Deer Hunter Jokes
40 deer hunter jokes and hilarious deer hunter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about deer hunter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Deer Hunter Short Jokes
Short deer hunter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The deer hunter humour may include short deer hunting jokes also.
- Did you hear the one about the hunter who almost fell out of his tree stand ? He was hanging on for deer life
- Hunter says to a deer "wanna go back to my place and hang by the fire?" "Sure" says the deer "I'm game"
- Remember the guy who played in the deer hunter, and pulp fiction. Christopher something or other. Anyway, I heard he's opening a new hospital. I think they're going to call it the Walken clinic.
- What common saying is a favorite among deer hunters and racist cops? "If it's brown, it's down."
- What did the millennial hunter say when he couldn't see the deer anymore? I just lost the game.
...And now so have you. - Gingers are lucky A hunter will never mistake them for a deer he will always think its a target.
- A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday.
"From what I hear about your aim," said the Pastor, "It's a sin for you to hunt anytime." - Did you hear about the hunter who traded a prize deer for a high class p**...? He got the best bang for his buck
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Deer Hunter One Liners
Which deer hunter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with deer hunter? I can suggest the ones about duck hunting and bear hunting.
- What do hunters call deer that carry guns? Fair game
- Why did the hunter shoot the deer? Because he couldn't tell if it was friend or doe.
- Why wouldn't the activist let go of the hunter's gun? He was holding on for deer life.
- Q: Where in L.A. can a deer hunter find does in season year round?
A: Venison Beach - What's a deer hunters favourite type of ice cream? Moose tracks
- Two deer were fooling around a hunter's camp Now they're hanging up at my house.
- Why didn't the hipster hunter see any deer? He went out before it was cool.
Playful Deer Hunter Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about deer hunter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean duck hunt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make deer hunter pranks.
Two hunters are walking in the forest
One hunter says to the other,
"DUCK! THERE's A DEER BEHIND YOU!"
The other hunter, however does not duck, and is subsequently shot.
He falls to the ground, and the shooter immediately calls 9-1-1.
Before the operator can say anything, he screams, "HELP HELP I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD!"
The operator says, "Well, first lets make sure he actually dead."
Another gunshot rings through the forest.
The hunter then says, "What should I do now?"
3 hunters are in the woods.
Ok so 3 hunters are walking through the woods when they see some tracks on the ground.
The first hunter said they were deer tracks.
The second hunter said no they are bear tracks.
The third hunter didn't get to say anything because he got ran over by a train.
I went deer hunting with my older brothers when I was a youngster
It was in a mountainous area and I got separated from the group. Hopeless and lost I remember them telling me what to do: fire 3 shots in the air and they would come rescue me. Every 20 minutes I did that until I was accidentally found by a group of hunters that just happened to be passing by. I told them I sure was glad to see them! I was down to my last 3 arrows!
Three hunters
Three hunters went into a forest and came upon three sets of tracks. The first hunter examined the first set and said "These are deer tracks", the second hunter examined the second set and said "These are bear tracks", the third hunter didn't say anything because he was hit by a train.
Prayer
The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were unable to make service because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer."
One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."
A deer hunter was bragging about the biggest, baddest, handsomest, heaviest deer he'd bagged the day before.
"It's got enough meat to eat the whole year," he boasted.
Just then the Game Warden came up and cited the man $500 for hunting without the proper tag.
"Five-hundred dollars?" exclaimed the hunter.
"All for a mangy, skinny, stubby, half-pint deer?"
On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs.
"Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor.
"It did," the doctor replied.
A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out.
"Good God!" exclaimed the hunter.
Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, "I thought you don't believe in me."
The hunter replied, "Up until now I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer either."
Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old-timer.
"You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs," he said.
The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods.
At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, "Maybe tomorrow we'll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand."
Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle.
"I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk.
The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."
Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush.
"Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman."
"OK," says Ivan.
After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."
