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Delivery Jokes

170 delivery jokes and hilarious delivery puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about delivery that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Delivery jokes are always sure to bring a laugh! Whether you are a delivery driver, delivery man, delivery room nurse, delivery boy, delivery service employee, delivery service tipster, delivery ke, postman, mailman, midwife or just someone who loves to laugh, we've got you covered! These jokes can be enjoyed by all, so put on your delivery hat, and get ready to laugh.

Funniest Delivery Short Jokes

Short delivery jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The delivery humour may include short shipment jokes also.

  1. With the right delivery, any joke can be funny. Except abortion jokes. Because there is no delivery.
  2. Whoever coined the term 'delivery' for childbirth made a big mistake. It should have been called takeout instead.
  3. What do a pizza delivery driver and a gynecologist have in common? They both get close enough to smell the goods but if they eat it they'll be in trouble.
  4. What do a pizza delivery boy and a gynecologist have in common? Always have to smell it, never get to eat it.
  5. How is a gynecologist like a pizza delivery boy? They both get close enough to smell it, but if they eat it, they'll be fired.
  6. Why is a pizza delivery guy like a gynecologist? They're allowed to smell it, but they get in trouble if they eat it.
    Teehee
  7. I had to fire my fruit delivery driver today I hate to let the mango but he was driving me bananas
  8. Did you hear about the Pepsi delivery drivers who were fired? They tested positive for coke.
  9. When does a joke become a dad joke? After the delivery
    (Pls....just let me go and don't hurt my family)
  10. What do a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common? They can both smell it, but not eat it.

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Delivery One Liners

Which delivery one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with delivery? I can suggest the ones about shipping and supply.

  1. I think it's a mistake to call childbirth delivery. It should be called takeout instead.
  2. How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? You take the pizza delivery sign off
  3. It's wrong to call childbirth delivery. Actually, it's take-out.
  4. An ambulance is like a Pizza delivery If they're late the delivery ends up cold.
  5. A delivery driver asked me what time it was… I said, Somewhere between 8am and 5:30pm .
  6. C sections are like the DiGiorno of pregnancy. Because it's not delivery.
  7. Why are bad jokes like dead babies? Usually, something went wrong with the delivery.
  8. What makes a good pizza joke? It's all in the delivery
  9. Jokes are like babies... ...if they don't have a good delivery, they just fall flat.
  10. pizza jokes are tough… Because it's all about the delivery!!
  11. What do you call a delivery driver from an indian takeaway? A curryier.
  12. When does a joke become a dadjoke? After the *delivery*.
  13. Telling jokes about pizza is hard. It's all in the delivery.
  14. I'm going on a date with a delivery man. He said he'll arrive between 3pm and 7.30pm.
  15. I'm looking for the porch pirate that stole my good joke. It was all in the delivery.

Delivery Pizza Jokes

Here is a list of funny delivery pizza jokes and even better delivery pizza puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between police officers and pizza delivery drivers? Pizza delivery drivers actually face consequences when their jobs aren't done right.
  • I vandalized an art major's car today. Removing pizza delivery signs is surprisingly easy.
  • What do a pizza delivery person and a gynecologist have in common? They can both smell the product, but they can't eat it
  • Whats a similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist? They both smell it, but they can't eat it.
  • The secret to a pizza joke... ...is in the delivery.
  • The best pizza joke ever Actually never mind it's too cheesy... That's the biggest problem with pizza jokes, it's all about the delivery…
  • Did you hear about the pizza boy who wanted to become a comedian? (OC) His material is terrible, but his delivery is amazing!
  • Have you heard the one about the late pizza guy? Just gotta work on the delivery.
  • What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery driver have in common? It's okay to smell it, but if you eat it you're gonna get fired.
  • What do a pizza delivery guy and gynaecologist both have in common? They both have to smell it, but neither of them get to taste it

