Denied Jokes
75 denied jokes and hilarious denied puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about denied that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Denied Short Jokes
Short denied jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The denied humour may include short refused jokes also.
- Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks why the long face? Horse replies, The bank denied my home loan because I don't have stable income.
- My wife has been putting glue all over my rifle collection.. She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
- I accused my friend of pouring glue on my weapons. He denied it but I'm sticking to my guns.
- I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands. There is no cure.
- I think my wife put paste all over our firearms She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.
- I told my wife I'm going to start calling her Peter the Apostle. After she denied me three times.
- "They say that if you do what you love, it's never a job." "How inspirational. Unfortunately your unemployment claim has been denied."
- I think my wife is putting glue on my rifle collection. She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
- After Trump's NFT announcement… He was called a charlatan. He denied it, saying he lives in Florida.
- Why were the melons upset when they were denied a marriage license? Because it means they *cantaloupe*
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Denied One Liners
Which denied one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with denied? I can suggest the ones about denial and rejected.
- I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it. The plot thickens.
- My teacher asked me if I knew any anagrams of "denied". I said, "Indeed".
- I'm like a credit card. I'm always being used or denied.
- They might deny pouring glue on my weapons... But I'm sticking to my guns.
- Why did Jesus lose the basketball game? Because Peter denied him three times.
- Girl, you must be Saint Peter... Cuz you've denied me three times already.
- Why do Flat-earthers deny science? Because it challenges their world view.
- Why did the judge deny the ghost bail? Too much of a fright risk.
- Trump: THE BIG ONE is coming! The court: Denied. Melania: Same lie every night
- Which pastry is the most religious? The donut.
Its holiness cannot be denied. - R. Kelly has been denied bail The judge believed he was a flight risk.
- Why was the pc gamer denied entry into the nightclub? It was exclusive.
- My dad taught me one thing "deny, deny, deny" ...but he'd say he never said that.
- Why couldn't Anakin Skywalker pay for dinner? Because his master card got denied.
- What do you call someone who denies the truth ? Factos intolerant.
Hilarious Denied Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about denied you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean deny jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make denied pranks.
[At a parole hearing] Officer: Tell me, why should you be released early?
Inmate: It's bec..
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
So I tried to apply for a job at the Department of Redundancy Department...
I got denied because they said all applicants needed to have a PhD in Philosophy.
(real news) In Virginia, a man stole a samurai sword from a store by hiding it in his pants.
He later denied having the sword, telling police he *was* just glad to see them.
my black friend just got denied an interview for a job. they told him straight up they wouldn't hire a black man.
I said in disbelief, "which company was that? we must report them!"
he replied, "It was an audition for the role of Queen Elizabeth"
I hate when someone I had s**... with in High School sends me a friend request on Facebook.
Request denied, Principle Anderson.
You're so fake...
Even China denied they made you
Miley Cyrus
So Miley Cyrus entered a rehab treatment facility last week but was denied admission because they didn't think it would "twerk" out
My wife asked if I was coming to our daughter's dance recital...
I was, but I paused the video, pulled up my pants, and denied it.
He only had a dollar...
Did you hear about the guy who went to the dentist to get new dentures?
His insurance was denied and he only had a dollar on him...so he wound up with buck teeth.
The man in the wheelchair was convicted
... motion denied.
So I heard Microsoft pulled the plug after their chat robot slung slurs, ripped Obama and denied the Holocaust...
I guess there wasn't enough room for two Trumps in the Republican party.
If Bernie Sanders has more delegates but still gets denied by the DNC...
...that would be unpresidented.
A tangent applied for a credit card, but was denied.
He couldn't find anyone willing to cosine.
If I had a dollar for every time Donald Trump denied something...
Then I too would have a small loan of 1 million dollars
Why was The Joker's US Passport application denied?
Passports require proof of US citizenship and The Joker is a fictional character.
An obese ladyboy was denied service at McDonalds.
They don't serve trans-fats.
