The Best 61 Democrats Jokes

How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They only *talk* about change.

The problem with Trump jokes:

Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.

I heard that Monica Lewinsky voted Republican this year.

The Democrats left her with a bad taste in her mouth.

What do condoms and taxes have in common?

Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.

So I've got some buddies...

They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical marijuana to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.

How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but we weren't able to get the work done in 1 term because we inherited a really bad situation from the prior administration.

Looks like the Democrats were holding strong in the Midwest until the republicans got off work.

Stalin appears in Putin's dream...

Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country.

Stalin says "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."

"Why blue?" Putin asks.

"Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."

In 2016, Democrats will have to choose between a 70 year-old socialist...

...and Bernie Sanders.

The Republicans asked the Democrats what it would take

to stop being considered stupid. The democrats said "Just put forth one presidential candidate who can make a brain surgeon look like an idiot."

Apparently Monica Lewinsky is voting Republican

The Democrats must've left a bad taste in her mouth

(Shamefully stolen from facebook sorry if it's a repost)

Its so cold in Minnesota right now.

The democrats have their hands in their own pockets.

If there weren't any democrats...

then who would be left?

What is the one thing that Democrats and Republicans can agree on?

They should allow guns at the Republican convention

What's the biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats?

Republicans sign their checks on the front, and democrats sign on the back.

What does Obama call illegal immigrants?

Undocumented Democrats

The problem with politics today...

Republicans treat people like dogs
and
Democrats treat dogs like people

Those "Run Hillary, Run!" bumper stickers are selling incredibly well

Democrats put them on the back of their cars, Republicans put them on the front!

There was a Political Drum-Off last week, sponsored by the mathletes...

Democrats and Republicans took turns showing off their best drum licks, while answering math problems in between.

Turns out the Republicans lost. They couldn't handle Al Gore rhythms.

What did they call the exhibition of paintings by Democrats?

Liberal arts.

Why were Democrats in the lead early on?

Republicans weren't off of work yet.

Handgun owners have a 2% increased rate of suicide.

If we could get that up to 10%, Democrats stand a chance in 2020.

I haven't seen the democrats this mad at republicans...

... Since they freed the slaves

Why do Democrats push for more gun control?

Because they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot.

Did you hear Monica Lewinsky became a republican?

The democrats just left a bad taste in her mouth

Democrats have been really angry over the 2016 election results

The last time Democrats were THIS angry is when the Republicans took their slaves away

On His Deathbed

On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. I can't believe you're doing this. said his friend. For your entire life you're been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now? Because I'd rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.

Wow, Donald Trump is President. I haven't seen Democrats this mad since....

...slavery was outlawed and the desegregation of public schools!

I thought Republicans were the stupidest people in the world for calling Obama "Hussein"

Then I saw the Democrats call Trump "Drumpf"

Survey found that 1 in 3 Democrats are of below average IQ

The other two are dead or imaginary.

I only sleep with democrats.

That way, I don't have to worry about the baby afterwards.

What do you call a bunch of Democrats in a basement?

A whine cellar.

Comey: He's guilty

Democrats: He's guilty

Trump: I'm guilty

Republicans: We may never get to the bottom of this

Before the shooting the worst problem at the congressional baseball game was...

Republicans don't want to play left field.
Democrats don't want to play right.
Nobody wants to play center.

How did the Democrats feel about the results of Georgia's special election ?

The just couldn't Handel the loss. They had worked their Ossof for it.

You cannot tell Donald Trump jokes anymore

Republicans don't think they are funny and Democrats don't think they are jokes.

Checkmate Democrats

If teachers don't have arms, how are they supposed to write on the board?

A blind answer poll was made to dads everywhere, whether they liked Republicans or Democrats.

The only answer they got back was "Yes."

How Many Democrats Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb

Two. One to explain that they are doing all they possibly can to fix the problem, and another to screw it into the faucet.

Slave owners used to get black people to pick cotton...

now they get them to pick Democrats.

What's the difference between democrats and republicans in America?

One group wants to abolish ICE, the other wants to abolish ice.

Democrats are quick to say their side is right but Republicans are even quicker.

You might even say they're Russian it.

How do Democrats apply their sunscreen?

Liberally.

What do conservatives, republicans, liberals, and democrats all have in common?

They're all boring people for getting so involved in politics

Did you hear Monica Lewinsky is republican now?

The democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

(Shoutout to south park for this joke, i had to share it)

The only reason the Democrats haven't risen up and overthrown the government

The Republicans are the ones with the guns.

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They don't. They pay an illegal immigrant well below minimum wage, lie that they did and then blame it on the Democrats.

Whenever people ask me why I'm an Independent Voter I always tell them

The Republicans freed Blacks; but, the Democrats put one in office

Why don't the democrats want to talk about Joe Biden running in 2020?

...it's a touchy subject.

I recently told a joke about how Democrats favor small government, and decreased taxes.

It didn't go over very well. Everyone said it was politically incorrect.

The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.

Trump agreed.

​

...but Mexicans refused.

Republicans and Democrats never agree on anything

Republicans said the temperature is -40° F
And democrats immediately said it was -40° C.

What did the democrats say after the mid-term elections?

Trump that.

I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.

USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.

This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.

​

After months of testing, costing $2.65 billion in congressional spending and firing of 25+ people, the special prosecutor appointed by Trump presented the following findings.

* The stamps have no manufacturing defects.
* There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
* People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.

Why are Democrats considered more attractive than Republicans?

Never heard of a hot piece of elephant.

So yesterday I was talking with Bill, my politician friend. Since he's a Republican, I thought I'd go ahead and ask him how Trump managed to become the face of the Republican Party.

He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "The Democrats kept beating us, so we figured it was time to play our Trump card."

A Democrat and a Republican were walking along the beach when they spotted a bottle.

They picked it up and a genie popped out.

"I will grant you each one wish, whatever you desire", said the genie.

The Democrat said, "I would like for my fellow liberals and I to live the life and exist under the form of government we believe in!" POOF! All the Democrats in America were whisked away to Venezuela.

The genie turns to the Republican and said, "And what is your wish?"

The Republican paused for a second and said, "You mean to tell me that all the Democrats in America are gone?"

The genie answered, "Yes!"

The Republican goes, "In that case, I'll take a beer."

What do Republicans and Democrats have in common?

Epsteins island.

How are republicans and democrats like divorced parents?

They care more about you hating the other person than they do about your well-being.

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven.

They ask God if he'd answer one question.
"Of course" God says.
They ask how the Democrats rigged the election in 2020.
"It wasn't rigged" God replies.

The Trump supporters look at each other and say, "This conspiracy goes higher than we thought!"

Why does texas have no power?

Democrats stole the electrons.