Definition Jokes
162 definition jokes and hilarious definition puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about definition that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover what a Definition Joke is and enjoy a collection of hilarious jokes based on dictionary definitions! Gain a new perspective on word meanings through clever wordplay and unexpected word combinations. Find out how to add a humorous twist to words such as 'love' and 'flabby' to give your friends and family a good laugh!
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Funniest Definition Short Jokes
Short definition jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The definition humour may include short define jokes also.
- Most of the posts here are medium. They aren't rare and they are definitely not well done.
- My wife says the salad I make tend to be a bit on the dry side. It's definitely something that needs addressing.
- I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.
- I'm definitely the loser if I run over a deer. It's going to cost me hundreds of dollars. But nature is only out a buck.
- I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there.
- Me and my wife recently started using Only Fans. Because our air conditioner broke.
And this will definitely help pay for a new air conditioner. - Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic? He needed to change attire.
(I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.) - Cleaning mirrors for a living might not pay much But it's definitely something I could see myself doing
- Met a girl in the park... Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet.
These taser guns are well worth the money. - As a Syrian, I don't know why America is taking so long to get a definitive result from their election. We know our results months in advance!
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Definition One Liners
Which definition one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with definition? I can suggest the ones about describe and function.
- You have to give President Trump credit Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.
- What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition.
- What's the definition of a will? Come on guys it's a dead giveaway
- My son swallowed several coins the other day. I've definitely seen some change in him.
- Thank God lent is over.... not using condoms was definitely getting nerve-wracking.
- My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule. Doesn't exist by definition.
- I once mistook somebody's drink for mine. It was definitely not my cup of tea.
- Making mirrors sounds like a good job It's definitely something i can see myself doing
- Huge shoutout to everyone who helped me learn the definition of 'many'. It means a lot!
- My favourite word in the dictionary is toned Great definition
- Why did the bodybuilder buy a dictionary? Because he wanted to get more definition.
- (Star Wars) If Finn and Rey hooked up and had a child The child would definitely be on the dark side
- Anyone can give a definition for erectile dysfunction... It's not that hard.
- The Last Jedi was really good Definitely in my top 10 Star Wars movies
- I see no evil, and I definitely don’t hear your evil.
Dictionary Definition Jokes
Here is a list of funny dictionary definition jokes and even better dictionary definition puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'll never use that dictionary again... The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was confusing and misleading.
- I try working out by lifting dictionaries... I've been told that's how you get definition.
- I got a tattoo of a dictionary on my bisep... I wanted to add definition to my arm
- I was certain that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result... but every dictionary I check says something else.
- My teacher once told me that success never comes before work... I'll definitely pay him a visit after I make a fortune selling dictionaries.
- Why was the dictionary on the top shelf more expensive than the one on the bottom... Because it was a higher definition
- What do you get a body builder for Christmas? A dictionary, so they get plenty of definition.
- There's a stack of dictionaries in my local gym. That place is full of definition.
- How can you tell if a dictionary has been working out? You can see the definition.
- I looked up the definition of missing in the dictionary… It wasn't there.
High Definition Jokes
Here is a list of funny high definition jokes and even better high definition puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What would high definition be called if invented in Paris? The French resolution!
- I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high She told me she's tired of my repost BS and divorced me. It was definitely a surprise.
- My doctor prescribed me new drugs for my eye problem, Now I see everything in High Definition
- I got a new ultra high definition monitor on January 1st. My New Year's resolution is 4K.
Love Definition Jokes
Here is a list of funny love definition jokes and even better love definition puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the definition of endless love? Ray Charles and stevie wonder playing tennis
- If you love something, set it free. If it comes back is was meant to be. That was definitely not a balloon.
- I was heartbroken when I left my tennis-player girlfriend But unfortunately, we had very different definitions of love.
- My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.
- Life is like a definite integral.
Integral from birthday to death ( LOVE ) dx = LIFE
Comical Definition Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about definition you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean term jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make definition pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Panda and a p**...
A panda spent the night in bed with a p**.... The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the p**... yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up p**....'
The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous s**... activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the p**... and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tatoos of Elvis
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.
The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"
The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".
The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.
The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."
The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"
The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely w**... Nelson."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Twice a Day
This guy goes to his doctor "You gotta help me. I can't stop having s**...." "How often do you have it?" The doc asks "Well, twice a day with my wife." The doc says "That's no to bad." The guy says "Yeah, but that's not all, I also have s**... with my secretary, twice a day." The doc says "That's a bit excessive."" and I have s**... with a p**..., twice a day" "That is definitely too much. You got to learn to take this situation in hand."
"I do," says the man "Twice a Day
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the definition of Embarrassing?
Running into a wall with a e**... and your nose touches the wall first.
A friend of mine asked if I could give her the definition of a double entendre...
so I gave it to her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a doctor has s**... with one of his patients...
And is feeling pretty down about it. On his left shoulder appears a devil. The devil consoles him saying "Hey man, don't even worry about it. Doctors have s**... with their patients all the time. You are definitely not the only one." Then on his right shoulder appears an angel who says "Come on man! You're a vet!!"
Haven't seen this joke on here yet, it's my favorite.
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!".
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?".
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now!".
A man goes in for a job application...
...and the interviewer asks, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?"
"Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality-telling what's real from what's not."
"Okay," said the interviewer, "and what about your strengths?"
"I'm Batman"
Horrors of poverty
I've been around, you know. I've seen some of the poorest slums where children are starving and disease is rampant. Let me tell you, you've not seen anything, *anything* like it, until you've seen it in high-definition plasma!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old guys are sitting at a table in the nursing home, when a totally n**... old lady with a walker streaks slowly past them
o**... says to the other, " I can't see so well anymore. What was that?"
The other guy says, "I'm not sure, but it definitely needed ironing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A koala goes to a brothel
So a koala goes to a brothel and does the deed with the p**.... When they are finished, he gets up and starts to head out the door. The p**... stops him and says "Hey! The definition of p**... is we have s**... for money!" The koala looks at her and says, "Well the definition of koala is eats bushes and leaves."
Flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday
We just landed on the runway and the flight attendant annouces a message over the speaker.
"Hey folks...um yea sorry about that rough landing...
...wasn't the captains fault,
...definitely wasn't my fault,
...it was the asphalt."
The result: a perfect mix of laughs and groans.
One I wrote a while ago: Anti-Boasting Cream
Now I don't tell many jokes and definitely don't write them so I found this on my phone from about two years ago and was amazed!
I went to see the Doctor this morning about my big ego. He told me to try this anti-boasting cream.
I said, how do I apply it? It's just i've got really soft, sensitive, supple skin. He said, You just have to rub it in.
How to be insulting
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules...
...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Definitely not 9, my basement is still dark
"Doctor, tell me, if I quit drinking will, will I live longer?"
"It will definitely feel longer. "
A panda walks into a restaurant
A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"
Some accuse me of being a luggage denier.
I want to assure everyone, that is definitely not the case.
A farmer was having trouble telling his horses apart.
"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"
"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."
The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't tell the difference anymore.
"This time, give one of them a small cut on its leg," said his friend. "Then you can tell it apart from the other."
The farmer did this again, but the other horse ran into a thorn bush and got a similar cut on its leg.
"Measure their height," said his friend. "One of them must definitely be a bit taller than the other."
The farmer tried it out, and it worked. Ecstatic, he ran back to his friend's house.
"It worked!" he yelled. "The black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
A man walks into a bar and sees a plus sized stripper dancing on a table..
He tells her, "Nice legs!"
"Wow, you really think so?"
"Definitely," he replies, "most tables would have collapsed for sure."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.
"I love you Freddy," she said, s**... his fur.
"I love him more than you," I replied.
She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."
I said, "You misunderstood me."
Did you hear about the party thief?
I mean I've seen some crazy people at parties, but this guy definitely takes the cake.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two women meet over a coffee.
"Ah, Marie, I haven't seen you in years, what's going on in your life?"
"I have met a charming and well-off young man half my age."
"Majestic."
"Indeed. He took me to Paris, we dined in the finest restaurant, bought paintings from the vernissage!"
"Majestic!"
"Once we marry, he insists that I retire to our moderately sized European house, free to pursue my leisure activities."
"Definitely majestic!"
"But enough about me. Tell me about yourself, Annette. What are you up to lately?"
"I signed for an etiquette class. We've already learned to say 'majestic' instead of 'fucking h**...'"
An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..
...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't understand this and asked the husband why he didn't just bury her in Jerusalem. After all it was one of the holiest cities in the world, and he could save some money. The husband then told him that long ago a man was buried in this city, and 3 days later he resurrected from the dead, and he was definitely not willing to risk that happening with his wife.
An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border
At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.
"What do you have in this sack?"
"Sand."
"Well let me check."
The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's nothing else, so he lets the man go.
The next day the same man shows up, again pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat, and again there was nothing but sand in it.
After a few days of this playing out, the customs officer holds up the man a little longer.
"Listen pal, I've been in this job for 10 years now, I can recognize a smuggler from a mile away. I have no definite proof, but I know you have been taking something past this border and it's driving me crazy. Let's make a deal - you tell me what you are smuggling and I won't stop you any more. So what is it?"
And the man replied.
"Bicycles."
A woman goes to the doctor...
A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says
"Doctor, I don't fell so well."
And the doctor replied
"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."
Kobe was one of the best Lakers players of all time
But Magic Johnson was definitely the most positive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On our third date, my girlfriend told me that she was bisexual.
I broke it off with her because I definitely need s**... more than every two weeks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Koala walks into a bar...
So he sits down and after a while of chatting with the barkeep he starts to notice a girl eyeing him from across the bar. So he goes and talks to her and after some flirting they decide to go upstairs
So they go upstairs and get into the 69 position and when its all said and done the koala goes to leave, but the girl says "Hey, where's my money?" Appalled he says "What do you mean?" She replies by telling him to look up the definition of p**... in the dictionary. He does so and it reads 'One who does s**... acts for money.' He then tells her to look up the definition of koala in the dictionary. She does this and it reads "small, tree dwelling marsupial that eats bush and leaves."
After I got divorced, my former wife told me about a movie she gave 2 thumbs up that I should definitely take the kids to see.
I told her, "That wouldn't be appropriate. That movie is ex-rated"
What do you call a shoe with no grip?
A slipper.
(Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else)
In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation.
Definitely not earth, God said. Last time I went there, I got a girl pregnant and they still haven't stopped taking about it.
What is the definition of stalking?
When two people takes a long, romantic walk on the beach, but only one of them knows about it
I got a job assisting a fledgling orchestra with their day to day activities and helping to organize upcoming shows...
My official title is Band Aide.
(I thought of this in the shower, so it's definitely not funny)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was woken up at 5am by a crow...
It just wouldn't stop cawing. After an hour I felt like shooting the d**... thing! Then another crow joined it and they started to have a jolly old conversation. I wanted to blow both their heads off! One more crow and there definitely would've been a m**....
My wife thinks I might be gay. I'm so relieved...
That means she definitely hasn't been checking my browsing history
A Viking is arguing with his wife
"It's definitely hail" says Gertha
"No, it's rain!" Says Rudolf
"No, it's round and hard, it's hail!" She retorts.
Getting very flustered now, Rudolf shouts "Look! Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!"
You know how Canada got its name right?
It was 3 guys sitting around a table and the first guy goes, "what about a C, eh?" the second guy says "yea what about an N eh?" and the last guy says "what about a D eh?"
I don't know if this has been told here before but it's definitely my goto joke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After s**... with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers...
I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"
I was watching a tv show about the worlds best ceiling...
And I realised that mine wasn't the best, but it was definitely up there.
I have recently become a new man
I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. My supervisors are happy with me. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When asked how I view lesbian relationships
In High Definition apparently is not an appropriate answer.
Jupiter heard from Neptune that Pluto was pregnant.
Jupiter said to Pluto "Congratulations! I was surprised to hear that you're expecting!"
To which Pluto replied "Thanks. Yeah, I definitely didn't planet!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't see why in this day and age there aren't marches against fat shaming
Because marches would definitely solve the problem.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know penguins scream during s**...?
Maybe not all of them?
But definitely the one I cornered at the zoo.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three women are getting dressed in the locker room of a country club when a man runs in n**... with a bag over his head...
He waves his e**... around and streaks out again.
"Well, that's certainly not MY husband!" the first woman huffs to the others.
"No. That's definitely not your husband," the second woman answers.
"He's not even a member of this club!" says the third woman.
I told my dad me and my friend went to the store. He said, "my friend and I went to the store"
Poor guy is losing it, he definitely wasn't there.
Buzzfeed must have been born between May 22nd and June 22nd...
Because it's definitely a Cancer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a pub last night and saw a fat girl dancing on a table...
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have no idea why people say the bible is anti gay
I definitely remember something about Jesus getting nailed
What's the definition of irony? (This happened to me today)
Asked a transgender co-worker why he won't upgrade from Windows 7 to 10.
He said he didn't like change.
A professor asked one of his automotive students if he knew what the definition of "mixed emotions" was...
The student said "watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new Cadillac."
A rabbi and a priest
A rabbi and a priest were at a communal dinner when a dish of roast pork was served.
The priest leaned into the rabbi's ear and whispered, "You planning on eating that buddy?"
The rabbi chuckled and replied, "Not today. But I'm definitely planning to have some at your wedding."
I am faced with a Christmas dilemma
If I tell Santa what I want for Christmas, then I'll definitely be on the naughty list.
A broken drum is the best gift for Christmas
You just can't beat it.
On the other hand, a wife would be the worst gift because you definitely can...
Insanity defined
The definition of insanity is when you're cheating at solitaire and a fight breaks out.
My wife came home yesterday...
and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.
"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake."
Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news
First the good news: we definitely established that you are not a hypochondriac.
A teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence.
"The sky is definitely blue," said one girl.
"Nice try but the sky can be black or purple or even orange," replied the teacher.
"The grass is definitely green," said a little boy.
"Well... The grass can be brown too."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Are farts solid?" asked little Johnny.
Finding this an odd question she was slightly shocked, but answered anyway, "No Johnny."
"Well I definitely pooped my pants."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the definition of trust?
Two gay cannibals giving each other a b**...
My wife sorted out some clothes she no longer wears, I said what are you going to do with them? she replied give them to charity, I said why don't you just throw them away, she replied, there are a lot of starving women out there that will appreciate them.
I replied, anyone that fits into your clothes are definitely not starving.
In every argument there's always the denier..
It's definitely not me.
