Giggle-Inducing Degree Murder Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
If you commit a 1st degree m**... in Canada
is it a 34 degree m**... in the US?
A man is charged with first-degree m**... and is on the stand, being questioned by the prosecution.
Did you commit the crime?
No sir, I did not.
I remind you that you are under oath. Do you know the penalty for perjury?
Yes sir, and it's a darn sight less than the penalty for m**....
The perpetrator killed the victim by keeping him in a temperature chamber set to 1C
The sentence was first degree m**....
How did Will Smith get caught for committing 1st degree m**...?
He left fresh prints all over the scene.
I got a speeding ticket last month and took it to court
Rudy Giuliani was my lawyer and plead me down to second degree m**...
I'm sick of numbers defining who I am.
* My GPA
* My weight
* My 1st degree m**... convictions
* My grades
* My SAT scores
These things are not who I am.
What do you call a serial killer who kills 2 people in one year, 4 the next, and 16 the year after?
A second degree m**....
My uncle died of hypothermia. Robbers took him and locked him inside a freezer of which the temperature was just slightly below 4 degrees.
It was the worst case of 3rd degree m**... I've ever heard of.
There are 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree murders, but why are there no 90th degree murders?
Because m**... is not right
The police break into a blender's apartment.
The police point their guns at the blender and say "Freeze! You've been charged with first degree m**...!".
The blender frantically responds " Wait officers, this is a big mix-up!
A Canadian was on trial for second-degree m**....
He was acquitted, but he apologized anyway.
What's the difference between hot blooded manslaughter and cold blooded premeditated m**...
A few degrees.
They call me the battery
Because I'm charged with 17 accounts of m**..., 67 accounts of kidnapping and 326 accounts of aggravated and first degree arson.
Arron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree m**...
He has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. I'm not quite sure how much longer he is going to remain a "tight end"
Apparently Kevin Bacon was killed last night. . .
And they're charging the shooter with 6th degree m**.... . .
The Continuing Adventures of Lawyer Mom, Episode 1
Lawyer Mom: Your Honor, my client is accused of m**... in the first degree. But let me ask you, and everyone else in this court room, this: (Mom voice) Have any of YOU ever murdered someone?
Everyone looks around at each other, confused.
Judge: Um, no?
Lawyer Mom: (Puts hands on hips, closes her eyes, and continues in Mom voice) Well then how can any of you tell my client that m**... is bad if you have never even tried it? Hmmm?
What do you call a flash mob of crows?
Premeditated m**....
What do you call a sunburned m**... of crows?
1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree.
Why was the monk charged with first degree m**...?
Because he meditated beforehand
[OC] [8] heheh
I tried everything to shoot my wife with caseless ammunition.
Needless to say, I lost the case with first-degree m**....
Why was the binomial executed?
He committed 2nd degree m**....
