Degree Jokes

Following is our collection of undergrad puns and psychology one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Degree jokes for adults, dirty stanford jokes and clean phd dad gags for kids.

The Best Degree Puns

Why did the slave go to college?

To pick up his master's degree.

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, That's not right.


With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.


Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90ยฐ.

A person with an art degree walks into a bar.

They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

90 degrees is pretty hot for most people,

But for mathematicians, it's just right.

It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today.

Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their dicks.


I asked my chemist friend if it took him 4 years to get his degree...

He said "Sodium Bromate."

Scotland's Independence

David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent.
I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know

Where did Dr. Pepper get his degree?

The University of Minnesoda

With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.

He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."

Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."

A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...

...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."

"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"

"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.

"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"

"That," says the man, "is your first worry."

What's more useless than a Gender Studies degree?

the feminist holding it


When a mathematics student graduates

do they get a degree, or a radian?

Pets are like countries.

Dogs are like Canada. They're incredibly friendly, but to some, to a naive degree.



Cats are like England. They're rude and act like they're better than everybody, but we find them so charming for some reason.



Parrots are like America. They blindly repeat anybody they believe is of higher intelligence, especially if the owner is Russian.



Goldfish are like Carpatho-Ukraine. They'd be lucky to last a year.

I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology.

I don't have a job but at least I know why.

If you commit a 1st degree murder in Canada

is it a 34 degree murder in the US?

My friend said, You have a B.A., Master's, and a Ph.D, but you still act like a moron.

It was a third degree burn.

What do you call a doctor with an online degree?

A Wikipediatrician

How will we truly reach gender equality?

By leaving the toilet seat at a 45 degree angle for the next person to decide without bias.

What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an English degree?

The pizza can feed a family of four.


A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks:

"do you want fries with that?"

Hillary Clinton is in the hospital...

She is being treated for third degree Berns.

How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree?

If it ends up on your wall, you're probably retarded.

A Grand Prize

I phoned my local radio station today.

When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."

"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.

"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling
confident?"


"I've got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.

"Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?"

"7," I replied.

A blind man walks into a gay bar.

He walks up to the lesbian bartender and says "hey you wanna hear a blonde joke?". The bartender says "Let me tell you a few things since you're blind, I am a blonde bartender who keeps a shotgun under the table. The bouncer is a 6ft blonde with a 4th degree black belt in judo. The woman beside you is a blonde biker with the local gang. The owner of this bar is a blonde army veteran who did four tours in Iraq. Now do you really want to tell that joke here?". The blind man thinks for a second and says "Naaahh, not if i have to explain it four times."

How did Will Smith get caught for committing 1st degree murder?

He left fresh prints all over the scene.

What do you say to someone with a degree in art?

Hamburger and fries, please.

What's the difference between a philosophy degree and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'

The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'

The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

I went to one of those colleges where you can make up your own degree...

I ended up with a major in paedophilia and a minor in the back of my van.

I've decided to put off my gender transition surgery until after I've gotten my linguistics degree

I'm a trans later

Physics Teacher's Story

Speed and Velocity are brothers.

Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.

Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.

Speed lacks Direction.

Why was the 89 degree angle not trusted

He's never right

My sister suddenly started sobbing talking about her job prospects with a philosophy degree.

I said, Are you having an existential cry, sis?

I didn't want to believe that my dentist's medical degree was fake

But the tooth hurts.

Degree

A grandma is shopping with her grandson.The grandson picks up a toy and the grandma shouts: "Degree, put the toy back"!
A woman who was shopping heard this and asked, is that his name?

The grandma replied "Yes I sent his mother to university and this is what she brought back

I got a speeding ticket last month and took it to court

Rudy Giuliani was my lawyer and plead me down to second degree murder

I have a degree in Liberal Arts

Do you want fries with that?

What does a bowl of spaghetti and a degree from Phoenix online both have in common?

If it ends up on your wall you're probably retarded.

People are giving Hillary too much flak for fainting

I mean come on, it was 92 degrees out there, how can you expect an older women to withstand 102 degree heat. I'd like to see you give a speech in 112 degree heat and see if you can make it as far as her.

Damn. My wife just found out that after I got my Bachelor degree at the University of Barad-dรปr, I went back and got my Masters there...

I've been found guilty of second-degree Mordor.

Why shouldn't you argue with a 90 degree angle?

It's always right.

My son's arts and crafts class isn't graded.

I'm glad they teach kids how worthless a liberal-arts degree is at such a young age.

My fisherman friend got his Master's degree.

Now he's a Master Baiter.

I'm sick of numbers defining who I am.

* My GPA
* My weight
* My 1st degree murder convictions
* My grades
* My SAT scores

These things are not who I am.

As anyone with a journalism degree will tell you...

The fact Superman got a job with a newspaper at the end is the strangest thing to happen in that movie.

Why did the oven go back to University?

To get another degree.

-

My sister thought it up and found it so funny she called to tell me.

Why was the 40 degree angle so nice to the 50 degree angle?

Because its very complementary!

Degree

I was waiting for a green light when I saw an elderly woman walking with a small child.

The excited young girl was walking slightly faster than the old lady, so the woman yelled, Degree! Wait for me!

Intrigued by such a unique name, I got out of the car and asked why she called the girl Degree.

She said, Well, I sent her mother to college to get an education, and she came home with this instead.

Credit to u/Princess_Kookie

"Hey man, I haven't seen you since college!"

"Hey man, I haven't seen you since college! How are you?"

"I'm doing well, I got that philosophy degree."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks. Hey, do you want fries with that?

My friend claims he has a degree in blacksmithing...

... But everything he makes is forged.

I can't remember what I majored in at college.

I skipped classes to some degree.

'Sex' and 'Love' ....;)

At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.'

The woman wrote:
When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, just like my hubby and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical sex with one another.

The Husband wrote: I Love Sex.

Why shouldn't you get too many degrees?

You'll become obtuse

There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator

Dad: There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator.
Son: How does that work, do you need a degree for that?
Dad: I think you need about 2000 degrees.

1. Go to seminary.

2. Get degree.
3. ???
4. Prophet.

A man with amazing sideburns

A man has amazing side burns and decides that he wants to go to college for sideburn grooming. He dedicates his whole life to this purpose, getting his bachelor's, master's, and doctorate's degrees after many years. In other words, he has third degree burns.

I'm dyslexic but hoping to get a law degree.

One that I can really sue.

What's the difference from when you've just started school, to when you've completed a philosophy degree?

When you just start school you know nothing about anything. But when you complete a philosophy degree you know everything about nothing.

"Actually, I'll have you know I have a degree in liberal arts"

"That's great ma'am, but I ordered fries with my meal"

Girl, are you an ITT Tech degree?

Because you're worthless.

When she screams "deeper!"...

...but you already have a degree in philosophy.

Why is a degree like a condom?

It's rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort, and its worthless the next day.

Why go to university and get a degree?

When I can go to a corner and get 90 degrees!

College Degree

Forget everything you've learned in college, you wont need it here.

I didn't go to college.

Oh sorry you're not qualified for the job

Is it a good idea to have multiple PhDs?

To a certain degree.

What do you call a dinosaur with an English degree?

Thesaurus.

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Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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