The Best 28 Deed Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Deed jokes. There are some deed acres jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these deed gladly puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Deed Jokes and Puns

A man visits his doctor...

and asks him how to improve his sexual performance because he has a date with his girlfriend the next day. The doctor suggests masturbating a couple of hours before a sexual encounter.

After leaving the doctor's office, he decides he needs to find a window of time to do the deed. He can't risk doing it at work for fear of being fired, and he can't do it at home because he is meeting his girlfriend at a nice restaurant and won't have time to stop. After a little more thinking, he devises a brilliant plan: he will pretend he is fixing the underside of his car and do it there so no one can see him.

The next day, the man leaves work and heads to the restaurant. He pulls over to the side of the busy highway, discreetly slides under his car, closes his eyes and begins furiously slapping the salami. Some time goes by when another car pulls up behind him. A police officer steps out and says, "Excuse me sir, can I ask what you're doing there?"

"Oh, I'm just fixing my axles." The man replies.

The officer responds, "Well you might want to fix your brakes too, because your car rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

A koala goes to a brothel

So a koala goes to a brothel and does the deed with the prostitute. When they are finished, he gets up and starts to head out the door. The prostitute stops him and says "Hey! The definition of prostitute is we have sex for money!" The koala looks at her and says, "Well the definition of koala is eats bushes and leaves."

how do you know if a vulcano has a STD?

You will have a burning sensation after you did the deed

Deed joke, how do you know if a vulcano has a STD?

Dirty limerick...

There was a girl from Peru

Grammar to her was new

She asked after the deed

With her mouth full of seed

Did I just blow or blew?

A man buys a house

The guy he buys it from says
"we printed out the deed but didn't have paper so we printed it on this plank of wood, will that be okay?"
"That wooden deed"


Nuns

The nuns at the local convent had their daily annoucement session.
The mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious
frown on her face. She began to speak...
Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed committed here, yesterday.
99 nuns: Oh, no!

1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men's underwear.

99 nuns: Oh, no!

1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And I also found a condom.

99 nuns: Oh, no!

1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And it has been used!

99 nuns: Oh, no!

1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it!

1 nun: Oh, No!

99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!.....

What do you call killing a furry?

A good deed

Deed joke, What do you call killing a furry?

So a man dies and goes to heaven...

When he got there, he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates.
St. Peter asked "What, in your opinion, was your most noble deed?"

"Uh, well, I saw some huge bikers harassing an old lady outside a bar once, so I went up to the biggest, baddest guy and ripped out his nose ring."

Impressed, St. Peter asked, "Well, when was all this?"

"Uh, about 5 minutes ago."

Sex

A Hell's Angel is doing the deed with his girl in the back seat of a car. He hears a tap-tap-tap on the window, looks up, sees a flashlight shine on a badge and then into the back seat, and a gravely voice say, "I'm next."

He starts quivering and shaking, and his girl asks him what is the matter.

He says, "I never done it with a cop!"

Riddle: I advise others to do this, but never do it myself. What is my advice?

Make sure she's 18 before doing the deed.

My good deed for the day

In the line at Walmart there was a little old lady in front of me, $73 of shopping but her card was declined!
I was feeling generous especially at this time of year and you've got to help out so I helped her put it all back.

You can explore deed plat reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean deed tract dad jokes. There are also deed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My good deed for the day.

This morning at the Tesco check out I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her bill came to Β£56.83 but when she counted out all her change she only had just under Β£50. I thought she was probably someone's Nan and I'd like to think someone would have helped my Nan out in that situation. She didn't want me to help her but I insisted and in no time at all, we had all her shopping back on the shelves...

I did my good deed for the day

I was at the Walmart check-out and was behind an old lady in the queue.

Her bill came to $51.60 but when she counted out her change she only had just under $50.

She didn't want me to help her, bless her poor little soul, but I insisted, and in no time we had all her shopping back on the shelves.

