Dementia Jokes

Following is our collection of psychosis puns and grandmothers one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Dementia jokes for adults, dirty kleptomania jokes and clean schizophrenia dad gags for kids.

The Best Dementia Puns

My grandfather's favorite joke.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where ya left it.

[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]

When your appendix is removed it's called an appendectomy.

When your uterus is removed it's called a hysterectomy. What's it called when you have a growth removed from your head? A haircut.

A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.

A cop fills him in on what happened.

Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy

Wow says the detective, looking up at the train in question.

That's some locomotive

Dementia

Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor's office. The Doctor asks, "What is three times three?"
The first man answers, "274."
The second man answers, "Tuesday."
The third man answers, "Nine."
The doctor pleasantly surprised at the third man's correct response, inquires, "Great! How did you get that answer?"
"Simple. Just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

Did I ever tell you the joke about the guy suffering from dementia?

Did I ever tell you the joke about the guy suffering from dementia?


Doctor: You have dementia

Patient: cool but I don't remember asking

They say that you are what you eat...

I don't remember eating a person with dementia

Sorry to hear about your dementia...

But do you have that 10 grand you owe me?

Do you know what the best part of dementia is?

Every day, you get to meet someone new.

My doctor told me yesterday that I'm at high risk for either Alzheimer's or Dementia...

I can't remember which.

Seeking jokes for my grandmother who has dementia

My 90 year old grandma is in an assisted living home due to her dementia. She has been feeling isolated (no visits due to Covid).

I have decided to start calling her everyday with a "Joke Of The Day" but I need your help with grandma friendly jokes.

All submissions are greatly appreciated (and any tips for connecting remotely with someone who has dementia and is unable to work any technology). Thank you in advance!


What did Rihanna say to her grandma when she found out she had dementia?

"Oh nana, what's my name?"

What's the best thing about having dementia at Easter?

You can hide your own Easter eggs.

Why did the old man put jelly beans in his pill organizer?

He had dementia.

What's the most progressive thing about Joe Biden?

His dementia

A dark sense of humor is a early sign of dementia.

one of the nice things about getting old

is no longer having to worry about early-onset dementia

I may have dementia

but at least I don't have dementia.

I fondly remember the time I found a cure for dementia.

Ahh......That brings back memories.


A doctor diagnosed me with...

... Paranoid Schizophrenia.
But he's just out to get me. So are you.

... Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Which means I am AWESOME!

... Multiple Personality Disorder.
But we don't believe him.

... Expressive Aphasia.
Cheddar concrete levitates archetypal moonbeams.

... Dementia.
But I maintain full cognitive... Um. What was the question?

I'm planning to throw a rock at my grandma with dementia

She won't know what hit her

Doctor: "Do you want to hear the bad news, or the really bad news?"

Patient: "umm I'll hear the really bad news first please"

Doctor: "You have cancer."

Patient: "oh god! What's the bad news?"

Doctor: "you have dementia."

Patient: "well at least I don't have cancer!"

Did you hear the one about dementia?

To get to the other side.

It was so funny that I forgot to laugh...

Said the sarcastic man with dementia.

What did the italian man with dementia have for dinner?

Forgetti Bolognese.

A bipolar patient, dementia patient, and narcissist walk into a club.

And the announcer says Welcome to the first 2020 presidential debate.

You know what the worst part of Grandma's dementia was?

When she forgot about Dre.

There once was...

There once was a woman with dementia and she

My Mother-In-Law asked how Charles Manson died, and I responded, "Complications with dementia". To which she replied...

"I thought he was demented his whole life. Why is he having complications with it now??"

My grandmother was recently diagnosed with dementia, so she has no short term memory.

Which really puts a damper on the make-up sex.

I wrote a book on Italians diagnosed with Dementia...

It's called "fogettaboudit"

I also wrote a book about Italians being diagnosed with Amnesia,

I called that one "fogottaboudit"

Living with dementia is hard.

At least I think it is, I can't remember

Went to a dementia support group and I was the only one that showed up.

I guess they all forgot

Lego bricks are being used to help people with dementia and alzheimers...

They are being put at the side of their beds to remind the old folks to put their shoes on when they get up...

What do you call someone with dementia?

Whatever you want, they won't remember.

What's the difference between Alzheimer's and dementia?

To get to the other side of the road.

Why was the 100 year old lady with dementia so emotional?

She was centi-mental.

My poor grandmother has dementia, the poor soul just stands there looking through the window..

.
.
.
.
Maybe one day, I'll let her in.

My friend told me a joke yesterday

I can't remember what it was about, but I have this feeling it was something about dementia.

My grandmother, a life-long abstract artist, has dementia.

For the longest the family couldn't be sure of her mental illness, but eventually we all saw the landscape.

What is the best part of having early onset dementia

I can't remember.

My grandma has dementia

the saddest part is watching her slowly forget about Dre

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Dave

Dave who?

Dave holds back tears as he realises his mother's Alzheimer's is getting worse.

Note: This anti-joke is submitted to commemorate the new Alzheimer's treatment, and the immanent loss of a source of much comedic humour - aged dementia.

Someone told me Joe Biden has dementia.

Finally, a Democrat that Trump voters can relate to.

i didn't know there are cops with dementia, that must make their job really hard

especially when they walk into the wrong house and shoot the black guy living there

Early onset dementia

is something I want to forget about as soon as possible.

I've got dementia and erectile dysfunction.

So I never remember my wife's disappointment.

What did the dementia patient say to the other dementia patient?

I forgot.

There is an abundance of memories jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 48 funniest jokes and dementia puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any epilepsy witze you can hear about dementia.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes