Deep South Jokes
25 deep south jokes and hilarious deep south puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about deep south that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Deep South Short Jokes
Short deep south jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The deep south humour may include short southern jokes also.
- Why are crimes in the 'Deep South' so hard to solve? There's no dental records & all the DNA matches...
- Why is the deep south US the safest place to relocate during the zombie apocalypse? Toothless zombies can't bite.
- People in the deep south must really love Halloween since they march around in their ghost costumes all year long.
- How do you know the toothbrush was invented in the 'Deep South'? Anywhere else, it would have been called a 'teethbrush'
- What would President Barrack Obama's name be if he had been born in the deep south. Al Obama.
- How is that last bit of ketchup in the bottom of the bottle like a closeted gay preacher in the Deep South? It's never coming out.
- How does a Deep South r**... pronounce Worcestershire sauce? Wash your sister sauce. A ha ha ha boom boom
- Why are there so many bakeries in the Deep South ? Because all the people down there are i**...
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Deep South One Liners
Which deep south one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with deep south? I can suggest the ones about north south and south carolina.
- Why don't they teach Calculus in the Deep South? Because they don't like integration.
- How was calculus taught in the Deep South prior to integration?
- What do you call N'Sync if they're from the Deep South? N'Sest
- What do you call a gay man from the deep South a h**...-s**...-y'all
Deep South Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about deep south you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean south jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make deep south pranks.
A fellow from the Midwest has to spend Christmas in the deep South.
He's there on business, and he misses the snow. He tries to cheer himself up by walking around looking at a Christmas crèche ( a tableau representing the Nativity scene ). He's shocked to see that the three wise men are dressed as firemen, in hats and boots and slickers. He asks a passerby why in the world they're dressed that way.
Annoyed, she says, "Don't you Yankees ever read the Bible? It says right in the Bible, the three wise men came from *a far!*"
A reindeer walked into a bar in the deep South
He bellied up to the counter, and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the $20 bill from the reindeer's hoof. As the bartender handed the reindeer his change, he said,
"You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen here."
The reindeer looked hard at the hoof full of change and said,
"Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll ever see in here."
Alabama Wedding
Deep in the heart of Alabama, a son arrives to his father's house with exciting news.
"Paw, I met the best girl in the world, and we're about to get married!"
The father seems excited, and urges his son to describe her.
"Well, she's quick as a whip, funny as a bone, most gorgeous girl south of dixie," and after every description, the father hollers his approval.
"And best of all... she's a v**...!"
At the last statement, the father's excitement disappears. The son looks confused, and asks him what's the matter. The father shouts back,
"If she ain't good enough for her family, what makes you think she's good enough for ours?"
r**... Birth Control
A r**... in the deep south calls a number he found on a flyer for cheap home vasectomies.
A man on the other side of the line informs him that the procedure is very simple. So simple in fact he can do it on his own.
All he needs is a beer can, a cherry bomb (little firecracker) and to count to 10 whilst standing in the garden.
So the r**... empties the can, lights the cherry bomb and drops it in.
Holding the can in his left hand he starts counting on his fingers.
And then placing the can between his thighs he continues to count on the other hand.
A Brit, American and South African Joke
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years
They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Brit's, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York bulletin: American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British
One week later, the Cape bulletin, in South Africa , reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Thabazimbi , South Africa , Lucky Simelane, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing (azikolo, fokol (f*** all). Lucky has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Africa had already gone wireless.
As a Southerner, this is one of my favorite jokes...
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. They struck up a conversation, and it was found out that one man was from the North, and the other was from the South. The Southern man asks the Northern man what his diet usually consists of. The Northerner says, 'Well, the usual things really. Pizza, spaghetti, salads, eggs, etc.'
'Oh, wow that sounds great,' says the Southerner.
'Why, what do you usually eat?' asks the Northerner.
'Everything you eat, just deep-fried.'
There's this penguin...
There's this penguin, driving through the South, the Deep South... late August. The hot months. "Ew! But it sure is hot!" the penguin lisped from behind the wheel of his choking jalopy.
Suddenly! The jalopy fails the penguin and he has to push it down a bumpy road to the next small town. He got out, and with all his strength in his weak flippers, he pushed the car over hill and dale.
"Whew!" he sighed.
As luck would have it, there was a mechanic in town, and he told the penguin that he'd have to spend some time with the car. "Why don't you come back in an hour or so?"
Wiping the sweat from his brow, the penguin espied an ice cream shoppe! "Hurray and yippy!" he cried! "I'll be back, toot sweet!" he said.
He ordered the tallest vanilla ice cream he could hold between his vestigial wings... those miserable fins could barely manage the scoops upon scoops of creamy goodness. The cone was so tall that more of it ended up on the penguin than in him!
"Yummy! That was very very good!" the penguin said, smacking his lips.
He waddled back to the mechanic who was ready to give the little fellow an update. The mechanic looked at the penguin sternly. The gaskets and seals on the engine were severely damaged after years of driving without a routine check, and it was certainly going to be expensive.
"Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
"Oh no, that's just ice cream!" the penguin said, wiping the ice cream from his chin.
Racist in the deep south
There was a racist in the south who would often see minority hitchhikers walking alongside the road. Everytime, he would feel compelled to try to run them over.
One day he was driving and saw a hitchhiker. He was getting excited at the possibility of a good hit, and then he realized it was white pastor. He felt ashamed that he had almost hit him that he just had to pick him up.
So the pastor gets in and they get going again. The racist says, "Father, I must admit, I almost ran you over, and its because I have an urge which you might not agree with.
The pastor says, "why, whatever do you mean, my child?"
Just then, a hitchhiker is seen coming up the road, and the racist says, "oh god, its a n**..., I am sorry Father, I have to do this."
The racist revs up and is barreling down the road. The hitchhiker jumps out of the way, just barely missing the front right wheel. "d**...!"
The pastor exclaims, "Don't worry, I hit him with the door!"
A young woman's car broke down in the deep South.
She realized that there was no way to get back to the city that night, so she walked over to the nearest farm house and asked the man there if she could stay over for the night.
The farmer scratched his head and said, "Well, I sure don't see no problem with this, just don't bother my two sons Joe Bob and Billy."
The woman assured him that she wouldn't, but that night she snuck into the boys' shared room and said, "Hey boys, want to have some fun?" They, being teenage boys, readily agreed.
The girl first held up two condoms and said, "Now boys, before we get started, you both gotta put on a rubber. I don't want to be getting pregnant, now!" They both complied and the t**... had s**... all night long. The woman left the next day, and they never saw each other again.
Twenty years later, Joe Bob and Billy sat on their rocking chairs on the porch. Joe Bob turned to Billy.
"Billy?"
"Yeah Joe Bob?"
"Remember that fine lady that visited us that one time?"
"Sure do."
"Do you care if she gets pregnant?"
"Sure don't."
"Me either. Let's take these danged things off."