Definition Jokes
173 definition jokes and hilarious definition puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about definition that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover what a Definition Joke is and enjoy a collection of hilarious jokes based on dictionary definitions! Gain a new perspective on word meanings through clever wordplay and unexpected word combinations. Find out how to add a humorous twist to words such as 'love' and 'flabby' to give your friends and family a good laugh!
Quick Jump To
- Short Definition Jokes
- Definition One Liners
- Dictionary Definition Jokes
- High Definition Jokes
- Love Definition Jokes
- More Definition Jokes
Funniest Definition Short Jokes
Short definition jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The definition humour may include short define jokes also.
- I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing It would definitely spice up my autobiography.
- Most of the posts here are medium. They aren't rare and they are definitely not well done.
- My wife says the salad I make tend to be a bit on the dry side. It's definitely something that needs addressing.
- I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.
- I'm definitely the loser if I run over a deer. It's going to cost me hundreds of dollars. But nature is only out a buck.
- I don't see why in this day and age there aren't marches against fat shaming Because marches would definitely solve the problem.
- I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world, but it's definitely up there.
- Me and my wife recently started using Only Fans. Because our air conditioner broke.
And this will definitely help pay for a new air conditioner. - Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic? He needed to change attire.
(I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.) - I decided to kill off a few characters in the book I'm writing. It would definitely spice up my autobiography a little.
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Definition One Liners
Which definition one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with definition? I can suggest the ones about describe and function.
- You have to give President Trump credit Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.
- What do you call a dictionary on drugs? High definition.
- What's the definition of a will? Come on guys it's a dead giveaway
- My son swallowed several coins the other day. I've definitely seen some change in him.
- If I had a dime for everytime I thought about you... I would definitely think about you
- Thank God lent is over.... not using condoms was definitely getting nerve-wracking.
- My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule. Doesn't exist by definition.
- I once mistook somebody's drink for mine. It was definitely not my cup of tea.
- What do you call a group of deaf people? I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
- I wouldn't say my house has the best ceiling in the world. But it's definitely up there!
- Making mirrors sounds like a good job It's definitely something i can see myself doing
- Huge shoutout to everyone who helped me learn the definition of 'many'. It means a lot!
- My favourite word in the dictionary is toned Great definition
- What's the definition of "trust"? Two cannibals doing 69.
- Why did the bodybuilder buy a dictionary? Because he wanted to get more definition.
Dictionary Definition Jokes
Here is a list of funny dictionary definition jokes and even better dictionary definition puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'll never use that dictionary again... The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was confusing and misleading.
- I try working out by lifting dictionaries... I've been told that's how you get definition.
- I got a tattoo of a dictionary on my bisep... I wanted to add definition to my arm
- I was certain that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result... but every dictionary I check says something else.
- My teacher once told me that success never comes before work... I'll definitely pay him a visit after I make a fortune selling dictionaries.
- Me: What do you call a dictionary on drugs? Her: If you say "Addict-ionary", I will kill you.
Me: I was going to say "High Definition", but yours is better. - Why was the dictionary on the top shelf more expensive than the one on the bottom... Because it was a higher definition
- What do you get a body builder for Christmas? A dictionary, so they get plenty of definition.
- There's a stack of dictionaries in my local gym. That place is full of definition.
- How can you tell if a dictionary has been working out? You can see the definition.
High Definition Jokes
Here is a list of funny high definition jokes and even better high definition puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently "4K ultra high definition" was not the right answer.
- When asked how I view lesbian relationships In High Definition apparently is not an appropriate answer.
- What would high definition be called if invented in Paris? The French resolution!
- I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high She told me she's tired of my repost BS and divorced me. It was definitely a surprise.
- My doctor prescribed me new drugs for my eye problem, Now I see everything in High Definition
- I got a new ultra high definition monitor on January 1st. My New Year's resolution is 4K.
- I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of w**... and read the dictionary. High definition.
- What do you call a dictionary that smokes w**...? High definition
- What do you get when you roll w**... on a dictionary? ...High Definition
- I can't afford a nice t.v. So, I just smoke a load of w**... and read the dictionary.
HIGH DEFINITION.
Love Definition Jokes
Here is a list of funny love definition jokes and even better love definition puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the definition of endless love? Ray Charles and stevie wonder playing tennis
- What is the definition of a gay Irishman? An Irishman who loves women more than alcohol.
- If you love something, set it free. If it comes back is was meant to be. That was definitely not a balloon.
- What's the definition of endless love? Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing a tennis match.
- I was heartbroken when I left my tennis-player girlfriend But unfortunately, we had very different definitions of love.
- What's the definition of Endless Love? Two blind people playing tennis.
- My prince is not coming on a white horse... He's obviously riding a turtle, and definitely lost.
- Life is like a definite integral.
Integral from birthday to death ( LOVE ) dx = LIFE - I was told I was addicted to c**..., but I can assure you I am definitely not. I just love the way it smells.
- What's the definition of like, love, and hate? Spit, s**..., and bite.
Comical Definition Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about definition you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean term jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make definition pranks.
Panda and a p**...
A panda spent the night in bed with a p**.... The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the p**... yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up p**....'
The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous s**... activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the p**... and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves'
Tatoos of Elvis
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.
The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"
The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".
The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.
The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."
The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"
The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely w**... Nelson."
Twice a Day
This guy goes to his doctor "You gotta help me. I can't stop having s**...." "How often do you have it?" The doc asks "Well, twice a day with my wife." The doc says "That's no to bad." The guy says "Yeah, but that's not all, I also have s**... with my secretary, twice a day." The doc says "That's a bit excessive."" and I have s**... with a p**..., twice a day" "That is definitely too much. You got to learn to take this situation in hand."
"I do," says the man "Twice a Day
A friend of mine asked if I could give her the definition of a double entendre...
so I gave it to her.
So a doctor has s**... with one of his patients...
And is feeling pretty down about it. On his left shoulder appears a devil. The devil consoles him saying "Hey man, don't even worry about it. Doctors have s**... with their patients all the time. You are definitely not the only one." Then on his right shoulder appears an angel who says "Come on man! You're a vet!!"
Haven't seen this joke on here yet, it's my favorite.
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!".
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?".
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now!".
A man goes in for a job application...
...and the interviewer asks, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?"
"Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality-telling what's real from what's not."
"Okay," said the interviewer, "and what about your strengths?"
"I'm Batman"
Horrors of poverty
I've been around, you know. I've seen some of the poorest slums where children are starving and disease is rampant. Let me tell you, you've not seen anything, *anything* like it, until you've seen it in high-definition plasma!
A dilemma
A student asked his english professor, "What is the definition of a dilemma." "The professor said, "well, there's nothing better than an example to illusrate that! "Imagine that you are laying in a bed with a beautiful n**... young woman on one side and a gay man on the other." "Who are you going to turn your back on?"
A koala goes to a brothel
So a koala goes to a brothel and does the deed with the p**.... When they are finished, he gets up and starts to head out the door. The p**... stops him and says "Hey! The definition of p**... is we have s**... for money!" The koala looks at her and says, "Well the definition of koala is eats bushes and leaves."
Flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday
We just landed on the runway and the flight attendant annouces a message over the speaker.
"Hey folks...um yea sorry about that rough landing...
...wasn't the captains fault,
...definitely wasn't my fault,
...it was the asphalt."
The result: a perfect mix of laughs and groans.
One I wrote a while ago: Anti-Boasting Cream
Now I don't tell many jokes and definitely don't write them so I found this on my phone from about two years ago and was amazed!
I went to see the Doctor this morning about my big ego. He told me to try this anti-boasting cream.
I said, how do I apply it? It's just i've got really soft, sensitive, supple skin. He said, You just have to rub it in.
How to be insulting
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules...
...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.
Three blondes are walking through the woods...
They come across a pair of tracks.
The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"
"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"
The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"
Then the train hit them...
This is my favorite clean joke by far.
A couple are walking through St Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
The man says, "I think it's raining."
His wife disagrees, "No, it's snowing!"
Unable to agree, the man says, "why don't we ask the nice Communist officer over here? He's always right! Officer Rudolf, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," said the officer before walking off.
"See?" the husband says, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Definitely not 9, my basement is still dark
Met a girl in the park...
Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet.
These taser guns are well worth the money.
"Doctor, tell me, if I quit drinking will, will I live longer?"
"It will definitely feel longer. "
A couple is walking in Moscow when they feel a slight precipitation
The husband says "ah, it's raining"
The wife replies "no it's snowing"
"How about we ask this communist officer here" replies the husband, "he is always right!,
"Officer Rudolph, Is it raining or snowing?"
"definitely raining" replies Rudolph before walking off
"see?" says the husband,
"Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"
Some accuse me of being a luggage denier.
I want to assure everyone, that is definitely not the case.
A farmer was having trouble telling his horses apart.
"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"
"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."
The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't tell the difference anymore.
"This time, give one of them a small cut on its leg," said his friend. "Then you can tell it apart from the other."
The farmer did this again, but the other horse ran into a thorn bush and got a similar cut on its leg.
"Measure their height," said his friend. "One of them must definitely be a bit taller than the other."
The farmer tried it out, and it worked. Ecstatic, he ran back to his friend's house.
"It worked!" he yelled. "The black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
A man walks into a bar and sees a plus sized stripper dancing on a table..
He tells her, "Nice legs!"
"Wow, you really think so?"
"Definitely," he replies, "most tables would have collapsed for sure."
My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.
"I love you Freddy," she said, s**... his fur.
"I love him more than you," I replied.
She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."
I said, "You misunderstood me."
Did you hear about the party thief?
I mean I've seen some crazy people at parties, but this guy definitely takes the cake.
Two women meet over a coffee.
"Ah, Marie, I haven't seen you in years, what's going on in your life?"
"I have met a charming and well-off young man half my age."
"Majestic."
"Indeed. He took me to Paris, we dined in the finest restaurant, bought paintings from the vernissage!"
"Majestic!"
"Once we marry, he insists that I retire to our moderately sized European house, free to pursue my leisure activities."
"Definitely majestic!"
"But enough about me. Tell me about yourself, Annette. What are you up to lately?"
"I signed for an etiquette class. We've already learned to say 'majestic' instead of 'fucking h**...'"
An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..
...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't understand this and asked the husband why he didn't just bury her in Jerusalem. After all it was one of the holiest cities in the world, and he could save some money. The husband then told him that long ago a man was buried in this city, and 3 days later he resurrected from the dead, and he was definitely not willing to risk that happening with his wife.
An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border
At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.
"What do you have in this sack?"
"Sand."
"Well let me check."
The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's nothing else, so he lets the man go.
The next day the same man shows up, again pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat, and again there was nothing but sand in it.
After a few days of this playing out, the customs officer holds up the man a little longer.
"Listen pal, I've been in this job for 10 years now, I can recognize a smuggler from a mile away. I have no definite proof, but I know you have been taking something past this border and it's driving me crazy. Let's make a deal - you tell me what you are smuggling and I won't stop you any more. So what is it?"
And the man replied.
"Bicycles."
Doctor: You're obese. Patient:
***Doctor: You're obese. Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion. Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.***
(Star Wars) If Finn and Rey hooked up and had a child
The child would definitely be on the dark side
A woman goes to the doctor...
A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says
"Doctor, I don't fell so well."
And the doctor replied
"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."
What's the difference between a h**..., your girlfriend, and your wife?
When you're having s**... a h**... says "are you done yet?" Your girlfriend says "you're done already?" And your wife says "beige, we should definitely paint the ceiling beige."
A Koala walks into a bar...
So he sits down and after a while of chatting with the barkeep he starts to notice a girl eyeing him from across the bar. So he goes and talks to her and after some flirting they decide to go upstairs
So they go upstairs and get into the 69 position and when its all said and done the koala goes to leave, but the girl says "Hey, where's my money?" Appalled he says "What do you mean?" She replies by telling him to look up the definition of p**... in the dictionary. He does so and it reads 'One who does s**... acts for money.' He then tells her to look up the definition of koala in the dictionary. She does this and it reads "small, tree dwelling marsupial that eats bush and leaves."
It's looking like Hillary is definitely going to win the election
I think I might move to Benghazi, at least she'll leave me alone there.
A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
A couple was walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
The woman replies, "No, it's snowing."
"Let's ask this communist officer here. He's always right," explains the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing currently?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replied.
The man turns to his wife and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Anyone can give a definition for erectile dysfunction...
It's not that hard.
What do you call a shoe with no grip?
A slipper.
(Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else)
In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation.
Definitely not earth, God said. Last time I went there, I got a girl pregnant and they still haven't stopped taking about it.
What is the definition of stalking?
When two people takes a long, romantic walk on the beach, but only one of them knows about it
My wife thinks I might be gay. I'm so relieved...
That means she definitely hasn't been checking my browsing history
A Viking is arguing with his wife
"It's definitely hail" says Gertha
"No, it's rain!" Says Rudolf
"No, it's round and hard, it's hail!" She retorts.
Getting very flustered now, Rudolf shouts "Look! Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear!"
You know how Canada got its name right?
It was 3 guys sitting around a table and the first guy goes, "what about a C, eh?" the second guy says "yea what about an N eh?" and the last guy says "what about a D eh?"
I don't know if this has been told here before but it's definitely my goto joke.
Cleaning mirrors for a living might not pay much
But it's definitely something I could see myself doing
After s**... with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers...
I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"
I was watching a tv show about the worlds best ceiling...
And I realised that mine wasn't the best, but it was definitely up there.
I have recently become a new man
I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. My supervisors are happy with me. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail.
I've been in jail for only 10 minutes and I have already been r**... and beaten 3 times...
This is definitely the last time I play monopoly with my dad
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely more than 6, because my basement is still dark
Three engineers were discussing who could have been the architect of the human body.
The first said, "It definitely was a Mechanical Engineer, look at all the joints."
The second said, "Nah dude, it was an Electrical Engineer, look at all the electrical connections from the brain."
The third said, "Nope, only a Civil Engineer will run piping carrying sanitation waste right next to a recreational area."
A panda walks into a bar.
He sits down at a table and orders a sandwich. When the waiter brings him his check he pulls out a gun, shoots him and starts walking towards the door.
The bartender shouts over to him "hey, what'd you do that for?"
The panda says "I'm a panda buddy, look it up!"
The bartender quickly looks up the definition and sees:
Panda- Bear from Central and Western China forests with black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.
Did you know penguins scream during s**...?
Maybe not all of them?
But definitely the one I cornered at the zoo.
I told my dad me and my friend went to the store. He said, "my friend and I went to the store"
Poor guy is losing it, he definitely wasn't there.
Buzzfeed must have been born between May 22nd and June 22nd...
Because it's definitely a Cancer
I went to a pub last night and saw a fat girl dancing on a table...
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
I have no idea why people say the bible is anti gay
I definitely remember something about Jesus getting nailed
I am faced with a Christmas dilemma
If I tell Santa what I want for Christmas, then I'll definitely be on the naughty list.
A broken drum is the best gift for Christmas
You just can't beat it.
On the other hand, a wife would be the worst gift because you definitely can...
My wife came home yesterday...
and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.
"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake."
A teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence.
"The sky is definitely blue," said one girl.
"Nice try but the sky can be black or purple or even orange," replied the teacher.
"The grass is definitely green," said a little boy.
"Well... The grass can be brown too."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Are farts solid?" asked little Johnny.
Finding this an odd question she was slightly shocked, but answered anyway, "No Johnny."
"Well I definitely pooped my pants."
What's the definition of trust?
Two gay cannibals giving each other a b**...
My wife sorted out some clothes she no longer wears, I said what are you going to do with them? she replied give them to charity, I said why don't you just throw them away, she replied, there are a lot of starving women out there that will appreciate them.
I replied, anyone that fits into your clothes are definitely not starving.
I lost my home. I've lost control and I can't see any escape.
I definitely need a new keyboard.
Air Hostess : Can i offer you free head phones?
Guy : Definitely but how do you know my name is Phones???
How do you tell whether someone went to Harvard?
You don't. They will definitely tell you.
Look, anything is funny with the right delivery.
Except abortion jokes, which by definition have no delivery.
