Definition Jokes

Following is our collection of phrase puns and addictionary one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Definition jokes for adults, dirty macho jokes and clean dictionaries dad gags for kids.

The Best Definition Puns

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

High definition.

What's the definition of a will?

Come on guys it's a dead giveaway

What's the definition of trust?

Two gay cannibals giving each other a blow job

I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of weed and read the dictionary.

High definition.

My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule.

Doesn't exist by definition.


Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently "4K ultra high definition" was not the right answer.

Look, anything is funny with the right delivery.

Except abortion jokes, which by definition have no delivery.

A dilemma

A student asked his english professor, "What is the definition of a dilemma." "The professor said, "well, there's nothing better than an example to illusrate that! "Imagine that you are laying in a bed with a beautiful naked young woman on one side and a gay man on the other." "Who are you going to turn your back on?"

To those who say "alcohol is not the solution":

Alcohol is a solvent. By definition, it's part of the solution.

What do you call a dictionary that smokes weed?

High definition

What is the definition of stalking?

When two people takes a long, romantic walk on the beach, but only one of them knows about it


Huge shoutout to everyone who helped me learn the definition of 'many'.

It means a lot!

My favourite word in the dictionary is toned

Great definition

A friend of mine asked if I could give her the definition of a double entendre...

so I gave it to her.

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute

The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.' The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the prostitute and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves.'

A Koala walks into a bar...

So he sits down and after a while of chatting with the barkeep he starts to notice a girl eyeing him from across the bar. So he goes and talks to her and after some flirting they decide to go upstairs

So they go upstairs and get into the 69 position and when its all said and done the koala goes to leave, but the girl says "Hey, where's my money?" Appalled he says "What do you mean?" She replies by telling him to look up the definition of prostitute in the dictionary. He does so and it reads 'One who does sexual acts for money.' He then tells her to look up the definition of koala in the dictionary. She does this and it reads "small, tree dwelling marsupial that eats bush and leaves."

A panda walks into a bar.

He sits down at a table and orders a sandwich. When the waiter brings him his check he pulls out a gun, shoots him and starts walking towards the door.
The bartender shouts over to him "hey, what'd you do that for?"
The panda says "I'm a panda buddy, look it up!"
The bartender quickly looks up the definition and sees:
Panda- Bear from Central and Western China forests with black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.

What's the definition of "trust"?

Two cannibals doing 69.

Panda and a Prostitute

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"

The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.'

The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity for pay. '

The panda throws the dictionary back at the prostitute and tells her to look up 'panda.'

The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves'


When asked how I view lesbian relationships

In High Definition apparently is not an appropriate answer.

It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers...

I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"

Why did the bodybuilder buy a dictionary?

Because he wanted to get more definition.

A koala goes to a brothel

So a koala goes to a brothel and does the deed with the prostitute. When they are finished, he gets up and starts to head out the door. The prostitute stops him and says "Hey! The definition of prostitute is we have sex for money!" The koala looks at her and says, "Well the definition of koala is eats bushes and leaves."

Anyone can give a definition for erectile dysfunction...

It's not that hard.

I try working out by lifting dictionaries...

I've been told that's how you get definition.

A professor asked one of his automotive students if he knew what the definition of "mixed emotions" was...

The student said "watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new Cadillac."

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders one of everything. The panda finishes up his meal and his bill comes the panda stands up and shoots the waiter. The manager comes out of the back and goes you've eaten all my food and shot my staff and wont even pay your bill what's wrong with you? The panda reply's "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" The manager goes and gets a dictionary he looks up panda and the definition is "Eats shoots and leaves"

What's the definition of Embarrassing?

Running into a wall with a erection and your nose touches the wall first.

What is the ultimate definition of trust?

Two cannibals going down on each other

What's the definition of mixed emotions?



When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.

Insanity defined

The definition of insanity is when you're cheating at solitaire and a fight breaks out.

What's the definition of irony? (This happened to me today)

Asked a transgender co-worker why he won't upgrade from Windows 7 to 10.



He said he didn't like change.

What's the definition of endless love?

Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis

I got a tattoo of a dictionary on my bisep...

I wanted to add definition to my arm

I'm grateful to you for teaching me the definition of 'abundance'

It means a lot.

What do you get when you roll weed on a dictionary?

...High Definition

The definition of mixed emotions...

My mother-in-law driving of a cliff in my new car

I was certain that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result...

but every dictionary I check says something else.

The definition of old...

I admited to an old friend that I was having an affair.

"Is is catered?"

Do you know why doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis?

Because the definition of arthritis is inflammation of the joints

Thank you for telling me the definition of "many".

It means alot.

What is the definition of a farmer?

Someone who is outstanding in his field.

*hehehe*

Cr

The definition of Baroque:

A time when there is no Monet.

The definition of Rodeo Sex - When you accidentally call your partner by the wrong first name.....

Then try and stay on for 8 seconds.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What is the definition of a Freudian slip?

when you say one thing and mean a mother.

Don't remember where I heard it. Haven't read it here yet.

What's the definition of an essential worker?

Someone who is only paid enough to buy the essentials.

What`s the definition of eternity?

The time between when you come and when she leaves.

What's the definition of a Russian elevator?

A Chechen presses a button and five floors come down.

What is the definition of bitter sweet?

Your Mother in law driving off a cliff in your brand new Corvette.

How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It depends on the definition of lightbulb.

What's the definition of a 68?

That's when you blow me and I owe you 1.

What is the definition of a Saint?

A dead liberal that is worshipped by living conservatives.

What's the definition of eternity

4 blondes at a 4 way stop

What is the definition of a mixed feeling?

Watching your mother-in-law roll off a cliff in your new car

Definition of a nymphomaniac:

A woman who wants to have sex one more time than you do.

My professor asked me to give an example of a word whose definition got reversed.

I literally had no answer.

There is an abundance of definition of suspicious jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 57 funniest jokes and definition puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any definition of paradise witze you can hear about definition.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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