Demo Jokes

Q: How many Democrats does it take to clean up a disastrous Bush presidency?
A: At least two!

How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They only *talk* about change.

Why doesn't democracy work in china?

Because no one wants to hold an e**....

You fall asleep in lecture

and when you wake up you cannot remember what class you are in. A demonstration is happening at the front of the class. How do you figure out where you are?
If the demo moves its biology, if it stinks its chemistry, and if it doesn't work its physics.

Why did the d**... get arrested?

Posession

A "demographic expert" unfollowed me on Twitter today..

..guess I wasn't for them.

How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but we weren't able to get the work done in 1 term because we inherited a really bad situation from the prior administration.

Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

Because everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle

Maxwell's d**... walks into a bar

"In or out," says the bartender. "Just stop with the d**... door."

Demons must be obese...

...Because they hate getting exorcised.

Democracy is when everybody has an equal opportunity

Wolves can eat sheep, sheep can eat wolves.

Why do demons love apostrophes?

They show possession.

What did the demonic j**... get charged with?

Two counts of possession

What is McDonald's demolition service called?

Quarter pounder.

The Democratic National Committee

Democratic. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Why are most demolitions experts happy?

They get the best blow jobs in town.

If A Democrat Wins, I'm Leaving,

If a Republican wins, I'm also leaving.
This has nothing to do with politics.
I just really want to travel.

If there weren't any democrats...

then who would be left?

They demolished my local Domino's Pizza shop...

yesterday, and then all the other shops on the street fell down.

Democratic Difrence Between Usa & India

Democratic Difrence Between Usa & India. In Usa U Can Kiss In A Public Place But Can't Susu. In India U Can Susu In Public Place But Cant Kiss.

In a democracy, it's your vote that counts...

...and in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

Why were Democrats in the lead early on?

Republicans weren't off of work yet.

I haven't seen the democrats this mad at republicans...

... Since they freed the slaves

Why do Democrats push for more gun control?

Because they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot.

Democrats have been really angry over the 2016 election results

The last time Democrats were THIS angry is when the Republicans took their slaves away

What does a democratic magician wear?

Appointed Hat.

Democrats: "The rains are God crying about Trump's inauguration"....

Republicans: "The storms are why there was such low turnout."
Trump: "The showers remind me of when I was in Russia."

The demolition workers performed at the workers event last night.

Heard they brought down the house with their act.

A demolition expert goes on stage during open mic night...

He proceeds to bring the house down.

How do we know when we have truly demolished gender roles?

When men breastfeed in public just as frequently as women.

Democracy obviously doesn't work.

I mean, I was voted "most likely to succeed" at High School.

How did the Democrats feel about the results of Georgia's special election ?

The just couldn't Handel the loss. They had worked their Ossof for it.

How are demons getting to work?

With the succu-bus

There was a demonstration by homeless people in my town today.

They were demanding change.

I'll be so demoralised if North Korea decides to invade South Korea...

It'd be Seoul destroying

A Demogorgon, a Dungeon Master and a Sherriff walk in to a bar.

My friend shouts "Wow! I've never seen anything like this. Isn't this amazing?!"
I replied "Nah, I've seen Stranger Things."

I took my demolition working friend to a cheese tasting

He tried a bit of everything, and was amazed to how many different cheeses there are. His favorite cheese in the end was 'de brie'

How can you tell which d**... f**... in a crowd of demons?

Look for the one that's ember-assed.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner: pizza or tacos .

They picked pizza.
So I made steamed broccoli because that's what we get after we are done voting.

Democracy in Russia

I bet you were expecting more.

How Many Democrats Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb

Two. One to explain that they are doing all they possibly can to fix the problem, and another to screw it into the faucet.

Which d**... is the average YouTuber most afraid of?

Demonetization.

How can the Democrats light a fire under Millennial voters?

They can use Flint and Tinder

US democracy is the envy of the world...

It is the greatest that money can buy.

Democrats are quick to say their side is right but Republicans are even quicker.

You might even say they're Russian it.

How do Democrats apply their sunscreen?

Liberally.

What do Democrats and people with food allergies have in common?

They're both very intolerant.

Why don't Democrats mind staying in hotel rooms with no windows?

Because they couldn't care less about other people's views.

Why don't the democrats want to talk about Joe Biden running in 2020?

...it's a touchy subject.

A Democrat, a Republican and a guy with hemmerhoids walk into a bar...

They're all butthurt.

The Democrats agreed to sign over $6 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition... that Trump stay on the other side.

Trump agreed.
​
...but Mexicans refused.

What did the democrats say after the mid-term elections?

Trump that.

I like this new Democratic candidate, Pete Buttigieg. Some people think he's not experienced enough...

But it's my vote, so I'll Buttigieg of that.

A Democrat walks into a bar

He asks the bartender, "What's your most popular drink?"
Bartender replies, "a Russian Collusion".
The Democrat responds "I'll have one of those."
The bartender then gives him an empty glass and says "enjoy."

How many democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

None.
​
*They just talk about it instead of doing anything.*

How do demonic h**... find John's?

They get on the succubus.

Why is the Democrat nominee for President so old?

cos he's been biden his time.

What's a demolition expert's favorite cheese?

Debris.

Why are Democrats considered more attractive than Republicans?

Never heard of a hot piece of elephant.

Help, I'm a Democrat who has a very specific f**... of looking at foreign dictators resting on top of crackers and I'm looking for people into the same as me...

So if you're Blue and you don't know what to search for why don't you look were Fascists sits... Putin on the Ritz

How would you tell someone that you want a d**... for your birthday?

Asking for a fiend

A Democrat and a Republican were walking along the beach when they spotted a bottle.

They picked it up and a genie popped out.
"I will grant you each one wish, whatever you desire", said the genie.
The Democrat said, "I would like for my fellow liberals and I to live the life and exist under the form of government we believe in!" p**...! All the Democrats in America were whisked away to Venezuela.
The genie turns to the Republican and said, "And what is your wish?"
The Republican paused for a second and said, "You mean to tell me that all the Democrats in America are gone?"
The genie answered, "Yes!"
The Republican goes, "In that case, I'll take a beer."

Why are demolition experts and dominatrixes alike?

They both like wrecking b**...

Why are demons fat.

Because they hate exorcising.

Since the Democratic Party is led by Sleepy Joe Biden, today they announced that they'd be renaming themselves to the ZZZ Party...

... realizing that the Republican Party name no longer provides a strong enough contrast with their opponents, President Trump and Mitch McConnell declared that they will be changing their name to the Not ZZZ Party.

Democracy and Football

What does democracy and football have in common?
\- adding the word American completely changes the meaning...

In democracy your vote counts.

But in feudalism, your Count votes.

How do demons get to the brothel?

Via the succu-bus.

Why are Democrat robots so bad at dancing?

They were built with bad Al-Gore-rhythms.

Where are you if a d**... is forcing you to drink pee all day?

u**... h**...

How do you keep demons away?

Exorcise regularly.

Democrats are sexier than Republicans

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Is it true that Democrats are generally considered to be more attractive than Republicans?" he asks the bartender. "Well, have you every heard of a hot piece of elephant?" the bartender responds.

The Democrats have a plan to make the Republicans sound s**....

Operation "Just Let Them Talk"