Deer Jokes
172 deer jokes and hilarious deer puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about deer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laughter is the best medicine! Enjoy some anonymous Moose's best Deer Jokes about antlers that will make you laugh out loud. From classic one-liners to puns and more, these jokes are sure to make you giggle.
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Funniest Deer Short Jokes
Short deer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The deer humour may include short duck jokes also.
- Two deer walk out of a gay bar One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."
- Two deer walk out of a gay bar One looks at the other and says, man, I blew like, twenty bucks in there!
- I walked into a store and noticed they were selling deer nuts for $1.25 Every other time I've seen them, they were under a buck.
- two deer are leaving a gay bar one turns to the other and says "I cant believe I blew 40 bucks in there"
- What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. Deer nuts are always under a buck...
I'll see myself out now. - I'm definitely the loser if I run over a deer. It's going to cost me hundreds of dollars. But nature is only out a buck.
- Whats the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts Beer nuts are $1.50 a lb. And deer nuts are under a buck.
- What did the gay deer say when he left the bar? I can't believe I blew fifty bucks in there.
- Two deer walk out of a gay bar. The one deer turns to his friend and says "Man, I blew like 30 bucks in there."
- I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning. She asked me: How did you know it was on its way to work?
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Deer One Liners
Which deer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with deer? I can suggest the ones about frog and bird.
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea
- Did you know 10% of female deer like Mario? It's one in ten doe
- A gay deer walks out of a bar and says, "Man I can't believe I blew 50 bucks in there!"
- I tortured a guy from PETA. He screamed for deer life.
- What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest? Bombi.
- I traded some deers in exchange of a car. This car costed me a couple of bucks.
- What are the cheapest kind of nuts? Deer nuts, they're under a buck.
- What do you call 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? A hundred sows and bucks.
- A deer walks out of a gay bar... "Wow. I can't believe I just blew sixty bucks!"
- John Deere's manure spreader... ...is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.
- I was going to tell you a joke about an injured deer... ...but it would have been lame.
- What did the gay deer say leaving the nightclub? I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks!
- Whats the best way to get a quick buck By teaching a deer to run
- I just opened a deer cloning business... It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.
- What do you get when you cross a pickle with a deer? A dill doe.
Deer Buck Jokes
Here is a list of funny deer buck jokes and even better deer buck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A gay deer goes into a bar..... A gay deer goes into a bar, hangs out for a couple of hours, blows 42 bucks.
- Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, I can't believe I blew 20 bucks in there!
- A skunk, a deer and a duck went out to dinner… When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent and the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
- What did the gay deer say after leaving the club? I can't believe I blew ten bucks in there.
- Wound you be rich if you had 50 female pigs and 50 male deer? Of course you would, you'd have 100 sows and bucks
- A gay deer walks into a bar After a long night he comes stumbling out and says, "I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks in there"
- So a deer walks into a gay bar... Two hours and several drinks later, he walks out and says to himself, "Wow. I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there..."
- I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, so I immediately reported him to the authorities... Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck!
- Two deer are leaving a gay bar... and one say to the other in disappointment "man, I can't believe I blew 20 bucks in there"
- What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.
Deer Hunting Jokes
Here is a list of funny deer hunting jokes and even better deer hunting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My boss went deer hunting. He winged a buck but ended up losing the trail. I messaged him oh deer, that must have been stag-gering when you fawned out you didnt get it .
- How did Mozart hunt deer? With his Wolfgang.
- I hear that Bambi has been in mourning since the conclusion of last hunting season. He lost a deer friend.
- What did the deer say when the sportsman asked if he wanted to go hunting? I'm game.
- I wasn't sure if I'd find deer out here, until... I saw a sign that said 'Fine for Hunting.'
- What do you call a deer who has lost both eyes in a hunting accident? No eye deer
- Three statisticians go hunting for deer. They spot one off in the distance. The first one shoots about a meter too high, the second one, about a meter too low, the third one yells, We got it!
- Why should you always hunt deer with a high powered rifle? To get the most bang for your buck.
- I bought Deer Hunting 2 for half the price I got Deer Hunting 1... I got more bang for my buck!
- 3 Statisticians Go Hunting They eventually spot a deer. The first shoots 5 meters above his head. The second shoots 5 meters below his head. Then the third yells out "We Got Him!"
Hitting Deer Jokes
Here is a list of funny hitting deer jokes and even better hitting deer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My insurance agent asked if I had ever hit a deer. I told him that I had but in my defense he swung first.
- So Two Blondes are stand on a pair of Tracks So two blondes are standing on a pair of tracks arguing, They're deer tracks , No They're Bear Tracks
Half a Hour a later they get hit by a train - Hitting a deer with your car is always an unfair trade. You're out the cost of the insurance deductible, but nature is only out a buck.
- Difference between a corrupt government getting hit by a car and a deer being hit by a car? There where skid marks leading up to the deer...
- What did homer say when he hit a female deer? DOE!
