degree Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious degree puns

Why did the slave go to college?

To pick up his master's degree.

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Why did the slave go to college?

So he could pickup his Master's degree.

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A person with an art degree walks into a bar.

They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

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It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today.

Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their dicks.

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Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'

The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'

The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

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Why did the slave go to college?

To get his master's degree.

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I asked my chemist friend if it took him 4 years to get his degree...

He said "Sodium Bromate."

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Scotland's Independence

David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent.
I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know

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A Man Suffered from a 3rd degree burn in his face...

So his Wife donated a piece of her butt skin for surgery. After that He got his cheeks again and Asked his Wife how he can repay her ever again. She said dear when I see your mother and sisters kissing my Ass It well be more that enough of a reward.

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Where did Dr. Pepper get his degree?

The University of Minnesoda

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What's more useless than a Gender Studies degree?

the feminist holding it

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When a mathematics student graduates

do they get a degree, or a radian?

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A person with a four year degree majoring in history walks into a bar.

They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

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I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology.

I don't have a job but at least I know why.

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How will we truly reach gender equality?

By leaving the toilet seat at a 45 degree angle for the next person to decide without bias.

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What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an English degree?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

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A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...

...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."

"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"

"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.

"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"

"That," says the man, "is your first worry."

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A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks:

"do you want fries with that?"

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Hillary Clinton is in the hospital...

She is being treated for third degree Berns.

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How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree?

If it ends up on your wall, you're probably retarded.

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A Grand Prize

I phoned my local radio station today.

When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."

"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.

"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling
confident?"


"I've got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.

"Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?"

"7," I replied.

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A blind man walks into a gay bar.

He walks up to the lesbian bartender and says "hey you wanna hear a blonde joke?". The bartender says "Let me tell you a few things since you're blind, I am a blonde bartender who keeps a shotgun under the table. The bouncer is a 6ft blonde with a 4th degree black belt in judo. The woman beside you is a blonde biker with the local gang. The owner of this bar is a blonde army veteran who did four tours in Iraq. Now do you really want to tell that joke here?". The blind man thinks for a second and says "Naaahh, not if i have to explain it four times."

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A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost...

She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below: Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.

Man below replied: You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude & 59 degree West longitude.

Lady: Oh, You must be an engineer.

Man: Yes! How did you know?

Lady: Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is, I'm still lost.

Engineer: I see, then you must be in Upper Management.

Lady: Yes! How did you know?

Engineer: You don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems..!!

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How did Will Smith get caught for committing 1st degree murder?

He left fresh prints all over the scene.

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I was waiting for the green light at the crossing and saw an old woman walking with a little child...

The excited child was walking bit faster towards the crossing than the old lady. She then shouted, "Degree, wait for me!"
I was so amazed to hear such an unusual name. So to satisfy my curiousity, I walked closer to the woman and asked; "Ma, why do u call your grand child Degree?" The woman laughed and said "I sent her mother to University for education and this is what she brought home instead."

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What's the difference between a philosophy degree and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

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A homeless man is sitting in a bar

After a few drinks he begins speaking to a young lady. The homeless man mentions he feels it's unfair that he be homeless, seeing as he has a college degree.

Startled, the young lady asks, "Well, what did you study in college?"

The homeless man replies, "I had a major in Biotechnology and a French Minor. I think it's my felon status that prevents me from getting a job"

Intrigued, the young lady asks, "What landed you in jail?"

Taking a sip from his drink, the homeless man answers "The French minor."

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I went to one of those colleges where you can make up your own degree...

I ended up with a major in paedophilia and a minor in the back of my van.

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I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.....

I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 25-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St Mary's high school.
"Yes. yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1989. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!!!!", I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled faced, gray-haired, decrepit, son-of-a-bitch, asked,
"What did you teach" ?

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Jerry is that you?

said Tom.

Jerry - "Oh my god, Tom! I haven't seen you since college!"

Tom - "Yea it's been a while, how are things?"

Jerry - "Not bad, I think I've done pretty well for myself. I ended up finishing that Bachelor's of Fine Arts and spend my time painting. I love it, wouldn't give it up for the world! How bout you? You end up finishing your degree?"

Tom - "Yep, Software Engineering. I make a pretty comfortable living and it's rewarding work. I can't believe it, it's been so long. It was great catching up with you."

Jerry - "It was, it was. Just one last question."

Tom - "Shoot."

Jerry - "Would you like fries or onion rings with your burger?"

Tom - "Fries."

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I've decided to put off my gender transition surgery until after I've gotten my linguistics degree

I'm a trans later

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Why was the 89 degree angle not trusted

He's never right

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Degree

A grandma is shopping with her grandson.The grandson picks up a toy and the grandma shouts: "Degree, put the toy back"!
A woman who was shopping heard this and asked, is that his name?

The grandma replied "Yes I sent his mother to university and this is what she brought back

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I didn't want to believe that my dentist's medical degree was fake

But the tooth hurts.

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I have a degree in Liberal Arts

Do you want fries with that?

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What are the most funny Degree jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Degree? Well, here are the best Degree dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Degree pick up lines to share with friends.

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