Pizza Delivery Jokes

Here is a list of funny pizza delivery jokes and even better pizza delivery puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A gynecologist is just like a pizza delivery guy They both get to smell it but they can't eat it.
  • After working long and hard for my PhD people finally recognize me.. As the neighborhood pizza Hut delivery guy now.
  • What do a pizza delivery guy and a gynaecologist have in common? They both get to smell it but don't get to eat it...
  • What does an gynocologist and a pizza delivery driver have in common? They can both smell it but can't taste it.
  • Why did Hannibal Lecter try DiGiorno's Pizza? He heard it had de*liver*y flavor.
  • A pizza delivery guy walks into a bar What? Did you think he was there to deliver pizza? Can't he want a drink once in a while?
  • What do a Gynecologist & a pizza delivery guy have in common? They can both smell it, but neither gets to eat it...
  • TIL: if you push one pizza delivery man over, all the pizza delivery men fall over. It's known as the domino's effect.
  • I asked the bank for a loan to open a "pizza delivery by drone" business. They refused. Said my business case was just pie in the sky.
  • Stop dreaming about pizza delivery by drone. It's a pie-in-the-sky idea.
Delivery joke, Stop dreaming about pizza delivery by drone.

Delivery Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny delivery man jokes and even better delivery man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I had to quit my job as a Microsoft delivery man It got awkward telling people I was giving word to their mother.
  • I ordered a book called "How to relieve stress" My goodness, for the life of me I really hope that it arrives on time.
    And that it's useful.
    And that the delivery man doesn't dislike me.
  • What's the worst thing you can say to a Jewish bread delivery man? What's the challah cost?
  • A man was arrested after running a red light and hitting a Chinese food delivery car. He is charged with careless driving and wonton destruction.
  • A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds Wife Wanted . The next day, he received 1000 of replies,
    all reading: You can have mine. Free delivery also available at your door step
  • Why would President Obama be a bad pizza delivery man? Because he would never bring change! :P
  • Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime. Give a man a monthly subscription of fish delivery right to his home, profit.
  • [IAmA request] UPS delivery man. I hope OP delivers.
  • You know how to give a good mail man joke? Good delivery
  • Why did the busy tool delivery-man enter to brothel? He needed to drop off his nut, and bolt.

Baby Delivery Jokes

Here is a list of funny baby delivery jokes and even better baby delivery puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I told my husband there are 100 days until our baby's delivery He said "That's a really long time. You should really use Prime next time".
  • Comedy is like a baby shower Useless if the delivery goes wrong
  • Tried to tell a joke at the hospital... ...didn't go so well. Poor delivery, but the baby came out OK.
  • People from the neighborhood were complaining that their mailman was being super lazy. He was making all the babies, but the doctor was doing all of the deliveries.
  • Did you hear about the FedEx lady who had a baby? (DAD JOKE) Supposedly she had to rush the delivery!
  • Did you hear about the amazon delivery guy who trained to be a midwife? At his first home delivery he chucked the baby over the back gate.
  • Your Sister couldn't deliver the baby It's not delivery it's degornos
  • What makes dead baby jokes unique? If the delivery is horrific, you're on the right track.
  • Our doctor told us we could have s**... right up until the time of the baby's birth. So I don't know why they got so upset with me in the delivery room.

Delivery Driver Jokes

Here is a list of funny delivery driver jokes and even better delivery driver puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A FedEx driver, UPS driver, and USPS driver walk into a bar... Nevermind, you wouldn't get the delivery from the FedEx driver.
  • What language do delivery drivers speak in the Harry Potter universe? Parcel tongue
  • If OP was a Pizza Delivery Driver, how much would he make? Nothing because OP never delivers.
  • What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery driver have in common? They can both smell the goods but aren't allowed to eat them.
  • I was fired from a pizza place only 6 hours in. They said I was a bad delivery driver, but could they know? I hadn't even delivered my first order yet.
  • About to start a new job as a pizza delivery driver, any tips?
  • What do you call an East-Indian Fed-ex delivery driver? A currier.
  • What do gynecologists and pizza delivery drivers have in common? They're close enough to smell it, but can't have a taste.
  • I had an interesting and deeply meaningful conversation with my UPS delivery driver Unfortunately there was a lot to unpack
  • I slashed my Postal Delivery Driver's tires today I wanted to be sure *all* of my last minute packages had flat rate shipping.
Delivery joke, I slashed my Postal Delivery Driver's tires today

Witty Delivery Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about delivery you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean distribution jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make delivery pranks.

