Declined Jokes
58 declined jokes and hilarious declined puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about declined that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Have you ever been embarrassed when your credit card was declined in public? Laugh it off with these declined jokes that will help you take the sting out. From making fun of yourself to lightheartedly accepting rejection, find out creative ways to make the best of being declined.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Declined Short Jokes
Short declined jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The declined humour may include short refused jokes also.
- I can't understand why my credit card keeps getting declined Every time I log into my account online it says I have an outstanding balance.
- The cleaning lady at work asked if I wanted to smoke a J with her I declined because I'm not interested in high maintenance women
- I once was asked to star in a movie for a million dollars but I declined. I don't have that much money.
- Birth rates in Alabama have declined due to COVID19... ... restrictions prohibiting family gatherings.
- Bounty Towels have declined making a Donald Trump Towel The company explained that it was impossible to make the towel because Donald Trump was already too self-absorbed.
- My friend asked me to pet his baby goat. I had to decline. I'm not going to jail for touching a kid.
- DJ Khaled has just declined a role in his upcoming biopic. When asked about his decision, he was quoted to have said "never play yourself."
- A man offered me a free 72 ounce steak if I could finish it all in 30 minutes or less. I politely declined.... Upon further thought, It was a huge missed steak
- Japanese Ministry of Artistic Affairs Warns the Art of Origami is in Decline! More on this as the story unfolds.
- An old man gets on a crowded bus. A police officer offers him his seat. The old man declines. Last I heard he was in jail for resisting a rest.
Share These Declined Jokes With Friends
Declined One Liners
Which declined one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with declined? I can suggest the ones about rejected and denied.
- Why did the Egyptian Civilization decline? It turned out to be a giant pyramid scheme.
- Why did the biker decline an invitation to the rally? He was just two tired.
- My friends tried to take me to an underwater tavern but I declined. I hate dive bars.
- My friend asked me if I wanted to walk down a hill with him. I declined.
- Did you know teen pregnancies… Take a sharp decline at the age of 20.
- I was hit on by a linguist the other day She asked me to conjugate, but I had to decline.
- What's the best way to decline a hotdog eating contest? No franks.
- Obesity levels in the U.K. are rapidly declining. They're dropping pounds fast
- Why did Steve Jobs decline chemotherapy? Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
- What did the surgeon say when the doctor declined going out after work? Suture self!
- My friend offered me a nice stable job. I declined because I don't like horses
- Why did the african child decline the chocolate milk? He thought it was water.
- Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.
- A group of German men invited me to a BBQ I declined, I do not like sausage parties!
- Why does Kylo Ren decline all my raid invites in WoW? Cause he been solo.
Credit Card Declined Jokes
Here is a list of funny credit card declined jokes and even better credit card declined puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A waitress demanded my sweater tonight after my credit was declined several times She kept asking for my card again.
Rib-Tickling Declined Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about declined you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean resigned jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make declined pranks.
Half full, Half empty.
Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.
Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,
While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.
Physicists happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you've changed the outcome.
Neutralists decline to comment.
Moral decline of the modern world
Two bishops were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world.
"I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married," said one clergyman self-righteously, "Did you?"
"I don't know," said the other. "What was her maiden name?"
A man knows his marraige is on the rocks and wants to buy a grand gift for his wife...
He offers to buy her a Ferrari but she says no, he offers to get her a massive diamond ring but she declines, he asks her if she wants a huge yacht but she again turns him down. Exasperated, he says 'well what *do* you want?' to which she replies 'a divorce!', the guy goes deathly pale and whimpers 'I wasn't planning on spending *that* much'.
Stock Market Report
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.
The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ronda Rousey says she contemplated s**....
Holly Holm declined the rematch though.
A farmer once successfully bred a three-legged chicken...
and bragged about it to his neighbors on how fast it was. A billionaire was passing by and took a liking to it. So he made a million dollar offer to the farmer for the chicken. Surprisingly, the farmer declined.
'Then, I'll give you five million for it,' said the billionaire.
'Sorry, I can't,' said the farmer.
'10 million dollars, I don't believe you'll turn down the offer'
'I'm truly sorry. I can't.'
The billionaire was stumped and asked, 'Is 10 million not enough?'
