Democrats Jokes

What did one passive aggressive republican say to the passive aggressive democrat?

I don't know, let me go check my Facebook feed.

I heard that Monica Lewinsky voted Republican this year.

The Democrats left her with a bad taste in her mouth.

The difference between a Republican and a Democrat . . .

A Republican sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws the man a 25 foot rope, and expects him to swim half way.
A Democrat sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws him a 100 foot rope. Then lets of of his end.

What do condoms and taxes have in common?

Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.

This is a very old joke that I'm sure most people have heard.

One day George W. Bush was walking through Washington when he spotted a boy selling week old "Republican Puppies", delighted he resolved to come back with reporters in a few weeks for his campaign. When he came back the boy was now selling "Democratic Puppies". Disgruntled he asked why and the boy said,
"They used to be Republican Puppies, but now they've opened their eyes."

Looks like the Democrats were holding strong in the Midwest until the republicans got off work.

What's the biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats?

Republicans sign their checks on the front, and democrats sign on the back.

There was a Political Drum-Off last week, sponsored by the mathletes...

Democrats and Republicans took turns showing off their best drum licks, while answering math problems in between.
Turns out the Republicans lost. They couldn't handle Al Gore rhythms.

Did you hear? If the democratic candidate wins the white house...

the president will be taking a pay cut. It works out to be about 22%.

My grandmother voted Republican until the day she died.

Ever since then, she's voted Democrat.

On His Deathbed

On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. I can't believe you're doing this. said his friend. For your entire life you're been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now? Because I'd rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.

I try to reassure everyone I meet, Republican or Democrat alike - the cost of replacing Trump is actually not that high.

It is only 1 Pence.

My grandfather always voted democrat...

But now that he is dead, he can vote democrat twice.

Before the shooting the worst problem at the congressional baseball game was...

Republicans don't want to play left field.
Democrats don't want to play right.
Nobody wants to play center.

How did the Democrats feel about the results of Georgia's special election ?

The just couldn't Handel the loss. They had worked their Ossof for it.

If you're from Virginia, you're a Virginian. If you're from New York, you're a New Yorker. If you're from Texas, you're a Texan.

And if you're from Massachusetts, you're a Democrat.

Kid Rock announced he won't be running for the Republican Michigan Senate nomination .

This come as a great relief to Democratic challenger Kid Scissors.

Did you guys hear about the Alabama senate race? So far the Democrat leads by 8 points.

If the lead goes into the 12-14 range, Roy Moore might want to date it.

Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:

Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.

What's the difference between a democratic system and a feudal system?

In one your vote counts, in the other, your count votes.

Why are there no chairs in the Democratic National Headquarters?

Because everyone is left leaning.

Checkmate Democrats

If teachers don't have arms, how are they supposed to write on the board?

A blind answer poll was made to dads everywhere, whether they liked Republicans or Democrats.

The only answer they got back was "Yes."

How Many Democrats Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb

Two. One to explain that they are doing all they possibly can to fix the problem, and another to screw it into the faucet.

Why don't the democrats want to talk about Joe Biden running in 2020?

...it's a touchy subject.

How many parties does it take to run a democratic nation?

Two, one to... just kidding you can't run a democratic nation on two parties.

A Democrat, a Republican and a guy with hemmerhoids walk into a bar...

They're all butthurt.

The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.

Trump agreed.
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...but Mexicans refused.

Republicans and Democrats never agree on anything

Republicans said the temperature is -40° F
And democrats immediately said it was -40° C.

Bernie Sanders joins list of 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

Err sorry, typo. That should be:
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

A Democrat walks into a bar

He asks the bartender, "What's your most popular drink?"
Bartender replies, "a Russian Collusion".
The Democrat responds "I'll have one of those."
The bartender then gives him an empty glass and says "enjoy."

OVERHEARD: "My father was a Republican until the day he died..

Then he became a Democrat."

A man gets sick and, fearing he might have Covid, goes to get tested

When the results of his test come back he gets called in and the person asks him, first, are you a Democrat or Republican?
The man says, what? What does that have to do with anything?
Well, if you're a Democrat you've got Covid. But if you're a Republican it's just a hoax.

The bra is the most democratic piece of clothing

It elevates the small ones, it supports the big ones and it keeps the masses together.

Since the Democratic Party is led by Sleepy Joe Biden, today they announced that they'd be renaming themselves to the ZZZ Party...

... realizing that the Republican Party name no longer provides a strong enough contrast with their opponents, President Trump and Mitch McConnell declared that they will be changing their name to the Not ZZZ Party.

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven.

They ask God if he'd answer one question.
"Of course" God says.
They ask how the Democrats rigged the election in 2020.
"It wasn't rigged" God replies.
The Trump supporters look at each other and say, "This conspiracy goes higher than we thought!"

Finally, a fact both Democrats and Republicans can agree on!

"Anyone with half a brain knows Trump won."