Hear the one about the miscarriage?

I overheard it yesterday. The joke was funny but the delivery was all wrong

I was going to type up this joke about pregnancy

but I realized it was all about the delivery

Jim had been out for a few days with the flu. Back at work,...

...he ran into a friend of his, who asked him, "Jim, how are you feeling?"
"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience," Jim replied.
"Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?"
"Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know, whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"

Why do cannibals like Mormons?

free delivery.

You know what would be a good name for a c**... delivery service company?

Instagram

What do you call the birth of a r**... child?

A special delivery.

Someone knocked on my door

As I opened, I saw a pizza delivery guy with a large pepperoni pizza in his hand.
"You must be mistaken. I didn't order any pizza!", I said
"Yes, I know", he replied, "Your neighbor forgot his instagram password and wanted to show you what he's having for dinner!"

I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook

where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.

My mum is a midwife and she always messes up jokes...

Which is strange, because I thought midwives were great at delivery.

When someone botched a joke.

Teacher: "Two cannibals are eating a clown. One clown says to the other 'does this taste funny?' "
Class: "umm"
Me to friend: "that was like a dead baby..."
Friend: "what?"
Me: "poor delivery"
This is probably the first joke I actually came up with myself. It felt good.

It's hard to think about my wife, who passed away during delivery

Tip: Never, *EVER* go with a mail-order Russian bride who arrives by ship.

Opening a new restaurant, focusing on gourmet noodles and spaghetti. We're also going to offer free delivery.

We're calling it Send Noods

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Indian man were waiting outside the delivery room.

The matron comes out and explains that the hospital has accidentally mixed up the babies.
The Scot goes straight in and picks up the brown baby.
The Indian says "Are you sure that's your baby?"
The Scot says "No, but there's no way I'm going to risk leaving here with an English baby."

What do you call a pig delivery service?

Hamazon.

I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...

He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.

Why did Amazon name their drone delivery service Amazon Prime Air?

Because the name Dropbox is already taken

Did you hear the Germans now have breakfast delivery drones?

They call them the LuftWaffles

I came home today to find my sister watching an action movie.

She told me she was watching it to learn how to fight. The next day I came home and she was watching a romantic comedy. She told me she was watching it to learn how to love. The day after that I came home and as I arrived there was a pizza delivery guy leaving the house. When I walked inside my sister told me she found a movie under my bed.

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.
CEO comes up and asks his salary.
The man replies - $1000
The CEO pulls out his wallet, gives the man $1,000 and says - here's your month salary. I pay people to work here. Get out and never come back !
The man leaves.
The CEO asks workers - who was this guy ?
They reply - a pizza delivery man.

The mailman told me he's off to Spain tomorrow...

So I asked him if he is off to Parcelona. He then proceeded to ignore what is my best joke of 2017.
Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman's joke is the delivery.

While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused...

**It must have been the delivery.**

Kid says to his mom: "I wish I was never born, my life is a joke!"

She replies: "And the delivery was awful!"

You m**... one pizza delivery driver, and then you have to m**... another pizza delivery driver.

That's the domino effect

So a doctor is delivering a baby

He walks out of the delivery room, said to a worried looking man:
" we tried our best, your wife survived, but your children...."
After hearing the news the man started to cry, then the doctor said:
"today is April's fool's day! And I'm just kidding with you"
The man's face brightening the doctor continued:
"Your wife is dead too"

Apparently, there's a new s**... position called, "delivery man"...

You stay in all day and no-one comes...

If h**... had a delivery option

Would it be called k**...?

Joke rules for my house:

First of all, most all jokes are acceptable in this house.. except abortion jokes. Because jokes are all about the delivery...
Absolutely no p**... jokes. Period. No s**... assault jokes.. thats a touchy subject. Dead baby jokes on the other hand.. never get old!

I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.

Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery

How many mulas till a solution?

One mula...
Two mula...
Three mula...
Formula.
I made this up. No one ever laughs. It must be my delivery.

I murdered the pizza delivery man for messing up my order and had to cover it up.

I ordered another pizza to calm my nerves and the second delivery man noticed the body, so I had to kill him too. Now I feel even more nervous so I ordered yet another pizza. I think it's starting to become a domino effect.

What happens when a hospital runs out of labor and delivery nurses?

They have a mid-wife crisis.

I'm not the best midwife

I need to work on the delivery a bit

Two blondes are having a coffee at the local cafe.

They see a flower delivery truck pull up in front of the apartment building across the street and the delivery guy goes inside. The first blonde remarks "You know, whenever my boyfriend gets me flowers, he expects me to keep my legs spread for a week."
The second blonde replies "Don't you have a vase?"

Someone stole £5000 worth of Red Bull from a local delivery truck.

How do these people sleep at night?

Me: The mail man told me he was going on holidays to spain...

...so i asked was he going to Parcelona and he continued to ignore what I believe was my best joke of the year.
Dad: Well did you say it right? The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery

Look, anything is funny with the right delivery.

Except abortion jokes, which by definition have no delivery.

My mailman tried telling me a joke but it wasn't all that funny.

He should work on his delivery.

Johnny became a mailman after hearing how they always slept with women as part of the punchline of jokes. He figured he'd tell the jokes to mothers as he dropped of the mail and then sleep with them. He dropped off package after package and told joke after joke, but no mothers ever slept with him.

One day he asked a mother if he's been mislead by the jokes. Maybe mother's really never slept with the mailmen and the jokes were misleading.
The mother said, oh honey, it's not the jokes, it your delivery.

My door to door fruit delivery business failed badly because of my poor people skills.

I was driving people bananas.

Abortion jokes aren't funny.

They don't have a delivery

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...

...I think I've really improved the delivery!
(True Story: Today is baby number four, and this is basically the same lame joke I told/posted when our last child was born. Dad jokes 4TW!)

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...
I think I've really improved the delivery!

I ordered contact lenses last week and only received an empty box

Apparently it was a contactless delivery

When my wife was in labor I would tell her jokes to keep her mind off the pain.

She wasn't amused though. I think it was the delivery.

If h**... started a home delivery service...

would it be called k**...?

Amazon just got approved for drone delivery

We now have s**... shooting with prizes.

Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?

He thought it was a delivery service.

h**... should start a delivery service

called k**....

I think it was a mistake to call childbirth delivery .

It should have been called takeout instead.

In light of the pandemic - we will no longer use the term "immaculate conception"...

It is being updated to "contactless delivery."

Where do dads learn how to tell their jokes?

In the delivery room.

Once I told a joke to my wife as she was in labor.

I thought I did a good job telling the joke but she told me to focus on the delivery.

Gynecologists and midwives are good at telling jokes

It's all about the delivery.

A mother and her three daughters, Rose, Lily, and Cinderblock are walking down a path

Lily asks her mom mom, why did you name me Lily? The mom replies Because when we were taking you home from the delivery room, a lily fell on your head Curious, Rose asks Mom, why is my name Rose? Her mother says because when we were taking you home from the delivery room, a rose fell on your head Finally, Cinderblock says HSIEMDNJSISOSNGGJSKKSH

Tonight I did a delivery to the local mental asylum.

Being curious, I asked the doctor how do they determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the doctor, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the doctor, "A normal person would pull the bathtub drain plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Delivery joke, Tonight I did a delivery to the local mental asylum.

jokes about delivery