The Best 35 Department Store Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Department Store jokes. There are some department store jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these department store puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Department Store Jokes and Puns

Dad joke I came up with at work.

I work at a grocery store produce department. Today there was some misplaced cheese in a cooler. I saw it was sharp provolone. I took it to the deli lady and once she read it I said "be careful, it's sharp."

A Texas Salesman

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.

The manager asks him, "Do you have any sales experience?"

"Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"


"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"


His boss is astounded. "$79,237.64? What did you sell him?"

"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine SeaRay. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Suburban."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

The young man replied, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"

A guy goes to a department store and sees a display of thermoses...

"What is this thing?" he asks the sales rep. "Why that's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Oh neat!" the guy says, "I'll take one!" The next day he goes to work with his new thermos under his arm. His boss sees him and says "Hey what is that you got there?" The guys says, "It's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Wow that's awesome," his boss asks, "What do you have in there?" The guy answers, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

A blonde goes to buy a TV.

A blonde goes out to buy a TV at a department store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair brown. She then goes back to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry but we don't sell to blondes.

Amazed she goes out and dyes her hair ginger. She later returns to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

Blonde: How did you know I'm blonde?

Clerk: Because that's a Microwave.

Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing...

There were no casual tees.

Bubble wrap

I work in the props department for a stage show company. Yesterday my boss asked me to fetch a 30-yard roll of bubble wrap from the store room. I brought it to her but her hands were full so she told me to just pop it in the corner. Took me an hour.

Blind Man

A blind man walks into a department store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden he starts swinging the dog around in the air by its leash.

One of the store clerks run up to him and yells, "What are you doing!?"

The blind man replies," I'm just taking a look around."

Freedom Tower

Apparently they're having such a hard time filling office space in the new Freedom Tower, they've opened it up to big chain department stores...

Just what America needs — another Target.

A blind man walks into a department store...

with his guide dog, he starts swinging the dog around when the manager approaches him. The manager says "what are you doing with that dog?"
The blind man say, "Just looking around."

Sarah watches as her mother tries on an expensive fur coat

in a high-end department store. Do you realize, Sarah says, that some poor, dumb animal had to suffer just for you to wear that coat? Sarah's mother turns to her and snaps, Think about how much I've suffered! And don't call your father an animal.

Have you ever heard of the ckicken plant?

I guess the eggplant came first!

I work at a grocery store and a guy in the produce department told me this. He thought it was hilarious

You can explore department store reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean department store dad jokes. There are also department store puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A blind man and his seeing eye dog enter a department store

In the middle of the household items aisle he suddenly stops, grabs his dog by the hind legs and swings him around above his head a couple of times.

Alarmed, the assistant manager comes running and exclaims "Sir! Sir! What are you doing?"

"Oh, just looking around", says the blind man

Man looses his wife

I was in a department store the other day and I walked up to a young and lovely woman and said, "I've lost my wife in here somewhere. Can you talk to me a couple of minutes?"

The woman looks puzzled. "Why talk to me?", she asks.

Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store.

The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?"

The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

A blind man goes into a department store.

A blind man goes into a department store with his seeing eye dog. He walks it to the middle of the store and starts swinging the dog in the air by his leash over his head. Alarmed, the manager of the store runs over to the man and asks, "Excuse me sir, can I help you with something?" "No thanks, I'm just looking around."

Grocery store meat departments are starting drone delivery but customers think it's risky.

Its a high-steaks situation

A man walks into a rough pub near Glasgow docks...

..."here, lads, there's been a big department store fire in town, loads of stock's been written off, I can sort you out with a few things, if you'd like, what're you after?"

After doing the rounds and taking orders for various items of clothing, and even a few bigger items, someone up the back of the pub pipes up, "here, I didn't see anything about a big fire on the news, when was it?"


Shirt Size

While working at a men's department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. "I don't know his size, but my hands fit perfectly around his neck!"

In a department store, where is your beauty?

Aisle of the beholder.

Lol I hate myself.

A blind man walks into a department store...

He takes the leash of his seeing-eye dog and starts swinging the poor dog around above his head.

"Um... Sir? Can I help you?" asks the salesperson.

"No thanks," replies the blind man. "I'm just looking around."


A blonde walks into a department store and tells the salesman, "Hi, I'm looking to buy a sexual sofa."

The salesman, at first confused, suggests, "Oh, ma'am you must mean a *sectional* sofa, right?"

The blonde replies, "No I'm pretty sure it's a sexual sofa, my husband said he'd like an occasional piece in the living room."

Why did Michael Jackson go to the department store?

He heard boys' pants were half off.

A man walked into the best department store he's ever seen and suddenly collapsed, spasming

The doctor diagnosed it as a grand mall seizure.

How do most rappers build a following?

They go shopping at a department store.

A worker at the Taxidermy Department Store notices some damage to a couple of grizzly exhibits

The front right leg on each of the works has been removed.

The worker sprints to the front of the store to alert his manager of the vandalism. On his way, he spies a redneck carrying the missing appendages.

"SIR!" the worker shouts. "You have damaged valuable pieces of merchandise. Exit the store. IMMEDIATELY!"

"Why?" drawls the redneck innocently. "I have the right two bear arms!"

How is a department store like a catholic priest?

They both have boys' pants half off.

My wife went to the grand opening for a new department store without me......

I couldn't go with her so she called me and said it was a new low.

A man was in a department store trying to decide between a step stool and a ladder...

He chose the latter.

My blonde girlfriend called me today to say that she is tired of being surrounded by dummies.

I keep telling her that the department store closes at 6pm.

Some Tim Vine jokes...

"I tell you what makes my blood boil..... Crematoriums."

"People with guns who say give me your money... you gotta hand it to them."

"So I went to my local department store and said I cant decide whether to buy this bed or not. He said do you want to sleep on it? I said of course I do."

"I refuse to work in the subway. Its beneath me."

"I met this girl called Ena. Everytime I see her I say Hi Ena and she laughs her head off."

"I cant remember my homing pigeon's name but am sure it will come back to me."

"Did you know the best selling DVD this year is Poltergeist? Its flying off the shelves."

"So i was reading this book about the history of glue.... I couldn't put it down."

A guy buys a cigarette and smokes inside the department store..

The Store lady:Sorry,sir you can't smoke here

Man:But I bought it here

Store lady:We sell condoms too

You know something's up

If a department store rick rolls you (Chicos)

Why did the priest go to the department store?

He heard the little boys' pants were half off.

Two guys stole a department store calendar...

When they were caught they each got 6 months.

WTC joke

guy 1- Did you see there gonna be putting a department store on the top floors of the new World Trade Center?
guy 2- No I didn't what store are they putting up there?
guy 1- A Target

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the department store puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working department store piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes