The Best 49 Defend Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Defend jokes. There are some defend preserve jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these defend defenseless puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Defend Jokes and Puns

Why don't Polish people like playing American football?

They can't defend against a blitz.

French Jokes

Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.

Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.

How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.

how many Frenchmen does it take to properly defend Frances borders?

No idea, No ones ever tried.

Defend joke, how many Frenchmen does it take to properly defend Frances borders?

In the bad old days on the Soviet Union,

a dissident published a pamphlet in which he openly said Stalin was a fool. Sure enough, the man was arrested days later for this crime. So, the dissident went to court and said "I'm innocent and want to defend myself! What I said was truthful - I did not commit libel!" The judge said to him "you don't understand - you're not being charged for libel, you're being charged with revealing a state secret."

-heard on an Intelligence Squared debate.

While defending the relevance of his laser experiments, the scientist shouted,

"Photons matter!"

A Sea Captain looks through his telescope

and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt".

"But why, Captain?" the Mate says.

"If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed".

The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks out again, this time seeing a fleet of Pirate Ships gaining on them. He turns to the first mate again:

"Arrr Matey, fetch me me brown pants".

Effective immediately, the navy is only conscripting non-swimmers.

They defend the ships much more eagerly.

Defend joke, Effective immediately, the navy is only conscripting non-swimmers.

How to get rid of ants.

Go to Home Depot or Wall-mart and buy a can of black spray paint. Any brand works great.

Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick.
The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds. Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of paint on the ants as well.

Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start killing each other.

Why are americans bad at DotA ?

Because they cant defend their towers.

Why are marines who can't swim better?

They defend the ship with way more enthusiasm.

What did Eminem learn to defend himself?

Marshall arts.

You can explore defend protector reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean defend citizens dad jokes. There are also defend puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How do the French defend a city?

We don't know, they've never tried it.

What did the defendant say when he saw his picture hung up in the courtroom?

I've been framed.

A cop pulls a car over for speeding...

A cop pulls a car over for speeding.

The guy tries to defend himself by saying, "I was just going with the flow of traffic."

The cop replies, "Ever go fishing?"


"Ever catch ALL the fish?"

It's not right to make fun of the French

It's not like theey can defend themselves anyway.

How many men do you need to defend Paris?

I have no idea. Nobody ever tried.

Defend joke, How many men do you need to defend Paris?

It's a shame that nobody is stepping up to defend the clown community

Not even the mimes are talking

Why do the republicans defend the 2nd amendment so hard?

They need it to shoot themselves in the foot.

Two rednecks are admiring their firearms.

One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.

That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.

Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...

If Trump becomes president, I would really like to see how Republicans are going to defend him for doing the same thing Obama did:


Since the French joke went over so well

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend the city of Paris??

No one knows, it's never been tried.

How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?

No one knows. They've never tried.

If you've heard of Post Malone maybe you've heard of Ho Malone

It's this classic movie about a young boy who gets left behind by his family at Christmas and has to defend his house from burglars.

You are being attacked by a gang of clowns, how do you defend yourself?

You go for the juggler

(Stole it from some guy in my office)

Why are Americans bad at MOBA's?

They can't defend towers.

Why do americans suck at mobas?

They can't defend their towers.

What do divorce lawyers practice to defend themselves?

Marital Arts.

What's the difference between a cop and a criminal?

It's legal to defend yourself when a criminal robs you.

What's worse than no nut November?

No net December.
Defend net neutrality.

You'd better help defend net neutrality,

or you'll pay for it later!

Why is America bad at League of Legends?

Because we can't defend towers

I don't get why everybody is hating on Dom Capers

It's not like he's able to defend himself

I like defending myself in court.

So sue me.

On the night of his betrayal, how did Jesus defend himself?


I cannot believe all the people being charged with sexually abusing minors. Can't the minors defend themselves?

After all, They have shovels and pickaxes. Can't they use those in self defense?

How did the Panda defend his honor without a weapon?

He used his bear hands.

A black work colleague of mine accused me of making subtle racist comments to him.

I had to defend myself and said woah, now hold on a cotton picking minute

How many French do you need to defend France?

Nobody knows, no one has tried.

I hated the girls at my school

They used to hit me with a ruler.. Slap me in the face. Basically did everything they could just to defend themselves.

How many French soldiers does it take to defend Paris?

I don't know, it's never been done

How many men does it take to defend France?

They don't know either , They never tried

Why are Americans bad at League of Legends ?

They can't defend the towers

As a handicapped person, I'll always defend my parking spot

The time I've let other people run over me is past

When I become a lawyer I want to defend a penguin.

Just so I can say the words Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.

I will never forget a quote by Mark Zuckerberg that is often misattributed to Voltaire:

While I disapprove of what you say, I will defend to the death my right to make money off of it

Do you want to hear a joke about the Israeli army?

A general asks a young soldier, what will you do if you see 20 soldiers coming to attack you? The soldier says that I would take an Uzi and shoot them.

The general asks him what if a tank is coming to kill you? I would take a rocket launcher and defend myself replied the young soldier.

The general asks him what if you see tanks, terrorists and planes together?
The soldier says, general, am I the only one in the army?

What's the difference between Ted Cruz's wife and an insurrection?

Ted Cruz would never defend his wife.

How many men does it take to defend Paris?

No one knows, it's never been tried.

Did you hear Matt Gaetz hired Rudy Giuliani to defend him from the child trafficking charges?

Mr. Giuliani couldn't be reached for comment since he is currently waiting at traffic court.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the defend protective jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working defend defensive piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes