The Best 80 Department Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Department jokes. There are some department cid jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these department it department puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Department Jokes and Puns

Freedom Tower

Apparently they're having such a hard time filling office space in the new Freedom Tower, they've opened it up to big chain department stores...

Just what America needs — another Target.

Dean, to the physics department:

"Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

The chancellor of the university is complaining to the dean of physics...

"We need to cut costs!" He says. "All this complex technology you guys use! Why can't you be more like the Maths department? All they need is pencils, paper and wastebaskets!"

"Better still," says the dean of physics, "we could be like the philosophy department. All they need is the pencils and paper."

The half-wit

A man owned a small farm in Norfolk.

The Department of wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.

'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him 200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me,' replied the farmer.

Bubble wrap

I work in the props department for a stage show company. Yesterday my boss asked me to fetch a 30-yard roll of bubble wrap from the store room. I brought it to her but her hands were full so she told me to just pop it in the corner. Took me an hour.


A blind man walks into a department store...

with his guide dog, he starts swinging the dog around when the manager approaches him. The manager says "what are you doing with that dog?"
The blind man say, "Just looking around."

The Montana Department of Employment

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.

RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.

He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.

AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.

RANCHER: That would be me.

Department joke, The Montana Department of Employment

There's a new study out from the Department of Education...

It shows that two thirds of Americans don't understand fractions and the other half don't care.

Blind Man

A blind man walks into a department store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden he starts swinging the dog around in the air by its leash.

One of the store clerks run up to him and yells, "What are you doing!?"

The blind man replies," I'm just taking a look around."

Sexual harassment

The supervisor of a local firm is startled when his secretary bursts into his office to file a complaint of sexual harassment against a man working in the same department. "What on earth did he do?", asks the boss. "It's not what he did but what he said!", the secretary shrieks. "He said my hair smelt nice!". "And what is so wrong with him telling you that?", asks the boss. "He's a midget" ,huffs the woman.

A Texas Salesman

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.

The manager asks him, "Do you have any sales experience?"

"Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"

"One."

"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

"$79,237.64."

His boss is astounded. "$79,237.64? What did you sell him?"

"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine SeaRay. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Suburban."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

The young man replied, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"

You can explore department cfo reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean department highways dad jokes. There are also department puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Layoffs

The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off"
"You better jack off, I've got a headache"

A bunch of toilets were stolen from the police department...

They have nothing to go on.

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store.

The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?"

The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

The locked car...

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" His reply: "I know. I already got that side."

A burglar

Some young man is trying to get into my room through the window, screamed old Mrs. Kleinman into the telephone.

Sorry, lady, came back the answer, you've got the fire department. What you want is the police department.

No, no, she pleaded, I want the fire department. What he needs is a longer ladder!

Department joke, A burglar

Have you ever heard of the ckicken plant?

I guess the eggplant came first!

I work at a grocery store and a guy in the produce department told me this. He thought it was hilarious

Why is a university Philosophy Department always cheaper to fund than the Math Department?

The math department needs paper, pencils, and a wastebasket.

The philosophy department only needs paper and pencils.

A blonde goes to buy a TV.

A blonde goes out to buy a TV at a department store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair brown. She then goes back to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry but we don't sell to blondes.

Amazed she goes out and dyes her hair ginger. She later returns to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

Blonde: How did you know I'm blonde?

Clerk: Because that's a Microwave.


IT guy

John is being shown around the office by his new boss. They enter the IT department and John sees a man using two keyboards at once. "That's incredible", says John. "Trust a geek to use two keyboards at once". "Hey!" replied his boss. "That's stereotyping. "

Coffee maker in the IT department doesn't work

Try reinstalling Java.

A man owned a small farm

A man owned a small farm near Maddock. The North Dakota Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well, there's my field hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week, plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works here about 18 hours a day. He makes $10 a week and I go into town and buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night," replied the farmer.

"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer sadly.

Yo mamma so fat...

When you download a picture of her at work, the IT department thinks they're under a DDoS attack.

I didn't want to believe my father was stealing from the transportation department.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,

"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "

"Do you expect me to talk? "

"No, Mr Bond, I expect you to dye. "

Shot my first turkey today.

Scared everyone in the frozen meat department.

Department joke, Shot my first turkey today.

What is the quietest place on Earth?

The complaint department at a parachute packing company.

Dad joke I came up with at work.

