Cheerful Demon Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
Did you hear about the d**... that got arrested?
He was charged with possession.
A daughter is seemingly possessed by a d**......
Her mother frantically calls their priest, requesting an exorcism. She describes the details "She has been spinning about wildly, climbing on the walls, running on the ceiling.. moving about non-stop!" The priest replies "I don't know what you want me to do. Sounds like she's already exercising plenty!"
Why did the d**... get arrested?
Posession
My house was haunted...
... then I got a divorce.
d**... free since 2003.
A man would come home very late and very drunk every night.
His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him.
When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a d**....
He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"
A pious woman was possessed by a d**...
She went to her priest, desperate to relieve herself of this burden. After a few silent rituals, she was rid of the d**.... As she was exiting though, the priest extended his hand, signifying he was due payment. The woman replied, "Oh, but father, I have no money!"
She was repossessed.
A word of advice on the subject of *d**... possession.*
"Demons should take good care of their possessions and not leave them out after they're done playing with them."
How do you get rid of an obese d**...?
You exercise it.
Demons must be obese...
...Because they hate getting exorcised.
Why do demons love apostrophes?
They show possession.
What did the demonic j**... get charged with?
Two counts of possession
You can explore demon purgatory reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean demon headstones dad jokes. There are also demon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Exorcism
Whats the difference between a normal exorcism and an Irish exorcism??
A normal exorcism you call the priest up to banish the d**... out of the child.
An Irish exorcism you call the d**... to banish the priest out of the child... :D
What do you do to get rid of an obese d**...?
You exorcise him.
Why doesn't the fellowship of the japanese cow d**... have any followers?
They're asking everyone to believe in bull oni.
What do you call a Japanese spice d**...?
Pepper-oni.
How are demons getting to work?
With the succu-bus
There was a demonstration by homeless people in my town today.
They were demanding change.
A fiery d**..., clad in sleigh bells, entered the chamber.
Gandalf immediately froze in fear. It was what he had feared since entering Moria.
With each horrific step, the bells jangled d**....
That's the jingle bell, muttered Gandalf.
Step.
That's the jingle bell.
Step.
That's the jingle Balrog.
Last night I saw a d**... eating the bottom of my shoe.
When I asked him why he looked at me saying, "I am eating your sole"
What do you call Matt Damon when he haunts a carpet store?
Mat d**...
Which d**... is the average YouTuber most afraid of?
Demonetization.
If a millennial asks you...
If a millennial asks you why people in old photos have red eyes
Tell them that they're too young to remember the d**... uprising of the 1980s
What should you do if there's a glutenous d**... within you?
Exercise.
There's a double feature at the theatre tonight. The first film is about a s**... transmitted d**.... The second is about an evil clown.
It follows It Follows.
Why did the priest beat the d**... at a bodybuilding competition?
Because the priest knew how to exorcise
What do you do when your ogre gets possessed by an evil d**...?
Call a shrexorcist!
What did the gay s**... d**... say to the straight guy?
I'll succubi.
I'm so out of shape there's no way I can out run a d**....
So I really need to start exorcising.
How do demonic h**... find John's?
They get on the succubus.
I threw holy water at the d**... and tried to banish it back to h**...
My wife was furious and told me not to treat her mother like that
What do you get when You cross the ceo of Facebook and a d**... believed to have s**... with sleeping men?
Mark zuccubus
How would you tell someone that you want a d**... for your birthday?
Asking for a fiend
A Vicar was preaching on the d**... Drink, saying whiskey can kill but water can't.
To prove it he had a glass of each. He dropped a worm into the water and it wiggled about. He dropped a worm into the whiskey.
Stone dead.
A person at the back jumped up shouting, "I'll have the whiskey Vicar! I've been having trouble with worms all my life
Why are demons fat.
Because they hate exorcising.
One time a d**... showed her daughter how to use a t**...
It was an excellent demonstruation
Can you go to jail for this?
A d**... enters a woman's body. During this time it makes her do horrible things. She commits multiple crimes.
A priest is finally able to free her of this d**..., but legally she is still held accountable for all of her crimes.
She goes to prison and one of inmate says "I'm in for theft; what are you in for?"
She responds, "possession."
How do demons get to the brothel?
Via the succu-bus.
Where does Satan shop for luxury items?
d**... Marcus.
I am so terribly sorry.
Where are you if a d**... is forcing you to drink pee all day?
u**... h**...
How do you keep demons away?
Exorcise regularly.
Did you hear about the omelet that was possessed by a d**...?
They had to call an eggsorcist
I think my neighbor is a d**.... He bought a bunch of Kia's.
I think he is collecting Souls.
How do you measure the weight of a d**...?
In PentaGrams....
So just some dating advice for y'all, never EVER date a d**...!
They're way too possessive!!
How do you turn a d**... into an angel?
You scare the h**... out of them.
What is the Reverse Excorcism?
It is when the d**... banishes the priest out of the non-minor victim.
