deep Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious deep puns

I dig, she dig, we dig, he dig, they dig, you dig ..

It's not a beautiful poem but it's really deep.

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My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..."

I know he means well...

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My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water"

I know he means well...

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Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too

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What do vaginas and the mafia have in common?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

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What do the mafia and a pussy have in common?

One slip of tongue, and you're in deep shit.

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What is the similarity between a pussy and the mafia?

One slip of the tounge and you're in deep shit.

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New Sex Position called Raging bull... [NSFW]

1st get your girl in doggy style and slide in real deep.
Now lean forward and wrap your arms around her real deep.
Now here's the bull part, bring your lips near her ear and whisper another girl's name and see how long you can stay on. Good luck.

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A woman wakes up from a coma and...

A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.

Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?

Doctor: Denise

Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?

Doctor: Denephew

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I'd been in a serious accident.

Thursday night I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in hospital's ICU, tubes up my nose & down my throat, wires monitoring every function & all around my head, hell of a pain over my left ear, and a gorgeous nurse hovering over me.


It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident.


She looked deep & steady and I heard her slowly say,

'You may not feel anything from the waist down.'


I managed to mumble in reply,

'Can I feel your tits, then?'

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A deeply religious man is trying to book a room at a hotel.

He asks the receptionist if the pornography is disabled. To which she replies, "No. We just have regular pornography, you sick fuck."

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Deep.

Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.

Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.

Realist sees light from incoming train.

Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.

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My wife asked me where I'd like to be buried...

Apparently "Balls deep in your sister" was not the answer she was expecting.

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Why don't they teach Calculus in the Deep South?

Because they don't like integration.

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A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.

Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?

Doctor: Denephew.

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A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"

Barry says "make it $1000".

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My wife was in the height of labour. Screaming in agony as I mopped her brow. She turned to me and grabbed my hand. Her face scrunched up and staring deep into my eyes, she let out a hiss and shouted, "THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!!"

I smiled and calmly replied, "Well if you remember rightly, I wanted to do you up the arse but you said it'd be too painful"

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What does it mean when a man looks deep into your eyes?

it means that you are flat chested.

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A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby...

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.

Woman: Oh, no. Not my brother, he is an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise

Woman: Not exactly my choice, but that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?

Doctor: Denephew.

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I wrote a poem.

I dig.

You dig.

She digs.

He digs.

They dig.

We dig.


Now I know it's not a very good poem, but it's pretty deep.

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A pregnant woman falls into a coma..

A 3 month pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 6 months later she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: Don't worry. You had twins, a boy and a girl and your brother named them for you.

Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name them?

Doctor: Denise

Woman: That's not too bad. What about the boy?

Doctor: Denephew

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My wife asked me where I would like to be buried.......

Apparently, " Balls deep in your sister " wasn't the anewer she was expecting.

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I like my women like I like my coffee.

I have a deep respect for coffee and would never discriminate against coffee based on its gender.

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I was at the public swimming pool today and decided to have a sneaky piss in the deep end.

The lifeguard must have noticed - he blew his whistle so fucking loud, I nearly fell in.

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At the hearings, Kavanaugh was asked how he would prefer to cross a waist deep river, in a rowboat or simply walk across it

He said he doesn't want to give an opinion on Row Vs. Wade

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Last Names.

It's commonly known that a lot of last names originate from an ancestor's profession, or what they were known for, hundreds of years ago.
If your last name is Smith, it's likely one of your ancestors was a blacksmith.
If your last name is Cooper, they may have been a cooper, who were known for making barrels.
If your last name is Dickinson I wouldn't delve too deep into your family history.

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Special Hand Job

Getting a hand job from a chick is like watching the special Olympics...

You keep cheering them on but deep down inside you know you can do better...

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The deeply religious Jim and Joan are freshly married

As they begin to consummate their marriage, Jim moves straight for anal. Joan stops him "No, that's not the right hole."

"How would you know?" Asks Jim

"I was late after choir practice one day, and Father Henry and I talked about the sins of the flesh. Then he showed me how it was done so I could stay away from it and be wise and virtuous."

"Well that's weird." says Jim. "When we had that discussion, Father Henry put it in my ass."

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I was having a quick wee in the deep end of the swimming pool when the lifeguard blew his whistle.

It was so loud I nearly fell in.

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I dropped my laptop in the middle of the ocean

A dell must be rolling in the deep

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How is eating a girl out like being a member of the mafia?

One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit!

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DIVING WITHOUT EQUIPMENT

Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

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An opinion without 3.14

Is just an onion...
DEEP

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Why do they bury police officers 6ft under.

Because deep down they are good people.

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Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church.....

They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.

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What are the most funny Deep jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Deep? Well, here are the best Deep dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Deep pick up lines to share with friends.

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