I work at a grocery store produce department. Today there was some misplaced cheese in a cooler. I saw it was sharp provolone. I took it to the deli lady and once she read it I said "be careful, it's sharp."

I'm starting to hate the U.S. government

The NSA appears to be the only department which listens

Being an HR, whenever I get a new batch of resumes, I always throw half of them in the garbage.

I don't want unlucky people working in my department.

Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing...

There were no casual tees.

An office worker opened his pay envelope to find

his check was short $100. He called the accounting department to voice his complaint.

"You're right, we made a mistake," said the clerk, "but last week we overpaid you $100 and we didn't hear you complaining then."

"Look," said the man, "I can overlook one mistake. But two weeks in a row?"

A flight from Dublin to Boston

Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air hostess nervously announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up she said. Although 226 passengers were on board they received only 80 dinners. She apologised, but said that anybody kind enough to give up their meal would receive unlimited free drinks for the remainder of the flight. The next announcement came 2 hours later when she said, "If anybody is hungry, we still have 80 dinners available".

When I was interviewed for a job in the chemistry department, they asked me if I had lab experience.

I said I was more of a cat person.

Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I immediately throw half of them away.

I don't want unlucky people working in my department.

Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night

To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

Discount Air Rides

Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, 'What trip?'

What university department did the Fonz go do when he needed help paying his tuition?

Financial Ayyyyyyd

I'll^see^myself^out

An angel appears to the head of a Philosophy Department...

...and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the professor chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, the professor is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"The professor says, "I should have taken the money!"

A policeman pulls over a driver and starts writing out a ticket

The driver says to the policeman 'I didn't realise the local policeman department were selling tickets to their annual ball'

The policeman responds 'What are you talking about, we don't have any balls'

The driver replies 'yeah didn't think so'

At work I noticed the computer department have started putting Christmas decorations up

IT's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

A girl I know who works in the X-ray department of a local hospital is dating one of her patients

Nobody know what she sees in him

Polish immigrant

A newly-arrived Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license.

He has to take an eye test. The clerk shows him a card with the letters:

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z

"Can you read this?" the clerk asks.

Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy."

How many tech support reps does it take to change a light bulb?

I'm sorry, this isn't the right department to give you the answer to that question. Let me transfer you to another sub, hold please....

A woman gets called into her office HR department

They tell her that they noticed her password for her login was very unusual and asked her how she chose "DocGrumpyHappySleepyBashfulSneezyDopeySacarmento"

She said - "well the instructions were to have a password with seven characters and have at least one capitol, so I thought I was just following the rules"

So i got fired from my job at the library, today

Apparently the books about womens rights, do not belong at the fantasy department..

Did you hear the department of transportation is laying off thousands of workers?

They invented a shovel that stands up by itself.

A burglar broke into the Police Department and stole all of the toilets . . .

The police are investigating, but they have nothing to go on.

The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge.

They only have periodic tables.

A woman filed a sexual harassment to the HR Department.

Hot employee: Sir I would like to file a complaint for sexual harrassment to my boss.

HR employee: So what did he do or say to you ?

Hot employee: He said my hair smells sweet and lovely today.

HR employees : I don't see a problem there. Aren't you just overreacting a bit he just complimented that your hair smells good.

Hot employee: SIR!! You don't understand my boss is a midget!!!

Wisdom, Beauty, or Money

At a meeting of the college faculty, an angel suddenly appears and tells the head of the Physics department, I will grant you whichever of three blessings you choose: Wisdom, Beauty—or ten million dollars.

Immediately, the professor chooses Wisdom.

There is a ash of lightning, and the professor appears transformed, but he just sits there, staring down at the table. One of his colleagues whispers, Say something.

The professor says, I should have taken the money.

The US Justice Department were hellbent on taking IKEA to court a few years ago.

Unfortunately they had to walk away as they were having difficulties putting a case together.

A guy applies for a job with the Chicago Police Department

He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.

"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"

The man asks, "why the clown?"

The police chief replies, "Fantastic attitude, you're hired!"

Who killed Abraham Lincoln?

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....

Officer: What's 2+2?

Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummmm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

I hired a bee to run my IT security department

He makes really good honeypots

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.

A guy goes to a department store and sees a display of thermoses...

