Following is our collection of funny Deck jokes. There are some deck balcony jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these deck overboard puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
because someone is always standing on the deck.
I just can't deal with this.
......... is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you'll wish you had a club and a spade
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while in the joint. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and said that was going to paint anything he could. Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire..." The third convict was sitting quietly aside when the other two took notice of him and asked, "What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons, smiled. and said, "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "Why did you bring those things?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said;
"Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."
Patty O'Furniture
Buy a deck of cards.
Every survival kit needs to have three things.
1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm.
2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt.
3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say "That can go there." Boom, you're saved.
A pirate ship's first mate comes up to the deck to find the ship's (steering) wheel missing. The first mate rushes to the captain of the ship, only to find the wheel in his pants.
The first mate asks, "Captain, did you know the ship's wheel is in your pants?"
"Aaarrrh," the pirate captain replied. "I know, it's driving me nuts!"
A couple of hours later, he had to drop a deuce.
"The cannons be ready, Captain," he reports.
*"Are,"* the captain scornfully replies.
Paddy O'Furniture
You can explore deck porch reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean deck picard dad jokes. There are also deck puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Aar... look at the ho rizen!
When I asked for an update, they said they were still dealing with my order.
The red head brings a deck of cards, to keep herself entertained.
The brunette brings her homework, to get it done and live stress free.
The blonde brings a car door, so she can roll down her window if she gets hot.
Dad pulled this one out of nowhere while watching a married couple argue on tv last night...
'Ahh marriage - it's like a new deck of cards.
At first, it's all diamonds and hearts.
After a while, you'll be looking for a club and a spade!'
The outside
When they both suddenly die part way through the song.
They are reincarnated as ass-less chaps. Jeff looks over and says: "Don, we now are gay apparel."
Paddy O'furniture
Three of us showed up. I brought a deck of cards,and suggested we play a game.
He refused, saying we needed to wait for atleast one more person to show up.
No wonder his girlfriend dumped him. He hated four play.
At the start all you need is a heart and a diamond.
By the end you just want a club and a spade
She said she wanted something with diamonds so I got her a deck of cards.
They both hit the deck and flop like a fish.
At first its like a diamond and heart. Then it turns into a club and spade.
Starting off with 2 hearts and a diamond seems great but by the end all you want is a club and a spade.
They left out the jacks
Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh
Because someone's always on the deck!
Because you're sitting on the deck...
He gets to the back overlooking the sea and starts undoing his pants. One of the crew sees this and asks him: "what in God's name are you doing sir?". The captain turns his head and says "I aft to pee".
It makes your deck look bigger.
It's pretty easy to shuffle but the deck cuts you.
The first one asks, Have you read Marx?
The other one replies, Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.
The doctor calmly replies, "Go sit in the waiting room, please, I'll be dealing with you later."
But I can with a deck of cards.
It wasn't a big deal.
Because he was standing in the deck
They told me they were still dealing with my order...
A deck of carbs.
Then you are in your garage looking for a club and a spade.
Patio furniture
Because they are all standing on the deck.
Why don't pirates like playing cards?
There's always someone walking across the deck.
Because they were sitting on the deck.
The captain had said "aBandOn Ship", so they really had no choice.
A wife asks her husband how his day at work went. It was awful, the man explains, pouring himself a stiff drink. All of our computer systems shut down today so we had to do everything manually.
That sounds awful, the wife consoles.
You're telling me, he replies after a sip, I had to keep shuffling the deck of cards for solitaire by hand.
His wife said, "Why don't you go outside and fish for a little?"
Noah agreed, grabbed his fishing pole and went out on the deck to fish.
He comes back in 10 minutes later, sits down, and pouts.
His wife asks him, "Why did you stop fishing?" and he says,
"I ran out of worms."
I find that very hard to deal with.
She steps onto the bus and begins her ascent to the upper deck and a hefty gust of wind comes in and blows her dress up.
The bus driver, looking up the steps at her says but airy up there ma'am
To which she replies, what'd you expect, feathers?
I'm having a hard time dealing with it.
Black and Deck Her
You start with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing you had a club and a spade.
Because they are always standing on the deck
on the challah deck
I managed to lose every one of them, except my V card.
His poker decks.
One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"
Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."
"There is no band on this ship."
"No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."
In the distance, a huge hand rises from the water.
It keeps rising as the wrist and forearm become visible, the fingers stretching into the air. It wobbles back and forward then falls, crashing into the sea.
One sailor turns to the other and asks, 'Did you see the size of that wave?
She nearly slapped me when I offered to make the necessary repairs. I suppose I shouldn't have asked her if she wanted me to shove some caulk in her bee holes
I just made it up after a couple of glasses
The barkeep asks, "How did you end up with that peg leg?"
And the pirate replies, "A cannon ball blasted out the deck and took me leg with it."
"Why do you have that hook?"
"Arrrgh! We was looting a ship and lost me hand in a sword fight."
"And the eye patch?"
"I looked up at a seagull and blimey, the scalliwag crapped right in me eye."
"You lost your eye from bird poop?"
"It was me first day with the hook."
Guess who got the front porch repainted, bathroom retiled and a new deck.
A deck of cards.
A deck of carbs!
I'm having a hard time dealing with this.
It's a pretty big deal.
At the start you need a heart and a diamond. At the end you need a club and a spade.
They must have thought I was a taroist
After four weeks they still hadn't been delivered so I rang them up to see what was going on.
They told me they were still dealing with my order.
They send deck pics.
She's been spending a lot of time with the landscaper so I'm guessing she learned it from him
They arrive on site, the engineer confirms the position of the hole, the machinist starts drilling. Before they reach the required depth, oil starts spewing out the flutes of the drill bit -- they've drilled into the oil tank.
"How're we gonna explain this to the boss?" -- asks the machinist.
"Look, buddy, I have no idea what *we* are gonna do, but what *I'm* gonna do is move that hole 5 inches to the left on the blueprint."
A little while ago some friends and I wanted to play poker but only had a set of tarot cards.
I got a full house and 3 people died...
I'm just going to stand on my back porch reciting the Gettysburg address. That will be my deck oration.
is a deck of cards glued together.
Because they are always standing on the deck.
Customer service told me they're dealing with it.
They put him in solitaire confinement.
The loser has to swab the deck.
They might not be playing with a full deck
Then I learned to deal with it.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the deck docks jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working deck mast piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.