Democrats Jokes
101 democrats jokes and hilarious democrats puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about democrats that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some hilarious jokes about Democrats? Then look no further, because we've got plenty of jokes for you!
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Funniest Democrats Short Jokes
Short democrats jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The democrats humour may include short democratic party jokes also.
- How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They only *talk* about change.
- The problem with Trump jokes: Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.
- A Republican Senator and a Democratic Senator are drowning and you can only save one. Do you... A: Have lunch.
B: Browse reddit. - Comey: He's guilty Democrats: He's guilty
Trump: I'm guilty
Republicans: We may never get to the bottom of this - How are republicans and democrats like divorced parents? They care more about you hating the other person than they do about your well-being.
- I Hear that Russia is so mad about the US airstrike in syria That they are seriously considering voting democratic in the next election.
- You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler) A democratic senator from Kentucky.
- Elections If the Republicans win the midterms, I will leave the United States.
If the Democrats win the midterms, I will leave the United States
This is not about politics, I just want to travel. - If A Democrat Wins, I'm Leaving, If a Republican wins, I'm also leaving.
This has nothing to do with politics.
I just really want to travel. - What is the one thing that Democrats and Republicans can agree on? They should allow guns at the Republican convention
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Democrats One Liners
Which democrats one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with democrats? I can suggest the ones about democrat republican and democratic.
- I only sleep with democrats. That way, I don't have to worry about the baby afterwards.
- What do you call a bunch of Democrats in a basement? A whine cellar.
- If there weren't any democrats... then who would be left?
- Why does texas have no power? Democrats stole the electrons.
- I haven't seen the democrats this mad at republicans... ... Since they freed the slaves
- Why are Democrat robots so bad at dancing? They were built with bad Al-Gore-rhythms.
- What do Republicans and Democrats have in common? Epsteins island.
- We haven't heard from the Democratic nominee in a while Seems like he's Biden his time
- How do Democrats apply their sunscreen? Liberally.
- Its so cold in Minnesota right now. The democrats have their hands in their own pockets.
- Q: Why did the Wisconsin democrat cry? A: He couldn't recall.
- Why is the Democrat nominee for President so old? cos he's been biden his time.
- What do you call a college democrat with a gun? Triggered.
- What does John F. Kennedy have in common with the current Democratic Party? No brains
- Why were Democrats in the lead early on? Republicans weren't off of work yet.
Democrats Republicans Jokes
Here is a list of funny democrats republicans jokes and even better democrats republicans puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Those "Run Hillary, Run!" bumper stickers are selling incredibly well Democrats put them on the back of their cars, Republicans put them on the front!
- What did one passive aggressive republican say to the passive aggressive democrat? I don't know, let me go check my Facebook feed.
- Finally, a fact both Democrats and Republicans can agree on! "Anyone with half a brain knows Trump won."
- I heard that Monica Lewinsky voted Republican this year. The Democrats left her with a bad taste in her mouth.
- A Republican walks up to a Democratic with a face mask and say, do you know what I say to sheep like you?... Whatever the Republican Party tells me too say.
- What do condoms and taxes have in common? Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools.
- A Democrat, a Republican and a guy with hemmerhoids walk into a bar... They're all butthurt.
- I try to reassure everyone I meet, Republican or Democrat alike - the cost of replacing Trump is actually not that high. It is only 1 Pence.
- Democrats have been really angry over the 2016 election results The last time Democrats were THIS angry is when the Republicans took their slaves away
- Looks like the Democrats were holding strong in the Midwest until the republicans got off work.
Playful Democrats Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about democrats you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean democratic republican jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make democrats pranks.
The difference between a Republican and a Democrat . . .
A Republican sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws the man a 25 foot rope, and expects him to swim half way.
A Democrat sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws him a 100 foot rope. Then lets of of his end.
Paraprosdokians
*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.
If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
You're never too old to learn ...something s**....
So I've got some buddies...
They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical m**... to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.
This is a very old joke that I'm sure most people have heard.
One day George W. Bush was walking through Washington when he spotted a boy selling week old "Republican Puppies", delighted he resolved to come back with reporters in a few weeks for his campaign. When he came back the boy was now selling "Democratic Puppies". Disgruntled he asked why and the boy said,
"They used to be Republican Puppies, but now they've opened their eyes."
How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but we weren't able to get the work done in 1 term because we inherited a really bad situation from the prior administration.
I heard on the radio that protestors in Beijing are demanding authentic democratic reforms.
Unfortunately, all they can get is cheap Chinese knockoffs.
Why isn't North Korea democratic?
Because Kim Jung Un doesn't want a public e**...
Stalin appears in Putin's dream...
Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country.
Stalin says "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."
"Why blue?" Putin asks.
"Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."
Today it was so cold in the morning that..
I saw a democrat with his hand in his own pocket.
What's the biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats?
Republicans sign their checks on the front, and democrats sign on the back.
The problem with politics today...
Republicans treat people like dogs
and
Democrats treat dogs like people
Did you guys hear about the new death camps in North Korea?
No you didn't. You haven't heard anything. Long Live the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.
There was a Political Drum-Off last week, sponsored by the mathletes...
Democrats and Republicans took turns showing off their best drum licks, while answering math problems in between.
Turns out the Republicans lost. They couldn't handle Al Gore rhythms.
Why do Democrats push for more gun control?
Because they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot.
Did you hear Monica Lewinsky became a republican?
