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Degree Jokes

158 degree jokes and hilarious degree puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about degree that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Do you know someone with a college degree? Get ready to laugh! This article has the best jokes about degree holders from undergraduate to PhD in mathematics, psychology, sciences, astrophysics, and geography. Whether it's a master's degree or a bachelor's degree, a second degree, or a doctorate in any subject, here are the funniest jokes about degree holders.

Funniest Degree Short Jokes

Short degree jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The degree humour may include short grad jokes also.

  1. I told my wife I'm going cool myself to -273.15 degrees C. She has nothing to worry about, I'll be 0K
  2. LPT: If you ever get cold and don't have a sweater, stand in a corner for a few minutes; they're usually about 90 degrees. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  3. A person with an art degree walks into a bar. They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.
  4. The recipe said, Set the oven to 180 degrees. Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.
  5. I just graduated with a degree in Egyptology. So now I am qualified to teach more students Egyptology. I'm beginning to think this is some sort of pyramid scheme.
  6. My friend told me, You have a Bachelor's, a Master's, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot. That was a third degree burn.
  7. In Ancient Rome there were 4 types of poison... Poison I, II, III, would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
    However poison IV would make you really itchy.
  8. Kelvin and Celsius had a job interview but only one of them got the job. It was Celsius because he had a degree.
  9. You hear what happened when the triangle tried to make all its angles 90 degree? Didn't end well, I hear it's a wrecked angle now.
  10. New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion... ...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.

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Degree One Liners

Which degree one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with degree? I can suggest the ones about temperature and semester.

  1. A history degree is useless There's no future in it.
  2. I froze myself to -273.1 degrees Celcius... My friends were worried, but I'll be 0K
  3. The sun doesn't need to go to college Because it already has 28 million degrees.
  4. Here's a great life hack! When you're cold stand in a corner. It's 90 degrees!
  5. 90 degrees is pretty hot for most people, But for mathematicians, it's just right.
  6. Today I learned boiling water was really smart. It has like, 100 degrees.
  7. Where did Dr. Pepper get his degree? The University of Minnesoda
  8. Why don't mathematicians have degrees? They prefer radians.
  9. When a mathematics student graduates do they get a degree, or a radian?
  10. What's more useless than a Gender Studies degree? the feminist holding it
  11. Why were the wives of a polygamist awarded a degree in physics? For splitting an Adam.
  12. A Pure Mathematics degree is useless… I want a Pure Mathematics radian.
  13. What do you call a doctor with an online degree? A Wikipediatrician
  14. I taught my maths class how to use a protractor, with varying degrees of success.
  15. When math majors graduate, do they get degrees or radians?

College Degree Jokes

Here is a list of funny college degree jokes and even better college degree puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I just finished a college degree in Philosophy. Now I'm qualified to ask WHY you want fries with that.
  • Why doesn't the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!
  • I went to one of those colleges where you can make up your own degree... I ended up with a major in paedophilia and a minor in the back of my van.
  • Why didn't the Sun go to college? Because it already had a million degrees!
  • My college graduation was held inside the basketball arena and man was it hot Musta been like 5,000 degrees in there
  • Why didn't the sun go to college It already had a million degrees
  • I can't remember what I majored in at college. I skipped classes to some degree.
  • I knew a guy who said he didn't marry his high school sweetheart until after he finished college. I asked him, "How come?"
    He said, "Well, duh. I was working on my bachelor's degree."
  • Did you hear about the circle that graduated college Apparently it got three-hundred and sixty degrees
  • College Degree Forget everything you've learned in college, you wont need it here.
    I didn't go to college.
    Oh sorry you're not qualified for the job

Degree Angle Jokes

Here is a list of funny degree angle jokes and even better degree angle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How will we truly reach gender equality? By leaving the toilet seat at a 45 degree angle for the next person to decide without bias.
  • Why was the 89 degree angle not trusted He's never right
  • What did the 90 degree angle say to the 60 degree angle? Aren't you a cute one.
  • Why shouldn't you argue with a 90 degree angle? It's always right.
  • Calculated the angle in the triangle to be 45 degrees I think that's about half right
  • Why was the 40 degree angle so nice to the 50 degree angle? Because its very complementary!
  • I had an argument with a 90 degree angle... Turns out it was right.
  • Why are 89 degree angles sad? Because they're almost right, but not quite.
  • Who won the argument between the 20 degree angle and the 90 degree angle The 90 degree angle because 90 degrees is always right
  • This bloke at uni today told me he had 90 degrees... I said 90 degrees how is that even possible? He said you just need to look at uni from the right angle
Degree joke, This bloke at uni today told me he had 90 degrees...

