deer Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious deer stories

What are the best Deer puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Deer? Well here is a complete list of Deer to have fun with:

Two deer walk out of a gay bar

One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."

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Stanley...

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over. The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, Nope, ain't Stanley .

The mortician thought this was rather strange, So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over. The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, No, it ain't Stanley.

The mortician asked, How can you tell?

Gomer said, Well, Stanley had two ass-holes.

What! He had two ass-holes? asked the mortician.

Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, there's Stanley with them two ass-holes.

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two deer are leaving a gay bar

one turns to the other and says "I cant believe I blew 40 bucks in there"

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What is the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls, they're under a buck.

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A man kills a deer...

A man is out hunting and kills a deer. He brings it home to his family and cooks it, but doesn't tell his kids what it is. He said "I'll give you a hint, it's what your mother calls me." The youngest son cries out, "It's a fucking dick, don't eat it!"

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Two Blondes are out on a hike....

....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

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There's 500 bricks in a plane. How many are there if you throw one out?

"499"

There are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator. What are they?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in, close the fridge.

There are four steps to putting a deer in the fridge. What are they?
Open the fridge, take the elephant out, put the deer in, close the fridge.

The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals are there but one. Why is that?
The deer is in the fridge.

A woman wants to cross an alligator infested swamp. How does she do it?
She crosses normally because the alligators are at the Lion King's party.

She dies anyways. Why?
She gets hit in the head with a brick.

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Never Mess with Kids

A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane.
The man turned to him and said, Let's talk .

Kid: Ok, what do we talk about ?

Man (making fun of d kid): How about nuclear power?

Kid:
Very interesting topic. But let me ask you a question…
Horse, cow & deer, all eat grass. Yet deer excretes pellets, cow flat potty & horse clumps.
Why?

Man: I don't know.

Child: Do you really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues when you don't know shit.. ?

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Two gay deer walk out of a bar...

One turns to the other and says "damn dude, I cant beleive you blew twenty bucks in there"

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Stanley's Funeral

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned badly.
The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over. The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, Nope, ain't Stanley .

The mortician thought this was rather strange, So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over. The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, No, it ain't Stanley.

The mortician asked, How can you tell?

Gomer said, Well, Stanley had two ass-holes.
What! He had two ass-holes? asked the mortician.
Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, there's Stanley with them two ass-holes.

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Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?



Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.

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What's the cheapest type of meat to buy??

Deer balls; because they're under a buck.

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A quite mean joke

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left.
The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right.
Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!"

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A cute one I heard from a friend at work.

Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".

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What's the cheapest kind of meat?

...Deer balls, They're under a buck!

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A gay deer goes into a bar.....

A gay deer goes into a bar, hangs out for a couple of hours, blows 42 bucks.

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A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.

They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar.

One turns to the other and says "Man, I blew like 50 bucks in there!"

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Gay deer

A gay deer walks out of a bar and says "I can't believe I blew 50 bucks"

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What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.29 a bag.

Deer nuts are just under a buck.

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An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...

The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".

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A Man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner..

The man and woman both decide not to tell their children what kind of meat it is, but to let them guess instead.

After a moment of silence, the dad gives them a hint, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

The little girl begins screaming to her brother, "DON'T EAT IT, It's an asshole!!!"

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Three blondes are walking through the woods...

They come across a pair of tracks.

The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"

"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"

The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"

Then the train hit them...

This is my favorite clean joke by far.

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Three blondes are walking in the forest.

So one day, three blondes were walking in the forest. Eventually, they happened upon some unidentified tracks in the ground.

"Hey, look! Deer tracks!" The first blonde said.

"No, they're raccoon tracks!" The second argued.

"You guys are stupid," interjected the third blonde, "these are clearly bear tracks."

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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Why did the elk cry at the funeral?

He had lost a deer friend

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer

What you you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

Still no eye deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no genitalia?

Still no fucking eye deer.

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two deer walk out of a gay bar

the first deer says to the other, "man, I can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there".

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Three Blondes

Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.

1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!

2nd blonde: No, stupid, they're wolf tracks!

3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!

Then they got hit by a train.

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What did the gay deer say after leaving the club?

I can't believe I blew ten bucks in there.

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Dad cooks a deer for dinner...

And doesn't tell the kids what it is. He gives one clue "it's what your mother calls me". The little boy yells "it's a fucking dick, DONT EAT IT!!"

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What did the deer say when he left the gay bar?

"I can't believe I blew 50 bucks back there!"

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So a deer walks into a gay bar...

Two hours and several drinks later, he walks out and says to himself, "Wow. I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there..."

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What are the cheapest kind of nuts?

Deer nuts, they're under a buck.

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Hunter nearly kills himself.

Bill and Bob were out hunting and Bob decides he has to go take a shit. It was still early in the morning and he ended up falling asleep while he was doing his business. Meanwhile, Bill killed a deer and had field dressed it. He went to check on the Bob and found him sleeping, with his ass hanging over a stump. He thought that he would put one over on his friend, so he put the entrails from the deer under his friends ass and went back to camp.

A few hours go by and Bob comes back to camp and he's visibly shaken up. "What's wrong?" Bill asked.

Bob said, "You'll never believe it. I just shit my guts out back there in the woods."

Bill said, "Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

Bob replied, "No, I think I'll be alright. I found a stick and poked them all back up in there."

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Three statisticians are bow hunting in the woods and see a deer...

The first shoots his arrow and misses to the right by three feet.

The second shoots and misses three feet to the left.

The third throws up his arms and yells, "We got him!"

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2 deer walk out of a gay bar

One says to the other "I can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there"

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Dad cooks a deer,

But doesn't tell the kids what it is.

"I'll give you one hint," he says. "It's what your mother calls me."

suddenly the little boy jumps up and says to his sister, "Don't eat it! It's a Fucking Dick!!!"

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A deer walks out of a gay bar...

"Wow. I can't believe I just blew sixty bucks!"

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Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road

I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"

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What's the cheapest meat you can buy?

Deer Balls...they're under a buck

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Two male deer are leaving a gay bar,

One turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I just blew 20 bucks."

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Whats for Dinner

A man kills a Deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his Wife, decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the
meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

"Well," he said,
"It's what Mummy calls me, sometimes."

The little girl screams to her Brother,

"Don't eat it, it's an arsehole.."

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I see the joke your dad told you, and raise you my dads dumb ass joke

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a dollar fifty, deer nuts are under a buck!

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A father cooks dinner for his children.

A father is cooking deer for his children, but decided not to tell them what it is, and tells them to guess. As a hint to what it is he tells them "Your mother calls me this all the time" to which his son replies. " It's Fucking Dick! Don't eat it!!"

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar.

One looks to another and says,."I must've blown 20 bucks in there."

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar...

...one turns to the other and says, "Wow, I can't believe I blew 50 bucks in there."

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...

...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.

"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.

"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.

"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.

They debated until the train came and hit them.

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A joke from my Aunt...

A man goes out hunting to find something for his children to for dinner. He manages to catch a deer and proceeds home.

As he walks in he was greeted by his children who asked what was for dinner. The man states "It's something Mummy calls Daddy sometimes", to which the youngest replies "Don't eat it, it's a fucking arsehole!"

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What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are about $1.79, and deer nuts are right under a buck.

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3 statisticians go hunting

They see a deer. The first statistician shoots, but his shot misses by a foot to the left. The second statistician shoots, but her shot misses by a foot to the right. The third statistician says "Alright, we got it!"

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best deer jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty deer gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these deer jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

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