To pick up his master's degree.
They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.
But for mathematicians, it's just right.
Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their dicks.
The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'
He said "Sodium Bromate."
David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent.
I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know
The University of Minnesoda
do they get a degree, or a radian?
the feminist holding it
Dogs are like Canada. They're incredibly friendly, but to some, to a naive degree.
Cats are like England. They're rude and act like they're better than everybody, but we find them so charming for some reason.
Parrots are like America. They blindly repeat anybody they believe is of higher intelligence, especially if the owner is Russian.
Goldfish are like Carpatho-Ukraine. They'd be lucky to last a year.
I don't have a job but at least I know why.
By leaving the toilet seat at a 45 degree angle for the next person to decide without bias.
The pizza can feed a family of four.
...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
"do you want fries with that?"
She is being treated for third degree Berns.
If it ends up on your wall, you're probably retarded.
I phoned my local radio station today.
When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."
"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.
"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling
confident?"
"I've got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.
"Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?"
"7," I replied.
He walks up to the lesbian bartender and says "hey you wanna hear a blonde joke?". The bartender says "Let me tell you a few things since you're blind, I am a blonde bartender who keeps a shotgun under the table. The bouncer is a 6ft blonde with a 4th degree black belt in judo. The woman beside you is a blonde biker with the local gang. The owner of this bar is a blonde army veteran who did four tours in Iraq. Now do you really want to tell that joke here?". The blind man thinks for a second and says "Naaahh, not if i have to explain it four times."
She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below: Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.
Man below replied: You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude & 59 degree West longitude.
Lady: Oh, You must be an engineer.
Man: Yes! How did you know?
Lady: Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is, I'm still lost.
Engineer: I see, then you must be in Upper Management.
Lady: Yes! How did you know?
Engineer: You don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems..!!
He left fresh prints all over the scene.
The excited child was walking bit faster towards the crossing than the old lady. She then shouted, "Degree, wait for me!"
I was so amazed to hear such an unusual name. So to satisfy my curiousity, I walked closer to the woman and asked; "Ma, why do u call your grand child Degree?" The woman laughed and said "I sent her mother to University for education and this is what she brought home instead."
Hamburger and fries, please.
A pizza can feed a family of four.
After a few drinks he begins speaking to a young lady. The homeless man mentions he feels it's unfair that he be homeless, seeing as he has a college degree.
Startled, the young lady asks, "Well, what did you study in college?"
The homeless man replies, "I had a major in Biotechnology and a French Minor. I think it's my felon status that prevents me from getting a job"
Intrigued, the young lady asks, "What landed you in jail?"
Taking a sip from his drink, the homeless man answers "The French minor."
said Tom.
Jerry - "Oh my god, Tom! I haven't seen you since college!"
Tom - "Yea it's been a while, how are things?"
Jerry - "Not bad, I think I've done pretty well for myself. I ended up finishing that Bachelor's of Fine Arts and spend my time painting. I love it, wouldn't give it up for the world! How bout you? You end up finishing your degree?"
Tom - "Yep, Software Engineering. I make a pretty comfortable living and it's rewarding work. I can't believe it, it's been so long. It was great catching up with you."
Jerry - "It was, it was. Just one last question."
Tom - "Shoot."
Jerry - "Would you like fries or onion rings with your burger?"
Tom - "Fries."
I ended up with a major in paedophilia and a minor in the back of my van.
I noticed his BDS degree on the wall, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall , handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 25-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended St Mary's high school.
"Yes. yes, I did.' he gleamed with pride.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1989. Why do you ask?"
"You were in my class!!!!", I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled faced, gray-haired, decrepit, son-of-a-bitch, asked,
"What did you teach" ?
I'm a trans later
He's never right
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.
Speed lacks Direction.
But the tooth hurts.
A grandma is shopping with her grandson.The grandson picks up a toy and the grandma shouts: "Degree, put the toy back"!
A woman who was shopping heard this and asked, is that his name?
The grandma replied "Yes I sent his mother to university and this is what she brought back
Do you want fries with that?
If it ends up on your wall you're probably retarded.