- -Santa's sleigh was hit by a car. Several deers died. What is left? -The remaindeer
- Two blondes came across some tracks in the woods - and they argued with each other about whether or not it was bear or deer tracks... Until they both got hit by a train.
- I hit a deer the other day. My fist still hurts.
- My uncle hit a deer with his car He would anything for a buck
- I've hit may deer... ...dear friends with my car.
Deer Hunter Jokes
Here is a list of funny deer hunter jokes and even better deer hunter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do hunters call deer that carry guns? Fair game
- Did you hear the one about the hunter who almost fell out of his tree stand ? He was hanging on for deer life
- Hunter says to a deer "wanna go back to my place and hang by the fire?" "Sure" says the deer "I'm game"
- Remember the guy who played in the deer hunter, and pulp fiction. Christopher something or other. Anyway, I heard he's opening a new hospital. I think they're going to call it the Walken clinic.
- What common saying is a favorite among deer hunters and racist cops? "If it's brown, it's down."
- Why did the hunter shoot the deer? Because he couldn't tell if it was friend or doe.
- Why wouldn't the activist let go of the hunter's gun? He was holding on for deer life.
- Q: Where in L.A. can a deer hunter find does in season year round?
A: Venison Beach - What did the millennial hunter say when he couldn't see the deer anymore? I just lost the game.
...And now so have you. - What's a deer hunters favourite type of ice cream? Moose tracks
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Deer Jokes
What funny jokes about deer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flies jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make deer pranks.
Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road
I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"
Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?
Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.
Two men are hunting in the woods.
One of them sees a deer and fires, but accidentally shoots his friend in the back. When he realizes what happened, he immediately calls 911.
"Hello, what is your emergency?"
"I think I just killed my friend while hunting!"
"Ok, we'll send an ambulance immediately. But don't say things like that unless you're certain. Can you make sure he's dead?"
The emergency operator hears him walk a few steps then, *bang!*
"Ok, now I'm sure."
An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...
The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".
What do you get when you have 50 female pigs and 50 male deer?
One hundred sowsand bucks
Deer Season
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12
Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.
The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.
They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.
The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".
The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.
"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.
"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...
...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.
"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.
"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.
"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.
They debated until the train came and hit them.
Interviewing Arab for US visa
Interviewing an arab for a visa
Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul: s**...?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels.
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,........isn't it hostile?
Arab : Horse style, d**..., any style
Consul: Oh..........dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast
Why did the elk cry at the f**...?
He had lost a deer friend
A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.
They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"
A cute one I heard from a friend at work.
Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".
A Native American boy goes up to his father and asks him how they are given their names...
"Father, how are our names chosen?"
"Well, when a baby is born, the father walks out of the tent, and the first thing he sees, he names his new son.
If he sees a bird flying, he names 'flying bird'. A deer jumping? 'Jumping Deer'.
So tell me, young Sheep-a-Shittin', why do you ask?"
Three stat professors were out hunting...
...when they came upon a deer by a river.
The first professor fired his rifle, and the shot went three feet to the left.
The second professor fired, and the shot went 3 feet to the right.
The third stood and exclaimed "Alright! We got him!"
Two deer walk out of a gay bar.
One looks to another and says,."I must've blown 20 bucks in there."
3 statisticians go hunting
They see a deer. The first statistician shoots, but his shot misses by a foot to the left. The second statistician shoots, but her shot misses by a foot to the right. The third statistician says "Alright, we got it!"
An Arab national is interviewed at the Embassy for a visa:
Consul: Your name please?
Arab: Abu Zina.
Consul: s**...?
Arab: Every day.
Consul: Er, I mean, male or female?
Arab: Don't matter, sometimes even Camel.
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab: Yes, cows and donkey too.
Consul: Isn't that hostile?
Arab: Hosstyle, Dogstyle, any style!.
Consul: Oh dear!
Arab: No deer! run too fast.
2 deer walk out of a bar
1st deer: Man that was crazy in there
2nd: ya I can't believe I just blew 40 bucks!
Three statisticians are bow hunting in the woods and see a deer...
The first shoots his arrow and misses to the right by three feet.
The second shoots and misses three feet to the left.
The third throws up his arms and yells, "We got him!"
Two Blondes are out on a hike....
....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.
Three blondes are walking through the woods...
They come across a pair of tracks.
The first blonde says, "I think these are bear tracks!"
"No", the second blondes goes, "these are definitely deer tracks!"
The third blonde says, "I think they're rabbit tracks!!"
Then the train hit them...
This is my favorite clean joke by far.
What do you call a pickled deer?
A dill-doe
Three Blondes
Three blondes are hiking in the woods when they see some tracks.
1st blonde: Look guys, deer tracks!
2nd blonde: No, s**..., they're wolf tracks!
3rd blonde: You guys are both dumb, they're clearly bear tracks!
Then they got hit by a train.
Whats for Dinner
A man kills a Deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his Wife, decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the
meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
"Well," he said,
"It's what Mummy calls me, sometimes."