How is giving someone a love letter similar to being a hitman?

You always say "The deed is done"

No good deed goes unpunished

Like the other day when I gave up my seat to this old, frail lady, only to lose my job as a bus driver.

World War 2

Man: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done?"
Man: I harbored Jewish people in my basement to keep them safe from the Germans."
Priest: "That's not a sin. That's a good deed."
Man: "But I have been charging them one dollar a night until the war is over."
Priest: "That's perfectly okay."
Man: "I haven't told them the war is over."

Deed joke, World War 2

An elderly woman asked a young man if he wanted to try 69.

Out of curiosity, he agreed.

Whilst they were doing the deed, she accidentally farted. Embarrassed, she apologised, and they continued.

The same thing happened a short while later, and the woman apologised again, to which the young man replied:

"No can do lady, I ain't gonna wait for the other 67!"

Got arrested for doing a good deed

How come people can donate a kidney and get praised as heroes, but when I donate 5 I get arrested.

A favor for a neighbor is a good deed.

A favor for a favor is quid pro quo.

A favor for SpongeBob's neighbor is squid pro quo.


As a good deed, I carried an old lady's groceries home today.

The salami was good, but I didn't like the instant soups.

I did a good deed

Can I have some Karma?

A housewife comes running from the kitchen and grabs her husband

"We have to make loveΒ right this moment," she declares, pulling his clothes off.

Not one to waste an opportunity, the man stands at attention and gets to work.

After the deed is done, the man says, "That was pretty good. But why all of a sudden?."

"Oh," the wife replies, "my egg timer is broken."

A Carnival worker and a woman get married

The couple, being good Christians never have relations until their wedding night. As the woman ends up finally seeing the Carney's room, notices that he has shelves and shelves of stuffed animals.

They finally do the deed. As they are laying there exasperated, she, panting, asks her husband So how was it? He replied You may have any animal off of the 2 shelf.

A man dies and meets St. Peter at the gate.

St. Peter greets him, and tells him he can enter heaven on one condition. He must share one good deed he did in his life time. The man says, I was driving down the road, when I say a gang of bikers bullying this little girl. I went up to the leader, punched him and told them to leave the poor girl alone. St. Peter this amazed, and asked him when all of this happened. About 5 minutes ago replies the man

I walked into my teachers doing the deed

Goddamn homeschooling

A guy gets stranded on a deserted island with only a goat for company...

After a few months, the goat starts looking a bit enticing. Finally the guy sneaks up behind the goat. As he's about to do the deed, the goat walks off. This goes on for a few months.
One day the guy wakes up to find a beautiful young woman half-drowned in the waves off the island. He rescues her. She's so glad to be alive she says, "I'll do anything for you". The guy thinks for a minute and says, "ANYthing?" She replies, "Yep, Ill do ANYTHING".
So the guy says, "Great, can you hold on to this goat for a minute?"

No good deed goes unpunished

I ran into a friend of mine who looked roughed up, with a shiner and an arm in a cast. I was aghast and asked him what happened.

He: Dude, don't ask. I was on the bus, minding my own business, when the gal sitting next to me stood up as her stop was approaching, and I noticed her skirt was stuck in her buttcrack. Thought I'd do her a favor and pull the skirt back out, but she punched me in the face.

Me: That sucks, yo! What's with the arm?

He: Oh, that was for trying to make peace by pushing the skirt back in .

Two Irishmen are stranded in the middle of the ocean

A bottle bobs up to their boat. One of the Irishmen opens the bottle and a genie comes out.

Thank you for freeing me! , says the Genie. In honour of your deed, I shall grant you one wish.

Before the first Irishman can get a word out, the second says Turn the whole ocean into Guinness!

The ocean turns a glistening black and the genie disappears. The first Irishman hits the second over the head and says,

Way to go, ya bleedin' idiot! Now we have to piss in the boat!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the deed grant jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working deed man piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes