Defeat Jokes
105 defeat jokes and hilarious defeat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about defeat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make sure you don't end up the butt of the joke after a defeat. Learn about different ways to respond to defeat and how to stay victorious. Discover the importance of having a nemesis and the bribery of the best defeat jokes.
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Funniest Defeat Short Jokes
Short defeat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The defeat humour may include short defect jokes also.
- Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves. Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.
- Our President Elect is a real tough guy... The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a broadway musical.
- Did you hear that the next season of stranger things will be shot in Australia? The kids have to defeat a monster from the Right Way Up.
- I went to a large bookstore ... ... and asked the lady at the counter, where the self-help section was. She said if she would tell me, it would defeat the very purpose of it.
- Donald Trump finally revealed his plans to defeat North Korea He's buying it and turning it into a Trump brand business
- All this talk about hoping 2020 ends! Even though its cursed, we can't let it defeat us. That would mean 2021.
- A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool... I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.
- If comic books have taught me anything it’s that something named OMICRON is going to be near impossible to defeat unless we all work together to defeat it.
- 2020 is nearly over. So either it gets even harder and defeats us. Or we make it through to next year. Either way, 2021.
- How did the winter solstice defeat the darkness? With a little help from its merry friends and plenty of holiday cheer!
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Defeat One Liners
Which defeat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with defeat? I can suggest the ones about deficiency and victory.
- No single bird can defeat me. But Toucan.
- Why dont they allow harpoons in dolphin hospitals? It defeats the porpoise
- How does a man who has just had his legs cut off at the ankles feel? Defeated
- What does a sock taste like? Defeat
- What is the opposite of defeat? Da hands
- Do you think Quentin Tarantino likes the taste of victory? Or does he prefer defeat?
- I saw a man that didn't have a left or right foot. He looked defeated.
- The pen is mightier than the sword but it can't defeat Macron.
- How did Beowulf defeat Grendel?
by 'disarming' him. - What's a Frenchman's favorite appendage? Defeat.
- It hard to win against a millipede! Have you tried to defeat one?
- What body part always loses in a game? Defeat
- What do you call a knight that lost their legs? Defeated.
- How did Batman defeat Mr Freeze? He In-salted Him.
- Crassus was defeated during the campaign for Parthia Crassus averted.
Cheeky Defeat Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about defeat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean overcome jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make defeat pranks.
Two knights stood to face each other
They both unsheathed their weapons, ready to duel
The first knight drew his longsword, confident he would defeat his opponent with wit and skill
The second knight drew a large block of cheddar cheese
The first knight scoffed and said, "And just how to you expect to best me with that?!"
"That's easy," said the second knight. " It's extra sharp."
One day, Johnny's teacher asks him...
One day, Johnny's teacher asks him to give her a sentence about the Civil War. She tells him to talk about defense and defeat and instructs him to use detail in his sentence. So Johnny says "When the war horse jumped over defense, defeat came before detail."
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...
...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.
The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."
Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"
In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."
Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"
I lost both my legs below the knee in an accident...
... and for years, no matter how hard my friends and family tried to convince me, I fought on without prosthetic replacements.
In the end it became just too difficult, so I finally accepted defeat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kill the Dragon
An evil and powerful dragon lives near a village.
It eats a v**... from the village every week.
No one can defeat it.
One day a hero comes and attempts to kill the dragon.
He finds that the dragon is too power to be defeated.
He decides to kill the dragon with intelligence.
Several months later, the dragon is starved to death.
Use these four words correctly in a sentence: deduct, defense, defeat, and detail.
Deduct jumped over defense, defeat before detail
An professor from Cambridge and a Dubliner walk into a bar.
An professor from Cambridge and a Dubliner walk into a bar. The professor says to the Dubliner "If you can put the words defeat, defence and detail into one sentence I will buy you the finest beer you could ever ask for" so the Dub replies "De horse jumped ova da fence da feat came first and da tail came last"
Teacher: Johnny, use the words ''defeat , deduct and detail in a sentence.
Johnny: Yes ma'am. Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail.
Achilles thought his job interview was going well until they asked about his greatest weakness…
Then he had to admit defeat.
How would Saitama defeat all S class heroes?
Consecutive normal punches
If everyone contributes a small amount of their income...
Together we can pool the resources to defeat socialism.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
why don't foot fetishists ever win anything?
because they like the taste of defeat.
i'm not even sorry.
Pheidippides just doesn't have the same ring to it.
When Pheidippides, the soldier who ran 26.2 miles to the city of Marathon to announce the defeat of the Persians to the Athenians, found out the long-distance races were going to be called Marathons, he was a little upset...
But he ran with it.
As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship...
Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Marine Biologists
A team of marine biologists accidentally catch a porpoise in one of their nets. They about to let it go, when they notice it has feet! They study it and perform tests, and are now ready to release it. One of the biologists asks, "Why don't we cut its feet off?" To which the other replies, "That would defeat the porpoise!"
i'm writing a book on overcoming foot pain
it's called the agony of defeat
In light of micheal phelps defeat...
You could say he got schooled
How did alien defeat predator?
"Hi, why don't you have a seat right over there please.."
News: Hillary Clinton concedes her defeat to Donald Trump in a private phone call.
Safe to say she's learned her lesson with emails!
What do an optimist and a paraplegic have in common?
They're not carried by *defeat*
I am still at a loss over Hillary Clinton's defeat and I emailed my consolations to her, but never got a response
Do I need to call FBI to look into it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it easy to defeat an army of s**... b**...?
There are no experienced ones
A drunk homeless guy wanted to fight me yesterday
As soon as he kicked me and lost his shoe I could smell defeat.
One by one, a class of fifth-graders were called on to make sentences with words chosen by their teacher.
Nick didn't often participate in class, so his teacher was glad when she saw him raise his hand to give it a try.
"Nick," said the teacher, "make a sentence with the words 'defeat,' 'defense,' 'deduct,' and 'detail.'"
Nick thought for a few minutes then smiled. He shouted, "Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you defeat Polish cavalry?
Turn off the merry-go-round
Little Timmy wasn't the most gifted student in the class.
One day his teacher asked him to write a paragraph using the following words:
Defense
Defeat
Detail
This is what Timmy wrote -- The horse jumped over defense. First defeat. Then detail.
How did Germany so easily defeat Poland during WWII?
When the Polish threw grenades at the Germans, the Germans pulled the pins and threw them back.
Lame Riddle
Use these four words in a sentence:
defeat, deduct, defense, detail
answer in comments
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A kid with no legs challenged me to a duel.
I declined. You can't defeat an amputee.
How do you defeat Super Zombies?
Cryptonite.
What is defeat?
Dem tings dat you put in de shues
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wanna know how to defeat Edward Scissorhands?
Just throw rock.
How did Germany defeat France in 1940?
A Low Blow.
Did I ever tell you about the time my rival claimed he could best me in his sleep?
I retorted with, That's the only way you'll defeat me, is in your dreams.
Robert Mueller has uncovered that Donald Trump dropped Quaaludes with the entire USSR hockey team prior to their stunning defeat to the US at the 1980 Olympics "Miracle on Ice" in Lake Placid, NY. So what's the crime in that?
Trump Quaaluded with the Russians
A spider just crawled on your face.
I can see defeat in your eyes.
What's the only way to defeat Dwayne Johnson?
Paper
What happens when you lose a foot-keeping competition?
Defeat
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a demoralizing loss, and someone with a f**...?
One is a crushing defeat, the other has a crush in the feet.
What is the smelliest part of losing?
Defeat
What superhero could Mr. Clean easily defeat?
Spider-Man, it's just takes a little pledge.
Confucius say, man who have no helping hands
get defeat!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the taekwondo expert say to the man with a f**...?
Get ready to taste defeat
How could the Afghans defeat the Soviet forces?
They Afghans from USA
Why are people so excited for today's World Cup results.
It's not the first time countries team up to defeat Germany.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My son just told me what he thought LGBT stood for
L - Let's
G - Get down to
B - Buisness
T - To defeat the huns
Don't let the Australians' defeat in the Emu War distract you from the fact that...
the Americans lost to Gorilla Warfare.
Newfie word of the day: defeat
Jesus Murphy mudder shouts, yer shoes go on de feet.
The wall
Why trump wants to build a wall around the us mexico border?
To defeat china by building a larger wall.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Russian winter...
...helped the Russian people defeat h**... during WW2 and Napoleon before him. This year it invaded the USA on its own.
Who is the one character that can defeat Ben 10?
Glen 20.
Korean joke
The number of South Korea's boys band singers is enough to defeat North Korea's entire army.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did h**... Defeat Germany?
I mean think about it, he did kill the leader.
It is hard to defeat the French army.
You first have to find them.
if I were Sarah Connor
I would simply defeat the robots by asking them to identify which of the following pictures has a pedestrian crossing in it
Joe Biden knows in his heart that he is the only one who can truly defeat Ronald Reagan this November.
Oh sorry, I meant Joe Biden knows in his heart that he is the only one who can truly defeat Joe Biden this November.
Why would you really want to win a game of beach volleyball on a hot and sunny day?
Because defeat hurts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently I have a f**.... Feet make me so excited, but I'm always ashamed. I really want to deny it, but after a year of lying to myself...
I accept defeat
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I defeated a chess grand master in three moves.
I stood up; picked up a chair and hit him with it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A magical spanish thief was caught trying to steal an early work of a famous artist
In his defeat, he declared they could keep the work, but he would set himself free on the count of three. He said "Uno...Dos...." and then p**..., he vanished without a trace.
England cricket team visited an orphanage in Chennai today
It is so tragic and heartbreaking to see their little faces with no hope! I wish we could do something to help them!
Said 6 year old Venkatswamy after the crushing defeat of English cricket team
The Teacher instructed her class to create a sentence with the words; defense, defeat and detail.
Little Lisa, who was normally a very quiet and reclusive child immediately jumped and waved her hand excitedly. Thinking a breakthrough was imminent, she picked Lisa first. Lisa recited; The cat jumped over defense. Defeat went first, detail went last.
Make a sentence with Defence, Defeat and Detail...
Little Johnny was back from his summer break where he'd toured the Italian countryside.
The language teacher wanting to spur grey matter in the classroom asked the children to make a sentence with defence, defeat and detail.
After a few minutes of silence Little Johnny raised his hand and hesitantly spoke:
"Well... de horse jumped over de fence and de feet got tangled in de tail..."
Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words, Defence, Defeat, Detail.
Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words, Defence, Defeat, Detail.
Charlie: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first and then detail.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lot of people have compared Trump to h**..., but this is totally unfair.
h**... had the decency to admit defeat.
I asked the librarian where the self help section was.
She wouldn't tell me because she said that would defeat the purpose.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Soviet officer and an American officer are talking over coffee at the end of World War II to celebrate their collaboration in the defeat of the n**....
They start to banter and brag with each other.
The American says to the Soviet, you know, in my country we have total freedom, I could stand in front of the White House and shout I hate America! and nothing would happen to me.
The Soviet officer looks at him and replies, yes, in the Soviet Union we also have such freedom, I too could stand in front of the Kremlin and shout I hate America! and nothing would happen to me either...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you defeat the Russian army?
By Putin em in Ukraine.
Norris: I can defeat any chess champion in three moves or less.
Boris: You know Chess?
Norris: No, Judo
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the guy with a f**... want to lose?
He loves defeat.
