Declare Jokes

Following is our collection of profess puns and pronounce one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Declare jokes for adults, dirty declaration jokes and clean breach dad gags for kids.

The Best Declare Puns

France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other

France surrenders

Italy changes sides

Both lose

Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

A British man goes on holiday in Australia...

After getting off the plane in Sydney, the man waits to go through Australian customs.

"Do you have anything to declare?" asks the Australian customs officer.

"No" replies the British man.

"Do you have a criminal record?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that was still a requirement."

Going through customs at a US airport

Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S IN THE EGGS!!!
Me: I don't know, it's a surprise!!

(Sorry if the formatting sucks. On mobile)

A blonde goes to court

A blonde goes to court.

Eventually the judge says: I hereby declare the case closed. There is not enough evidence that you stole the 10000 US$.

The blonde is thrilled: Gosh, so does that mean I can keep the money?


I phoned my insurance agent earlier and asked him for a quote.

He said " I have nothing to declare but my genius. Oscar Wilde, 1882 ".

I replied "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Oscar Wilde, 1882 ".

Did you hear about Trump's tax plan?

Declare that the US has a $900 million loss so we all don't have to pay taxes!

How did the referee declare Aaron Hernandez dead?

"After review, the receiver did not get two feet down."

France and Italy declare war...

France surrenders and Italy switches sides. Both countries lose.

Border officer: Do you have anything to declare?

Traveller: Only an undying love of travel puns.
Border officer: ...You just crossed a line, kid.

What did the programmer say to the variable?

Well, I do declare.


I think I'm ready to declare Elf of the year already:

Epstein didn't kill hims Elf.

How do the French declare war?

With a white flag.

Why did the Vatican declare pirates were outlaws?

Because the cabin boy wouldn't share his booty!

1, 2, 3, 4 I declare a cold war...

5, 6, 7, 8 loser is a buffer state.

Who declared COVID-19 as a pandemic?

WHO declared COVID-19 as a pandemic.

Handyman goes to court

So this handyman was caught working without a license. He was a bit of a diy guy and had decided to fix some things himself, but wasn't licensed to do so and they weren't up to standard.

In the court, the judge received a note from his assistant and immediately declare him guilty for working without a license and for bribing.

Turns out he had done some jury rigging.

Border crossing

I was driving back to Canada with my family when we came to the border. After a short wait in line, we get to the guard booth, and he asks if I have anything to declare. With a sigh, I turn to my wife and say, "Honey, I want a divorce."

What is the French verb that means "To declare war"?

*Surrendre*


How do Southerners get through customs so quickly?

They do declare!

The US Government will be very supportive of NASA's efforts to put humans on Mars.

The only thing NASA has to do is declare war on Mars!

What did the Jewish Bostonian woman declare to her Sunday bridge group about her recent knitting project?

"I'm so AUtistic!"

If you think GOD is not Real...

Declare him as Integer.

The U.S. declared that European nations are forbidden from fishing for caviar in the Carribean

This is known as the Salmon Roe Doctrine

WHO declares Zika emergency over...

I don't know, who?

The WHO declared that processed meats cause cancer...

It's official guys, meat is literally murder.


I hereby declare anything black and white in the ratio 5:1 is automatically a meme.‮

There is an abundance of gunner jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 27 funniest jokes and declare puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any airspace witze you can hear about declare.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes