Following is our collection of midwife puns and dispatch one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Delivery jokes for adults, dirty delivery room jokes and clean deliveryman dad gags for kids.
**It must have been the delivery.**
...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?"
"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied.
"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?"
"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know, whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"
Because there is no delivery.
The matron comes out and explains that the hospital has accidentally mixed up the babies.
The Scot goes straight in and picks up the brown baby.
The Indian says "Are you sure that's your baby?"
The Scot says "No, but there's no way I'm going to risk leaving here with an English baby."
You take the pizza delivery sign off
where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.
Would it be called Knockers?
They both get close enough to smell the goods but if they eat it they'll be in trouble.
Always have to smell it, never get to eat it.
A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.
CEO comes up and asks his salary.
The man replies - $1000
The CEO pulls out his wallet, gives the man $1,000 and says - here's your month salary. I pay people to work here. Get out and never come back !
The man leaves.
The CEO asks workers - who was this guy ?
They reply - a pizza delivery man.
They both get close enough to smell it, but if they eat it, they'll be fired.
They're allowed to smell it, but they get in trouble if they eat it.
Teehee
You stay in all day and no-one comes...
I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it's starting to become a domino effect.
They tested positive for coke.
After the delivery
(Pls....just let me go and don't hurt my family)
Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery
One day he asked a mother if he's been mislead by the jokes. Maybe mother's really never slept with the mailmen and the jokes were misleading.
The mother said, oh honey, it's not the jokes, it your delivery.
If they're late the delivery ends up cold.
Pizza delivery drivers actually face consequences when their jobs aren't done right.
Removing pizza delivery signs is surprisingly easy.
He said "That's a really long time. You should really use Prime next time".
Except abortion jokes, which by definition have no delivery.
Free delivery.
but I realized it was all about the delivery
...so i asked was he going to Parcelona and he continued to ignore what I believe was my best joke of the year.
Dad: Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery
I said, Somewhere between 8am and 5:30pm .
Because it's not delivery.
They both smell it, but they can't eat it.
They see a flower delivery truck pull up in front of the apartment building across the street and the delivery guy goes inside. The first blonde remarks "You know, whenever my boyfriend gets me flowers, he expects me to keep my legs spread for a week."
The second blonde replies "Don't you have a vase?"
Teacher: "Two cannibals are eating a clown. One clown says to the other 'does this taste funny?' "
Class: "umm"
Me to friend: "that was like a dead baby..."
Friend: "what?"
Me: "poor delivery"
This is probably the first joke I actually came up with myself. It felt good.
Tip: Never, *EVER* go with a mail-order Russian bride who arrives by ship.
She told me she was watching it to learn how to fight. The next day I came home and she was watching a romantic comedy. She told me she was watching it to learn how to love. The day after that I came home and as I arrived there was a pizza delivery guy leaving the house. When I walked inside my sister told me she found a movie under my bed.
Usually, something went wrong with the delivery.
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
It's all in the delivery
We're calling it Send Noods
One mula...
Two mula...
Three mula...
Formula.
I made this up. No one ever laughs. It must be my delivery.
I overheard it yesterday. The joke was funny but the delivery was all wrong
That's the domino effect
...if they don't have a good delivery, they just fall flat.
She replies: "And the delivery was awful!"
She wasn't amused though. I think it was the delivery.
A curryier.
He said he'll arrive between 3pm and 7.30pm.
Which is strange, because I thought midwives were great at delivery.
He should work on his delivery.
They don't have a delivery
So I asked him if he is off to Parcelona. He then proceeded to ignore what is my best joke of 2017.
Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman's joke is the delivery.
would it be called Knockers?
I need to work on the delivery a bit
They call them the LuftWaffles
We now have skeet shooting with prizes.
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...
I think I've really improved the delivery!
Hamazon.
A special delivery.
How do these people sleep at night?
free delivery.
First of all, most all jokes are acceptable in this house.. except abortion jokes. Because jokes are all about the delivery...
Absolutely no PMS jokes. Period. No sexual assault jokes.. thats a touchy subject. Dead baby jokes on the other hand.. never get old!
It got awkward telling people I was giving word to their mother.
I was driving people bananas.
His material is terrible, but his delivery is amazing!
Apparently it was a contactless delivery
...I think I've really improved the delivery!
(True Story: Today is baby number four, and this is basically the same lame joke I told/posted when our last child was born. Dad jokes 4TW!)
They have a mid-wife crisis.
Just gotta work on the delivery.
As I opened, I saw a pizza delivery guy with a large pepperoni pizza in his hand.
"You must be mistaken. I didn't order any pizza!", I said
"Yes, I know", he replied, "Your neighbor forgot his instagram password and wanted to show you what he's having for dinner!"
They both have to smell it, but neither of them get to taste it
Because the name Dropbox is already taken
I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural (or any pain meds at all).
I asked if the tattoo was the reason, and the anesthesiologist said no, it's because your wife is the one giving birth, not you, sir.
But I messed up the delivery.
There is an abundance of labor jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 72 funniest jokes and delivery puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any kindergartens witze you can hear about delivery.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.