Degrees Jokes

Following is our collection of kelvin puns and diploma one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Degrees jokes for adults, dirty cold jokes and clean fahrenheit dad gags for kids.

The Best Degrees Puns

LPT: If you ever get cold and don't have a sweater, stand in a corner for a few minutes; they're usually about 90 degrees.

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I froze myself to -273.1 degrees Celcius...

My friends were worried, but I'll be 0K

The Sun doesn't need to go to college

Because it already has 28 million degrees.

Here's a great life hack!

When you're cold stand in a corner. It's 90 degrees!

The recipe said, Set the oven to 180 degrees.

Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.


90 degrees is pretty hot for most people,

But for mathematicians, it's just right.

It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today.

Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their dicks.

"My first son has a PHD in arts, my daughter has two degrees in communication and jornalism and my youngest son is a burglar."

Friend: "Wow a burglar? You should kick him out!"

Dad: "Nah... he is the only one who makes money."

New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion...

...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.

In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

I've decided to freeze myself down to -273.15 degrees Celsius.

My friends all think I'm crazy, but I'll be 0K.


A kid walks into the living room

And tells his dad, "Dad, I'm freezing!"

The dad says, not looking away from the TV, "Go stand in the corner."

The kid is surprised, what did he do wrong? "But why?"

The dad looks at his son and grins evilly. "The corner is 90 degrees!"

"DAD!"

Why are Canadians always over qualified for jobs in the US?

Because zero degrees in Canada is the same as 32 in the States.

Why don't mathematicians have degrees?

They prefer radians.

I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology.

I don't have a job but at least I know why.

I taught my maths class how to use a protractor,

with varying degrees of success.

I told my friend I was going to freeze myself to -273 degrees celsius.

He seemed concerned, but I said I'll be OK.

When math majors graduate, do they get degrees or radians?

joke

Two friends were walking by when they saw a poster with a joke on it. It said "Are you cold at the moment? Come to the corner, it's 90 degrees."

"Wow," said the first friend. "That's acute joke."
"Eh, not really." said the second friend. "Actually it's all right."


A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...

**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.

**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.

**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!

**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

How qualified is a circle?

It has 360 degrees.

A huge crab walks into a bar...

...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a beer mat must be provided. If the quality of the provided beer does not meet my high standards, you must agree to refund the full amount charged, and provide any additional financial compensation for any discomfort, stress or time wasted."

The barman looks at the crab and says, "why the big clause?"

I'm going on holiday to Egypt. A coworker told me it can get up to 100 degrees in the shade...

...I'll be staying out of the shade then.

How do you keep warm in cold room?

You go to the corner, cause it's always 90 degrees

man in a hot air balloon

A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he's lost. He lowers the balloon, spots a man down below and shouts, "Can you help me? I promised a friend I'd meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon hovering 30 feet above this field, which is at 42 degrees N. latitude and 60 degrees W. longitude."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct but your information is useless and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says, "You must be a manager"

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man below, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. And the fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met but now it's somehow my fault."

Why did the obtuse triangle go to the beach?

Because it was more than 90 degrees.

Do you know what would happen if you'd freeze someone to -273.15 degrees Clesius?

That person would be 0K

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

"You may have graduated, but I've got hundreds of degrees"

Why do hockey rinks have rounded corners?

Because if they were 90 degrees, the ice would melt.

Got any jokes which can be used every day? Like... When people say I'm cold, you can reply...

Stand in the corner, it's 90 degrees.

What other jokes can be thrown into every day life like that?

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'

The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'

The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

Saw this one in my maths class

Student: Sir I'm cold!
Teacher: Go and stand in the corner then.
Student: Why would I do that?
Teacher: Because it's 90 degrees over there.

If you're ever cold, stand in a corner.

It's always ninety degrees

How do you measure the obnoxiousness of middle-aged white women?

In degrees Karenheit.

What's the hottest part in your house?

The corners, they're 90 degrees

People are giving Hillary too much flak for fainting

I mean come on, it was 92 degrees out there, how can you expect an older women to withstand 102 degree heat. I'd like to see you give a speech in 112 degree heat and see if you can make it as far as her.

Why did the Wright brothers turn their aircraft 90 degrees west when their dad walked in the cockpit?

because three Wrights make a left.

The recipe said to put my cake in the oven at 180 degrees.

I did, and it fell out.

My college graduation was held inside the basketball arena and man was it hot

Musta been like 5,000 degrees in there

The wife of Korean immigrant was bed ridden with a high fever.

She hadn't had consciousness for a while and she was a burning 40 degrees Celsius. Worried, the husband tries to call for an ambulance, using his broken English.

"911 emergency, how can we help you."

"Wife in bed. She so hot."

"Okay... good for you."

I really dislike people doing Michael Jackson impressions

Whenever I see one, I turn 360 degrees and walk away.

If the average world temperature rises 2 degrees Celsius, mankind is doomed.

That is why America measures temperature in Fahrenheit.

Son says to father "Dad it's freezing in here!"

Father says "go stand in the corner son, it's 90 degrees."

Calculated the angle in the triangle to be 45 degrees

I think that's about half right

My dad said It was Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit and Anders Celsius to create the terms used for thermometer scales

I replied: Don't you think it's egocentric to name everything after yourself?
He said: well, to be fair they both worked hard for their degrees!

If you ever get cold, just go hang out in a corner...

They are usually 90 degrees.

What temperature do you bake two pies?

360 degrees

What do you call the path of a truck turning 180 degrees?

A semi-circle.

Why can't blondes double recipes?

Ovens don't go up to 700 degrees.

Why shouldn't you get too many degrees?

You'll become obtuse

There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator

Dad: There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator.
Son: How does that work, do you need a degree for that?
Dad: I think you need about 2000 degrees.

A man with amazing sideburns

A man has amazing side burns and decides that he wants to go to college for sideburn grooming. He dedicates his whole life to this purpose, getting his bachelor's, master's, and doctorate's degrees after many years. In other words, he has third degree burns.

I burnt my hand on a round stove plate.

It was 360 degrees.

PR manager, philosopher, translator and a journalist walk into a bar

The Bartender says: "Hey Tony! Four bachelor's degrees, but still no luck finding a job?"

Did you hear about the circle that graduated college

Apparently it got three-hundred and sixty degrees

An Eskimo buys a fridge

An Eskimo buys a fridge. His fellow Eskimo wonders: "What for?". The happy fridge owner answers: "To warm myself up. -50 degrees outside. -5 inside the fridge".

How do you make a duck sing the blues?

Stick it in an oven at 500 degrees until its bill withers.

Why didn't the sun have to attend university?

It's already got thousands of degrees.

Did you know the host of the Discovery Channel's show Dirty Jobs has 2 degrees?

In Mike Rowe Economics and Mike Rowe Biology.

Why go to university and get a degree?

When I can go to a corner and get 90 degrees!

How do you stay warm outside in the winter?

You just stand in a corner, they are usually around 90 degrees.

Me: Dad I'm cold

Dad: Go to the corner it's 90 degrees.

Are you cold?

Come sit in the corner, it's 90 degrees.

I was a bit chilly and my dad told me to go stand in the corner.

The corner is 90 degrees.

You Know What Really Makes My Blood Boil?

Temperatures Of Over 100 Degrees Celsius.

Why are people always hotter when they're standing up?

Sitting down they're only 90 degrees, standing up they're 180.

There is an abundance of celsius jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 66 funniest jokes and degrees puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any phd witze you can hear about degrees.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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