Demands Met Jokes
14 demands met jokes and hilarious demands met puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about demands met that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Demands Met Short Jokes
Short demands met jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The demands met humour may include short demands jokes also.
- Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians... They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met.
- Terrorists have taken >500 hostages at the Bar Association annual conference Unless their demands are met, they'll release one lawyer every hour.
- The people you meet as a firefighter are really weird sometimes. I met this woman today who kept demanding I shave her baby.
- A busload of lawyers was hijacked by terrorists... ... They're threatening to release one per hour until their demands are met.
- Did you hear about the terrorists who hijacked a plane of lawyers? They threatened to release one every hour til their demands were met.
- I promised my wife that I haven't kissed a single girl since we met the married ones are less demanding
- The Dallas shooting suspect demanded a cell phone. The police met his demand In fact they gave him the latest phone, the brand new Samsung Galaxy C4
- A t**... group has taken Donald Trump hostage. They are threatening to release him if their demands are not met.
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Cheerful Fun Demands Met Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about demands met you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean insists jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make demands met pranks.
A mathematician comes home from a symposium to be met at the door by his furious wife.
"What's the big idea, coming home at three in the morning in this state?" she yells.
"Dear," says the moderately refreshed gentleman, "what time did I say I would be home?"
"Quarter of twelve, that's what you said!" screams the wife.
"...Well?" demands the mathematician.
A huge crab walks into a bar...
...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a beer mat must be provided. If the quality of the provided beer does not meet my high standards, you must agree to refund the full amount charged, and provide any additional financial compensation for any discomfort, stress or time wasted."
The barman looks at the crab and says, "why the big clause?"
A wealthy man died and went to heaven.
He was met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter who led him down the streets of gold.
They passed mansion after mansion until they came to the very end of the street.
Saint Peter stopped the rich man in front of a little shack.
This belongs to you, said Saint Peter.
Why do I get this ugly thing when there are so many mansions I could live in? the man demanded.
We did the best we could with the money you sent us! Saint Peter replied.
An elderly couple
An elderly couple met at a nursing home. Every day after lunch, they would sit on the same bench and she would put her hand on his c**.... Every day, the same thing: they sit on the bench and she puts her hand on his c**....
One day after lunch, the woman shows up at the bench, but the man isn't there. So she goes looking for him and finds him on a different bench with another woman, and HER hand is on his c**....
Upset by this, the woman demands, "hey! what's she got that I ain't got?"
To which the man replies, "Parkinson's"
Cinderella realllyyy wants to go to the ball....
And begs Fairy Godmother to help.
"Alright," Fairy Godmother says, "but only on two conditions. First, that you wear a diaphragm. Secondly, that you're home by midnight. Oh, and if you're not home by midnight, your diaphragm is turning into a pumpkin.'
Cinderella agrees and Fairy Godmother sends her off to the ball.
Fairy Godmother is watching the clock when midnight comes and goes. Around two, three in the morning Cinderella finally stumbles in looking all lovestruck.
"Where have you been?!" Fairy godmother demands. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin hours ago!"
"Oh I met a prince and he took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with this power. I demand to know his name!"
"I can't remember exactly... It was Peter, Peter, something or other..."
A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was immediately transported to the hospital.
While she was in surgery she had a supernatural, near death experience.
She met God and asked him: "Has my time come?"
He answered: "No, you have 43 years, 2 months and 8 more days to live."
After she recovered, the woman decided to stay in hospital and do plastic surgery on her face, liposuction, breast e**... and abdominal fat removal.
She also called a hair stylist to change her hairstyle and an orthodontist to perform a ‘teeth lifting’.
She figured, if she had so much time in front of her, she should live the best way possible.
After her last plastic surgery and not until she has recovered, she wore a new dress with matching heels, left the hospital, went across the street and an ambulance run over her…
While crossing the gates to heaven, she reached God and demanded to know what happened: "You told me I had 43 more years! Why didn’t you save me from the ambulance?"
And he answered: "I didn’t recognize you."