The Best 57 Democrat Jokes

Q: How many Democrats does it take to clean up a disastrous Bush presidency?

A: At least two!

How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They only *talk* about change.

Q: Why did the Wisconsin democrat cry?

A: He couldn't recall.

What did one passive aggressive republican say to the passive aggressive democrat?

I don't know, let me go check my Facebook feed.

The difference between a Republican and a Democrat . . .

A Republican sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws the man a 25 foot rope, and expects him to swim half way.
A Democrat sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws him a 100 foot rope. Then lets of of his end.

Vote!

Vote!
Vote early!
Vote your conscience!
Vote! Even if you've never voted before!
Vote! If your an Conservative, Vote!
Vote! If your an Democrat, Vote!
Vote! If your an Independent, Vote!
Vote! If your an Libertarian, Vote!
Vote! If your Republican, vote like you've never voted before!

How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but we weren't able to get the work done in 1 term because we inherited a really bad situation from the prior administration.

A Republican, a Democrat, and a Socialist live in the same building. One day there is a fire, but only the Socialist dies. Why?

everyone else was at work.

Its so cold In Massachusetts I just seen a democrat with his hands in his own pockets!

;)

Did you hear about the commemorative gun they're making in honor of the democrat party and president Obama?

It's called the union worker
You'll over pay
It never works
And you can't fire it

The Democratic National Committee

Democratic. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Today it was so cold in the morning that..

I saw a democrat with his hand in his own pocket.

If A Democrat Wins, I'm Leaving,

If a Republican wins, I'm also leaving.

This has nothing to do with politics.

I just really want to travel.

If there weren't any democrats...

then who would be left?

What's the difference between a republican and a democrat?

How much damage can their Weiner make...

My life long Republican grandfather voted Democrat for the first time this election.

He died 2 years ago. We miss you Pappy.

Why were Democrats in the lead early on?

Republicans weren't off of work yet.

The police got all the democrat protesters in California to leave last night

They gave them participation awards

I haven't seen the democrats this mad at republicans...

... Since they freed the slaves

Hillary was running as Democrat

and her campaign really blue over.

Why do Democrats push for more gun control?

Because they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot.

Democrats have been really angry over the 2016 election results

The last time Democrats were THIS angry is when the Republicans took their slaves away

What does a democratic magician wear?

Appointed Hat.

My grandmother voted Republican until the day she died.

Ever since then, she's voted Democrat.

What do you call a college democrat with a gun?

Triggered.

My Dad voted Republican his entire life.

After he died he voted Democrat

On His Deathbed

On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. I can't believe you're doing this. said his friend. For your entire life you're been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now? Because I'd rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.

I try to reassure everyone I meet, Republican or Democrat alike - the cost of replacing Trump is actually not that high.

It is only 1 Pence.

My grandfather always voted democrat...

But now that he is dead, he can vote democrat twice.

How did the Democrats feel about the results of Georgia's special election ?

The just couldn't Handel the loss. They had worked their Ossof for it.

If you're from Virginia, you're a Virginian. If you're from New York, you're a New Yorker. If you're from Texas, you're a Texan.

And if you're from Massachusetts, you're a Democrat.

A guy walks into a store

He sees three brains on display.

One is a Libertarian Brain, priced at $250.

The second is a Republican Brain, priced at $275.

The third is a Democrat Brain, priced at $5,000,000.

The Guy asks the sales clerk, Man, why does the Democrat brain cost so much more than the other two? Clerk replies, Well, sir, that brain has never been used.

Did you guys hear about the Alabama senate race? So far the Democrat leads by 8 points.

If the lead goes into the 12-14 range, Roy Moore might want to date it.

I sexually identify as half Democrat and half Republican

I'm bipartisan

A gay Republican impregnants a Lesbian Democrat at a crazy house party. They decide to share custody of the child.

It was a bi-party-son agreement.

How Many Democrats Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb

Two. One to explain that they are doing all they possibly can to fix the problem, and another to screw it into the faucet.

How do Democrats apply their sunscreen?

Liberally.

Despite the fact she is a Democrat, Monica Lewinsky decided to vote for Trump in the last election...

....she said to her friend, "I'd like to vote for Hillary, but the last Clinton left a very foul taste in my mouth."

What do Democrats and people with food allergies have in common?

They're both very intolerant.

Why don't the democrats want to talk about Joe Biden running in 2020?

...it's a touchy subject.

A Democrat, a Republican and a guy with hemmerhoids walk into a bar...

They're all butthurt.

The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.

Trump agreed.

​

...but Mexicans refused.

What did the democrats say after the mid-term elections?

Trump that.

I like this new Democratic candidate, Pete Buttigieg. Some people think he's not experienced enough...

But it's my vote, so I'll Buttigieg of that.

A Democrat walks into a bar

He asks the bartender, "What's your most popular drink?"

Bartender replies, "a Russian Collusion".

The Democrat responds "I'll have one of those."

The bartender then gives him an empty glass and says "enjoy."

OVERHEARD: "My father was a Republican until the day he died..

Then he became a Democrat."

Why is the Democrat nominee for President so old?

cos he's been biden his time.

Why are Democrats considered more attractive than Republicans?

Never heard of a hot piece of elephant.

Someone told me Joe Biden has dementia.

Finally, a Democrat that Trump voters can relate to.

Help, I'm a Democrat who has a very specific fetish of looking at foreign dictators resting on top of crackers and I'm looking for people into the same as me...

So if you're Blue and you don't know what to search for why don't you look were Fascists sits... Putin on the Ritz

A man gets sick and, fearing he might have Covid, goes to get tested

When the results of his test come back he gets called in and the person asks him, first, are you a Democrat or Republican?

The man says, what? What does that have to do with anything?

Well, if you're a Democrat you've got Covid. But if you're a Republican it's just a hoax.

A Democrat and a Republican were walking along the beach when they spotted a bottle.

They picked it up and a genie popped out.

"I will grant you each one wish, whatever you desire", said the genie.

The Democrat said, "I would like for my fellow liberals and I to live the life and exist under the form of government we believe in!" POOF! All the Democrats in America were whisked away to Venezuela.

The genie turns to the Republican and said, "And what is your wish?"

The Republican paused for a second and said, "You mean to tell me that all the Democrats in America are gone?"

The genie answered, "Yes!"

The Republican goes, "In that case, I'll take a beer."

Since the Democratic Party is led by Sleepy Joe Biden, today they announced that they'd be renaming themselves to the ZZZ Party...

... realizing that the Republican Party name no longer provides a strong enough contrast with their opponents, President Trump and Mitch McConnell declared that they will be changing their name to the Not ZZZ Party.

Trump is about to become the only President to be impeached twice

He's desperate to prove that anything a Democrat can do, he can do better and in half the time.

A Republican and a Democrat found a magic lamp

The genie said "I will grant one wish per person". The Republican immediately jumped forward and said "I wish all Republicans and conservatives had their own planet, separate from all these libs." The genie nodded and the Republican vanished. The Democrat then asked "Are they all on their own planet?" "Yes" said the genie. "Are you sure? All of them?" The genie said "Yes" one more time. Then the Democrat said "I guess I'll just have a glass of water then."

Why are Democrat robots so bad at dancing?

They were built with bad Al-Gore-rhythms.

You know what sucks the most about being a democrat in a republican household?

If you try to address the Elephants in the room, you end up making an ass of yourself