Rudy Giuliani was my lawyer and plead me down to second degree murder
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: Change your course 10 degree east.
The light signals back: Change yours, 10 degrees west.
Angry, the captain sends: I'm a navy captain! Change your course, sir!
I'm a seaman, second class, comes the reply. Change your course, sir.
Now the captain is furious. I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!
There is one last reply. I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
I mean come on, it was 92 degrees out there, how can you expect an older women to withstand 102 degree heat. I'd like to see you give a speech in 112 degree heat and see if you can make it as far as her.
It's always right.
I'm glad they teach kids how worthless a liberal-arts degree is at such a young age.
A local FM Radio was running a contest, and I phoned in. The Radio Jockey said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize."
"That's fantastic!" I shouted in delight.
"Feel confident?" she asked. "It's a maths question."
"Well, I've got a degree in Maths" I replied.
"O.k then, to win our grand prize of 2 front row seats for Trump's next speech and to meet him back stage, followed by dinner with him... What is 2+2 ?"
"767.37" I replied,
* My GPA
* My weight
* My 1st degree murder convictions
* My grades
* My SAT scores
These things are not who I am.
Now he's a Master Baiter.
The fact Superman got a job with a newspaper at the end is the strangest thing to happen in that movie.
To get another degree.
-
My sister thought it up and found it so funny she called to tell me.
Because its very complementary!
... But everything he makes is forged.
I was waiting for a green light when I saw an elderly woman walking with a small child.
The excited young girl was walking slightly faster than the old lady, so the woman yelled, Degree! Wait for me!
Intrigued by such a unique name, I got out of the car and asked why she called the girl Degree.
She said, Well, I sent her mother to college to get an education, and she came home with this instead.
Credit to u/Princess_Kookie
"Hey man, I haven't seen you since college! How are you?"
"I'm doing well, I got that philosophy degree."
"Congratulations."
"Thanks. Hey, do you want fries with that?
At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.'
The woman wrote:
When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, just like my hubby and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical sex with one another.
The Husband wrote: I Love Sex.
2. Get degree.
3. ???
4. Prophet.
Dad: There's a job listing here for a crematorium operator.
Son: How does that work, do you need a degree for that?
Dad: I think you need about 2000 degrees.
You'll become obtuse
A man has amazing side burns and decides that he wants to go to college for sideburn grooming. He dedicates his whole life to this purpose, getting his bachelor's, master's, and doctorate's degrees after many years. In other words, he has third degree burns.
"That's great ma'am, but I ordered fries with my meal"
Because you're worthless.
When you just start school you know nothing about anything. But when you complete a philosophy degree you know everything about nothing.
... and the father asks him, "so what are your plans in life." The suitor responds, "well, I'm interested in pursuing a degree in theology." The father then asks, "well, what do you plan to do for a living with only a theology degree?" The suitor, without a missed beat responds with "well, god will provide." The father then asks, "where will you two live?!" Again, the suitor responds with, "god will surely provide." Finally the father asks him, "have you made any long term plans at all?" He replies, "no, but as I've stated, I'm sure god will provide." The dinner eventually concludes, and both the daughter and the suitor leave her parents house. When a moment of quiet catches the mother, she softly asks her husband what he thought of the suitor. He pauses for a second, and replies -- "well, he's broke, and fairly stupid, but on the other hand he thinks I'm god."
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out!
...but you already have a degree in philosophy.
...and after ordering his drink, asks the bartender if he'd like to hear a blonde joke. The bartender replies, "Well, I don't mind sir, but I must warn you that there are three rather dangerous blondes in this bar tonight.
The first one over by the pool table just got released from prison for 2nd degree murder. The second in the corner there is the leader of the local gang. And the last one sitting just next to you is a professional boxer.
So I must ask, are you really sure you want to tell this blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a moment, shakes his head, and says, "Nah, I don't wanna have to explain it three times."
Forget everything you've learned in college, you wont need it here.
I didn't go to college.
Oh sorry you're not qualified for the job
To a certain degree.
Thesaurus.
It's rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort, and its worthless the next day.
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