The Best 65 Deep Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Deep jokes. There are some deep dug jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these deep balls deep puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Deep Jokes and Puns
I dig, she dig, we dig, he dig, they dig, you dig ..
It's not a beautiful poem but it's really deep.
Why are lawyers always buried 15 feet deep?
Because deep down they're good people.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
I have a deep respect for coffee and would never discriminate against coffee based on its gender.
Mental Hospital
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
Bad News
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.
two men are driving down the country road when....
...one man sees a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. he pulls the truck over, gets out, walks up to the sheep and pulls down his pants and has sex with the sheep. After he is done he walks back and tells his buddy "hey man its your turn". his buddy walks over to the sheep, gives a deep sigh, and sticks his head in the fence.
I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end...
But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in.
A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.
The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor.
"Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea."
Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand.
Owner says "Yes, Barry. That was fast, what's your cost saving plan?"
Barry says "make it $1000".
Last Names.
It's commonly known that a lot of last names originate from an ancestor's profession, or what they were known for, hundreds of years ago.
If your last name is Smith, it's likely one of your ancestors was a blacksmith.
If your last name is Cooper, they may have been a cooper, who were known for making barrels.
If your last name is Dickinson I wouldn't delve too deep into your family history.
Special Hand Job
Getting a hand job from a chick is like watching the special Olympics...
You keep cheering them on but deep down inside you know you can do better...
You can explore deep fellers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean deep wooded dad jokes. There are also deep puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A joke about Germans - I´m German and i was rolling on the floor laughing about it
Q: Why do they bury Germans 20 meters underground?
A: Because deep down they are really nice.
I just heard a beautiful poem...
"I dig, you dig, we
dig, he dig, she dig,
they dig, we all dig."
I'll admit it's not a very *beautiful* poem, but it sure is deep.
You dig ,I dig, she dig, he dig, we dig, they dig.
It's not a great poem but it's very deep.
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a girl and a boy. Fortunately, your brother was there to name them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well, that isn't so bad. What did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.
I asked a group of women if they found rape jokes funny. They all said "no!"
But deep down I knew they really meant "yes."
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too
The Old Man and his wife
A couple were celebrating 60 years of marriage, the old man kissed his wife's neck and then said: "Of our six kids the last one didn's look anything like his brothers and sister, did he have a different father?"
After a moment she took a deep breath and answered yes.
The old man sighed. "Who was he?"
"You.
I wrote a poem.
I dig.
You dig.
She digs.
He digs.
They dig.
We dig.
Now I know it's not a very good poem, but it's pretty deep.
A woman wakes up from a coma and...
A 4-months-pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 5 months later she wakes up and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are perfectly fine. Luckily your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no not my brother! He's an idiot. What did he name the my daughter?
Doctor: Denise
Woman: Oh that's not that bad. What did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church.....
They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.
An opinion without 3.14
Is just an onion...
DEEP
Deep sleep prevents aging.
Especially when you are driving.
Why do they bury police officers 6ft under.
Because deep down they are good people.
Camped
Dad: We're going camped tomorrow, and I think we'll go extra deep into the woods.
Son: That sounds really fun, but wouldn't the proper statement be 'we're going camping.'
Dad: Normally, yes, but the verb changes because I'm sure we'll be going past tents.
I dropped my laptop in the middle of the ocean
A dell must be rolling in the deep
My ex broke up with me
My ex broke up with me because I , apparently , was too immature ...
I took a deep breath and calmed down.
Then I went to her house , rang the doorbell and ran away.
My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water"
I know he means well...
What does it mean when a man looks deep into your eyes?
it means that you are flat chested.
I was having a quick wee in the deep end of the swimming pool when the lifeguard blew his whistle.
It was so loud I nearly fell in.
DIVING WITHOUT EQUIPMENT
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.
Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10.
"Just don't tell Dad" she says.
*Hey, it's working* thinks Little Johnny.
An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and says: "Dad, I know everything."
Dad gives Johnny $100. "Don't tell Mom" he says.
Just then, the mailman knocks on the door. Johnny opens it and says. "I know everything, Mister."
The mailman drops all his mail, his eyes tear up and he says:
"Well then Johnny, come give Daddy a hug."
Why do they bury politicians under 6 feet of dirt?
Because deep down, they're good people.
Deep.
Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..."
I know he means well...
Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?
Because deep down, they're really good people
Why don't they teach Calculus in the Deep South?
Because they don't like integration.
What do you call a Japanese deep fried mattress?
