Following is our collection of funny Demand jokes. There are some demand extremes jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these demand supply and demand puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
We can shoot your wife and also frame your mother-in-law .
On demand we can even nail and hang them.
when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.
They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."
I told him, "I demand a second opinion!"
He said, "Ok, you're ugly, too."
It's such a double standard.
When a white guy acts bad on TV, people rush to A&E and demand the show is cancelled.
When a black guy acts bad on TV, you don't see people rushing to Fox demanding they cancel COPS.
... and says, "Alright, I want to win my next 10 cases in a row, for settlements of no less than $1 million!"
The Devil replies, "Ok mister lawyer, but in return, I demand the souls of your wife and child for 1000 years!"
The lawyer scratches his head and says, "I don't get it, where's the catch?"
From my dad.
They demand credit for everything
An economist.
By chance, a priest, a laywer, and an engineer find themselves in line to be guillotined. They demand that the priest steps up, and he reluctantly does so. They put his head in the guillotine and pull the rope, but to everyone's surprise, nothing happens. The priest declares that he was saved by divine intervention, and they let him go.
They then make the lawyer step up to the guillotine. They pull the rope and again, nothing happens. The lawyer reminds them that he cannot be executed twice for the same crime, and so they reluctantly let him go.
Then they make the engineer step up, and they put his head in the guillotine. The engineer says, "Oh wait, *here's* your problem.."
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter.
The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded.
The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher receives a mail from the lawyer.
The contents read
"Pay Consultation fee: $25.00."
The mother grew furious and said, "you march right back there and demand they give you a speaking part."
demand real poo instead
You can explore demand congress reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean demand representatives dad jokes. There are also demand puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
And that guy's rights... And his pen...
There is no punch line.
Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?
The kidnappers demand the ransom of 500M USD or they will douse them in gas and light them on fire.
So there were people in the streets collecting donations, and they asked me at an intersection
"You must have heard the news recently. Could you spare a little to help us out in this initiative?"
"How much is everyone giving on average?"
"About a gallon, give or take"
They need clean air.
An Inuit man walks into a pet store holding a dead, bloodied seal, he screams at the owner "SOMEONE HAS CLUBBED MY SEAL, I DEMAND A REFUND!" The owner looks at him and says, "Sorry, warranty void if seal is broken."
Leading by example.
Both demand you respect them, but don't want to follow the same rules as you.
"Excuse me sir, could I have a moment"
Guy, driving a car "Yes, how can I help you?"
"There's a terrorist attack recently, and they have held hostage many of our country's leaders. They demand 1 billion by the end of today or they will shower our leaders with gasoline and burn them"
"oh, ok then. How much do other people usually gave you?"
"1 litre"
They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back.
...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a beer mat must be provided. If the quality of the provided beer does not meet my high standards, you must agree to refund the full amount charged, and provide any additional financial compensation for any discomfort, stress or time wasted."
The barman looks at the crab and says, "why the big clause?"
Already the glaziers are smelting.
I guess it's a Nietzsche market.
Demand to be taken, seriously.
and you've got yourself an economist.
It was a tankless job.
"Mr Zuckerberg, we have several very serious questions and we demand answers"
"I have printed out all of your Internet histories"
"This meeting is over...
I didn't know kickers where in such high demand.
Meanwhile, Chinese textile mills are rolling out an all-new clothing line: "Boycott China" and are anticipating great demand from India.
They have sex and the next day the guys realizes he has crabs. The guy goes back the next day to complain and demand a refund
The hooker goes "It was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster?"
Trump: How much is 2 + 2?
You: How much do you want it to be?
Trump: That's the kind of winning attitude I demand, welcome to my team!
She didn't have a Karen the world
Propaganja. Thank you. I'll let myself out.
I demand a recount.
Maid: "I'd like a raise."
Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?
Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."
Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"
Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."
Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"
Maid:"YourΒ husband.Third, I'm better in bed than you are."
Mrs. Smith:"I suppose my husband said that too?"
Maid:"No, the gardener."
Mrs. Smith:"How much do you want?"
A woman visits the doctor
Doctor: Madame, you are obese.
Woman: What?? I demand a second opinion!
Doctor: Your hair looks stupid.
COVID has skyrocketed the demand for delivery services, causing an unforeseen merger in the works. To ensure the people get the best package delivery and express service, UPS and FedEx are joining forces...and they are calling themselves FedUp (:
(My dad made this joke up a long time ago I just added the COVID setup)
"Get me the manager! I demand to know why I am in Hell!" the soul shouted.
The fallen angel sighed. "We rebelled against God."
"That's no reason to punish me!"
"You do not understand. You were not sent here to be punished by us. You were sent here as punishment to us."
The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.
There was a raisin demand.
It was very surface level.
An Italian man is kidnapped by the mafia, who want him to tell them where his company's money is hidden. They put him in a chair at gunpoint and demand the location, but he won't tell them a single word.
After a while, the mafia members decide that he isn't going to be of any use to them, so they kill him.
At the gates of heaven, god asks the Italian why he didn't just give them the information they needed, and that he probably would still be alive if he had.
The Italian responds, How could I? Those rascals had tied up my hands!
He objected to the polled answers.
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness
Demand the real poo!
...I demand to speak to the manger!
On behalf of the international community, as a humanitarian measure, we demand that President Putin be admitted to art school on an emergency basis.
Because demand has risen after a period of low interest.
The bartender kicks them out for being irrational.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the demand congressman jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working demand generate piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.