Dementia Jokes

There once was...

There once was a woman with dementia and she

Dementia

Three older men are undergoing a memory test at the doctor's office. The Doctor asks, "What is three times three?"
The first man answers, "274."
The second man answers, "Tuesday."
The third man answers, "Nine."
The doctor pleasantly surprised at the third man's correct response, inquires, "Great! How did you get that answer?"
"Simple. Just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

My grandfather's favorite joke.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where ya left it.

[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Dave

Dave who?

Dave holds back tears as he realises his mother's Alzheimer's is getting worse.

Note: This anti-joke is submitted to commemorate the new Alzheimer's treatment, and the immanent loss of a source of much comedic humour - aged dementia.

I fondly remember the time I found a cure for dementia.

Ahh......That brings back memories.

Why did the old man put jelly beans in his pill organizer?

He had dementia.

What did the italian man with dementia have for dinner?

Forgetti Bolognese.

It was so funny that I forgot to laugh...

Said the sarcastic man with dementia.

Went to a dementia support group and I was the only one that showed up.

I guess they all forgot

Did you hear the one about dementia?

To get to the other side.

Did I ever tell you the joke about the guy suffering from dementia?

Did I ever tell you the joke about the guy suffering from dementia?

Living with dementia is hard.

At least I think it is, I can't remember

I wrote a book on Italians diagnosed with Dementia...

It's called "fogettaboudit"

I also wrote a book about Italians being diagnosed with Amnesia,

I called that one "fogottaboudit"

My grandmother was recently diagnosed with dementia, so she has no short term memory.

Which really puts a damper on the make-up s**....

Do you know what the best part of dementia is?

Every day, you get to meet someone new.

My Mother-In-Law asked how Charles Manson died, and I responded, "Complications with dementia". To which she replied...

"I thought he was demented his whole life. Why is he having complications with it now??"

I may have dementia

but at least I don't have dementia.

My doctor told me yesterday that I'm at high risk for either Alzheimer's or Dementia...

I can't remember which.

Sorry to hear about your dementia...

But do you have that 10 grand you owe me?

Doctor: "Do you want to hear the bad news, or the really bad news?"

Patient: "umm I'll hear the really bad news first please"

Doctor: "You have cancer."

Patient: "oh god! What's the bad news?"

Doctor: "you have dementia."

Patient: "well at least I don't have cancer!"

What did Rihanna say to her grandma when she found out she had dementia?

"Oh nana, what's my name?"

i didn't know there are cops with dementia, that must make their job really hard

especially when they walk into the wrong house and shoot the black guy living there

one of the nice things about getting old

is no longer having to worry about early-onset dementia

I'm planning to throw a rock at my grandma with dementia

She won't know what hit her

They say that you are what you eat...

I don't remember eating a person with dementia

You know what the worst part of Grandma's dementia was?

When she forgot about Dre.

A dark sense of humor is a early sign of dementia.

What's the best thing about having dementia at Easter?

You can hide your own Easter eggs.

A detective is investigating a crime scene in Mexico.

A cop fills him in on what happened.

Apparently the killer is riddled with dementia and considers the train his lover, so he killed the train operator out of jealousy

Wow says the detective, looking up at the train in question.

That's some locomotive

What's the most progressive thing about Joe Biden?

His dementia

When your appendix is removed it's called an appendectomy.

When your u**... is removed it's called a hysterectomy. What's it called when you have a growth removed from your head? A haircut.

A bipolar patient, dementia patient, and narcissist walk into a club.

And the announcer says Welcome to the first 2020 presidential debate.

Seeking jokes for my grandmother who has dementia

My 90 year old grandma is in an assisted living home due to her dementia. She has been feeling isolated (no visits due to Covid).

I have decided to start calling her everyday with a "Joke Of The Day" but I need your help with grandma friendly jokes.

All submissions are greatly appreciated (and any tips for connecting remotely with someone who has dementia and is unable to work any technology). Thank you in advance!

Doctor: You have dementia

Patient: cool but I don't remember asking

I really hate dementia

I can't remember why

I Googled the symptoms of dementia

But all the links were purple.

Living beside a groundhog means you get one prediction every morning.

Yesterday I learned that my tomatoes will be ripe in 6 weeks.

Today I learned that my dementia is onset and early.

The three advantages of dementia:

1. You can laugh about the same jokes again and again.
2. You meet new people every day.
3. You can laugh about the same jokes again and again.

Knock Knock

Who's there?


Dementia


who?

I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"

I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor

Whats the best thing about having dementia?

There are new jokes on this subs all the time

How many dementia sufferers does it take to change a light-bulb?

To get to the other side!

(Apologies if re-post. I forgot where I heard this)

Did you hear about the guy with dementia floating out into the great salt lake?

He was drifting slowly into salinity.

I tried searching up "Dementia" on google

but for some reason, all the links were purple.

Doctors seriously need to stop telling me I have Dementia

Dude I don't remember asking

Doctors be like : Sorry sir, But you have *Dementia*

b**... I don't remember asking!!

Do you know who else has dementia?

Do you know who else has dementia?

No, I haven't made any dementia jokes.

I would have remembered if I did

A man with dementia walks into a bar

He spots a pretty lady, sits next to her and asks, "So, do I come here often?"

Although my wife is still young, I think she's showing early signs old dementia.

For example, twice this week she told me she doesn't remember what she saw in me.