Delivery Jokes
163 delivery jokes and hilarious delivery puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about delivery that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Delivery jokes are always sure to bring a laugh! Whether you are a delivery driver, delivery man, delivery room nurse, delivery boy, delivery service employee, delivery service tipster, delivery ke, postman, mailman, midwife or just someone who loves to laugh, we've got you covered! These jokes can be enjoyed by all, so put on your delivery hat, and get ready to laugh.
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Funniest Delivery Short Jokes
Short delivery jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The delivery humour may include short shipment jokes also.
- With the right delivery, any joke can be funny. Except abortion jokes. Because there is no delivery.
- Whoever coined the term 'delivery' for childbirth made a big mistake. It should have been called takeout instead.
- What do a pizza delivery driver and a gynecologist have in common? They both get close enough to smell the goods but if they eat it they'll be in trouble.
- I had to fire my fruit delivery driver today I hate to let the mango but he was driving me bananas
- When does a joke become a dad joke? After the delivery
(Pls....just let me go and don't hurt my family) - What's the difference between police officers and pizza delivery drivers? Pizza delivery drivers actually face consequences when their jobs aren't done right.
- I vandalized an art major's car today. Removing pizza delivery signs is surprisingly easy.
- I got fired from my job at Planned Parenthood My boss didn't like me saying Takeout or delivery? whenever someone walked in the door
- I told my husband there are 100 days until our baby's delivery He said "That's a really long time. You should really use Prime next time".
- I was going to type up this joke about pregnancy but I realized it was all about the delivery
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Delivery One Liners
Which delivery one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with delivery? I can suggest the ones about supply and distribution.
- How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? You take the pizza delivery sign off
- An ambulance is like a Pizza delivery If they're late the delivery ends up cold.
- A delivery driver asked me what time it was… I said, Somewhere between 8am and 5:30pm .
- C sections are like the DiGiorno of pregnancy. Because it's not delivery.
- Why are bad jokes like dead babies? Usually, something went wrong with the delivery.
- What makes a good pizza joke? It's all in the delivery
- Jokes are like babies... ...if they don't have a good delivery, they just fall flat.
- What do you call a delivery driver from an indian takeaway? A curryier.
- When does a joke become a dadjoke? After the *delivery*.
- I'm going on a date with a delivery man. He said he'll arrive between 3pm and 7.30pm.
- I'm looking for the porch pirate that stole my good joke. It was all in the delivery.
- Abortion jokes aren't funny. They don't have a delivery
- I'm not the best midwife I need to work on the delivery a bit
- What do you call a pig delivery service? Hamazon.
- Why do cannibals like Mormons? free delivery.
Delivery Pizza Jokes
Here is a list of funny delivery pizza jokes and even better delivery pizza puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The best pizza joke ever Actually never mind it's too cheesy... That's the biggest problem with pizza jokes, it's all about the delivery…
- Did you hear about the pizza boy who wanted to become a comedian? His material is terrible, but his delivery is amazing!
- Have you heard the one about the late pizza guy? Just gotta work on the delivery.
- After working long and hard for my PhD people finally recognize me.. As the neighborhood pizza Hut delivery guy now.
- Why did Hannibal Lecter try DiGiorno's Pizza? He heard it had de*liver*y flavor.
- A pizza delivery guy walks into a bar What? Did you think he was there to deliver pizza? Can't he want a drink once in a while?
- TIL: if you push one pizza delivery man over, all the pizza delivery men fall over. It's known as the domino's effect.
- I asked the bank for a loan to open a "pizza delivery by drone" business. They refused. Said my business case was just pie in the sky.
- Stop dreaming about pizza delivery by drone. It's a pie-in-the-sky idea.
- If OP was a Pizza Delivery Driver, how much would he make? Nothing because OP never delivers.
Pizza Delivery Jokes
Here is a list of funny pizza delivery jokes and even better pizza delivery puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An im-pasta.
Lol, sorry if it's corny. Pizza hut guy came and my delivery request was to tell a joke. Shout out to delivery dude! - I was fired from a pizza place only 6 hours in. They said I was a bad delivery driver, but could they know? I hadn't even delivered my first order yet.
- what did the domino's pizza delivery guy say to Satan? The power of crust compels you.
- What's the most important part of telling a pizza joke? It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno
- About to start a new job as a pizza delivery driver, any tips?
- Why did Opey get fired from his job as a pizza delivery boy? Because Opey never delivered.
- Schrodinger's Pizza You don't know until you get it whether its delivery, or Digiorno's
- No Contact? Places seems to be advertising No contact delivery , and No contact click n collect a lot these days. Was there ever a contact option?..
Thanks for the pizza, ready for the cuddle? . - What do childbirth, comedy, and ordering pizza online have in common? It's all about the delivery
- My pizza delivery guy asked me for a tip today So I told him to always wash his hands after using the bathroom.
Delivery Man Jokes
Here is a list of funny delivery man jokes and even better delivery man puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had to quit my job as a Microsoft delivery man It got awkward telling people I was giving word to their mother.
- I ordered a book called "How to relieve stress" My goodness, for the life of me I really hope that it arrives on time.
And that it's useful.
And that the delivery man doesn't dislike me. - What's the worst thing you can say to a Jewish bread delivery man? What's the challah cost?
- A man was arrested after running a red light and hitting a Chinese food delivery car. He is charged with careless driving and wonton destruction.
- A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds Wife Wanted . The next day, he received 1000 of replies,
all reading: You can have mine. Free delivery also available at your door step - Why would President Obama be a bad pizza delivery man? Because he would never bring change! :P
- Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime. Give a man a monthly subscription of fish delivery right to his home, profit.
- [IAmA request] UPS delivery man. I hope OP delivers.
- Why did the busy tool delivery-man enter to brothel? He needed to drop off his nut, and bolt.
- My dog just attacked the pizza delivery man. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING?
Delivery Driver Jokes
Here is a list of funny delivery driver jokes and even better delivery driver puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A FedEx driver, UPS driver, and USPS driver walk into a bar... Nevermind, you wouldn't get the delivery from the FedEx driver.
- I had an interesting and deeply meaningful conversation with my UPS delivery driver Unfortunately there was a lot to unpack
- I slashed my Postal Delivery Driver's tires today I wanted to be sure *all* of my last minute packages had flat rate shipping.
- What's it called when a delivery driver forgets to shave? UPS next day hair
- If you're a delivery driver and don't get a tip... You get shafted
- What do you call a Russian Coca-Cola delivery van driver? Idroppalotta Popoff
- Q: How do you get a UNC fan to leave your house? A: Pay the pizza delivery driver.
Delivery Room Jokes
Here is a list of funny delivery room jokes and even better delivery room puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where do dads learn how to tell their jokes? In the delivery room.
- So a cannibal walks into a hospital delivery room And the doctor says, "can I help you??"
The cannibal says, "I'll have what she's having." - Dave's wife is pregnant Dave: Push!
Wife: [in labour] I AM
Dave: push harder!!
Wife: I CAN'T
Dave: oh my bad [opens door to delivery room] it says pull - In the delivery room Spawn camping
Witty Delivery Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about delivery you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean free deliveries jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make delivery pranks.
Why do catholic priests love Halloween?
Free delivery!
A mailman was trying to tell a joke while transporting a package
But he messed up the delivery
Hear the one about the miscarriage?
I overheard it yesterday. The joke was funny but the delivery was all wrong
Jim had been out for a few days with the flu. Back at work,...
...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?"
"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied.
"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?"
"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know, whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know what would be a good name for a c**... delivery service company?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call the birth of a r**... child?
A special delivery.
Why did Michael Jackson call Boys 2 Men?
He thought they were a delivery service
Someone knocked on my door
As I opened, I saw a pizza delivery guy with a large pepperoni pizza in his hand.
"You must be mistaken. I didn't order any pizza!", I said
"Yes, I know", he replied, "Your neighbor forgot his instagram password and wanted to show you what he's having for dinner!"
I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook
where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.
Ever wondered why written jokes about mailmen are generally unfunny?
They are all about delivery.
I was waiting outside the movie theater to buy some tickets, when a pregnant woman walked over and hit me in the face.
"Ow!" I yelled. "Why did you do that?!"
"Oh, so sorry." She replied. "I thought this was the punchline."
"Was that supposed to be a joke?!" I asked.
"Yep, guess I need to work on the delivery." And then she went into labor.
My mum is a midwife and she always messes up jokes...
Which is strange, because I thought midwives were great at delivery.
When someone botched a joke.
Teacher: "Two cannibals are eating a clown. One clown says to the other 'does this taste funny?' "
Class: "umm"
Me to friend: "that was like a dead baby..."
Friend: "what?"
Me: "poor delivery"
This is probably the first joke I actually came up with myself. It felt good.
It's hard to think about my wife, who passed away during delivery
Tip: Never, *EVER* go with a mail-order Russian bride who arrives by ship.
Opening a new restaurant, focusing on gourmet noodles and spaghetti. We're also going to offer free delivery.
We're calling it Send Noods
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Indian man were waiting outside the delivery room.
The matron comes out and explains that the hospital has accidentally mixed up the babies.
The Scot goes straight in and picks up the brown baby.
The Indian says "Are you sure that's your baby?"
The Scot says "No, but there's no way I'm going to risk leaving here with an English baby."
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
Why did Amazon name their drone delivery service Amazon Prime Air?
Because the name Dropbox is already taken
Did you hear the Germans now have breakfast delivery drones?
