Comedy Delay Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
A border patrol officer stops a Mexican immigrant...
...on his way in to the U.S.
He says to the Mexican: "If you can make a whole sentence using the words Green, Pink and Yellow, Ill let you in with no delay"
The Mexican pauses to think for a few minutes then replies: "The phone goes Green-Green, I Pink it up and I say Yellow"
Airline Safety
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 747 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off.
Barry, a worried passenger asked the steward, "What was the problem?"
"Well, the pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine", explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
The Edge walks into a bar.
U2 guitarist The Edge walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'll ......................................... have a pint of Guinness."
The bartender replies "What's with all the delay?"
Owing to fog a steamer stopped at the mouth of a river.
An old lady inquired of the captain the cause of the delay.
"Can't see up the river," replied the officer.
"But, captain, I can see the stars overhead," she argued.
"Yes," said the captain gruffly, "but until the boiler busts we ain't a-goin' that way."
Source: 1913 newspaper
The U.S. election results delay is pathetic
In Egypt, we know who won before the elections.
A plane takes off with two hours delay. Once in the air a passenger asks the flight attendant:
"why did we take off so late?"
To which the flight attendant replies:
"well the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane."
Three Men were in a Soviet Prison.
One man asked another, "What are you in here for?"
The other man replied, "I was arrested for being late. They accused me of wanting to delay the victory of the Proletariat."
Another man chimed in, "I was arrested for being early. They accused me of wanting to be favored over my fellow workers."
They both asked the first man what he was in for.
He replied, "I was arrested for being on time. They accused me of having a western timepiece."
A plane is sitting at the terminal and is supposed to leave shortly
Departure seems to be taking ages, and the passengers are growing restless. Eventually a staff member says on the PA system:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay to your journey today. During preflight checks the pilot wasn't happy with the noise coming from the left engine, so we've had to delay departure until we can locate a new pilot."
So i was in the queue at the airport and the lady at check-in said "There is a four hour delay" I asked "Why's that?" "The pilot heard a funny noise from the engine..
And it will take us four hours to find a pilot who can't hear it" she said...
Theresa May has asked to delay Brexit until June
It makes sense, June comes after the end of May.
I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee.
I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly.
At the window, there was a delay.
Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated.
"I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting."
You can explore delay hour reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean delay flight dad jokes. There are also delay puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I have a theory as to why the Cybertruck is taking so long to get in production:
They are experiencing an Elon-gated Delay!
There is nothing wrong with s**... before marriage...
... as long as it doesn't delay the wedding.
Last Minute
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
In a speech two days ago, Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she plans to delay Brexit, in the hopes that the UK leaves with her deal on 22 May
May wants to leave at the end of May.
The weather in New England meant they had to delay the victory parade for the Patriots.
They must feel really deflated.
Which country likes to delay everything?
Procrasti-nation.
What do you call when a Russian cause a delay?
Stalin for time.
I texted my wife we'll have to delay our evening run.
I was running a bit late
Why did the waiter delay until after converting English menus to Spanish to announce they weren't the gender everyone thought?
Because they were happy to serve as trans later.
🤣🤣🤣
NBC: And the winner of the Gold medal is...
NBC: Find out right after 4 hour delay and several commercial breaks.
Why did h**... delay the invasion of Britain?
The weather called for *Heil*
Thanos Finger Snap had a delay effect
Apparently Thanos' finger snap had a decay cause it just took Stan Lee away
What's
A delayed reaction?
So United Airlines just bought the naming rights to the NFL stadium in LA...
Immediately a delay was announced, no word on the first beating and dragging through the aisles...
Why did the developers have to delay their pirate game?
They needed to give their characters an eye-patch.