A Tempura-Pedic
At the hearings, Kavanaugh was asked how he would prefer to cross a waist deep river, in a rowboat or simply walk across it
He said he doesn't want to give an opinion on Row Vs. Wade
wrong answer
A guy shows up at his local pub with a black eye. "What happened to you?" asks the bartender.
"Oh, this morning my wife asked me where I would like to be buried," says the guy.
"So?" asks the bartender.
And the guy says, "Apparently, 'Balls deep in her sister' wasn't the answer she was expecting."
A kid falls into a well.
After a few hours, a man walks by and hears shouting. He walks over to the well and yells "Is somebody down there?"
"Yes, please help me!"
"Okay, I called 911 and they're on the way. How old are you? What's it like down there?"
"I'm 14 and this is deep!"
Is my Thai girlfriend a trap?
Something deep inside me says yes
I dig, you dig, he digs, she digs we dig, they dig.
It's not a long poem, but it's deep.
A woman was walking along the street when she got plowed into by a vehicle and killed...
The police had a tough time identifying her, but they were able to get a picture from the DMV.
They walked up to her house and rang the doorbell.
"Sir, do you know this woman?"
"Yes it's my wife"
(Deep sigh) "Sir, I'm not really sure how to break this to you... but it looks like your wife was hit by a truck."
The man replied, "Yeah, I know... but she's a wonderful cook!"
My friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'.
I know he means well.
Making a deep dish pizza is surprisingly super easy!
It's a pizza cake!
A teenager got suck in well.
He calls 911.
Boy: 911?
Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Boy: I'm stuck in a well.
Operator: How old are you? Is the well deep?
Boy: im14andthisisdeep.
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.
The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!
So the Pope slapped him.
A man tells his Rabbi: "I have a deep desire to live forever. What should I do?"
Rabbi: "Go and get married"
Man: "That's it? How will that allow me to live forever?"
Rabbi: "It won't, but your desire will go away."
An Indian shop owner is on his deathbed in hospital.
An Indian shop owner is on his deathbed in hospital. His family comes to visit him as he his waking up from a deep sleep. He looks around the room in a daze and calls out to them.
"Padma, my beautiful wife, are you here"
"Yes I am here my husband", she says
"Kajol, my daughter, are you here"
"Yes I am here father", she says
"Suren, My son, are you here"
"Yes I am here father", he says
"Well, if all of you are here, then who is looking after the bloody shop" yells the father
My girl said she had enough of my mansplaining. She said the next time I do it, she'll throw me into a deep hole filled with water
I know she means well.
I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig.
It might not be a beautiful poem but it's very deep.
two Mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night
Two Mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night.
One of them says: "I gotta admit I'm scared out here."
The other replies: "You're scared... I gotta walk back alone!"
I told my friend I have an acute sense of when a deep hole with water is nearby. He said thats a useless ability.
I'm well aware
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, your brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
My wife told me she is so sick of my mansplaining, and if I don't stop she's going to throw me in a deep hole with water in it.
I know she means well.
I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a raging weed and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.
So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs 'WHAT'S GOIN' ON?'
Did you hear that Adelle started a campaign to raise awareness for sea life by reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone while scuba diving 60 ft under the water.
They called it "Rowling in the Deep"
Diving
One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he was not wearing a scuba gear.
The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later.
The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING STUPID".
Pigeon problem
Visited a friend on the eighth floor of her old government office building in Washington. There were hundreds of pigeons sitting on the ledge along the building outside the windows, making noise and pooping, two inches deep in some places. They were really annoying. I asked her if they'd tried getting rid of them. She said, "See those wires along the ledge? They are carrying 1000 volts. We thought that would get rid of them, but it didn't phase them a bit." I told her "I'm not surprised. That's AC current, and these are DC pigeons."
An American a Russian and an Indian meet in a Bar.
They start boasting about their countries.
The American said "We dug deep and found thick wires. So we had a telegraph system in the past too!"
The Russian said " That's nothing. We dug deep and found thin wires. That means we already had phones in the past!"
Then the Indian says "We dug deep and found nothing!"
So the other two started laughing and said "what's there to boast about?"
The Indian said "That means we always had wireless!"
With the increasing price and size of Iphones……
If you want to be an iPhone user in 10 years, you'll need to have deep pockets.
( first time here, I hope is not too bad)
I hired a guy to stain my entry way but he used a very deep brown color that I don't like.
So I fired him and told him to never darken my door again.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor the first day at work.
Deep down.., I realized it wasn't for me.
Why do they bury lawyers 12 feet deep?
Because deep down, they're really nice guys.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the deep dive puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working deep bottomless piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.
