The Best 77 Delivery Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Delivery jokes. There are some delivery dispatch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these delivery deliveryman puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Delivery Jokes and Puns
Why is a pizza delivery guy like a gynecologist?
They're allowed to smell it, but they get in trouble if they eat it.
Teehee
I had to quit my job as a Microsoft delivery man
It got awkward telling people I was giving word to their mother.
Hear the one about the miscarriage?
I overheard it yesterday. The joke was funny but the delivery was all wrong
I was going to type up this joke about pregnancy
but I realized it was all about the delivery
Jim had been out for a few days with the flu. Back at work,...
...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?"
"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied.
"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?"
"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know, whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"
Why do cannibals like Mormons?
free delivery.
Did you hear about the pizza boy who wanted to become a comedian? (OC)
His material is terrible, but his delivery is amazing!
You know what would be a good name for a cocaine delivery service company?
What do you call the birth of a retarded child?
A special delivery.
Whats a similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?
They both smell it, but they can't eat it.
What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
You can explore delivery midwife reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean delivery delivery room dad jokes. There are also delivery puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook
where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.
What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist have in common?
Always have to smell it, never get to eat it.
Why are bad jokes like dead babies?
Usually, something went wrong with the delivery.
How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?
You take the pizza delivery sign off
C sections are like the DiGiorno of pregnancy.
Because it's not delivery.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
After the delivery
(Pls....just let me go and don't hurt my family)
How is a gynecologist like a pizza delivery boy?
They both get close enough to smell it, but if they eat it, they'll be fired.
My mum is a midwife and she always messes up jokes...
Which is strange, because I thought midwives were great at delivery.
When someone botched a joke.
Teacher: "Two cannibals are eating a clown. One clown says to the other 'does this taste funny?' "
Class: "umm"
Me to friend: "that was like a dead baby..."
Friend: "what?"
Me: "poor delivery"
This is probably the first joke I actually came up with myself. It felt good.
It's hard to think about my wife, who passed away during delivery
Tip: Never, *EVER* go with a mail-order Russian bride who arrives by ship.
Opening a new restaurant, focusing on gourmet noodles and spaghetti. We're also going to offer free delivery.
We're calling it Send Noods
I vandalized an art major's car today.
Removing pizza delivery signs is surprisingly easy.
Did you hear about the Pepsi delivery drivers who were fired?
They tested positive for coke.
I told my husband there are 100 days until our baby's delivery
He said "That's a really long time. You should really use Prime next time".
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Indian man were waiting outside the delivery room.
The matron comes out and explains that the hospital has accidentally mixed up the babies.
The Scot goes straight in and picks up the brown baby.
The Indian says "Are you sure that's your baby?"
The Scot says "No, but there's no way I'm going to risk leaving here with an English baby."
What do you call a pig delivery service?
Hamazon.
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
Did you hear the Germans now have breakfast delivery drones?
They call them the LuftWaffles
I'm going on a date with a delivery man.
He said he'll arrive between 3pm and 7.30pm.
I came home today to find my sister watching an action movie.
She told me she was watching it to learn how to fight. The next day I came home and she was watching a romantic comedy. She told me she was watching it to learn how to love. The day after that I came home and as I arrived there was a pizza delivery guy leaving the house. When I walked inside my sister told me she found a movie under my bed.
A delivery driver asked me what time it was…
I said, Somewhere between 8am and 5:30pm .
A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.
A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.
CEO comes up and asks his salary.
The man replies - $1000
The CEO pulls out his wallet, gives the man $1,000 and says - here's your month salary. I pay people to work here. Get out and never come back !
The man leaves.
The CEO asks workers - who was this guy ?
They reply - a pizza delivery man.
The mailman told me he's off to Spain tomorrow...
So I asked him if he is off to Parcelona. He then proceeded to ignore what is my best joke of 2017.
Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman's joke is the delivery.
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused...
**It must have been the delivery.**
Kid says to his mom: "I wish I was never born, my life is a joke!"
She replies: "And the delivery was awful!"
You murder one pizza delivery driver, and then you have to murder another pizza delivery driver.
That's the domino effect
What do a pizza delivery driver and a gynecologist have in common?
They both get close enough to smell the goods but if they eat it they'll be in trouble.
Apparently, there's a new sex position called, "delivery man"...
You stay in all day and no-one comes...
