Playful Degree Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
Why did the s**... go to college?
To pick up his master's degree.
Why shouldn't you argue with a 90 degree angle?
It's always right.
Why was the 40 degree angle so nice to the 50 degree angle?
Because its very complementary!
As anyone with a journalism degree will tell you...
The fact Superman got a job with a newspaper at the end is the strangest thing to happen in that movie.
How will we truly reach gender equality?
By leaving the toilet seat at a 45 degree angle for the next person to decide without bias.
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job...
...advertised in the Manchester Evening News. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters."
"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"
"You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner.
"Seventy-five thousand pounds. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?"
"That," says the man, "is your first worry."
s**...' and 'Love' ....;)
At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words s**...' and 'love.'
The woman wrote:
When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, just like my hubby and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical s**... with one another.
The Husband wrote: I Love s**....
How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree?
If it ends up on your wall, you're probably r**....
Scotland's Independence
David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent.
I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know
Why did the oven go back to University?
To get another degree.
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My sister thought it up and found it so funny she called to tell me.
A man with amazing sideburns
A man has amazing side burns and decides that he wants to go to college for sideburn grooming. He dedicates his whole life to this purpose, getting his bachelor's, master's, and doctorate's degrees after many years. In other words, he has third degree burns.
You can explore degree undergrad reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean degree stanford dad jokes. There are also degree puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
When a mathematics student graduates
do they get a degree, or a radian?
How did Will Smith get caught for committing 1st degree m**...?
He left fresh prints all over the scene.
I have degrees in Politics, Economics and Psychology.
I don't have a job but at least I know why.
I'm sick of numbers defining who I am.
* My GPA
* My weight
* My 1st degree m**... convictions
* My grades
* My SAT scores
These things are not who I am.
My fisherman friend got his Master's degree.
Now he's a Master Baiter.
My son's arts and crafts class isn't graded.
I'm glad they teach kids how worthless a liberal-arts degree is at such a young age.
Degree
A grandma is shopping with her grandson.The grandson picks up a toy and the grandma shouts: "Degree, put the toy back"!
A woman who was shopping heard this and asked, is that his name?
The grandma replied "Yes I sent his mother to university and this is what she brought back
Hillary Clinton is in the hospital...
She is being treated for third degree Berns.
I asked my chemist friend if it took him 4 years to get his degree...
He said "Sodium Bromate."
What does a bowl of spaghetti and a degree from Phoenix online both have in common?
If it ends up on your wall you're probably r**....
I went to one of those colleges where you can make up your own degree...
I ended up with a major in paedophilia and a minor in the back of my van.
People are giving Hillary too much flak for fainting
I mean come on, it was 92 degrees out there, how can you expect an older women to withstand 102 degree heat. I'd like to see you give a speech in 112 degree heat and see if you can make it as far as her.
It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today.
Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their d**....
Where did Dr. Pepper get his degree?
The University of Minnesoda
I have a degree in Liberal Arts
Do you want fries with that?
Degrees
The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'
What's more useless than a Gender Studies degree?
the feminist holding it
A Grand Prize
I phoned my local radio station today.
When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."
"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.
"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling
confident?"
"I've got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.
"Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?"
"7," I replied.
Why was the 89 degree angle not trusted
He's never right
I've decided to put off my gender transition surgery until after I've gotten my linguistics degree
I'm a trans later
A person with an art degree walks into a bar.
They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.
A blind man walks into a gay bar.
He walks up to the lesbian bartender and says "hey you wanna hear a blonde joke?". The bartender says "Let me tell you a few things since you're blind, I am a blonde bartender who keeps a shotgun under the table. The bouncer is a 6ft blonde with a 4th degree black belt in judo. The woman beside you is a blonde biker with the local gang. The owner of this bar is a blonde army veteran who did four tours in Iraq. Now do you really want to tell that joke here?". The blind man thinks for a second and says "Naaahh, not if i have to explain it four times."
I didn't want to believe that my dentist's medical degree was fake
But the tooth hurts.
A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks:
"do you want fries with that?"
