deer Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious deer puns

Two deer walk out of a gay bar

One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar

One looks at the other and says, man, I blew like, twenty bucks in there!

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Three blondes are walking through a forest

...when they spot tracks on the ground. The first blonde says: "Look, those are deer tracks."
The second blonde looks at them and says: "No you're wrong, those tracks obviously belong to wolves."
The third blonde thinks for a minute and says: "You're both wrong, these are hog tracks, I'm sure."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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There were 3 blondes walking on a trail...

The first blonde said "Those look like deer tracks!"

The second blonde said "No those are totally moose tracks... "

The third blonde said "Nope, they are goat tracks!"

Then a train hit them

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So, two deer walk out of a gay bar................

One of them turns to the other and says "Man, I can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there".

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two deer are leaving a gay bar

one turns to the other and says "I cant believe I blew 40 bucks in there"

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What is the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls, they're under a buck.

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Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"

The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"

The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"

The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.

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What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. Deer nuts are always under a buck...

I'll see myself out now.

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I'm definitely the loser if I run over a deer. It's going to cost me hundreds of dollars.

But nature is only out a buck.

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What is the cheapest meat?

Deer testicles.

They're under a Buck.

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A man kills a deer...

A man is out hunting and kills a deer. He brings it home to his family and cooks it, but doesn't tell his kids what it is. He said "I'll give you a hint, it's what your mother calls me." The youngest son cries out, "It's a fucking dick, don't eat it!"

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Whats the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts

Beer nuts are $1.50 a lb. And deer nuts are under a buck.

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Two Blondes are out on a hike....

....when one looks down and sees some tracks. "Hey look, deer tracks!" she exclaims. The other blond looks over and says, "Those aren't deer tracks! Those are rabbit tracks!" After about 10 minutes of bickering about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

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What did the gay deer say when he left the bar?

I can't believe I blew fifty bucks in there.

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Three blondes found some tracks...

The first blonde said, "Those are bear tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, those are deer tracks!"

The third blonde said, "No those are dog tracks!"

And that was when the train hit them.

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That's actually rude..

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said: "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother: "Don't eat it. It's an asshole!

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Blonds in the woods

There were three blonds walking through the woods, when they come across some tracks.
"These are bear tracks" said the first blond,
"No, these are deer tracks" sais the second,
"You two are both wrong, these are wolf tracks" said the third,
They were all still arguing when the train hit them.

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar.

The one deer turns to his friend and says "Man, I blew like 30 bucks in there."

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Canadian money

The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced they are going to remove the polar bear from the "Toonie" (two dollars) in view of its demise soon with global warming.

In the height of political correctness they will replace it with two gay deer. Instead of calling it a "toonie," it will now be called "two fucking bucks"

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A gay deer walks out of a bar and says,

"Man I can't believe I blew 50 bucks in there!"

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A hunter comes home with a deer and tells his wife to cook it for dinner that night

The hunter's wife obeys and serves it to the family for dinner. Before the children start eating, the wife has them guess what kind of meat it is.

She gives a clue: "It's what I call your father."

The hunter's son pushes away his plate, shouting, "Don't eat it, it's a fucking dick!"

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Three blonds are out walking in the Forest when they come across a set of tracks

Those are deer tracks! Said the first.

No! They're antelope tracks! Said the second

Oh no... they are definitely bear tracks! said the third.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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Never Mess with Kids

A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane.
The man turned to him and said, Let's talk .

Kid: Ok, what do we talk about ?

Man (making fun of d kid): How about nuclear power?

Kid:
Very interesting topic. But let me ask you a question…
Horse, cow & deer, all eat grass. Yet deer excretes pellets, cow flat potty & horse clumps.
Why?

Man: I don't know.

Child: Do you really feel qualified enough to discuss nuclear issues when you don't know shit.. ?

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Two gay deer walk out of a bar...

One turns to the other and says "damn dude, I cant beleive you blew twenty bucks in there"

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Dad cooks deer for dinner and doesn't tell the kids what it is...

He gives them a hint
"It's what your mom calls me"

The kids respond
"It's a fucking dick, don't eat it"

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Why did Kim Jong-il die a week before December 25th?



Because Rudolph is the only deer leader at Christmas.

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A man is making hamburgers made of deer meat for his family for dinner one night ...

He says to his kids "try to guess whats in the hamburger. Ill give you a hint, its what mommy calls me"

Immediatly his son yells to his sister "stop eating it! Its a fucking dick!"

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A cute one I heard from a friend at work.

Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alright, just put it on my bill".

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I tortured a guy from PETA.

He screamed for deer life.

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A gay deer goes into a bar.....

A gay deer goes into a bar, hangs out for a couple of hours, blows 42 bucks.

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A physicist, a biologist and a statistician go hunting.

They are hiding together in the bushes and they see a deer 70ft ahead of them. The physicist makes some calculations, aims and fires at the deer. His shot ends up 5ft to the left of the deer. The biologist analyzes the deer's movement, aims and fires. His shot ends up 5ft to the right of the deer. The statistician drops his rifle and happily shouts, "WE GOT IT!!"

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A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. Of course, the kids are eager to know what the meat is. They ask their dad for the clue. Well, he says, It's what mommy calls me sometimes. The little girl screams, Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole.

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar.

One turns to the other and says "Man, I blew like 50 bucks in there!"

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Two deer walk out of a bar.

One turns to the other in disgust and says, "I can't believe you blew 20 bucks in there."

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What are the most funny Deer jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Deer? Well, here are the best Deer dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Deer pick up lines to share with friends.

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