If Hooters had a delivery option
Would it be called Knockers?
With the right delivery, any joke can be funny. Except abortion jokes.
Because there is no delivery.
Joke rules for my house:
First of all, most all jokes are acceptable in this house.. except abortion jokes. Because jokes are all about the delivery...
Absolutely no PMS jokes. Period. No sexual assault jokes.. thats a touchy subject. Dead baby jokes on the other hand.. never get old!
An ambulance is like a Pizza delivery
If they're late the delivery ends up cold.
I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.
Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery
How many mulas till a solution?
One mula...
Two mula...
Three mula...
Formula.
I made this up. No one ever laughs. It must be my delivery.
I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.
I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it's starting to become a domino effect.
I'm not the best midwife
I need to work on the delivery a bit
Jokes are like babies...
...if they don't have a good delivery, they just fall flat.
Two blondes are having a coffee at the local cafe.
They see a flower delivery truck pull up in front of the apartment building across the street and the delivery guy goes inside. The first blonde remarks "You know, whenever my boyfriend gets me flowers, he expects me to keep my legs spread for a week."
The second blonde replies "Don't you have a vase?"
Someone stole £5000 worth of Red Bull from a local delivery truck.
How do these people sleep at night?
Me: The mail man told me he was going on holidays to spain...
...so i asked was he going to Parcelona and he continued to ignore what I believe was my best joke of the year.
Dad: Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery
What do you call a delivery driver from an indian takeaway?
A curryier.
Look, anything is funny with the right delivery.
Except abortion jokes, which by definition have no delivery.
What makes a good pizza joke?
It's all in the delivery
My mailman tried telling me a joke but it wasn't all that funny.
He should work on his delivery.
Johnny became a mailman after hearing how they always slept with women as part of the punchline of jokes. He figured he'd tell the jokes to mothers as he dropped of the mail and then sleep with them. He dropped off package after package and told joke after joke, but no mothers ever slept with him.
One day he asked a mother if he's been mislead by the jokes. Maybe mother's really never slept with the mailmen and the jokes were misleading.
The mother said, oh honey, it's not the jokes, it your delivery.
My door to door fruit delivery business failed badly because of my poor people skills.
I was driving people bananas.
Abortion jokes aren't funny.
They don't have a delivery
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...
...I think I've really improved the delivery!
(True Story: Today is baby number four, and this is basically the same lame joke I told/posted when our last child was born. Dad jokes 4TW!)
What's the difference between police officers and pizza delivery drivers?
Pizza delivery drivers actually face consequences when their jobs aren't done right.
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...
I think I've really improved the delivery!
I ordered contact lenses last week and only received an empty box
Apparently it was a contactless delivery
When my wife was in labor I would tell her jokes to keep her mind off the pain.
She wasn't amused though. I think it was the delivery.
If Hooters started a home delivery service...
would it be called Knockers?
Amazon just got approved for drone delivery
We now have skeet shooting with prizes.
Our doctor told us we could have sex right up until the time of the baby's birth.
So I don't know why they got so upset with me in the delivery room.
Hooters should start a delivery service
called Knockers.
I think it was a mistake to call childbirth delivery .
It should have been called takeout instead.
In light of the pandemic - we will no longer use the term "immaculate conception"...
It is being updated to "contactless delivery."
Did you hear about the new shipping company merger?
COVID has skyrocketed the demand for delivery services, causing an unforeseen merger in the works. To ensure the people get the best package delivery and express service, UPS and FedEx are joining forces...and they are calling themselves FedUp (:
(My dad made this joke up a long time ago I just added the COVID setup)
What is common between a gynaecologist and a food delivery person?
They both can smell it but can't taste it.
Where do dads learn how to tell their jokes?
In the delivery room.
I'm starting a Shakespearean delivery company.
We aim to deliver your parcel tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.
I recently ordered one piece of sodium and one piece of copper.
When the delivery guy showed up, I noticed that he was only holding the sodium. I asked him,
"Did you have the copper with you?"
He replied,
"Na right now, Cu later."
Once I told a joke to my wife as she was in labor.
I thought I did a good job telling the joke but she told me to focus on the delivery.
I was shipping comedians across the countr but it took to long
They said it was bad timing but great delivery
Gynecologists and midwives are good at telling jokes
It's all about the delivery.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the delivery labor jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working delivery kindergartens piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.