The farmer only sighed and reply, 'It's not that I don't want to sell it, that darned chicken is literally too fast for me to catch it.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When the nurse declined his request...
He simply said
**"When I donate blood I don't extract it, the nurse does"**
And walked out of the s**... bank.
I was in Walmart yesterday and this elderly lady was in front of me & her total came up to $300 but her card was declined..
So y'all already know what I did. God gonna bless me one day. It was a lot of groceries but I helped her put it all back
My good deed for the day
In the line at Walmart there was a little old lady in front of me, $73 of shopping but her card was declined!
I was feeling generous especially at this time of year and you've got to help out so I helped her put it all back.
An oregano farmer recently lost a high profile court case and was ordered to pay 20 million dollars. However the spices industry had been on a steady decline so he didn't have that kind of money on hand.
Needless to say his wages were garnished
I was offered $5,000 to sell my account to an advertisement firm
It was a tempting offer, but in the end I had to decline. My morals are strong and intentions are good, just like the wonderful people at Nestle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was invited to a f**... at 6 AM
But I declined, because I'm really not a mourning person.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got arrested for m**... in public and declined a public defender.
I don't think I'll have a problem getting myself off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A clergyman was walking and saw a farmer loading hay and struggling with the work.
"you look tired son,take a rest" he said.
No,my father would hate that" he replied
"Don't be silly, everyone needs a break sometimes. Come take some cold water" the clergyman replies.
Again the farmer declined. This continues for about two minutes, until the clergyman says "your father must be a s**... driver. Tell me where he is so I can give him a piece of my mind!"
"Well", says the farmer," he's under the hay"
The custodians at my school kept insisting that I smoke kush with them, but I declined ...
I can't deal with high-maintenance people.
A man walks into a crowded bar, and notices 3 slabs of meat hanging behind the bar
He asks the bartender what they're there for, and the bartender tells the man that the bar currently has a challenge going on. If you can jump up, and hit all 3 slabs of meat before your feet hit the ground, you drink free for a month. But, if you don't, you need to cover the cost of everyone's drinks until we close tonight.
The man thinks about it for a little while before declining the challenge. The bartender asks the man Why? , and the man responds The stakes are too high.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I was interested in taking part in a marathon.
I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought "d**..., I might actually win this".
A definite integral and an indefinite integral walk into a bar.
The indefinite integral takes a seat next to the definite integral, and as they chat, they find they have a lot in common!
As the night goes on the indefinite integral offers to buy the two another round, but the definite integral politely declines:
.
No thank you, I know my limits!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant
A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant. When the check comes to the table the dolphin insists on paying. The whale is quite grateful and wants to leave the tip at least but the dolphin respectfully declines.
The whale then says
thanks if there's anything you ever need let me know
The dolphin replies
you're welcome
Then the Whale says g**.......why would you want that?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My debit card was declined at the local m**... dispencery today
Turns out the card was not linked to a joint account
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I applied to the police academy
The academy head approached me "I am afraid I have to decline your application".
"What's the problem?"
"Your family history. Specifically your mother and father."
"My parents are happily married."
"That's the problem. All cops are b**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Instead of a Handyman, my apartment complex has a Handywoman.
She's a bit of a pothead but d**... good at her job. Today she asked me if I wanted to smoke with her but I declined cuz I can't stand high maintenance women.
Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?
In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"
In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.
Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".
The frog population in the Okeefenokee Swamp was declining...
Biologists determined it was due to the frogs inability to stay coupled while mating. They contacted an organic chemist at MIT who came up with a solution. He mixed some plasticizers with some adhesive and most importantly one part sodium. The concoction worked perfectly and the swamp was soon re-populated with frogs. The biologists wondered why the sodium was so important. The chemist replied: The frogs needed monosodium glutamate
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did God respond to worldwide declining birth rates?
Sending thots and players.
Whenever I make a decision, I think about what Stephen Hawking would do.
So every time my friend asks me if I want to go for a walk, I decline.
Ship captain is in charge of keeping ship's log.
He notes "NE wind, calm sea, today first mate is drunk." After seeing that first mate asks captain to remove the note about him as it would harm his career. "No, I can't do that" declines the captain "we only write the truth in the log." Seeing there is nothing he can do first mate drops the issue. Next day it's his turn to keep the log and he writes "N wind, calm sea, today the captain is sober."