What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an English degree?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between a philosophy degree and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
Degree
I was waiting for a green light when I saw an elderly woman walking with a small child.
The excited young girl was walking slightly faster than the old lady, so the woman yelled, Degree! Wait for me!
Intrigued by such a unique name, I got out of the car and asked why she called the girl Degree.
She said, Well, I sent her mother to college to get an education, and she came home with this instead.
Credit to u/Princess_Kookie
I got a speeding ticket last month and took it to court
Rudy Giuliani was my lawyer and plead me down to second degree m**...
Physics Teacher's Story
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity went to college and got a science degree with which he's earning a six figure salary.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents in their basement.
Speed lacks Direction.
What do you say to someone with a degree in art?
Hamburger and fries, please.
90 degrees is pretty hot for most people,
But for mathematicians, it's just right.
Pets are like countries.
Dogs are like Canada. They're incredibly friendly, but to some, to a naive degree.
Cats are like England. They're rude and act like they're better than everybody, but we find them so charming for some reason.
Parrots are like America. They blindly repeat anybody they believe is of higher intelligence, especially if the owner is Russian.
Goldfish are like Carpatho-Ukraine. They'd be lucky to last a year.
My friend said, You have a B.A., Master's, and a Ph.D, but you still act like a m**....
It was a third degree burn.
My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle
I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.
With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.
He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."
Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."
My sister suddenly started sobbing talking about her job prospects with a philosophy degree.
I said, Are you having an existential cry, sis?
If you commit a 1st degree m**... in Canada
is it a 34 degree m**... in the US?
What do you call a doctor with an online degree?
A Wikipediatrician
d**.... My wife just found out that after I got my Bachelor degree at the University of Barad-dûr, I went back and got my Masters there...
I've been found guilty of second-degree Mordor.
I got an honours degree in calligraphy.
To be honest I don't think it's going to help me get a job,
But it looks good on paper...
A degree in agriculture is great to have.
It allows you to work in a variety of fields.
Kelvin and Celsius had a job interview but only one of them got the job.
It was Celsius because he had a degree.
I just finished a college degree in Philosophy.
Now I'm qualified to ask WHY you want fries with that.
We should all stop studying to prevent global warming
Because everytime someone graduates, the world increases by a degree.
Yet another art major joke
An artist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey, here's an art joke. How do you get an art major off your front porch? You pay for the pizza!" the bartender jests. "Oh, very funny. I'll have you know that now that I have my fine arts degree I don't have to deliver to people anymore. In fact, people come to me, money in hand, explaining what they want me to create," the artist indignantly replies. "Then let me guess .... you tell them to pull up to the next window," the bartender says.
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with a science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree
asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree
asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a sociology degree asks,
"Do you want fries with that?"
A Pure Mathematics degree is useless…
I want a Pure Mathematics radian.
My friend had an affair with a patient. Worked so hard to achieve his degree and one mistake means he lost everything.
A great loss to the veterinary profession.
A history degree is useless
Because there's no future in it.
My friend said: You have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiot…
It was a third degree burn.
A taste of what my wife has to deal with
My wife was stepping on my back and she suddenly asked "How do dominatrixs not kill people when they do this with stilettos. Do they have to get certified or classes?"
I told her "The only certification for d**... is a master's degree"
Top tier groan in response.
A history degree is useless
There's no future in it.
Why were the wives of a polygamist awarded a degree in physics?
For splitting an Adam.
My friend told me, You have a Bachelor's, a Master's, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.
That was a third degree burn.
The perpetrator killed the victim by keeping him in a temperature chamber set to 1C
The sentence was first degree m**....
I had an argument with a 90 degree angle...
Turns out it was right.
What's the difference between a social media influencer and a philosophy major?
The philosophy major needed a degree to be useless.
What does a doctor with a comedian degree do?
He leaves the patients in stiches
What do you call a column with a degree?
A graduated cylinder
Why didn't Anakin Skywalker become an engineer?
He couldn't get a Master's degree.
I have a Masters Degree in Procrastination
I just haven't picked it up yet.
