Defeat Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Our President Elect is a real tough guy...

The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.

why don't foot fetishists ever win anything?

because they like the taste of defeat.

i'm not even sorry.

Why do people with foot fetishes never win?

Because they like the taste of defeat

Why are people with foot fetishes always losers?

They love the smell of defeat.

I went to a large bookstore ...

... and asked the lady at the counter, where the self-help section was. She said if she would tell me, it would defeat the very purpose of it.

Donald Trump finally revealed his plans to defeat North Korea

He's buying it and turning it into a Trump brand business

How do you defeat your enemies?

Chop off their feet.

Kill the Dragon

An evil and powerful dragon lives near a village.
It eats a virgin from the village every week.
No one can defeat it.

One day a hero comes and attempts to kill the dragon.
He finds that the dragon is too power to be defeated.
He decides to kill the dragon with intelligence.

Several months later, the dragon is starved to death.

I lost both my legs below the knee in an accident...

... and for years, no matter how hard my friends and family tried to convince me, I fought on without prosthetic replacements.

In the end it became just too difficult, so I finally accepted defeat.

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...

...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.

The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."

Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"

In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."

Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"

A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool...

I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.

Why don't people with foot fetishes mind being on the losing side of a battle?

They like the taste of defeat

A drunk homeless guy wanted to fight me yesterday

As soon as he kicked me and lost his shoe I could smell defeat.

As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship...

Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.

Marine Biologists

A team of marine biologists accidentally catch a porpoise in one of their nets. They about to let it go, when they notice it has feet! They study it and perform tests, and are now ready to release it. One of the biologists asks, "Why don't we cut its feet off?" To which the other replies, "That would defeat the porpoise!"

Why is it easy to defeat an army of suicide bombers?

There are no experienced ones

Heard an old man tell this one

There was a small group of soldiers camped in the middle of a forest. A soldier runs up to the General and says there are hundreds of infantry coming towards them! The General turns to the soldier and screams, "Get my red shirt!". The group manages to defeat the attackers and the soldier asks the General why he wanted the red shirt. The General replies that he wanted the red shirt so that if he got shot the enemy couldn't tell. Psychological warfare he said. Another soldier comes in and tells the General thousands of infantry are now approaching! The General turns to the original soldier and screams , "Get my brown pants!".

What does a sock taste like?

Defeat

Use these four words correctly in a sentence: deduct, defense, defeat, and detail.

Deduct jumped over defense, defeat before detail

What is the opposite of defeat?

Da hands

News: Hillary Clinton concedes her defeat to Donald Trump in a private phone call.

Safe to say she's learned her lesson with emails!

Who can defeat Captain America?

Captain Vietnam

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with Sasquatch

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.

Other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to Sasquatch, "You promised me, Sasquatch, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.

But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of prints in the sand.

Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?"

Sasquatch turned around, look me staight in the eyes and said,
"HHHHRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR"

One by one, a class of fifth-graders were called on to make sentences with words chosen by their teacher.

Nick didn't often participate in class, so his teacher was glad when she saw him raise his hand to give it a try.

"Nick," said the teacher, "make a sentence with the words 'defeat,' 'defense,' 'deduct,' and 'detail.'"

Nick thought for a few minutes then smiled. He shouted, "Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!"

A strip club owner is lamenting about his dwindling business to his wife.

A strip club owner is eating breakfast with his wife. He begins to cry. "Honey, things are changing. Men just ain't spending money at titty bars like they used to."

"Oh that can't be." She responds. "There are some things men will always go to a strip club for."

"But honey, I've tried everything. They just seem disinterested these days." He hangs his head in defeat, wiping tears from his eyes.

His wife leans in to try to comfort him. "It's ok. Your business will come back around. Men will always enjoy being groped by a strangers, spending hundreds of dollars for the VIP experience, the occasional BJ in the bathroom, and getting black out drunk then waking up in a completely different city. That's what strip clubs are for."

The husband looks up and responds. "I know, but Delta airlines offers a round trip."

The Russian winter...

...helped the Russian people defeat Hitler during WW2 and Napoleon before him. This year it invaded the USA on its own.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

The pen is mightier than the sword

but it can't defeat Macron.

Korean joke

The number of South Korea's boys band singers is enough to defeat North Korea's entire army.

Why can't Superman defeat a vampire?

He's in his crypt tonight.

How did Germany so easily defeat Poland during WWII?

When the Polish threw grenades at the Germans, the Germans pulled the pins and threw them back.

One day, Johnny's teacher asks him...

One day, Johnny's teacher asks him to give her a sentence about the Civil War. She tells him to talk about defense and defeat and instructs him to use detail in his sentence. So Johnny says "When the war horse jumped over defense, defeat came before detail."

Come up with one sentence that uses, "defeat," "deduct," "defense," and "detail."

Easy. Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail.

What's the difference between a demoralizing loss, and someone with a foot fetish?

One is a crushing defeat, the other has a crush in the feet.

A 1st grade teacher is teaching her students proper sentence structure.

The teacher is asking her students to use the following words in a sentence; deduct, defeat, defense, and detail.
One student raises his hand and says "defeat of deduct went over defense before detail."

Little Timmy wasn't the most gifted student in the class.

One day his teacher asked him to write a paragraph using the following words:

Defense
Defeat
Detail

This is what Timmy wrote -- The horse jumped over defense. First defeat. Then detail.

A fellow at the library asked me where the self help section is...

but I told him that would defeat the purpose.

Did Hitler Defeat Germany?

I mean think about it, he did kill the leader.

What did the taekwondo expert say to the man with a foot fetish?

Get ready to taste defeat

i'm writing a book on overcoming foot pain

it's called the agony of defeat

Don't let the Australians' defeat in the Emu War distract you from the fact that...

the Americans lost to Gorilla Warfare.

How did alien defeat predator?

"Hi, why don't you have a seat right over there please.."

Confucius say, man who have no helping hands

get defeat!

Why do people with foot fetishes always lose?

They love defeat

Did I ever tell you about the time my rival claimed he could best me in his sleep?

I retorted with, That's the only way you'll defeat me, is in your dreams.

Pheidippides just doesn't have the same ring to it.

When Pheidippides, the soldier who ran 26.2 miles to the city of Marathon to announce the defeat of the Persians to the Athenians, found out the long-distance races were going to be called Marathons, he was a little upset...

But he ran with it.

Two knights stood to face each other

They both unsheathed their weapons, ready to duel

The first knight drew his longsword, confident he would defeat his opponent with wit and skill

The second knight drew a large block of cheddar cheese

The first knight scoffed and said, "And just how to you expect to best me with that?!"

"That's easy," said the second knight. " It's extra sharp."

How do you defeat Polish cavalry?

Turn off the merry-go-round

My son just told me what he thought LGBT stood for

L - Let's
G - Get down to
B - Buisness
T - To defeat the huns

What's the only way to defeat Dwayne Johnson?

Paper

Why are people so excited for today's World Cup results.

It's not the first time countries team up to defeat Germany.

I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was

She Said If She Told Me It Would Defeat The Purpose.

The wall

Why trump wants to build a wall around the us mexico border?


To defeat china by building a larger wall.

Robert Mueller has uncovered that Donald Trump dropped Quaaludes with the entire USSR hockey team prior to their stunning defeat to the US at the 1980 Olympics "Miracle on Ice" in Lake Placid, NY. So what's the crime in that?

Trump Quaaluded with the Russians

What do an optimist and a paraplegic have in common?

They're not carried by *defeat*

A spider just crawled on your face.

I can see defeat in your eyes.

In light of micheal phelps defeat...

You could say he got schooled

What are the funniest defeat jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Defeat? Well, here are the best Defeat puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Defeat pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes