Defeat Jokes

Following is our collection of victorious puns and defeeted one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Defeat jokes for adults, dirty tanks jokes and clean conquer dad gags for kids.

The Best Defeat Puns

Our President Elect is a real tough guy...

The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.

why don't foot fetishists ever win anything?

because they like the taste of defeat.

i'm not even sorry.

Why do people with foot fetishes never win?

Because they like the taste of defeat

Why are people with foot fetishes always losers?

They love the smell of defeat.

I went to a large bookstore ...

... and asked the lady at the counter, where the self-help section was. She said if she would tell me, it would defeat the very purpose of it.


Donald Trump finally revealed his plans to defeat North Korea

He's buying it and turning it into a Trump brand business

How do you defeat your enemies?

Chop off their feet.

Kill the Dragon

An evil and powerful dragon lives near a village.
It eats a virgin from the village every week.
No one can defeat it.

One day a hero comes and attempts to kill the dragon.
He finds that the dragon is too power to be defeated.
He decides to kill the dragon with intelligence.

Several months later, the dragon is starved to death.

I lost both my legs below the knee in an accident...

... and for years, no matter how hard my friends and family tried to convince me, I fought on without prosthetic replacements.

In the end it became just too difficult, so I finally accepted defeat.

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...

...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.

The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."

Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"

In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."

Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"

A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool...

I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.


Why don't people with foot fetishes mind being on the losing side of a battle?

They like the taste of defeat

A drunk homeless guy wanted to fight me yesterday

As soon as he kicked me and lost his shoe I could smell defeat.

if I were Sarah Connor

I would simply defeat the robots by asking them to identify which of the following pictures has a pedestrian crossing in it

As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship...

Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.

Marine Biologists

A team of marine biologists accidentally catch a porpoise in one of their nets. They about to let it go, when they notice it has feet! They study it and perform tests, and are now ready to release it. One of the biologists asks, "Why don't we cut its feet off?" To which the other replies, "That would defeat the porpoise!"

Why is it easy to defeat an army of suicide bombers?

There are no experienced ones

What does a sock taste like?

Defeat

Use these four words correctly in a sentence: deduct, defense, defeat, and detail.

Deduct jumped over defense, defeat before detail


What is the opposite of defeat?

Da hands

News: Hillary Clinton concedes her defeat to Donald Trump in a private phone call.

Safe to say she's learned her lesson with emails!

One by one, a class of fifth-graders were called on to make sentences with words chosen by their teacher.

Nick didn't often participate in class, so his teacher was glad when she saw him raise his hand to give it a try.

"Nick," said the teacher, "make a sentence with the words 'defeat,' 'defense,' 'deduct,' and 'detail.'"

Nick thought for a few minutes then smiled. He shouted, "Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!"

The Russian winter...

...helped the Russian people defeat Hitler during WW2 and Napoleon before him. This year it invaded the USA on its own.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

The pen is mightier than the sword

but it can't defeat Macron.

Korean joke

The number of South Korea's boys band singers is enough to defeat North Korea's entire army.

Why can't Superman defeat a vampire?

He's in his crypt tonight.

How did Germany so easily defeat Poland during WWII?

When the Polish threw grenades at the Germans, the Germans pulled the pins and threw them back.

One day, Johnny's teacher asks him...

One day, Johnny's teacher asks him to give her a sentence about the Civil War. She tells him to talk about defense and defeat and instructs him to use detail in his sentence. So Johnny says "When the war horse jumped over defense, defeat came before detail."

A magical spanish thief was caught trying to steal an early work of a famous artist

In his defeat, he declared they could keep the work, but he would set himself free on the count of three. He said "Uno...Dos...." and then poof, he vanished without a trace.

Come up with one sentence that uses, "defeat," "deduct," "defense," and "detail."

Easy. Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail.

What's the difference between a demoralizing loss, and someone with a foot fetish?

One is a crushing defeat, the other has a crush in the feet.

A 1st grade teacher is teaching her students proper sentence structure.

The teacher is asking her students to use the following words in a sentence; deduct, defeat, defense, and detail.
One student raises his hand and says "defeat of deduct went over defense before detail."

Little Timmy wasn't the most gifted student in the class.

One day his teacher asked him to write a paragraph using the following words:

Defense
Defeat
Detail

This is what Timmy wrote -- The horse jumped over defense. First defeat. Then detail.

Did Hitler Defeat Germany?

I mean think about it, he did kill the leader.

A fellow at the library asked me where the self help section is...

but I told him that would defeat the purpose.

I defeated a chess grand master in three moves.

I stood up; picked up a chair and hit him with it.

What did the taekwondo expert say to the man with a foot fetish?

Get ready to taste defeat

i'm writing a book on overcoming foot pain

it's called the agony of defeat

Don't let the Australians' defeat in the Emu War distract you from the fact that...

the Americans lost to Gorilla Warfare.

How did alien defeat predator?

"Hi, why don't you have a seat right over there please.."

My son just told me what he thought LGBT stood for

L - Let's
G - Get down to
B - Buisness
T - To defeat the huns

Confucius say, man who have no helping hands

get defeat!

Did I ever tell you about the time my rival claimed he could best me in his sleep?

I retorted with, That's the only way you'll defeat me, is in your dreams.

How do you defeat Polish cavalry?

Turn off the merry-go-round

Pheidippides just doesn't have the same ring to it.

When Pheidippides, the soldier who ran 26.2 miles to the city of Marathon to announce the defeat of the Persians to the Athenians, found out the long-distance races were going to be called Marathons, he was a little upset...

But he ran with it.

Two knights stood to face each other

They both unsheathed their weapons, ready to duel

The first knight drew his longsword, confident he would defeat his opponent with wit and skill

The second knight drew a large block of cheddar cheese

The first knight scoffed and said, "And just how to you expect to best me with that?!"

"That's easy," said the second knight. " It's extra sharp."

Joe Biden knows in his heart that he is the only one who can truly defeat Ronald Reagan this November.

Oh sorry, I meant Joe Biden knows in his heart that he is the only one who can truly defeat Joe Biden this November.

The wall

Why trump wants to build a wall around the us mexico border?


To defeat china by building a larger wall.

Why are people so excited for today's World Cup results.

It's not the first time countries team up to defeat Germany.

What's the only way to defeat Dwayne Johnson?

Paper

A spider just crawled on your face.

I can see defeat in your eyes.

Robert Mueller has uncovered that Donald Trump dropped Quaaludes with the entire USSR hockey team prior to their stunning defeat to the US at the 1980 Olympics "Miracle on Ice" in Lake Placid, NY. So what's the crime in that?

Trump Quaaluded with the Russians

What do an optimist and a paraplegic have in common?

They're not carried by *defeat*

Apparently I have a foot fetish. Feet make me so excited, but I'm always ashamed. I really want to deny it, but after a year of lying to myself...

I accept defeat

Why would you really want to win a game of beach volleyball on a hot and sunny day?

Because defeat hurts.

What is the smelliest part of losing?

Defeat

There is an abundance of hero jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 57 funniest jokes and defeat puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any undefeated witze you can hear about defeat.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes