The Best 43 Demon Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Demon jokes. There are some demon ghoul jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these demon heaven puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Demon Jokes and Puns
Did you hear about the demon that got arrested?
He was charged with possession.
A daughter is seemingly possessed by a demon...
Her mother frantically calls their priest, requesting an exorcism. She describes the details "She has been spinning about wildly, climbing on the walls, running on the ceiling.. moving about non-stop!" The priest replies "I don't know what you want me to do. Sounds like she's already exercising plenty!"
Why did the demon get arrested?
Posession
My house was haunted...
... then I got a divorce.
Demon free since 2003.
A man would come home very late and very drunk every night.
His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him.
When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon.
He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"
A pious woman was possessed by a demon
She went to her priest, desperate to relieve herself of this burden. After a few silent rituals, she was rid of the demon. As she was exiting though, the priest extended his hand, signifying he was due payment. The woman replied, "Oh, but father, I have no money!"
She was repossessed.
A word of advice on the subject of *demon possession.*
"Demons should take good care of their possessions and not leave them out after they're done playing with them."
How do you get rid of an obese demon?
You exercise it.
Demons must be obese...
...Because they hate getting exorcised.
Why do demons love apostrophes?
They show possession.
What did the demonic junkie get charged with?
Two counts of possession
You can explore demon purgatory reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean demon headstones dad jokes. There are also demon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Exorcism
Whats the difference between a normal exorcism and an Irish exorcism??
A normal exorcism you call the priest up to banish the demon out of the child.
An Irish exorcism you call the demon to banish the priest out of the child... :D
What do you do to get rid of an obese demon?
You exorcise him.
Why doesn't the fellowship of the japanese cow demon have any followers?
They're asking everyone to believe in bull oni.
What do you call a Japanese spice demon?
Pepper-oni.
How are demons getting to work?
With the succu-bus
There was a demonstration by homeless people in my town today.
They were demanding change.
A fiery demon, clad in sleigh bells, entered the chamber.
Gandalf immediately froze in fear. It was what he had feared since entering Moria.
With each horrific step, the bells jangled damnation.
That's the jingle bell, muttered Gandalf.
Step.
That's the jingle bell.
Step.
That's the jingle Balrog.
Last night I saw a demon eating the bottom of my shoe.
When I asked him why he looked at me saying, "I am eating your sole"
What do you call Matt Damon when he haunts a carpet store?
Mat Demon
Which demon is the average YouTuber most afraid of?
Demonetization.
If a millennial asks you...
If a millennial asks you why people in old photos have red eyes
Tell them that they're too young to remember the demon uprising of the 1980s
What should you do if there's a glutenous demon within you?
Exercise.
There's a double feature at the theatre tonight. The first film is about a sexually transmitted demon. The second is about an evil clown.
It follows It Follows.
Why did the priest beat the demon at a bodybuilding competition?
Because the priest knew how to exorcise
What do you do when your ogre gets possessed by an evil demon?
Call a shrexorcist!
What did the gay sex demon say to the straight guy?
I'll succubi.
I'm so out of shape there's no way I can out run a demon.
So I really need to start exorcising.
How do demonic hookers find John's?
They get on the succubus.
I threw holy water at the demon and tried to banish it back to hell
My wife was furious and told me not to treat her mother like that
What do you get when You cross the ceo of Facebook and a Demon believed to have sex with sleeping men?
Mark zuccubus
How would you tell someone that you want a demon for your birthday?
Asking for a fiend
A Vicar was preaching on the Demon Drink, saying whiskey can kill but water can't.
To prove it he had a glass of each. He dropped a worm into the water and it wiggled about. He dropped a worm into the whiskey.
Stone dead.
A person at the back jumped up shouting, "I'll have the whiskey Vicar! I've been having trouble with worms all my life
Why are demons fat.
Because they hate exorcising.
One time a demon showed her daughter how to use a tampon
It was an excellent demonstruation
Can you go to jail for this?
A demon enters a woman's body. During this time it makes her do horrible things. She commits multiple crimes.
A priest is finally able to free her of this demon, but legally she is still held accountable for all of her crimes.
She goes to prison and one of inmate says "I'm in for theft; what are you in for?"
She responds, "possession."
How do demons get to the brothel?
Via the succu-bus.
Where does Satan shop for luxury items?
Demon Marcus.
I am so terribly sorry.
Where are you if a demon is forcing you to drink pee all day?
urine hell
How do you keep demons away?
Exorcise regularly.
Did you hear about the omelet that was possessed by a demon?
They had to call an eggsorcist
I think my neighbor is a demon. He bought a bunch of Kia's.
I think he is collecting Souls.
How do you measure the weight of a demon?
In PentaGrams....
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the demon judgment jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working demon succubus piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.