Master Degree Jokes

Here is a list of funny master degree jokes and even better master degree puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why didn't Anakin Skywalker become an engineer? He couldn't get a Master's degree.
  • My friend said: You have a BA, a Masters and a phd, but you still act like an idiot… It was a third degree burn.
  • My fisherman friend got his Master's degree. Now he's a Master Baiter.
  • What kind of degrees do slaves get in college? Their Master's.
  • I have a masters degree in Procrastination I just haven't picked it up yet.
  • My local HBCU started a new Graduate Degree Program If you do 4 years in the field for your Master's, they let you work in the kitchen.
  • My friend said, You have a B.A., Master's, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an complete idiot. It was a third degree burn.
  • How come there are only PHD and bachelor's degrees in Czechia? Because they have No Gods, No Masters.
  • You know why the 89 degree angle went to school? He was missing his master's degree.
  • Why would you want to get married and get a masters degree at the same time? The bachelor life is so much better.

Degree Celsius Jokes

Here is a list of funny degree celsius jokes and even better degree celsius puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I've decided to freeze myself down to -273.15 degrees Celsius. My friends all think I'm crazy, but I'll be 0K.
  • I told my friend I was going to freeze myself to -273 degrees celsius. He seemed concerned, but I said I'll be OK.
  • If the average world temperature rises 2 degrees Celsius, mankind is doomed. That is why America measures temperature in Fahrenheit.
  • You Know What Really Makes My Blood Boil? Temperatures Of Over 100 Degrees Celsius.
  • If you cool your body down to -273,16 degrees celsius.. ..you'd be 0K
  • How can you tell that an ice cube didn't graduate from college in the US? Because it has 0 degrees.
    Also because it uses the Celsius scale.
  • I don't like Fahrenheit. I don't like Celsius. I don't like Kelvin. I prefer to measure my degrees in Radians.
  • What did the man with mercury poisoning say? It's 83 degrees Fahrenheit and 28 degrees Celsius.
  • 180 degree Celsius = pi radian Celsius
  • What did Kelvin say to his son Celsius after he broke his 273 college degrees? You have hit Absolute Zero, son...

Bachelor Degree Jokes

Here is a list of funny bachelor degree jokes and even better bachelor degree puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • PR manager, philosopher, translator and a journalist walk into a bar The Bartender says: "Hey Tony! Four bachelor's degrees, but still no luck finding a job?"
  • I have something to say to anyone who has more than one Bachelor Degree That's a bunch of B.S.
  • When I got my bachelor of sciences degree, I bought a labrador Every scientist needs a lab after all.
  • Define Marriage? It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
  • Everyone trying to get their bachelor's degree four years... and I'm over here waiting eighty years to graduate just so I can be on the front page.
  • Why did the unmarried man go to college ? To get his bachelor's degree
  • d**.... My wife just found out that after I got my Bachelor degree at the University of Barad-dûr, I went back and got my Masters there... I've been found guilty of second-degree Mordor.
Degree joke, d**.... My wife just found out that after I got my Bachelor degree at the University of Barad-dûr,

Playful Degree Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about degree you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean magnitude jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make degree pranks.

Why did the s**... go to college?

To pick up his master's degree.

What do you call a dinosaur with an English degree?

Thesaurus.

As anyone with a journalism degree will tell you...

The fact Superman got a job with a newspaper at the end is the strangest thing to happen in that movie.

A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...

...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."

s**...' and 'Love' ....;)

At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words s**...' and 'love.'
The woman wrote:
When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, just like my hubby and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical s**... with one another.
The Husband wrote: I Love s**....

How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree?

If it ends up on your wall, you're probably r**....

Scotland's Independence

David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent.
I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know

Why did the oven go back to University?

To get another degree.
-
My sister thought it up and found it so funny she called to tell me.

A man with amazing sideburns

A man has amazing side burns and decides that he wants to go to college for sideburn grooming. He dedicates his whole life to this purpose, getting his bachelor's, master's, and doctorate's degrees after many years. In other words, he has third degree burns.

How did Will Smith get caught for committing 1st degree m**...?

He left fresh prints all over the scene.

I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology.

I don't have a job but at least I know why.

Is it a good idea to have multiple PhDs?

To a certain degree.

Girl, are you an ITT Tech degree?

Because you're worthless.

I'm sick of numbers defining who I am.

* My GPA
* My weight
* My 1st degree m**... convictions
* My grades
* My SAT scores
These things are not who I am.

My son's arts and crafts class isn't graded.

I'm glad they teach kids how worthless a liberal-arts degree is at such a young age.

Degree

A grandma is shopping with her grandson.The grandson picks up a toy and the grandma shouts: "Degree, put the toy back"!
A woman who was shopping heard this and asked, is that his name?
The grandma replied "Yes I sent his mother to university and this is what she brought back

Hillary Clinton is in the hospital...

She is being treated for third degree Berns.

I asked my chemist friend if it took him 4 years to get his degree...

He said "Sodium Bromate."

What does a bowl of spaghetti and a degree from Phoenix online both have in common?

If it ends up on your wall you're probably r**....

"Actually, I'll have you know I have a degree in liberal arts"

"That's great ma'am, but I ordered fries with my meal"

1. Go to seminary.

2. Get degree.
3. ???
4. Prophet.

People are giving Hillary too much flak for fainting

I mean come on, it was 92 degrees out there, how can you expect an older women to withstand 102 degree heat. I'd like to see you give a speech in 112 degree heat and see if you can make it as far as her.

It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today.

Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their d**....

My friend claims he has a degree in blacksmithing...