They call them the LuftWaffles
I came home today to find my sister watching an action movie.
She told me she was watching it to learn how to fight. The next day I came home and she was watching a romantic comedy. She told me she was watching it to learn how to love. The day after that I came home and as I arrived there was a pizza delivery guy leaving the house. When I walked inside my sister told me she found a movie under my bed.
A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.
A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.
CEO comes up and asks his salary.
The man replies - $1000
The CEO pulls out his wallet, gives the man $1,000 and says - here's your month salary. I pay people to work here. Get out and never come back !
The man leaves.
The CEO asks workers - who was this guy ?
They reply - a pizza delivery man.
The mailman told me he's off to Spain tomorrow...
So I asked him if he is off to Parcelona. He then proceeded to ignore what is my best joke of 2017.
Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman's joke is the delivery.
I ran two of my friends over with my delivery truck.
Now they're my flatmates.
Kid says to his mom: "I wish I was never born, my life is a joke!"
She replies: "And the delivery was awful!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You m**... one pizza delivery driver, and then you have to m**... another pizza delivery driver.
That's the domino effect
So a doctor is delivering a baby
He walks out of the delivery room, said to a worried looking man:
" we tried our best, your wife survived, but your children...."
After hearing the news the man started to cry, then the doctor said:
"today is April's fool's day! And I'm just kidding with you"
The man's face brightening the doctor continued:
"Your wife is dead too"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently, there's a new s**... position called, "delivery man"...
You stay in all day and no-one comes...
Started a new job as a delivery man today...
When I got to my first address, there was a little sticky note left on the door saying, "Dear Mr Delivery Man, we're out, please hide in garage."
That was eight hours ago and still nobody's found me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If h**... had a delivery option
Would it be called k**...?
My friend at the UPS really wants to be a comedian..
... but he has a lot of work to do on his delivery
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Joke rules for my house:
First of all, most all jokes are acceptable in this house.. except abortion jokes. Because jokes are all about the delivery...
Absolutely no p**... jokes. Period. No s**... assault jokes.. thats a touchy subject. Dead baby jokes on the other hand.. never get old!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The new mailman really s**... at telling jokes
He needs to work on his deliveries more
My joke about negligence in the postal service isn't bad
but the delivery is messed up
How many mulas till a solution?
One mula...
Two mula...
Three mula...
Formula.
I made this up. No one ever laughs. It must be my delivery.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.
I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it's starting to become a domino effect.
What happens when a hospital runs out of labor and delivery nurses?
They have a mid-wife crisis.
What do you call a delivery girl who dated an FBI agent?
A Fed Ex
I thought of perfect Dad joke while my wife was in labor..
But I messed up the delivery.
Two blondes are having a coffee at the local cafe.
They see a flower delivery truck pull up in front of the apartment building across the street and the delivery guy goes inside. The first blonde remarks "You know, whenever my boyfriend gets me flowers, he expects me to keep my legs spread for a week."
The second blonde replies "Don't you have a vase?"
Me: The mail man told me he was going on holidays to spain...
...so i asked was he going to Parcelona and he continued to ignore what I believe was my best joke of the year.
Dad: Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery
A friend who works for FedEx told me how to tell a decent joke.
It's all about the delivery.
What makes a UPS joke funny?
The delivery
Johnny became a mailman after hearing how they always slept with women as part of the punchline of jokes. He figured he'd tell the jokes to mothers as he dropped of the mail and then sleep with them. He dropped off package after package and told joke after joke, but no mothers ever slept with him.
One day he asked a mother if he's been mislead by the jokes. Maybe mother's really never slept with the mailmen and the jokes were misleading.
The mother said, oh honey, it's not the jokes, it your delivery.
My door to door fruit delivery business failed badly because of my poor people skills.
I was driving people bananas.
Don't know what was wrong with the delivery driver this morning.
He was all smiles until I signed his touch screen thing, then he got all shouty and mad.
I was so scared I dropped my sharpie and just closed the door.
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...
I think I've really improved the delivery!
I ordered contact lenses last week and only received an empty box
Apparently it was a contactless delivery
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Amazon just got approved for drone delivery
We now have s**... shooting with prizes.
I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural...
I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural (or any pain meds at all).
I asked if the tattoo was the reason, and the anesthesiologist said no, it's because your wife is the one giving birth, not you, sir.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Our doctor told us we could have s**... right up until the time of the baby's birth.
So I don't know why they got so upset with me in the delivery room.
Q: What's the secret to telling a good postman joke?
A: It's all in the delivery
I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods...
...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.
In light of the pandemic - we will no longer use the term "immaculate conception"...
It is being updated to "contactless delivery."
Once I told a joke to my wife as she was in labor.
I thought I did a good job telling the joke but she told me to focus on the delivery.
Gynecologists and midwives are good at telling jokes
It's all about the delivery.
