Demon Jokes

Following is our collection of purgatory puns and ghoul one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Demon jokes for adults, dirty headstones jokes and clean heaven dad gags for kids.

The Best Demon Puns

What do you call a Japanese spice demon?

Pepper-oni.

Why do demons love apostrophes?

They show possession.

Why did the demon get arrested?

Posession

Demons must be obese...

...Because they hate getting exorcised.

A daughter is seemingly possessed by a demon...

Her mother frantically calls their priest, requesting an exorcism. She describes the details "She has been spinning about wildly, climbing on the walls, running on the ceiling.. moving about non-stop!" The priest replies "I don't know what you want me to do. Sounds like she's already exercising plenty!"


How do you get rid of an obese demon?

You exercise it.

What do you call Matt Damon when he haunts a carpet store?

Mat Demon

A man would come home very late and very drunk every night.

His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him.

When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon.

He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"

There was a demonstration by homeless people in my town today.

They were demanding change.

I threw holy water at the demon and tried to banish it back to hell

My wife was furious and told me not to treat her mother like that

If a millennial asks you...

If a millennial asks you why people in old photos have red eyes


Tell them that they're too young to remember the demon uprising of the 1980s


Why are demons fat.

Because they hate exorcising.

What do you do to get rid of an obese demon?

You exorcise him.

I'm so out of shape there's no way I can out run a demon.

So I really need to start exorcising.

My house was haunted...

... then I got a divorce.

Demon free since 2003.

A Vicar was preaching on the Demon Drink, saying whiskey can kill but water can't.

To prove it he had a glass of each. He dropped a worm into the water and it wiggled about. He dropped a worm into the whiskey.

Stone dead.

A person at the back jumped up shouting, "I'll have the whiskey Vicar! I've been having trouble with worms all my life

How would you tell someone that you want a demon for your birthday?

Asking for a fiend

A fiery demon, clad in sleigh bells, entered the chamber.

Gandalf immediately froze in fear. It was what he had feared since entering Moria.

With each horrific step, the bells jangled damnation.

That's the jingle bell, muttered Gandalf.

Step.

That's the jingle bell.

Step.

That's the jingle Balrog.

A pious woman was possessed by a demon

She went to her priest, desperate to relieve herself of this burden. After a few silent rituals, she was rid of the demon. As she was exiting though, the priest extended his hand, signifying he was due payment. The woman replied, "Oh, but father, I have no money!"

She was repossessed.


Did you hear about the demon that got arrested?

He was charged with possession.

What did the gay sex demon say to the straight guy?

I'll succubi.

Exorcism

Whats the difference between a normal exorcism and an Irish exorcism??
A normal exorcism you call the priest up to banish the demon out of the child.
An Irish exorcism you call the demon to banish the priest out of the child... :D

What did the demonic junkie get charged with?

Two counts of possession

Why did the priest beat the demon at a bodybuilding competition?

Because the priest knew how to exorcise

What should you do if there's a glutenous demon within you?

Exercise.

Which demon is the average YouTuber most afraid of?

Demonetization.

How do demonic hookers find John's?

They get on the succubus.

There's a double feature at the theatre tonight. The first film is about a sexually transmitted demon. The second is about an evil clown.

It follows It Follows.

How are demons getting to work?

With the succu-bus

What do you get when You cross the ceo of Facebook and a Demon believed to have sex with sleeping men?

Mark zuccubus

What do you do when your ogre gets possessed by an evil demon?

Call a shrexorcist!

Last night I saw a demon eating the bottom of my shoe.

When I asked him why he looked at me saying, "I am eating your sole"

Why doesn't the fellowship of the japanese cow demon have any followers?

They're asking everyone to believe in bull oni.

A word of advice on the subject of *demon possession.*

"Demons should take good care of their possessions and not leave them out after they're done playing with them."

Why doesn't the Doomslayer have PTSD from all the demon fighting?

You cannot get PTSD if you ARE the traumatic event

My brother got possessed by a demon, and since then he's become extremely pale and sickly.

The doctor said he just needed to go outside and get some exorcise.

How can you tell which demon farted in a crowd of demons?

Look for the one that's ember-assed.

How do you exorcise a demon?

Make him run a lap then do 10 push-ups and sit-ups

Maxwell's Demon walks into a bar

"In or out," says the bartender. "Just stop with the damned door."

When life gives you melons...

...make demon ale.

What do you call a handicapped Spanish demon?

El Disablo

A demon took over my buddy's body, so I called the cops.

They charged him with possession.

How does a demon workout?

He exorcises

There is an abundance of judgment jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 43 funniest jokes and demon puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any succubus witze you can hear about demon.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes