Defend Jokes

72 defend jokes and hilarious defend puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about defend that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Defend Short Jokes

Short defend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The defend humour may include short defence jokes also.

  1. What's the difference between Republicans and Ukrainians? Ukrainians defend their Capitol.
  2. When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin. Just so I can say the words Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.
  3. Why do they actually prefer non-swimmers in the Navy? They defend their ship with a lot more enthusiasm.
  4. Effective immediately, the navy is only conscripting non-swimmers. They defend the ships much more eagerly.
  5. I OBJECT! the defendant screams in court. The judge gives her a very emotional hug and says, No…you human.
  6. Have you heard about the Roman cannibalism trial? They asked the defendant if he was sorry for his crimes. He said no, he was gladiator.
  7. I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples' education that would pay for. At least 4 or 5.
  8. How does a cannibal defend himself in court? He says: If you are what you eat, then I am an innocent man.
  9. What's the difference between Ted Cruz's wife and an insurrection? Ted Cruz would never defend his wife.
  10. My day in court I was defending myself in court and the judge said
    "have you ever been up before me?"
    I replied "I don't know what time you get up"

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Defend One Liners

Which defend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with defend? I can suggest the ones about definite and defeat.

  1. Why are Americans bad at League of Legends ? They can't defend the tower
  2. How many french soldiers does it take to defend Paris? I don't know, it's never been done
  3. How many men do you need to defend Paris? I have no idea. Nobody ever tried.
  4. Why is America bad at League of Legends? Because we can't defend towers
  5. What's worse than no nut November? No net December.
    Defend net neutrality.
  6. Why are americans bad at DotA ? Because they cant defend their towers.
  7. Why are Americans bad at MOBA's? They can't defend towers.
  8. How many French do you need to defend France? Nobody knows, no one has tried.
  9. How many men does it take to defend Paris? No one knows, it's never been tried.
  10. How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris? No one knows. They've never tried.
  11. What did Eminem learn to defend himself? Marshall arts.
  12. I'm willing to defend Dave Chappelle. If you ask me, I think he's a real stand up guy.
  13. How do the French defend a city? We don't know, they've never tried it.
  14. What do you call an african american in a 3 piece suit? The defendant.
  15. You'd better help defend net neutrality, or you'll pay for it later!

Defend joke, You'd better help defend net neutrality,

Great Defend Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about defend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean deflated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make defend pranks.

Why don't Polish people like playing American football?

They can't defend against a blitz.

French Jokes

Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.
Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.
How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.

how many Frenchmen does it take to properly defend Frances borders?

No idea, No ones ever tried.

In the bad old days on the Soviet Union,

a dissident published a pamphlet in which he openly said Stalin was a fool. Sure enough, the man was arrested days later for this crime. So, the dissident went to court and said "I'm innocent and want to defend myself! What I said was truthful - I did not commit libel!" The judge said to him "you don't understand - you're not being charged for libel, you're being charged with revealing a state secret."
-heard on an Intelligence Squared debate.

While defending the relevance of his laser experiments, the scientist shouted,

"Photons matter!"

A Sea Captain looks through his telescope

and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt".
"But why, Captain?" the Mate says.
"If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed".
The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks out again, this time seeing a fleet of Pirate Ships gaining on them. He turns to the first mate again:
"Arrr Matey, fetch me me brown pants".

Two marines are flying into an unfamiliar airport

The put the flaps up and descend lower, lower, lower and finally touch down. The brakes of the plane screeches and howl unlike anything you've ever heard. The plane comes to a stop just inches from the terminal. The pilot exlaims "that's the shortest d**... runway I've ever seen". The co-pilot looks to the left, then looks to the right and says "Yea, but it sure is wide"

What did the defendant say when he saw his picture hung up in the courtroom?

I've been framed.

A cop pulls a car over for speeding...

A cop pulls a car over for speeding.
The guy tries to defend himself by saying, "I was just going with the flow of traffic."
The cop replies, "Ever go fishing?"
"Ever catch ALL the fish?"

It's not right to make fun of the French

It's not like theey can defend themselves anyway.

It's a shame that nobody is stepping up to defend the clown community

Not even the mimes are talking

Why do the republicans defend the 2nd amendment so hard?

They need it to shoot themselves in the foot.

Two r**... are admiring their firearms.

One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.
That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.
Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...

If Trump becomes president, I would really like to see how Republicans are going to defend him for doing the same thing Obama did:


Since the French joke went over so well

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend the city of Paris??
No one knows, it's never been tried.

If you've heard of Post Malone maybe you've heard of h**... Malone

It's this classic movie about a young boy who gets left behind by his family at Christmas and has to defend his house from burglars.

Why do americans s**... at mobas?

They can't defend their towers.

What do divorce lawyers practice to defend themselves?

Marital Arts.

What's the difference between a cop and a criminal?

It's legal to defend yourself when a criminal robs you.

I don't get why everybody is hating on Dom Capers

It's not like he's able to defend himself

I like defending myself in court.

So sue me.

On the night of his betrayal, how did Jesus defend himself?


I cannot believe all the people being charged with s**... abusing minors. Can't the minors defend themselves?

After all, They have shovels and pickaxes. Can't they use those in self defense?

How did the Panda defend his honor without a weapon?

He used his bear hands.

I hated the girls at my school

They used to hit me with a ruler.. Slap me in the face. Basically did everything they could just to defend themselves.

How many men does it take to defend France?

They don't know either , They never tried

As a handicapped person, I'll always defend my parking spot

The time I've let other people run over me is past

I will never forget a quote by Mark Zuckerberg that is often misattributed to Voltaire:

While I disapprove of what you say, I will defend to the death my right to make money off of it

Do you want to hear a joke about the Israeli army?

A general asks a young soldier, what will you do if you see 20 soldiers coming to attack you? The soldier says that I would take an u**... and shoot them.
The general asks him what if a tank is coming to kill you? I would take a rocket launcher and defend myself replied the young soldier.
The general asks him what if you see tanks, terrorists and planes together?
The soldier says, general, am I the only one in the army?

Did you hear Matt Gaetz hired Rudy Giuliani to defend him from the child trafficking charges?

Mr. Giuliani couldn't be reached for comment since he is currently waiting at traffic court.

Michigan Lawyer: "Well Barney, so you want me to defend you? Have you got any money?"

Barney: "No sir. I ain't got no money, but I do get a 1928 Ford Car!"
Lawyer: "Well you can raise money on that. Now let's see, just what do they accuse you of stealing?"
Barney: "A 1928 Ford Car."

You might be a r**.......

....if you've ever had to climb a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

Lawyer: Your honour, what if my client is guilty?

Cruella: w**...? You are supposed to defend me!
Lawyer: Relax. I'm playing de Vil's advocate.

How does a Shelf defend itself?

They learn Shelf-Defense.

I was recently attacked by a group of clowns.

The only way I could defend myself was to go for the juggler.

how do you defend yourself from a gang of clowns?

Going straight for the juggler.

why does everyone feel the need to defend people in wheelchairs?

Honestly, let them stand up for themselves.

Defend joke, How does a cannibal defend himself in court?

jokes about defend