Footballer Dwight Yorke just got denied entry to the US due to an Iranian stamp in his passport.
Makes a change at least, most of his troubles are from briefly entering Jordan.
So it turns out Mike Pence used a private email server. When questioned he denied, saying he doesn't even use email.
Alternative Fax
A boy was b**... groceries at a supermarket.
One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.
Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.
Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."
Why was the American pilot denied Ace status after shooting down five A6M5's?
Because he had Zero kills.
Why was Jesus mad at the community basketball game?
Because Peter denied him 3 times.
Why did "The Land Before Time" movie series have their insurance denied?
Their policy doesn't cover pre-existing conditions
Who's the best basketball player in the Bible?
Peter.....
because he denied Jesus three times!
Why did the man go to the hospital after he was denied his toast?
Because he was lac-of-toast intolerant
Brett Ratner is not such a bad guy
had his lawyer came out and denied X-3 was directed by him back then.
A certain marsupial was denied entry into a local zoo...
His curriculum-leaftae was perfect, but he lacked the koalafications
My proposal for the new state motto of Mississippi was denied.
"We're all one big happy family."
Two fruits were denied a marriage license.
Meaning they cantaloupe.
Thanos once tried to wipe out half of the DC universe.
Access denied.
The bank denied my Mortgage application
I don't know what the big deal is. I was just asking for a small loan of $1,000,000
A Muslim lady was denied entrance into Mcdonalds today until she removes her hijab....
Should have gone to Burka king.
Canadian wildfire from BC turned back at USA border by customs and boarder patrol.
Upon admitting to smoking "fields of m**..." on its way to the border, the fire was denied entry, and banned for life from entering the US.
The Olympic committee wanted to name a celestial body after Oscar Pistorius.
But they were denied since he is already a shooting star.
Three European contrabass players were denied access to USA at a New York airport...
...they couldn't let contraband trough customs.
I confronted my friend when I suspected him of cheating with my partner.
He firmly denied being my friend.
In 2015, while addressing graduates of SMU, George W. Bush said;
"To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the 'C' students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States."
Then Donald Trump came and said Bush has denied us, Americans our right to be POTUS!
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It's bec..."
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?"
Inmate: it's bec..
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think i have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can i please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
So dad said he went on a business retreat with the guys for the weekend .
Well I decided to call him and a lady picked-up so I told mum about bit. Boy was she upset!
When Dad returned they got into a very big fight as dad denied ever meeting another woman all weekend. Finally mum told me," tell this cheat what the lady said when you called his line!"
I turned to them expressionlessly and said, "she said, " the number you are calling is not available at the moment please try again later"
I wonder why they have both been muderously chasing me for twenty minutes now!
A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!
The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....
Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire .
The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...
The Mosque denied all responsibility!
So, the judge commented:
It's difficult to decide the case because we have a Bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire group of Mosque congregants that does not believe in it !!!
The case is hereby dismissed!
In the 1970s, as manager of Baskin Robbins', my mom was tasked to create new flavors related to Richard Nixon...
Her choices, as she told me, were 'ImPeachments & Cream' and 'Watermelon-Gate' (as a sorbet).
Both were denied.
This is actually true.
My son kept chewing on electrical cables so I finally had to ground him
Of course he denied the charge first, but later I found him coiled up in his room.
He's conducting himself better now, so I think that worked out.
Well that's the current situation anyways, but there's definitely potential for greater resistance.
Some days I just feel like I don't have the capacity for raising kids.
He can be a real live wire sometimes.
An inmate appeals for parole
Judge: Why should you be granted parole?
Inmate: Within the several years that I've served, I have...
Judge: What have you learned thus far during your incarceration?
Inmate: Well I've had plenty of time to reflect which has really taught me that...
Judge: What will happen when you're back in the real world?
Inmate: Could you let me finish my sentence?
Judge: Okay, parole denied!
Did you hear that Trump was accused of having dandruff?
He denied it, of course, and blamed it on flake news.