"What is this thing?" he asks the sales rep. "Why that's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Oh neat!" the guy says, "I'll take one!" The next day he goes to work with his new thermos under his arm. His boss sees him and says "Hey what is that you got there?" The guys says, "It's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Wow that's awesome," his boss asks, "What do you have in there?" The guy answers, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

Man looses his wife

I was in a department store the other day and I walked up to a young and lovely woman and said, "I've lost my wife in here somewhere. Can you talk to me a couple of minutes?"

The woman looks puzzled. "Why talk to me?", she asks.

Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."

Where did Sauron go to take his driver's test?

The Department of Mordor Vehicles

Somebody robbed the police department yesterday and stole all the toilets

Sadly, the detectives have nothing to go on

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine

He inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.

Saw a guy in the power tool department at Home Depot who looked a lot like Elvis.

Returned a sander.

A young man was shopping in a department store. He sees an extremely attractive salesgirl and says, "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, but I don't know her size." "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours." "Will there be anything else?" the sales girl queried as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and panties."

The CIA, F.B.I and a local police department take part in a contest and are tasked with finding a rabbit released in the nearby woods

The police department deploys search squads and dogs, and after 4 hours comes back with the rabbit.

The FBI deploys helicopters and drones and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.

The CIA comes back after 30 minutes with a badly beaten bear who cries out I am the rabbit! And I surrender

A blind man and his seeing eye dog enter a department store

In the middle of the household items aisle he suddenly stops, grabs his dog by the hind legs and swings him around above his head a couple of times.

Alarmed, the assistant manager comes running and exclaims "Sir! Sir! What are you doing?"

"Oh, just looking around", says the blind man

Men only want one thing

From the Missing-the-point department:

Text from her: Men only want one thing, and it's disgusting!

Text from him: Wash it then?

James Potter and Sirius Black passed by each other in heaven.

James exclaimed, "Sirius, why are you here? Are you visiting?"

Sirius hung his head. "No, I actually died. Bellatrix killed me in the Department of Mysteries."

Potter just laughed. "What do you mean? You were a much better wizard than her. You can't fool me."

"I'm not kidding!" Black protested. "She killed me!"

**"Oh," James said, looking at his friend. "You're dead Sirius."** (dead serious)

I couldn't believe the highway department called my dad a thief.

But when I got home, the signs were all there.

Little old lady calls the fire department

A little old lady calls the fire department and says, help, come right away, my house is on fire.
The dispatcher says okay ma'am, how do we get there?
The little old lady replies, don't ya'll still have that red truck?

Company Picnic Softball Tournament

At our annual company picnic, the advertising department always played a game of softball with the editorial department. This year the ad dept. won ,9-4. But on the company bulletin board the next morning was the following notice. The Editorial Dept. is proud to announce that upon the conclusion of this year's softball tournament, we finished in second place overall, having lost only one game the entire season. We would also like to take this opportunity to offer our condolences to the Ad Dept.'s team for finishing next to last, having won only one game during the entire year.

An Englishman began procedures at the Immigration Department to move to Australia

Immigration: "Do you have a criminal record?"

British guy: "Is that still necessary?"

Accordion to a scientific study released by the Department of Psychology at the University of British Columbia,

most people will not immediately notice if one of the words in a sentence has been replaced with a musical instrument until they've read more than three quarters of the way through it.

What does a toddler, a police department, and a politician have in common?

You can tell when they're full of shit.

I drove past the fire department the other day.

They had a big public awareness sign that read:
"Are your house numbers visible?"

I thought:
"Who cares? How about you just stop at the house that's on fire?"

Did you hear about all the toilets being stolen inside the Miami Dade police department?

The cops have nothing to go on.

Just saw that our local Police Department got 2 huge new trucks with "Criminal Gang Unit" labeled on the sides.

Finally, some self awareness.

A KGB agent meets a friend

"How are you doing?" the KGB agent asks

"I'm fine, I'm working as a teacher. How about you?"

"I'm a KGB agent"

"Oh, what is it that you do?"

"I arrest those who are dissatisfied with the current regime"

"There are those that are satisfied with the current regime?" the friend asks in shock

"Yeah, but they are the responsibility of the anti-corruption department"

I never wanted to believe the rumors about my company's tech department being abusive until I had to have them come fix an issue with my office computer.

And then IT hit me.

I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job at the highway department

But when I got home...

All the signs were there.

a blonde calls 911 and says "help, help, my house is on fire" ...operater says "stay calm ma'am, we'll send the fire department. how do we get to your house?"

Blonde: "duh...big red truck"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the department finance department jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working department fire department piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes