Well", said Bert, "that depends, what sort of soup?"
how is bungee jumping like having s**...?
a life depends on whether or not the rubber breaks
If an opinion is worth 2 cents, how many cents is an argument worth?
It really just depends on how much cents it makes.
What does an 80 year old lesbian taste like?
Depends
How many Jews can you fit in a car?
Depends how big the ash tray is.
What does eating an old lady out taste like?
Depends.
How many vampires does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It depends if you Count Dracula.
A guy walks into a Bar
And asks for a beer.
The bartender: 'do you want a normal beer or a no-alcohol?'
'It depends. Do you want normal money or Monopoly's?'
How many terrorists does it take to paint a house?
It depends on the force of the explosives.
I got asked what side of a swimming pool I prefer to jump in.
Depends
Who would win in a fight, Ling Xiaoyu or Anakin Skywalker?
Depends on how old Ling is, if Ling were an adult she would destroy Anakin, but Anakin would kill a young Ling.
My girl asked me what I thought about babies
Apparently "depends on how they're cooked" was not any acceptable answer
Is R Kelly a rapper or a r**...?
It depends how much pee is involved.
I asked my incontinent father-in-law if he wanted anything from the store,he replied ...
"Depends"
How many vegans does it take to eat a hamburger?
It depends if anyone is looking.
Mike Huckabee is interviewing donald trump...
Huckabee, asking the tough questions: "So we've seen you in your stylish golf clothes on the course, and your sharp bespoke suits when you are at work, but the American people want to know what the president really wears, boxers or briefs?"
trump: "Depends..."
Huckabee: "Depends on what, your mood, the situation, if Malania is around?"
trump: "No, just Depends."
Which do you prefer, s**... or chess?
Depends on the position.
What do retirement homes smell like?
Depends.
Carry A Flashlight
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
"Is it true," the tourist asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
What's the difference between a good meal and a good time?
Well, it depends on where you put the cucumber.
I was ordering food for the cast of Black Panther. I asked if they liked pizza.
They said, It depends. Wakanda pizza?
Do old women wear p**... or thongs????
Depends
How many kids does it take to paint a wall?
depends on how hard you throw them
What's the value of a cosigned loan?
It depends on θ, but between -1 and 1.
How many puppies and babies does it take to paint a room?
All depends on the speed and angle of the throw.
Whats the worst thing about having s**... with an 89 year old woman?
Depends...
What does it smell like to go down on an 80 year old?
Depends
I asked a cannibal, "What do elderly people taste like?"
He said "Depends."
"Is chess better than s**...?"
It depends on the position.
The spread of coronavirus depends on two things:
1. How dense the population is.
2. How dense the population is.
Living to 90
So a guy asks his doctor, "Do you think I'll live to 90?"
The doctor says, "Well, that depends. Do you drink?"
"No."
"Do you smoke?"
"No."
"Do you gamble?"
"No."
"Do you chase women?"
"No."
"Well," says the doctor, "let me ask you this: Why the h**... do you want to live to 90?"
How many calories does going down on your girl provide?
It depends on which way she wipes.
What's the difference between hungry and h**...?
It depends on where you put the cucumber
Two farmers
Two farmers were chatting,
One says, You reckon the profit on your crops this year will be significant?
All depends, said the other.
On what
My pea value
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how red you want it
What would Giuliani bring to a trial by combat?
Depends
How many Swedish people does it take to make a cake?
Depends on how Swede you want it to be
My grandparents think that I depend too much on technology.
They always talk about how much my generation depends on technology, and my grandfather always mentions it whenever I visit them, so then I replied, no, your generation depends too much on technology.
Then I unplugged his life support.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away
That, however, depends on how good your aim is
How many birds can you fit under a Scotsmans kilt?
Depends how big the perch is.
What color is a mirror?
It depends who you ask
A Man wonders, if he died before his wife...
A husband, seeing his wife prepare her will says, "If you died before me, I cannot imagine dating again. It would take me months or years to even begin to consider someone else. How long would you wait?"
She ponders the question and replies, "Well, honey, that depends on who shows up at the f**...!"
Some girl
Some girl asked me if she was wearing too much make up.
I told her it depends on if she was trying to kill batman.
How many children do you need to paint a wall red?
It depends on how strong your throw is.
I asked my doctor if I could take a bath with diarrhea
He said, "it depends on the amount"
Ladies: How can you tell the difference between being hungry and being h**...?
# Depends on where you put the cucumber.
My wife can't get over this joke she heard on TicTok. She's told 10 people today. Practically forced me to post in on Reddit.
How many babies does it takes to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.....
I'm not always mean, sometimes I'm median. Really depends on my mode.
Statistically my range of jokes are never appreciated.
How many lawyers does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thinly you slice them
Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?
In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"
In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.
Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".