The democrats just left a bad taste in her mouth
My grandmother voted Republican until the day she died.
Ever since then, she's voted Democrat.
On His Deathbed
On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. I can't believe you're doing this. said his friend. For your entire life you're been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now? Because I'd rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.
Wow, Donald Trump is President. I haven't seen Democrats this mad since....
...slavery was outlawed and the desegregation of public schools!
My grandfather always voted democrat...
But now that he is dead, he can vote democrat twice.
If you're from Virginia, you're a Virginian. If you're from New York, you're a New Yorker. If you're from Texas, you're a Texan.
And if you're from Massachusetts, you're a Democrat.
A guy walks into a store
He sees three brains on display.
One is a Libertarian Brain, priced at $250.
The second is a Republican Brain, priced at $275.
The third is a Democrat Brain, priced at $5,000,000.
The Guy asks the sales clerk, Man, why does the Democrat brain cost so much more than the other two? Clerk replies, Well, sir, that brain has never been used.
Kid Rock announced he won't be running for the Republican Michigan Senate nomination .
This come as a great relief to Democratic challenger Kid Scissors.
Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:
Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.
I s**... identify as half Democrat and half Republican
I'm bipartisan
Why are there no chairs in the Democratic National Headquarters?
Because everyone is left leaning.
A gay Republican impregnants a Lesbian Democrat at a crazy house party. They decide to share custody of the child.
It was a bi-party-son agreement.
Checkmate Democrats
If teachers don't have arms, how are they supposed to write on the board?
A blind answer poll was made to dads everywhere, whether they liked Republicans or Democrats.
The only answer they got back was "Yes."
How Many Democrats Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb
Two. One to explain that they are doing all they possibly can to fix the problem, and another to screw it into the faucet.
Despite the fact she is a Democrat, Monica Lewinsky decided to vote for Trump in the last election...
....she said to her friend, "I'd like to vote for Hillary, but the last Clinton left a very foul taste in my mouth."
The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.
Trump agreed.
...but Mexicans refused.
Republicans and Democrats never agree on anything
Republicans said the temperature is -40° F
And democrats immediately said it was -40° C.
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates.
Err sorry, typo. That should be:
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates.
A Democrat walks into a bar
He asks the bartender, "What's your most popular drink?"
Bartender replies, "a Russian Collusion".
The Democrat responds "I'll have one of those."
The bartender then gives him an empty glass and says "enjoy."
I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.
USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.
This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.
After months of testing, costing $2.65 billion in congressional spending and firing of 25+ people, the special prosecutor appointed by Trump presented the following findings.
* The stamps have no manufacturing defects.
* There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
* People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.
Help, I'm a Democrat who has a very specific f**... of looking at foreign dictators resting on top of crackers and I'm looking for people into the same as me...
So if you're Blue and you don't know what to search for why don't you look were Fascists sits... Putin on the Ritz
A man gets sick and, fearing he might have Covid, goes to get tested
When the results of his test come back he gets called in and the person asks him, first, are you a Democrat or Republican?
The man says, what? What does that have to do with anything?
Well, if you're a Democrat you've got Covid. But if you're a Republican it's just a hoax.
The bra is the most democratic piece of clothing
It elevates the small ones, it supports the big ones and it keeps the masses together.
Since the Democratic Party is led by Sleepy Joe Biden, today they announced that they'd be renaming themselves to the ZZZ Party...
... realizing that the Republican Party name no longer provides a strong enough contrast with their opponents, President Trump and Mitch McConnell declared that they will be changing their name to the Not ZZZ Party.
Trump is about to become the only President to be impeached twice
He's desperate to prove that anything a Democrat can do, he can do better and in half the time.
Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven.
They ask God if he'd answer one question.
"Of course" God says.
They ask how the Democrats rigged the election in 2020.
"It wasn't rigged" God replies.
The Trump supporters look at each other and say, "This conspiracy goes higher than we thought!"
A Republican and a Democrat found a magic lamp
The genie said "I will grant one wish per person". The Republican immediately jumped forward and said "I wish all Republicans and conservatives had their own planet, separate from all these libs." The genie nodded and the Republican vanished. The Democrat then asked "Are they all on their own planet?" "Yes" said the genie. "Are you sure? All of them?" The genie said "Yes" one more time. Then the Democrat said "I guess I'll just have a glass of water then."
You know what s**... the most about being a democrat in a republican household?
If you try to address the Elephants in the room, you end up making an a**... of yourself
An old Republican is on his death bed
\- I have a confession to make! I declare myself a Democrat now!
\- But... but... why? You hate democrats! You spent all your life fighting with them!
\- Because now one of them will die!
Democrats are sexier than Republicans
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Is it true that Democrats are generally considered to be more attractive than Republicans?" he asks the bartender. "Well, have you every heard of a hot piece of elephant?" the bartender responds.
Fed up
A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party? " "About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly. "NO! " exploded the teacher.. "I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches? " "Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says.. "I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party! "
Little Johnny was in class and his teacher asked
Little Johnny was in class and his teacher asked "how many of you guys are trump fans?" since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well except little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "why are you being different again Johnny....." so little Johnny says "well because im a democrat. My mom is a democrat and my dad is a democrat, so im a democrat!" so then the teacher responds with "well what if your mom was a m**... and your dad was an idiot what would that make you?" well little Johnny says, "a trump fan!"
The Democrats have a plan to make the Republicans sound s**....
Operation "Just Let Them Talk"