... But everything he makes is forged.

When she screams "deeper!"...

...but you already have a degree in philosophy.

I have a degree in Liberal Arts

Do you want fries with that?

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

A Grand Prize

I phoned my local radio station today.
When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."
"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.
"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling
confident?"
"I've got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.
"Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?"
"7," I replied.

There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator

Dad: There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator.
Son: How does that work, do you need a degree for that?
Dad: I think you need about 2000 degrees.

Why shouldn't you get too many degrees?

You'll become obtuse

I've decided to put off my gender transition surgery until after I've gotten my linguistics degree

I'm a trans later

A blind man walks into a gay bar.

He walks up to the lesbian bartender and says "hey you wanna hear a blonde joke?". The bartender says "Let me tell you a few things since you're blind, I am a blonde bartender who keeps a shotgun under the table. The bouncer is a 6ft blonde with a 4th degree black belt in judo. The woman beside you is a blonde biker with the local gang. The owner of this bar is a blonde army veteran who did four tours in Iraq. Now do you really want to tell that joke here?". The blind man thinks for a second and says "Naaahh, not if i have to explain it four times."

"Hey man, I haven't seen you since college!"

"Hey man, I haven't seen you since college! How are you?"
"I'm doing well, I got that philosophy degree."
"Congratulations."
"Thanks. Hey, do you want fries with that?

I didn't want to believe that my dentist's medical degree was fake

But the tooth hurts.

A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks:

"do you want fries with that?"

What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an English degree?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

Entry level position available!

3 years forklift experience required
5 years general labour required
Class 5 drivers license required
2 years kitchen experience required
4 years retail services required
2 years hospitality services required
4 years janitorial services required
3 years business degree preferred
5 years relevant experience required
$11 an hour to start(with 20¢ raise for every year of employment)
.
.
.
.
That's it. The joke is the current hiring system of the world.

What's the difference between a philosophy degree and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

Degree

I was waiting for a green light when I saw an elderly woman walking with a small child.
The excited young girl was walking slightly faster than the old lady, so the woman yelled, Degree! Wait for me!
Intrigued by such a unique name, I got out of the car and asked why she called the girl Degree.
She said, Well, I sent her mother to college to get an education, and she came home with this instead.
Credit to u/Princess_Kookie

I got a speeding ticket last month and took it to court

Rudy Giuliani was my lawyer and plead me down to second degree m**...

What's the difference from when you've just started school, to when you've completed a philosophy degree?

When you just start school you know nothing about anything. But when you complete a philosophy degree you know everything about nothing.

Physics Teacher's Story

Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.
Speed lacks Direction.

What do you say to someone with a degree in art?

Hamburger and fries, please.

Why is a degree like a c**...?

It's rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort, and its worthless the next day.

Pets are like countries.

Dogs are like Canada. They're incredibly friendly, but to some, to a naive degree.

Cats are like England. They're rude and act like they're better than everybody, but we find them so charming for some reason.

Parrots are like America. They blindly repeat anybody they believe is of higher intelligence, especially if the owner is Russian.

Goldfish are like Carpatho-Ukraine. They'd be lucky to last a year.

My friend said, You have a B.A., Master's, and a Ph.D, but you still act like a m**....

It was a third degree burn.

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.

With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.

He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."
Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."

My sister suddenly started sobbing talking about her job prospects with a philosophy degree.

I said, Are you having an existential cry, sis?

If you commit a 1st degree m**... in Canada

is it a 34 degree m**... in the US?

I'm dyslexic but hoping to get a law degree.

One that I can really sue.

What's the difference between a degree in gender studies and a large pizza

A large pizza can feed a family of four

I got an honours degree in calligraphy.

To be honest I don't think it's going to help me get a job,
But it looks good on paper...

A degree in agriculture is great to have.

It allows you to work in a variety of fields.

We should all stop studying to prevent global warming

Because everytime someone graduates, the world increases by a degree.

If you want to be smart, get a degree.

If you want to be right, get ninety degrees.

Yet another art major joke

An artist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey, here's an art joke. How do you get an art major off your front porch? You pay for the pizza!" the bartender jests. "Oh, very funny. I'll have you know that now that I have my fine arts degree I don't have to deliver to people anymore. In fact, people come to me, money in hand, explaining what they want me to create," the artist indignantly replies. "Then let me guess .... you tell them to pull up to the next window," the bartender says.

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with a science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree
asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree
asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a sociology degree asks,
"Do you want fries with that?"

My friend had an affair with a patient. Worked so hard to achieve his degree and one mistake means he lost everything.

A great loss to the veterinary profession.

A history degree is useless

Because there's no future in it.

A taste of what my wife has to deal with

My wife was stepping on my back and she suddenly asked "How do dominatrixs not kill people when they do this with stilettos. Do they have to get certified or classes?"
I told her "The only certification for d**... is a master's degree"
Top tier groan in response.

I told my dad that I'm quitting Science and getting a degree in history instead.

My dad said, But there's no future in it.

Degree joke, I told my dad that I'm quitting Science and getting a degree in history instead.

jokes about degree