Two Aggies bag a deer
Two Aggies had bagged a deer and were dragging it by the rear legs back to the truck. But the antlers kept getting stuck in the mud. One says to the other, "This is tough but we only got about 1 mile left to reach the truck."
A third hunter saw their dilemma and told them, "If you drag the deer the other way, the antlers won't stick in the mud."
So the Aggies give it try and it works! The first Aggie says, "That hunter was right! This way is a lot easier."
The second Aggie says, "Sure was, but now we're two miles from the truck."
Deer Hunter
A hunter was stalking a deer on the ridge across from him when he noticed the deer was somewhat wobbly and seemed to be squinting. Looking carefully through his rifle scope, he soon realized that the big buck was standing in the middle of a patch of m**..., happily chewing away. Taking careful aim, he successfully downed the deer with a perfect shot. Unfortunately, it took him the rest of the day to navigate the rocky ravine and get across to his prize. By the time he got there, two vultures had started to work on the carcass, but due to the effects of the cannabis-t**... meat, they were high as kites. So, apparently.....he s**... two birds with one kill.
A catholic priest and an Indian named John...
One Friday afternoon on the reservation John and his family were starving. John, being a great hunter, went out and killed a deer to feed his wife and kids.
A catholic priest sees this and says, "John! What are you doing? You cannot eat meat on a Friday!"
John says to the priest, "It's not meat, it's fish!"
The priest couldn't believe his ears. He quickly replied, "It is meat and you should not tell lies, John!"
John says, "I assure you father, it is fish."
Cofused and curious the father ask John, "Why do you say it is fish?"
John says, "I sprinkled water on it and I said from meat you become fish."
The priest yells at John, "You cannot do that!"
John says, "Why not father? When I met you I was Mapuche, then you sprinkled water on me and I became John."
The Good Natured Hunter
Two old fellows are out hunting. The one with the gun sees a buck, broadside, and glistening in the sunlight. Just as he is about to take the shot they see a f**... procession going along a road in the distance. The fellow lowers his gun and tips his hat at the procession - and the deer runs off into the woods. The other fellow says, "Wow, I didn't know you had such compassion for the dead." The old fellow responds, "Well, I just thought that it was the right thing to do - after all, if she'd made another week, we'd have been married for 40 years."
Three men enter a hunting contest...
The rules of the contest are simple: A contestant must enter the woods, shoot an animal, return to the judges, and tell them how he shot it.
So the first man goes into the woods, and about an hour later he returns with a freshly shot b**....
The judges ask, "So how'd you shoot it?"
The hunter replies, "I followed the tracks... I followed the tracks... and BAM! I shot the b**....
Then the second man goes into the woods, and about 3 hours later he returns with a freshly shot deer.
The judges ask, "So how'd you shoot it?"
The hunter replies, "I followed the tracks... I followed the tracks... and BAM! I shot the deer.
Then the third man walks into the woods. The judges wait, and wait, and wait for almost a day. Eventually, the man is gone so long that they send out a search party for him. After hours of searching, they find the hunter. He is crawling along the ground, covered with blood and bruises, and both of his legs are missing. He groans with agony, and it's clear that he doesn't have much time left.
They scream, "Oh my god, what happened to you?"
With his last painful breaths, the hunter pulls a judge close and whispers into his ear, ""I followed the tracks... I followed the tracks... and BAM! I got hit by a train."
A deer hunter just messed up another hunt.
This happened to him more times than he could count.
He would spot a buck, aim, fire and miss.
He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away.
He would sneeze just as the buck came into range.
He would fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away.
Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies.
"Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.
Two new deer hunters decided to separate to increases their chances.
"What if we get lost?" says one of them.
"Fire three shots up in the air, every hour on the hour," says the other.
"I saw it on TV."
Sure enough, one of the hunters gets lost, so he fires three shots up into the air every hour on the hour.
The next day the other hunter finds his friend with the help of the Forest Ranger.
"Did you do what I said?" asked the hunter.
"Yes, I fired three shots up into the air every hour on the hour, until I ran out of arrows."