The little girl screams to her Brother,
"Don't eat it, it's an a**....."
Two hunters are walking in the forest
One hunter says to the other,
"DUCK! THERE's A DEER BEHIND YOU!"
The other hunter, however does not duck, and is subsequently shot.
He falls to the ground, and the shooter immediately calls 9-1-1.
Before the operator can say anything, he screams, "HELP HELP I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD!"
The operator says, "Well, first lets make sure he actually dead."
Another gunshot rings through the forest.
The hunter then says, "What should I do now?"
What did one deer say to the other after leaving the bar?
I can't believe you just blew 50 bucks in there
How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke
A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?
A brick falls from the sky and kills her.
Knock knock Who's there?
Not Mary
What do you call an incognito deer?
An anonymoose
What is the cheapest meat?
Deer t**....
They're under a Buck.
Did you know there is a species of deer that can jump higher than the average house?
This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact the average house cannot jump.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
I have no ideer.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar
As they are leaving one says to the other, "I can't believe you blew forty bucks in there!"
A duck, a deer, a skunk and an elephant are sitting in a bar
The end of the night rolls around and the waitress asks who is going to pay the tab.
The duck says that he can't pay because he only has one bill.
The deer says that she had a buck on her last night, but won't have any doe until spring.
The skunk says he can't pay because he only has one scent.
Finally, the elephant says "It's okay boys, the highballs are on me!"
Did you hear about the prolific male deer m**...?
He felt like a million bucks.
Three blondes found some tracks...
The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"
The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"
The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"
And that was when the train hit them.
My little boy was drawing pictures.
I thought I'd give him a hand, so I drew a picture of a deer. 'What's that, Son?' 'Don't know, Dad.' I drew antlers on it to make it easier. 'What's that, Son?' 'Don't know, Dad.' 'You see them out in the forest'. 'Don't know, Dad.' 'Rhymes with 'beer'. You know, beer like your Dad drinks.' 'Don't know, Dad.' Final attempt. 'Your Mom calls your Dad one.' 'Oh, I know! It's a drunken b**...!'
A deer walks into a gay bar
He comes out wasted, saying "I can't believe I blew fifty bucks back there!"
A reporter goes to the Middle East for an interview.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "s**...?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, d**..., any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
Three statisticians go on a hunting trip...
They spot a deer, immediately the first statistician takes a shot and it misses two meters to the left. The second statistician takes a shot and misses two meters to the right. "We got it!" yells the third Statistician
Three statisticians go out hunting...
and come across a large deer.
The first statistician fires, but misses by a meter to the left.
The second statistician fires, but also misses, this time by a meter to the right.
The third statistician doesn't fire, but starts shouting in triumph "We got it! We got it!"
Do you speak english?
- Yes
- Name?
- Abdul bal-Rhasib
- s**...?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't it hostile?
- Horse style, d**..., any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer runs too fast.
A mathematician, a physicist, and a statistician are out hunting
When they spot a deer. The mathemician shoots five feet to the left and misses. The physicist shoots five feet to the right and misses. The statistician yells, "We got em!"
Two blondes are walking in the park and come up on a set of tracks
One blonde says "I think these are bear tracks", the other blonde argues they are deer tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "s**...?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, d**..., any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Three hawks had a hunting contest
The first one went and came back with blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that tree over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a rabbit near it".
The second one went and came back with even more blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that rock over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a deer near it".
The third one went and came back with blood all over him. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that lamppost over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I didn't."
Three blondes in a wood
Three Blondes are walking through a wood.
They come across some tracks on the ground.
The first blonde says "these are deer tracks."
The second blonde says "no, these are bear tracks."
The third blonde says "no, these are fox tracks."
*s**...* and that's when the train hit them.
Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says I know these, they're deer tracks! The second says No! They're bear tracks Finally the third speaks up and says Your both wrong! They're obviously fox trails!
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
A scientist, Mathematician, and statistictian all go out hunting....
They see a deer and this Scientist takes the first shot. He misses by 3 feet
The Mathematician takes a shot and misses again by 3 feet on the opposite side.
The Statistictian shouts "We hit it!"
What is cheaper? Deer nuts or beer nuts?
Deer nuts, because they are always under a buck.
ME: I trained this chicken to talk.
HER: Let's hear then.
ME: What's a male deer called?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
HER: This is dumb.
CHICKEN: It gets way better, Susan.
So, I trained a chicken to talk
WIFE: Well, let's see
ME: What's a male deer?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
WIFE: This is s**.... Chickens just make that sound
ME: Oh believe me it gets better
CHICKEN: Yeah, just be patient Susan
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"
A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician go hunting.
They come upon a deer and the physicist takes a shot that misses 5 feet to the left. The chemist then takes a shot that misses 5 feet to the right. The statistician declares, "We got him!!"
What's the difference between Walnuts and Deer nuts?
Walnuts are $2.95 Deer nuts are under a buck. :DD
