The Best 57 Defeat Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Defeat jokes. There are some defeat defeeted jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these defeat conquer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Defeat Jokes and Puns
One day, Johnny's teacher asks him...
One day, Johnny's teacher asks him to give her a sentence about the Civil War. She tells him to talk about defense and defeat and instructs him to use detail in his sentence. So Johnny says "When the war horse jumped over defense, defeat came before detail."
How did Beowulf defeat Grendel?
by 'disarming' him.
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...
...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.
The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."
Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"
In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."
Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"
I lost both my legs below the knee in an accident...
... and for years, no matter how hard my friends and family tried to convince me, I fought on without prosthetic replacements.
In the end it became just too difficult, so I finally accepted defeat.
Kill the Dragon
An evil and powerful dragon lives near a village.
It eats a virgin from the village every week.
No one can defeat it.
One day a hero comes and attempts to kill the dragon.
He finds that the dragon is too power to be defeated.
He decides to kill the dragon with intelligence.
Several months later, the dragon is starved to death.
Use these four words correctly in a sentence: deduct, defense, defeat, and detail.
Deduct jumped over defense, defeat before detail
What does a sock taste like?
Defeat
why don't foot fetishists ever win anything?
because they like the taste of defeat.
i'm not even sorry.
As a German I have concerns about the European soccer championship...
Last time it didn't end well when we sent a couple boys to France to defeat all of Europe.
Marine Biologists
A team of marine biologists accidentally catch a porpoise in one of their nets. They about to let it go, when they notice it has feet! They study it and perform tests, and are now ready to release it. One of the biologists asks, "Why don't we cut its feet off?" To which the other replies, "That would defeat the porpoise!"
How do you defeat your enemies?
Chop off their feet.
You can explore defeat victorious reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean defeat tanks dad jokes. There are also defeat puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
News: Hillary Clinton concedes her defeat to Donald Trump in a private phone call.
Safe to say she's learned her lesson with emails!
Our President Elect is a real tough guy...
The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical.
Why is it easy to defeat an army of suicide bombers?
There are no experienced ones
I went to a large bookstore ...
... and asked the lady at the counter, where the self-help section was. She said if she would tell me, it would defeat the very purpose of it.
A drunk homeless guy wanted to fight me yesterday
As soon as he kicked me and lost his shoe I could smell defeat.
One by one, a class of fifth-graders were called on to make sentences with words chosen by their teacher.
Nick didn't often participate in class, so his teacher was glad when she saw him raise his hand to give it a try.
"Nick," said the teacher, "make a sentence with the words 'defeat,' 'defense,' 'deduct,' and 'detail.'"
Nick thought for a few minutes then smiled. He shouted, "Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!"
Why are people with foot fetishes always losers?
They love the smell of defeat.
A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool...
I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.
Why don't people with foot fetishes mind being on the losing side of a battle?
They like the taste of defeat
Come up with one sentence that uses, "defeat," "deduct," "defense," and "detail."
Easy. Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail.
The pen is mightier than the sword
but it can't defeat Macron.
Little Timmy wasn't the most gifted student in the class.
One day his teacher asked him to write a paragraph using the following words:
Defense
Defeat
Detail
This is what Timmy wrote -- The horse jumped over defense. First defeat. Then detail.
How did Germany so easily defeat Poland during WWII?
When the Polish threw grenades at the Germans, the Germans pulled the pins and threw them back.
Donald Trump finally revealed his plans to defeat North Korea
He's buying it and turning it into a Trump brand business
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
A 1st grade teacher is teaching her students proper sentence structure.
The teacher is asking her students to use the following words in a sentence; deduct, defeat, defense, and detail.
One student raises his hand and says "defeat of deduct went over defense before detail."
Why do people with foot fetishes never win?
Because they like the taste of defeat
What's the difference between a demoralizing loss, and someone with a foot fetish?
One is a crushing defeat, the other has a crush in the feet.
A fellow at the library asked me where the self help section is...
but I told him that would defeat the purpose.
What is the opposite of defeat?
Da hands
What did the taekwondo expert say to the man with a foot fetish?
Get ready to taste defeat
Why can't Superman defeat a vampire?
He's in his crypt tonight.
The Russian winter...
...helped the Russian people defeat Hitler during WW2 and Napoleon before him. This year it invaded the USA on its own.
Korean joke
The number of South Korea's boys band singers is enough to defeat North Korea's entire army.
Did Hitler Defeat Germany?
I mean think about it, he did kill the leader.
if I were Sarah Connor
I would simply defeat the robots by asking them to identify which of the following pictures has a pedestrian crossing in it
Joe Biden knows in his heart that he is the only one who can truly defeat Ronald Reagan this November.
Oh sorry, I meant Joe Biden knows in his heart that he is the only one who can truly defeat Joe Biden this November.
A magical spanish thief was caught trying to steal an early work of a famous artist
In his defeat, he declared they could keep the work, but he would set himself free on the count of three. He said "Uno...Dos...." and then poof, he vanished without a trace.
All this talk about hoping 2020 ends!
Even though its cursed, we can't let it defeat us. That would mean 2021.
Just came from a bookstore where I asked the saleswoman how to find the self-help section...
she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose...
It hard to win against a millipede!
Have you tried to defeat one?
England cricket team visited an orphanage in Chennai today
It is so tragic and heartbreaking to see their little faces with no hope! I wish we could do something to help them!
Said 6 year old Venkatswamy after the crushing defeat of English cricket team
The Teacher instructed her class to create a sentence with the words; defense, defeat and detail.
Little Lisa, who was normally a very quiet and reclusive child immediately jumped and waved her hand excitedly. Thinking a breakthrough was imminent, she picked Lisa first. Lisa recited; The cat jumped over defense. Defeat went first, detail went last.
Do you think Quentin Tarantino likes the taste of victory?
Or does he prefer defeat?
Make a sentence with Defence, Defeat and Detail...
Little Johnny was back from his summer break where he'd toured the Italian countryside.
The language teacher wanting to spur grey matter in the classroom asked the children to make a sentence with defence, defeat and detail.
After a few minutes of silence Little Johnny raised his hand and hesitantly spoke:
"Well... de horse jumped over de fence and de feet got tangled in de tail..."
What's a Frenchman's favorite appendage?
Defeat.
A man went into a bookshop and asked 'Where's the self-help section please?
'If I told you, it would defeat the purpose' replied the shop assistant.
Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words, Defence, Defeat, Detail.
Teacher: Give me a sentence which includes the words, Defence, Defeat, Detail.
Charlie: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first and then detail.
A lot of people have compared Trump to Hitler, but this is totally unfair.
Hitler had the decency to admit defeat.
I asked the librarian where the self help section was.
She wouldn't tell me because she said that would defeat the purpose.
My teacher asked me to make a sentence using the words; defence, defeat and detail, i said....
When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go first then detail...
A Soviet officer and an American officer are talking over coffee at the end of World War II to celebrate their collaboration in the defeat of the Nazis.
They start to banter and brag with each other.
The American says to the Soviet, you know, in my country we have total freedom, I could stand in front of the White House and shout I hate America! and nothing would happen to me.
The Soviet officer looks at him and replies, yes, in the Soviet Union we also have such freedom, I too could stand in front of the Kremlin and shout I hate America! and nothing would happen to me either...
How do you defeat the Russian army?
By Putin em in Ukraine.
Norris: I can defeat any chess champion in three moves or less.
Boris: You know Chess?
Norris: No, Judo
How did Batman defeat Mr Freeze?
He In-salted Him.
How do non-binary samurai defeat their opponents?
They slash them
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the defeat hero jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working defeat undefeated piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.