Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Deer Jokes
Two deer walk out of a gay bar
One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."
Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road
I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"
Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?
Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.
A gay deer goes into a bar.....
A gay deer goes into a bar, hangs out for a couple of hours, blows 42 bucks.
What did the gay deer say after leaving the club?
I can't believe I blew ten bucks in there.
I was going to tell you a joke about an injured deer...
...but it would have been lame.
An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...
The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".
Deer Season
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12
Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.
The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.
They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.
The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".
The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.
"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.
"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...
...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.
"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.
"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.
"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.
They debated until the train came and hit them.
Why did the elk cry at the f**...?
He had lost a deer friend
You can explore deer anonymoose reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean deer hunts dad jokes. There are also deer puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.
They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"
A cute one I heard from a friend at work.
Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".
So a deer walks into a gay bar...
Two hours and several drinks later, he walks out and says to himself, "Wow. I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there..."
Two deer walk out of a gay bar.
One looks to another and says,."I must've blown 20 bucks in there."
two deer are leaving a gay bar
one turns to the other and says "I cant believe I blew 40 bucks in there"
Three statisticians are bow hunting in the woods and see a deer...
The first shoots his arrow and misses to the right by three feet.
The second shoots and misses three feet to the left.
The third throws up his arms and yells, "We got him!"
Two Blondes are out on a hike....
....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.
A deer walks out of a gay bar...
"Wow. I can't believe I just blew sixty bucks!"
What are the cheapest kind of nuts?
Deer nuts, they're under a buck.
Three blondes are walking through the woods...
They come across a pair of tracks.
The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"
"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"
The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"
Then the train hit them...
This is my favorite clean joke by far.
Three Blondes
Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.
1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!
2nd blonde: No, s**..., they're wolf tracks!
3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!
Then they got hit by a train.
Whats for Dinner
A man kills a Deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his Wife, decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the
meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
"Well," he said,
"It's what Mummy calls me, sometimes."
The little girl screams to her Brother,
"Don't eat it, it's an a**....."
Two deer are leaving a gay bar...
and one say to the other in disappointment "man, I can't believe I blew 20 bucks in there"
A gay deer walks into a bar
After a long night he comes stumbling out and says, "I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks in there"
How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke
A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?
A brick falls from the sky and kills her.
Knock knock Who's there?
Not Mary
What is the cheapest meat?
Deer t**....
They're under a Buck.
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. Deer nuts are always under a buck...
I'll see myself out now.
What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?
A hundred sows and bucks.
Three blondes found some tracks...
The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"
And that was when the train hit them.
What did the gay deer say when he left the bar?
I can't believe I blew fifty bucks in there.
Whats the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts
Beer nuts are $1.50 a lb. And deer nuts are under a buck.
A reporter goes to the Middle East for an interview.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "s**...?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, d**..., any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Two deer walk out of a gay bar.
The one deer turns to his friend and says "Man, I blew like 30 bucks in there."
Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
I'm definitely the loser if I run over a deer. It's going to cost me hundreds of dollars.
But nature is only out a buck.
Three statisticians go on a hunting trip...
They spot a deer, immediately the first statistician takes a shot and it misses two meters to the left. The second statistician takes a shot and misses two meters to the right. "We got it!" yells the third Statistician
What did the gay deer say leaving the nightclub?
I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks!
A gay deer walks out of a bar and says,
"Man I can't believe I blew 50 bucks in there!"
I tortured a guy from PETA.
He screamed for deer life.
Three hawks had a hunting contest
The first one went and came back with blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that tree over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a rabbit near it".
The second one went and came back with even more blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that rock over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a deer near it".
The third one went and came back with blood all over him. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that lamppost over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I didn't."
Two deer walk out of a gay bar
One looks at the other and says, man, I blew like, twenty bucks in there!
I walked into a store and noticed they were selling deer nuts for $1.25
Every other time I've seen them, they were under a buck.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
ME: I trained this chicken to talk.
HER: Let's hear then.
ME: What's a male deer called?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
HER: This is dumb.
CHICKEN: It gets way better, Susan.
So, I trained a chicken to talk
WIFE: Well, let's see
ME: What's a male deer?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
WIFE: This is s**.... Chickens just make that sound
ME: Oh believe me it gets better
CHICKEN: Yeah, just be patient Susan
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea
The #1 cause for accidents in Georgia is deer.
Which is crazy to me since they can't drive.
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.
A deer enters a bar...
A deer enters a bar and sits by the bartender. "Whatever's on tap, and keep them coming. I lost a patient today."
The bartender brings over a drink and says, "That's really rough. But I've never met a deer that's a medical practitioner. How did that happen?"
The deer replied, "Well I came from a impoverished part of the forest. It was difficult to get food, difficult to get water, and difficult to find shelter. Nothing came with ease, that's for sure."
"And a deer with no ease becomes a dr."
Two blondes were taking a walk through a bush when they came across a set of tracks.
'I'm sure they're bear tracks!', said the first blonde.
'No, they're deer tracks', said the second blonde, confidently.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar.
One says to the other, I can't believe I blew 20 bucks in there!
What is the cheapest meat?
It's deer b**... they're always under a buck.
Did you know 10% of female deer like Mario?
It's one in ten doe
I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning.
She asked me: How did you know it was on its way to work?
A skunk, a deer and a duck went out to dinner…
When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent and the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
A duck, a deer and a giraffe walk into a bar.
They order three shots of whiskey. They drink those down and order three more. Again, they drink those down and then get up to leave.
Bartender says, "Someone has got to pay for those!"
Duck said, "I've only got a bill."
Deer says, "I've only a buck."
Giraffe goes, "Okay guys, I guess I've got the highballs."
A woman is reading the newspaper and tells her friend about a deer that broke trough the front glass of a dollar store, doing $10,000 in damage.
He says, well, good thing it wasn't a $2 store
A biologist, a physicist and a statistician went hunting
After a good, long while, they found a deer.
The physicist lifted his rifle, took aim, fired, and hit three feet to the left of the animal.
The biologist fired too, and sent the bullet three feet to the right of the deer.
The statistician lifted his rifle triumphantly in the air, and exclaimed: 'We got it!'
3 blondes are walking in the woods.
3 blonde girls are walking in the woods when they stumble across a set of tracks, the first girl having went to a zoo last week claims that the tracks are deer tracks, the second blonde laughs,
"Caitlyn you dumb b**... those are bear tracks!"
The third blonde chimes in,
"Oh my god no you're both wrong those are rabbit tracks."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
A statistics joke...
Three statisticians go deer hunting with bows. They see a giant buck in the woods. Statistician #1 fires his arrow--it goes 10 yards to the left. Statistician #2 fires his arrow--it goes 10 yards to the right. Statistician #3 throws down his bow and yells, "We got it!"
My insurance agent asked if I had ever hit a deer.
I told him that I had but in my defense he swung first.
At dinner yesterday evening, the dog was looking up at me trying to mooch for food.
She said, "You're really a great cook! I love the fresh foods you pick, and the seasoning is amazing!"
I glared down at her and said, "Nice try, but after you ate that deer p**... in the yard this afternoon your opinions on food quality don't carry much weight around here."
If I got a buck for every deer joke that I've told...
I'd have a lot of doe...
