Following is our collection of funny Define jokes. There are some define narrative jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these define determine puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Ask them to define the word bulb .
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
Socrates: Define, for me, a punch line.
Hippias: A punch line is at the end of a joke.
Socrates: Is it a punch line simply by virtue of being at the end of said joke?
Hippias: No, it must be an unexpected statement.
Socrates: Ah, but if you know that the punch line is about to arrive, how can it be unexpected?
Hippias: True. Therefore, there can be no punch line to any joke, for such a punch line is always to be expected.
Socrates: Exactly. Last night the exact same logical conclusion was told to me by your mother, while we had intercourse.
A student goes up to his professor after class and asks him to define a dilemma. The professor says "I'll do you one better and give you a perfect example. You're laying in bed naked with a gorgeous naked girl on the right of you, and a naked gay guy on your left. Who do you turn your back to?"
A little boy sees something way up in the sky and runs to his mom to ask her what it is. She points the boy to his father and tells him to ask him so the boy runs over to his father and asks what is in the sky. The father can't answer either but points the boy to his uncle saying he should be able to help. The boy runs over to his uncle but his uncle doesn't have an answer either and just points the boy back to his mother, the boy then knows what is in the sky.
[Because it takes 3 points to define a plane](/spoiler)
**Here's your English lesson for the day!**
**"Complete" or "Finished"?**
No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.
The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.
Mr. Balgobin's response: When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'
His answer received a five minute standing ovation.
I call it portmantuition.
...but I know it when I see it.
Teacher to Student: Can you define the lecturer?
Student: A lecturer is person who has bad habit of speaking when someone is sleeping.
I said "It's the belief you are as perfect and infallible as I am."
"Define intervention."
Came up with this today at work.
You can explore define classify reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean define lecturer dad jokes. There are also define puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I said, "That's what I do before I go to sleep."
"Nichols," Mr. Lipney, lead word assigner, said, "I'm trusting you to define plethora for next year's edition."
"Thanks Mr. Lipney," Nichols responds, beaming. "It means a lot!"
I'd make sure I got my boyfriend's approval of the definition first.
Someone who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary.
as a society, it is our dictionaries that define us.
It's not like it's the end of the world!
Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.
With respect to x.
Unknown: Define once in a lifetime opportunity.
Unknown: A mosquito, landing on your wife's face.
Dyslexics are teople poo.
By eating less.
It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid Pregnancy!
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Because he wanted to know how to define muscle.
American.
The physicist designs a square fence, showing that a square contains the most area.
The Engineer then designs a circular fence, showing that the area to circumference ratio is better than a square.
The mathematician think for a moment, then starts building a tiny fence around himself. When he's done, he says "I define myself to be the outsideο»Ώ.
I don't pay attention to how I put the toilet paper on.
Patient: define active, cause some active volcanoes didn't explode in hundreds of years.
Doctor: I'll write virgin.
And her mother responded: "well, like two or three" and then proceeds to ponder why her marriage didn't last
having or showing a dislike of or prejudice against homophones and homonyms
I responded something you don't have .
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
How does a physicist define a woman?
A hormonic oscillator.
-Abraham Lincoln, 1933
Cauz they ain't no limit to how much I want to define the area under your curves.
Calculus still ain't been able to define the area under her curves
(poli) many (tics) blood-sucking insects
Carefully.
Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for? Well its time you became informed!
(A) Almost boobs.
(B) Barely there.
(C) Can't Complain!
(D) Dang!
(DD) Double Dang!
(E) Enormous!
(F) Fake.
(G) Get a Reduction.
(H) Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!!!
Ok. BTW what's my last name?
"Scissorhands"
What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?
No dictionary has been able to define the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished'. But I am here to set the record straight.
When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete'. If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finished'. And when the right woman catches you with the wrong woman, you are 'Completely Finished'
Student: Why is there a giant poster on your wall that says "No Means No"?
It's a broad topic.
Ask them to define hyperbolic .
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the define dictionaries jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working define logically piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.